coilAmateur pirate. Professional monkey. All pance.Join Date: 2002-04-12Member: 424Members, NS1 Playtester, Contributor
<!--QuoteBegin-kida+Jun 22 2004, 12:48 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (kida @ Jun 22 2004, 12:48 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> If you love her as much as she loves you... <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd--> More usefully, I'd offer the qualifier "If you both love each other <i>enough</i>..."
There's nothing wrong with visiting her. My year-long, long-distance, met-on-the-Internet relationship started when she came to visit me for a weekend while she was on my coast visiting another friend. At some point, if you're at all interested in actually getting to *know* this girl, you need to meet.
Don't steal from your parents, even if you pay them back. It's a horrific breach of trust and one they will NOT quickly or easily put past them. As I said before, be honest with them, and prove your maturity to them.
As for the girl, and the kid... I know you have no intention (at least right now) of "being this kid's father," but the fact is that any close male friend of hers *is* going to end up at least partially in that role. Her life pretty much revolves around her child (or at least, it ought to), and anyone she brings into it will be similarly involved. Don't try and fool yourself; you'll only resent it (and her) if things get more serious and you *do* have to deal with it.
<!--QuoteBegin-Zig+Jun 22 2004, 03:46 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Zig @ Jun 22 2004, 03:46 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> but as of now, she's got things under control. totally. <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Err, she's 22 and has a 4 year old kid, how does that make her responsible in any way?
There is nothing, NOTHING wrong with loving someone older than you, even in that manner. Things may be harsh for various reasons (legal, emotional, societal, whatever), but as far as I'm concerned, if two people feel a certain way for each other, well, that's that.
I was 17 or so when I started having feelings for a 36 year old man I knew, a single father of two (who was on fantastic relations with the mother). