@Bugzapper : I feverishly await the next post! Like many others, I've created an account on the forums merely to thank you for this awesome story! I discovered it just on chance earlier this week whilst looking into the "Dark zone", which I had really hoped we would have. And I have just finally caught up, reading on the slow times at work, sad times ahead!
You've certainly made my days progress much faster, and have brought Subnautica to the forefront of what I feel like binging my time on this weekend!
Drone DELTA moved cautiously, keeping to the shadows. It was heading for the Lava Castle's main medical bay, tasked with providing an advance assessment of the situation in there. The drone's spindly legs moved slowly but surely over a dense carpet of Kharaa biofilm, its proximity sensors alert for any threats lurking unseen in the pools of darkness ahead. Emergency lighting modules set into the central corridor's walls at sparse intervals emitted a feeble blue-white glow, achieving little more than making the surrounding darkness visible.
"Captain, DELTA is currently 50 metres south of the Med Bay. Biofilm density is increasing commensurately with closer proximity to this location. I suspect that this drone may have located a focal point of the Kharaa contamination. Unfortunately, this does not bode at all well for our prisoners. What are your orders, Sir?"
"Roger that, IANTO. Our first priority is to secure the atmospheric processing facility and commence decontamination. As soon as the airlock opens, Jenner and Pasteur will begin clearing a path through the worst of that biofilm. Once we're in place, DIGBY, JUNO and Gawain will head to the reactor room and see what can be done to get power back online in there. Even if it involves running a bloody extension cord back to the atmo plant. Whatever can be accomplished in the shortest possible time with minimal personal risk. Stay sharp, and don't take any chances. All set?"
Depressurisation cycle complete. The airlock doors slid open slowly, scraping off dense sheets of Kharaa biofilm as they retracted. The fragments fell with an obscene slithering, slopping sound, like entrails falling onto an abattoir's gutting table. We advanced cautiously, spread out in a vee-formation across the wide corridor. Héloise was clearly repulsed by the scene before her, although her over-riding expression was one of grim resolve.
"You certain you're okay, lass? We can take it from here, if you're not feeling up to it."
"Oui. I am perfectly fine, Alexander. I have seen worse than this." She replied. "Polyakov's work."
"All the more reason for you to avoid seeing what might lay ahead. You're certainly no shrinking violet, and for that I'm eternally grateful... Although you're still not quite one hundred per cent recovered from your illness. I'm only trying to spare you from the worst of it, that's all."
Héloise grinned ferociously, bunching Pasteur's right manipulator into a fist the size of a beach ball. Without warning, she whirled around and slammed it into a wall corner, sending a spray of basalt shards flying.
Okay. That's one way to make your point.
"Trés galant, ma Cher. However, I can still protect myself... As you can plainly see."
"Just making sure, Dear Heart. Not that there was ever any doubt, of course." I said hastily.
Jenner's left foot skidded nastily as it set down, although the suit's gyros compensated in time.
"Whoa. This biofilm's getting a wee bit tricky to walk on. I conjure now's as good a time as any to start misting. All units, MARTIAL protocol is enabled. Weapons hot. Héloise, set the flow-rate to one litre per minute and activate your suit's jets. Let's start clearing this crap out from underfoot."
"Affirmative, my dear Captain. I am at your command. Allons-y!"
@Bugzapper : I feverishly await the next post! Like many others, I've created an account on the forums merely to thank you for this awesome story! I discovered it just on chance earlier this week whilst looking into the "Dark zone", which I had really hoped we would have. And I have just finally caught up, reading on the slow times at work, sad times ahead!
You've certainly made my days progress much faster, and have brought Subnautica to the forefront of what I feel like binging my time on this weekend!
Thank you, and welcome aboard!
I'm a bit confused by your 'Dark Zone' reference though... Dark Zone are an Australian chain of indoor laser tag centres!
Care to elucidate?
Cheers, mate!
(Oh, BTW: In case you didn't know, there's a prequel to this story. It's called 'Aurora Falls'. Also in the General Discussion Forum.)
Oh no, I read the whole thing, prequel and all within the week. And the "Dark zone", It may be called something else. Was a concept area for Subnautica, where everything is dark, and reacts violently to light.
