I Get To Spend A Minimum Of 4 Hours Today

AllUrHiveRblong2us

<!--QuoteBegin-Zig+Jun 26 2004, 09:27 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Zig @ Jun 26 2004, 09:27 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> call her up and spit it like MC front. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
Actually, don't do that. That's a good way to get yourself some unwanted suprises.

panda_de_malheureux

</lurk> I like this thread <lurk>

Quaunaut

Ok, I didn't want to bump this just yet, but here's a update:

Now that she's in Utah, I'm starting to see how much I've been basing my life on her existence- its really wierd. Its like everything is riding on her for me, with just enough safety nets to keep me sane if things don't work out.

Me and her while she's there(she'll be there till August, sadly) are going to keep in touch with daily e-mails, and I'm gonna do my best to keep her in the loop with our friends, and keep everyone here updated on her.

She said I'd be the first person she called when she gets the chance to- makes me happy to hear I am that important. It seems were both starting to ride on eachother's happiness- maybe she really likes me? I'm hoping and praying that she does...

Chrono

<!--QuoteBegin-Quaunaut+Jun 26 2004, 11:43 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Quaunaut @ Jun 26 2004, 11:43 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> She said I'd be the first person she called when she gets the chance to- makes me happy to hear I am that important. It seems were both starting to ride on eachother's happiness- maybe she really likes me? I'm hoping and praying that she does... <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
well from my expeirences most woman lie but maybe yours is different <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->

Quaunaut

<!--QuoteBegin-chrono5454+Jun 26 2004, 11:55 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (chrono5454 @ Jun 26 2004, 11:55 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--><!--QuoteBegin-Quaunaut+Jun 26 2004, 11:43 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Quaunaut @ Jun 26 2004, 11:43 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> She said I'd be the first person she called when she gets the chance to- makes me happy to hear I am that important. It seems were both starting to ride on eachother's happiness- maybe she really likes me? I'm hoping and praying that she does... <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
well from my expeirences most woman lie but maybe yours is different <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo--><!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
She isn't the kind to lie. And especially to me- I found out on my own, she is trusting me with things she doesn't even tell her best friend. Well, at least I think she'd be the best friend- who knows.

Oh, and marvel at the new smiley: <!--emo&::tsa::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tsa.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tsa.gif' /><!--endemo-->

TenSix

Telling somone you have feelings for them is something you'll likely want to do in person. E-mail dosen't have the romantic elegance of letter writing, and letters don't have the emotional impact of suttle body language. So yeah its something you'll probably want to tell her in person.

And if your nervous about it then well, yeah your supposed to be. She will be too. Its part of the romance of it, no one is expecting you to be perfectly calm saying something as meaningful as "I love you."

Then again I have absoulutely no experience in any of this since the farthest I've gotten is to the stage where a female talks to me without displaying a non-discreet discomfort.

Quaunaut

Well, it sounds like your going about it with intelligence.

I think I've figured out a way to make sure I don't screw it up totally, the friendship- even though it won't be true, it'd be the easiest way to tell her without actually risking the friendship. I tell her my feelings are confused, and see if she'd ever give me a chance at dating, so I could see where this would take us. Sound like a good idea? I hope...

torque

This comes at an interesting time, because one of my friends did the same to me last night (confession of feelings), only he did it via AIM. ^^;

Trust me, "omg i am in luv with u!1!!, pls be mine <3" is the fastest way to kill it off. Luckily, that's something you don't have to worry about. <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif' /><!--endemo-->

This can actually go both ways, though something tells me it would be better to let her know in person. Email is actually kind of the cowardly way out, especially because it means you were able to write something and edit it to make it 'perfect,' instead of spitting it out straight from the heart, whether your voice cracks or whatever... and to me, that was always a thousand times sweeter. I've had everything from beautiful, poetic (though poetry is lost on me) letters to the stuttering, blushing confession when they couldn't even look me in the eye, and the latter touched me far, far more.

Given that the feelings are returned, there's also an immediate payoff sometimes. <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo--> But if you can't wait for her to come back, maybe you can do it via instant messaging? Especially due to the length of her time away, I don't think an email is such a good idea.

Also - given that she's away at the moment, if the letter didn't have quite the intended response (though given what I've heard, she does like you quite a bit), things may become uncomfortable when she gets back, or if she can't find a way to respond to it the way she wants to.