Julian1337331nailuJThe Grand Reef Gubtorial Election Or Something.Join Date: 2016-11-12Member: 223824Members
Question. My Story (A Story In The Same Relm) Is Similar And I Think Its In The Same Timeline. Please Read Mine. Ok? Then Tell Me If Its In The Same Relm And Timeline.
Question. My Story (A Story In The Same Relm) Is Similar And I Think Its In The Same Timeline. Please Read Mine. Ok? Then Tell Me If Its In The Same Relm And Timeline.
Dude just a suggestion, at least finish primary school before you try to create any type of literature.
Question. My Story (A Story In The Same Relm) Is Similar And I Think Its In The Same Timeline. Please Read Mine. Ok? Then Tell Me If Its In The Same Relm And Timeline.
Same timeline? Not even remotely, mate.
As for reading your story, I tried. I honestly tried.
The latest news from drone DELTA is not good. Nine kinds of absolutely bloody terrible, in fact.
Med Bay is well and truly compromised. Worse still, it contains a living Kharaa hive. Fully functional. I only hope that the isolation chamber's biosecurity seals are still holding. If they have failed, Polyakov and his men are beyond all possible help, earthly or otherwise. Without power to activate the Med Bay's bulkhead doors, it is impossible to get DELTA into a better viewing position.
Even so, the view afforded by the general ward's outer enamelled glass walls is more than enough to confirm my darkest fears.
IANTO's initial analysis of the biofilm was right on the money. Every surface in the Lava Castle is being actively exploited by the organism. At a microscopic level, there is already sufficient organic material in here to support a modest-sized Kharaa infestation. Skin flakes, human hair, food particles and waste products shed over the span of a century gave it the vital kick start it needed, and once the biofilm had expanded over a sufficiently large surface area, it was able to commence drawing nutrients from considerably less productive sources. There was also a reaction similar to photosynthesis taking place in the colony, although decreased light levels would make this a poor source of energy in comparison to everything else it could consume. Metals, polymers... Even rock. Though meagre fare at best, the basalt of the Lava Castle itself was not immune to the rapacious hunger of the Kharaa communal organism.
Each new revelation about this Kharaa infestation made my spirits sink even lower. There is an extremely high probability that this mission could go badly for us. Five of us pitted against a planet-killing organism that knew no pity, no remorse. It functions as a cohesive whole; the very model of an organic machine honed by millennia of vicious total warfare and relentless conquest. On our side of the ledger, I have the highest possible faith in my crew. Héloise is a warrior born and bred, exceptionally skilled in a dazzling combat style unmatched by anything I've seen in two lifetimes. If it comes down to making our final stand, we will all go down fighting. One way or the other, it all ends here.
Hoka-hey! Today is a good day to die!
More to the point, it is a perfectly splendid day for something else to die. Kharaa.
We reached the atmospheric processing plant without incident. I noted with great satisfaction that the Gasopod cytotoxin was dispatching the biofilm with surprising speed. After only five minutes of contact time with the aerosol, the way behind us was a seething, bubbling mass of decaying corruption. The effect was similar to spraying acetone onto a solid block of polystyrene, only far more dramatic. Polystyrene doesn't writhe in agony as its molecular structure is being torn apart.
Working quickly, I coupled a transfer hose to Pasteur's main storage tank, then opened the required sequence of valves to inject the liquid directly into the base's air circulation units. Although she was effectively chained to the air treatment system for the duration of this process, Héloise would be relatively safer in here for the time being. According to my calculations, only 500 litres of cytotoxin would be needed to fumigate the entire base, leaving her with slightly less than 1,800 litres onboard for 'direct application', as it were. Still more than enough to go round, I'd reckon.
Time for your medicine, Beasties. Open wide, and say AAAAARRRRGGGH!
"Sir, we have reached the reactor control room. The facility still appears to be entirely secure."
"Okay, JUNO. Take a gander at the control systems and make your assessment. If needs be, I can telepresence through Gawain to make any major repairs that might be necessary. Selkirk out."
Ten minutes later, JUNO responded.
"Data logs indicate that all fusion reactors automatically scrammed 12 days, 4.20 hours ago, Sir. A number of critical power transfer conduits, relays and distribution nodes have been damaged by the biofilm's corrosive action, triggering an automatic shutdown. The colony's geothermal exchangers are still online and fully operational, although they are currently isolated from the grid, presumably as a result of similar damage to their own distribution network. How shall we proceed, Sir?"