One last thing; I don't mean this to come off as a warning or be preachy, but danger signals go off in my head when I hear

<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Now that she's in Utah, I'm starting to see how much I've been basing my life on her existence- its really wierd. Its like everything is riding on her for me, with just enough safety nets to keep me sane if things don't work out.
<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->

Some girls like to be the boy's world, some don't; but that kind of thinking puts pressure on her (consciously or not), as well as on you (to make it succeed). Try not to take it so seriously in that fashion... it's a relationship in your life, not your life itself; and it shouldn't revolve around her, at least not yet. But I understand how you feel. <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif' /><!--endemo-->

Cyndane

Yes, I would have to say from the other side of the fence. I would much rather hear how a guy feels in person rather then email. It kind of romanticizes the whole exeperience. Although it does vary from girl to girl of course. It also, at least for me, works best if you say it over dinner, whether you made it or not, there is a lot of truth in "the way to a girls heart is through her stomach" :-)

torque

Other thoughts (I'm awake, and I shouldn't be...) - I realize I'm not a typical gal, but I'm trying to keep this as general (and based on my actual experiences) as possible.

Quau, that may work. Actually, the only thing I would harp on is that you don't put too much pressure on her; a full frontal "I love you" is probably too much at this point. "You're a wonderful friend to me, you mean a lot to me and I think I feel more for you than just friendship" may work. "I'm not quite sure how I feel" won't give her pressure, just let her wonder; though somehow I also get the feeling that she will be the one to wait for you to confess all the way first before she acquiesces to any sort of official courtship.

Also: Guys... when you start a confession to us - Usually, we already know. We know to expect it, and when the first few words drop from your lips, we know what's coming; and we usually already have at least some idea of how we'll respond. So don't stop, or try to back out... and if anything, Quau, I imagine she already knows.

Cyndane

Ok.. since I was typing my first post while Athena was typing two of hers... (silly fast typers). I must say she gave some wonderful advice. Follow it quite well, while we do differ from person to person, there are one or two universal truths, and yes we do know when you guys have crushes. :-)

Quaunaut

Wow, that was 10x as thorough as I was expecting it.

And thank you SOO much Athena- that whole "more than friendship" thing sounds like it fits our situation perfectly. But being she's in Utah, I really don't understand how to handle things now. Should I just tell her over the phone? Around her I'm very comfortable, and nervousness is there before the fact, but disappears once I start doing something, as my mind focuses on the task at hand. And personally- I think your right, that she does already know. But see, there are a few added complications I haven't mentioned yet, that I'll talk about now(that anyone can comment on)-

See, I have 2 friends that also like her, both of which have told her. #1 told her, but got really wierd to her after it, continuously putting himself down and just generally insulting himself at her expense. #2 told her, and hasn't spoken to her since, except at her birthday(which I hosted for her- her parents don't believe in doing that, so I more or less said "Screw the parents" and threw one for her, and luckily that perfectly set up the process for me to get her the perfect presents for her(2 of the "Alice the 19th" mangas).

Now, #1 isn't exactly a friend of mine- he's just kinda there. But #2 is a really good friend of mine, and I'm not sure if I'd be "Betraying" him or not by doing this. She's told me that she doesn't feel that way towards him at all- and I'm not surprised really, they have nothing in common other than grade(which I'm below her- all my friends are a year ahead, sadly). I've decided I'm not gonna tell him what I'm going to do, but I want to know what to do either way- if she lets me down, or if we end up going together(yay). What would be the best way for someone to let you know he's going for the same girl, and your good friends?

Cyndane

I would use the "more then friendship" comments over the phone, however, keep it light. Then when you do get the chance to see her in person, follow up on the suggestion of telling her exactly how you feel.

As for the two friends, I do not think that it should really matter, for if she doesn't return the feelings of either of the others, there really isn't anything you could interfere with, thus not hurting anyone, unless she hasn't said as much to the other two, which some girls tend to do. Its that whole not wanting a confrontation thing that some avoid.


Other then that, it looks as if things are going very well for you Quauanaut, and good luck with the rest of it.

Zig

after you do all the feeling-talk on the phone, if you get a vibe that she's really into you, talk about somethin you guys can do when she gets back. think of something fun and casual. have her lookin forward to something. anticipation = relationship food.

Birdy

Wow cool i didn't know you need all the right questions and answers to express the way you feel about someone :/

Seriously though, just be yourself if she doesn't like that you are better of without her <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->

torque

There's no betrayal. At all. I can imagine him feeling bad about it, and there may be some... friction (because if you two do hook up, he may feel lonely/rejected, or think about it when you're together), but you're not doing anything wrong; you're not stepping inbetween a relationship that already exists.

Friend #1 isn't exactly doing anything progressive; #2 hasn't spoken to her since, so I imagine it may not have gone well? Also, if she knows she doesn't feel anything for him that way... she's let him know, right? As long as he knows she wasn't interested anyway, there shouldn't be a problem. If he thinks she may be considering him, he may consider you to be stepping in. Just a thought.

Zig

now this is where the GUY standpoint comes in.

buddy, we're animals. just animals. so you go ahead and take what you will, and if your friend gives you schmidt about it, tell him to cool off. he shouldn't get butthurt just because you scored with someone he likes too.

Quaunaut

Ah, okay then.

Man...I'm in deep. Can't wait till she gets back to contacting all of us back here again- it'll be a good day indeed.

Windelkron

ok now is my chance to jump in here with two personal experiences:

1) Love + electronic media = no.
quite coincidentally, I just read an old AIM conversation with a girl that I was MADLY in love with... it was AIM, and this was me confessing to her. It doesnt work. She rejected me online too <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->. Dont make the dumb mistake that I made, and tell her face to face. Electronic communication is too impersonal, and when the email is closed or she signs off of AIM, there's too much time to think it over without you actually there. Online communication is for cowards like me, not upstanding citizens like you, <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo-->.

2) My friend, who is madly in love with another girl, and they were going out for a while, was just broken up with. The girl said he was "too intense." I blame her, and I yelled at her (online, curse me), but it remains as a lesson. Don't be a creep because you're so obsessed. Hang loose!

Zig

<!--QuoteBegin-Windelkron+Jun 27 2004, 07:14 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Windelkron @ Jun 27 2004, 07:14 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> Hang loose! <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
^_^ \,,,/

Scythe

Early in my relationship with Michelle I was soooo incredibly crazed I couldn't get to sleep whilst she was out of town. It just hurt too much. So I sat up in bed with a book and pencil and wrote out some crap that helped. It was really pathetic and corny but it helped to get the weight off my chest. The next morning, like a hormone-driven git, I typed up this "poem" (It didn't rhyme at all, no structure to speak of.) and emailed it to her. I then rang her and said hello with a casual "Check your email sometime".

I later found out she printed it out and kept it in her bag. >.<

Writing stuff onto paper has this amazing property of stress transfer. Write them all out and review them in a fresh light. It really helps.

--Scythe--

V_MAN

<!--QuoteBegin-Quaunaut+Jun 26 2004, 05:08 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Quaunaut @ Jun 26 2004, 05:08 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> <!--QuoteBegin-V-MAN+Jun 26 2004, 09:30 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (V-MAN @ Jun 26 2004, 09:30 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> Kinda chasing a girl atm myself, she's the first one that I have been interested in for who she is and not cos she has a great pair of **** or an amazing ****  <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo--> . It kinda started out as friends and has moved on for there. We're kinda at the best mate stage now and I'm quite content to leave it there because I'm happy just spending time with her and being around her. Pushing it further might ruin that. <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Same situation totally.


GRENDEL?! <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
Not sure it's the same situation really, we've been mates for ages and know each other really well. It's not that I think pushing it further would ruin our friendship it would just make things awkward for a bit, prolly end up avoiding each other for a bit if it didn't go as planned.

I've been in a situation like this a couple of times before once it didn't go well and once it did, on the occasion it didn't go well things wern't the same between us for a while but after a time we was back to the way we used to be again.

SaltzBad

<!--QuoteBegin-Zig+Jun 26 2004, 08:07 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Zig @ Jun 26 2004, 08:07 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> but, really. who else thinks that quau should tear his gaze from the poor broad's face, and appreciate the rest of her body. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
Zig for president. You have my vote sir!

Sky

Dr. Phil, eat your heart out. Whenever you've got a problem, the NS boards are the place to be!

<!--emo&::tsa::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tsa.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tsa.gif' /><!--endemo--> <!--emo&::tsa::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tsa.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tsa.gif' /><!--endemo--> <!--emo&::tsa::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tsa.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tsa.gif' /><!--endemo-->

CMEast

Sorry but if I had a problem with a girl then the last people I would ask for help is the NSForums, I might mention something because a) its good to talk, b) it could work in the same way Tarot does, you set it all down in front of you and then you can see it all in a different light.

Anyway, now that I've just said that I'm going to offer some advice anyway.