I sucked air between my teeth pensively. Most definitely a three-cup problem. The obvious solution was to run a temporary high-tension power cable from the generator's switchgear to the atmospheric processing plant. However, there was no telling how long that cable would last once the biofilm started eating into its outer sheathing. I need something biologically and chemically inert to use as internal and external insulation. Ordinary polymers simply wouldn't work.
"Okay JUNO, your team will need to go on a scavenger hunt for this one. We're looking for something fairly old and exotic... PTFE. Used to be called 'Teflon'. With any luck, you should be able to find some fluorocarbon refrigerant or other chemical precursors close to your current location. Use your Builder tools to scrap anything useful that you find. Unfortunately, we'll have to settle for using copper conductors in the wiring rather than graphene nanotubes, purely because the clock's ticking. Mind lass, this cable's a bit special... I'm sending you the fabrication specs right now."
"Data packet received, Sir. JUNO, out."
In the meantime, I dived into Gawain's onboard AI and took a closer look at the colony's electrical switchgear. All pretty much standard tech for a large installation such as this, by the look of it. There wasn't much point in restarting any of the fusion reactors, since we'd need to use the geothermal plant's output to jump-start the fusion reaction anyway. Cold-booting a reactor is a lengthy and extremely precise procedure; not exactly the sort of thing you'd willingly attempt during a search and destroy mission. Not if you expected to live through that mission, at any rate.
JUNO and DIGBY returned three-quarters of an hour later, lugging a large cable spool between them. One hundred and fifty metres away, Gawain was connecting its end of the 75 millimetre-diameter cable to a set of terminals in the main distribution board. As soon as I have finished making the connections to the atmo plant, Gawain will reset the breakers and send the juice down our way. If all goes according to plan, things should become extremely lively in here not too long afterwards.
"All units, set Condition Red. Weapons free. Atmo plant will come online in fifteen seconds."
At my command, Gawain activated the circuit. I held the ExoSuit there long enough to verify that the connections were sound, then recalled it at the double. As soon as Gawain rejoined formation, I activated the atmospheric processors. Massive circulation fans whirred into life throughout the complex, filtration systems came online. All systems are go.
Julian1337331nailuJThe Grand Reef Gubtorial Election Or Something.Join Date: 2016-11-12Member: 223824Members
(Also Mine Is Supposed To Be After Your Story. Plus Mine Could Have More Then Just The Creator Inside The Story. Meaning Even You Can Be In It And Reacting To The Situations Without Me Having To Try To Have Your Personality.)
(Also Mine Is Supposed To Be After Your Story. Plus Mine Could Have More Then Just The Creator Inside The Story. Meaning Even You Can Be In It And Reacting To The Situations Without Me Having To Try To Have Your Personality.)
(Also Mine Is Supposed To Be After Your Story. Plus Mine Could Have More Then Just The Creator Inside The Story. Meaning Even You Can Be In It And Reacting To The Situations Without Me Having To Try To Have Your Personality.)
*sigh*
Okay.
Rather than getting all bent out of shape about your posts on this thread, I'll offer you some former-pro writer's advice.
Your story is your story. 'Borealis Rising' is mine. Do not attempt to ride its coat-tails to glory. Kindly remember that.
A single page does not usually constitute a complete story. You may need to add some more words to this one.
Your sentence structure and spelling does need some remedial work. I hate to be 'That Guy', but this still needs to be said. Practice to improve your writing style and spelling. If all else fails, those red wriggly lines under certain words mean that you may have made a spelling error. Right-click on them to discover the correct spelling. My spelling occasionally differs because I'm using 'English' English, rather than 'American' English.
There is absolutely no need to capitalise the first letter of every word. Don't do it, unless you're aiming to achieve a specific literary effect, such as "He Who Cannot Be Named". Even then, you should only use this technique sparingly. Seriously.
Your storyline lacks any recognisable time scale. A story should unfold gradually as a natural sequence of events. As it has been written, your tale explodes like a hand grenade, throwing plot points in every direction without actually saying anything. Plot out your basic storyline well in advance, and constantly adjust this plot to maintain consistency with what has already been written.