1) I don't believe in 'declarations' of your feelings, I know it works for some people but I always find it awkward and... immature to be honest. I prefer things to just happen, that first kiss is so much more special when it just happens naturally, when it feels right.
There are so many ways you can show a girl you care about her without having to compose a sonnet, flirt a bit, use a bit of body language. Let her know that she is special to you, that you're willing to put yourself out for her, treat her etc. No, that doesn't mean shower her with gifts (although there will always be certain circumstances where you can safely get her something without it seeming like your trying to buy her). In the end money doesn't matter, you could buy her something really nice and expensive and all she'd feel is pressure and an obligation to 'return the favour'.

2) She almost certainly knows how you feel, in fact her specifically mentioning to you "BTW, I didn't like your friend in that way at all and so there is absolutely no barrier between us" could be taken as a hint (although again it depends on the context she said it in, doesn't really count if you were shining a lamp in her eyes and asking "VHERE VERE YOU ON ZE NIGHT OF ZE 15TH!!!!" etc, coercion never counts).

3) You got it right when you said treat her like a <b>woman</b>, don't treat her like a princess, a 'special friend' or a human being. She has to know that while you value her opinion more than almost anyone elses and you love everything the way her mind works, the little things she says, her mannerisms etc, you also really wanna tear her clothes off (preferably with your teeth <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo-->).

4) What everyone else said, stay relaxed, be yourself etc, something it doesn't sound like you have any problem being. Its good that underneath that cool calm exterior you're a bundle of nerves, she can probably sense that and knows that she is important instead of just 'another fish in the sea'.

5) Sense of humour, expect things to go disastrously wrong and don't be afraid to laugh about it (and yourself) either during or afterwards. I.e. there was one fateful night when this girl and I had shared a really nice chinese meal at mine, had a bottle of wine etc (still in the flirty friends stage but just about to cross over), we had snuggled up and eventually first kiss (W00). So everythings going great until... my stomach started rumbling, nothing else, just that. Unfortunately it was <b>really</b> loud, <b>stupidly</b> loud even! Eventually we just couldn't kiss anymore as we couldn't stop laughing, was too distracting. Now obviously I wasn't happy but i just made a few jokes, pretty much salvaged the night (although it wouldn't have affected the overall outcome it would have been frustrating to call the night to an end so early) and she ended up asking me out!

Those are pretty much the only bits of advice anyone really needs I think. If the girls can see anything that needs correcting then go ahead, always happy to learn something new.

[Edit]to add this <!--emo&::tsa::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tsa.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tsa.gif' /><!--endemo--> , not used one yet <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo-->[/Edit]

pardzh

<!--QuoteBegin-5kyh16h91+Jun 28 2004, 12:21 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (5kyh16h91 @ Jun 28 2004, 12:21 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> Dr. Phil, eat your heart out. Whenever you've got a problem, the NS boards are the place to be!

<!--emo&::tsa::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tsa.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tsa.gif' /><!--endemo--> <!--emo&::tsa::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tsa.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tsa.gif' /><!--endemo--> <!--emo&::tsa::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tsa.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tsa.gif' /><!--endemo--> <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
roffle.

Quaunaut

Thanks East- some of those do help, though I still think for me I'm gonna have to do the declaration- I really don't get in the position often to let those things happen- I don't want to be mistaken as a pervert, primarily, so I try my best to give her space while being near her(and this isn't just the girl- this is EVERY girl). I can probably change with this one, but I still don't know how to do it right...how would I get myself into a situation like that? Make it painfully obvious? And notice, I can't invite her to my house or go to hers- it all has to be outside either one's home, because her parents are hardcore morals, and especially believe that every guy in the world just wants the pants off, even when its shown in their face what the guy is(alas- they don't even know I exist. They still think I'm this girl she is always spending time with, and getting rides from, and that the "Guy in the car" is her BF or something, I dunno).

pardzh

<!--QuoteBegin-Quaunaut+Jun 28 2004, 03:55 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Quaunaut @ Jun 28 2004, 03:55 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> They still think I'm this girl she is always spending time with, and getting rides from, and that the "Guy in the car" is her BF or something, I dunno). <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
I remember that. Sucks, don't it?

Meeting her dad for the first time is even worse. <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif' /><!--endemo-->

Quaunaut

Not with me. I'm great with adults and parents- they always love me. But her parents don't even want to meet anyone- they assume all her friends are goth people obsessed with sex and drugs and fighting(damn grammar).

Zig

<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->I can probably change with this one, but I still don't know how to do it right...how would I get myself into a situation like that?<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->

you don't <i>GET</i> yourself into a situation like that....... usually.

ideally it'll just happen.