Read more books. I mean actually read them. Dig into the story with your mind. Visualise what events are unfolding. Analyse the writer's style. Spelling, grammar, punctuation, imagery. See how these components are used to create a mental picture of events within the story. Devour these books and digest their content. Use what you have learned from these books to make something that is truly your own. Word of warning: NEVER COPY ANYONE ELSE'S WORK... Unless you credit them as a primary source. Lawsuits can be painful.
Always pay attention to any genuine criticism of your work. I certainly do. If someone's being a complete jerk about it, feel free to cut them down with a razor-sharp choice of words. Consider your crafted response to any unfair criticism as a secondary work in progress. However, if a reader's criticism is entirely valid, you must be willing to make any necessary adjustments to your storyline, sentence structure or characters to make the story 'work' for its readers.
If you're stuck for ideas, use background music to inspire you. I've been listening to Vangelis, Jean-Michel Jarre, Enya, Hans Zimmer, Miracle of Sound and Howard Shore (among many others) while I've been writing Aurora and Borealis.
Whatever works for you.
And lastly;
Never alienate your readers. If anyone is reading your work, count that as a win. It's what writing is all about.
And money.
Comments
You've certainly made my days progress much faster, and have brought Subnautica to the forefront of what I feel like binging my time on this weekend!
"Captain, DELTA is currently 50 metres south of the Med Bay. Biofilm density is increasing commensurately with closer proximity to this location. I suspect that this drone may have located a focal point of the Kharaa contamination. Unfortunately, this does not bode at all well for our prisoners. What are your orders, Sir?"
"Roger that, IANTO. Our first priority is to secure the atmospheric processing facility and commence decontamination. As soon as the airlock opens, Jenner and Pasteur will begin clearing a path through the worst of that biofilm. Once we're in place, DIGBY, JUNO and Gawain will head to the reactor room and see what can be done to get power back online in there. Even if it involves running a bloody extension cord back to the atmo plant. Whatever can be accomplished in the shortest possible time with minimal personal risk. Stay sharp, and don't take any chances. All set?"
Depressurisation cycle complete. The airlock doors slid open slowly, scraping off dense sheets of Kharaa biofilm as they retracted. The fragments fell with an obscene slithering, slopping sound, like entrails falling onto an abattoir's gutting table. We advanced cautiously, spread out in a vee-formation across the wide corridor. Héloise was clearly repulsed by the scene before her, although her over-riding expression was one of grim resolve.
"You certain you're okay, lass? We can take it from here, if you're not feeling up to it."
"Oui. I am perfectly fine, Alexander. I have seen worse than this." She replied. "Polyakov's work."
"All the more reason for you to avoid seeing what might lay ahead. You're certainly no shrinking violet, and for that I'm eternally grateful... Although you're still not quite one hundred per cent recovered from your illness. I'm only trying to spare you from the worst of it, that's all."
Héloise grinned ferociously, bunching Pasteur's right manipulator into a fist the size of a beach ball. Without warning, she whirled around and slammed it into a wall corner, sending a spray of basalt shards flying.
Okay. That's one way to make your point.
"Trés galant, ma Cher. However, I can still protect myself... As you can plainly see."
"Just making sure, Dear Heart. Not that there was ever any doubt, of course." I said hastily.
Jenner's left foot skidded nastily as it set down, although the suit's gyros compensated in time.
"Whoa. This biofilm's getting a wee bit tricky to walk on. I conjure now's as good a time as any to start misting. All units, MARTIAL protocol is enabled. Weapons hot. Héloise, set the flow-rate to one litre per minute and activate your suit's jets. Let's start clearing this crap out from underfoot."
"Affirmative, my dear Captain. I am at your command. Allons-y!"
Thank you, and welcome aboard!
I'm a bit confused by your 'Dark Zone' reference though... Dark Zone are an Australian chain of indoor laser tag centres!
Care to elucidate?
Cheers, mate!
(Oh, BTW: In case you didn't know, there's a prequel to this story. It's called 'Aurora Falls'. Also in the General Discussion Forum.)
@Bugzapper @ComicalSkate
Oh no, I read the whole thing, prequel and all within the week. And the "Dark zone", It may be called something else. Was a concept area for Subnautica, where everything is dark, and reacts violently to light.
Dude just a suggestion, at least finish primary school before you try to create any type of literature.
It's grammar nazi
Link?
Most people over 7 years old call that "being a moron".
I DO care.
Stop spamming my thread, Sparky.
Same timeline? Not even remotely, mate.
As for reading your story, I tried. I honestly tried.
Think you might of quoted the wrong thing
Took me 10 mins working this out then I realised it's for his Aurora Falls bootleg
Agreed. sorry for stocking the fire
Ooooooooohhhhh...
Med Bay is well and truly compromised. Worse still, it contains a living Kharaa hive. Fully functional. I only hope that the isolation chamber's biosecurity seals are still holding. If they have failed, Polyakov and his men are beyond all possible help, earthly or otherwise. Without power to activate the Med Bay's bulkhead doors, it is impossible to get DELTA into a better viewing position.
Even so, the view afforded by the general ward's outer enamelled glass walls is more than enough to confirm my darkest fears.
IANTO's initial analysis of the biofilm was right on the money. Every surface in the Lava Castle is being actively exploited by the organism. At a microscopic level, there is already sufficient organic material in here to support a modest-sized Kharaa infestation. Skin flakes, human hair, food particles and waste products shed over the span of a century gave it the vital kick start it needed, and once the biofilm had expanded over a sufficiently large surface area, it was able to commence drawing nutrients from considerably less productive sources. There was also a reaction similar to photosynthesis taking place in the colony, although decreased light levels would make this a poor source of energy in comparison to everything else it could consume. Metals, polymers... Even rock. Though meagre fare at best, the basalt of the Lava Castle itself was not immune to the rapacious hunger of the Kharaa communal organism.
Each new revelation about this Kharaa infestation made my spirits sink even lower. There is an extremely high probability that this mission could go badly for us. Five of us pitted against a planet-killing organism that knew no pity, no remorse. It functions as a cohesive whole; the very model of an organic machine honed by millennia of vicious total warfare and relentless conquest. On our side of the ledger, I have the highest possible faith in my crew. Héloise is a warrior born and bred, exceptionally skilled in a dazzling combat style unmatched by anything I've seen in two lifetimes. If it comes down to making our final stand, we will all go down fighting. One way or the other, it all ends here.
Hoka-hey! Today is a good day to die!
More to the point, it is a perfectly splendid day for something else to die. Kharaa.
We reached the atmospheric processing plant without incident. I noted with great satisfaction that the Gasopod cytotoxin was dispatching the biofilm with surprising speed. After only five minutes of contact time with the aerosol, the way behind us was a seething, bubbling mass of decaying corruption. The effect was similar to spraying acetone onto a solid block of polystyrene, only far more dramatic. Polystyrene doesn't writhe in agony as its molecular structure is being torn apart.
Working quickly, I coupled a transfer hose to Pasteur's main storage tank, then opened the required sequence of valves to inject the liquid directly into the base's air circulation units. Although she was effectively chained to the air treatment system for the duration of this process, Héloise would be relatively safer in here for the time being. According to my calculations, only 500 litres of cytotoxin would be needed to fumigate the entire base, leaving her with slightly less than 1,800 litres onboard for 'direct application', as it were. Still more than enough to go round, I'd reckon.
Time for your medicine, Beasties. Open wide, and say AAAAARRRRGGGH!
Post-1.0 DLC hype! xD
"Okay, JUNO. Take a gander at the control systems and make your assessment. If needs be, I can telepresence through Gawain to make any major repairs that might be necessary. Selkirk out."
Ten minutes later, JUNO responded.
"Data logs indicate that all fusion reactors automatically scrammed 12 days, 4.20 hours ago, Sir. A number of critical power transfer conduits, relays and distribution nodes have been damaged by the biofilm's corrosive action, triggering an automatic shutdown. The colony's geothermal exchangers are still online and fully operational, although they are currently isolated from the grid, presumably as a result of similar damage to their own distribution network. How shall we proceed, Sir?"
I sucked air between my teeth pensively. Most definitely a three-cup problem. The obvious solution was to run a temporary high-tension power cable from the generator's switchgear to the atmospheric processing plant. However, there was no telling how long that cable would last once the biofilm started eating into its outer sheathing. I need something biologically and chemically inert to use as internal and external insulation. Ordinary polymers simply wouldn't work.
"Okay JUNO, your team will need to go on a scavenger hunt for this one. We're looking for something fairly old and exotic... PTFE. Used to be called 'Teflon'. With any luck, you should be able to find some fluorocarbon refrigerant or other chemical precursors close to your current location. Use your Builder tools to scrap anything useful that you find. Unfortunately, we'll have to settle for using copper conductors in the wiring rather than graphene nanotubes, purely because the clock's ticking. Mind lass, this cable's a bit special... I'm sending you the fabrication specs right now."
"Data packet received, Sir. JUNO, out."
In the meantime, I dived into Gawain's onboard AI and took a closer look at the colony's electrical switchgear. All pretty much standard tech for a large installation such as this, by the look of it. There wasn't much point in restarting any of the fusion reactors, since we'd need to use the geothermal plant's output to jump-start the fusion reaction anyway. Cold-booting a reactor is a lengthy and extremely precise procedure; not exactly the sort of thing you'd willingly attempt during a search and destroy mission. Not if you expected to live through that mission, at any rate.
JUNO and DIGBY returned three-quarters of an hour later, lugging a large cable spool between them. One hundred and fifty metres away, Gawain was connecting its end of the 75 millimetre-diameter cable to a set of terminals in the main distribution board. As soon as I have finished making the connections to the atmo plant, Gawain will reset the breakers and send the juice down our way. If all goes according to plan, things should become extremely lively in here not too long afterwards.
"All units, set Condition Red. Weapons free. Atmo plant will come online in fifteen seconds."
At my command, Gawain activated the circuit. I held the ExoSuit there long enough to verify that the connections were sound, then recalled it at the double. As soon as Gawain rejoined formation, I activated the atmospheric processors. Massive circulation fans whirred into life throughout the complex, filtration systems came online. All systems are go.
It's time to add some air freshener.
Just stop
*sigh*
Okay.
Rather than getting all bent out of shape about your posts on this thread, I'll offer you some former-pro writer's advice.
Your story is your story. 'Borealis Rising' is mine. Do not attempt to ride its coat-tails to glory. Kindly remember that.
A single page does not usually constitute a complete story. You may need to add some more words to this one.
Your sentence structure and spelling does need some remedial work. I hate to be 'That Guy', but this still needs to be said. Practice to improve your writing style and spelling. If all else fails, those red wriggly lines under certain words mean that you may have made a spelling error. Right-click on them to discover the correct spelling. My spelling occasionally differs because I'm using 'English' English, rather than 'American' English.
There is absolutely no need to capitalise the first letter of every word. Don't do it, unless you're aiming to achieve a specific literary effect, such as "He Who Cannot Be Named". Even then, you should only use this technique sparingly. Seriously.
Your storyline lacks any recognisable time scale. A story should unfold gradually as a natural sequence of events. As it has been written, your tale explodes like a hand grenade, throwing plot points in every direction without actually saying anything. Plot out your basic storyline well in advance, and constantly adjust this plot to maintain consistency with what has already been written.
Read more books. I mean actually read them. Dig into the story with your mind. Visualise what events are unfolding. Analyse the writer's style. Spelling, grammar, punctuation, imagery. See how these components are used to create a mental picture of events within the story. Devour these books and digest their content. Use what you have learned from these books to make something that is truly your own. Word of warning: NEVER COPY ANYONE ELSE'S WORK... Unless you credit them as a primary source. Lawsuits can be painful.
Always pay attention to any genuine criticism of your work. I certainly do. If someone's being a complete jerk about it, feel free to cut them down with a razor-sharp choice of words. Consider your crafted response to any unfair criticism as a secondary work in progress. However, if a reader's criticism is entirely valid, you must be willing to make any necessary adjustments to your storyline, sentence structure or characters to make the story 'work' for its readers.
If you're stuck for ideas, use background music to inspire you. I've been listening to Vangelis, Jean-Michel Jarre, Enya, Hans Zimmer, Miracle of Sound and Howard Shore (among many others) while I've been writing Aurora and Borealis.
Whatever works for you.
And lastly;
Never alienate your readers. If anyone is reading your work, count that as a win. It's what writing is all about.
And money.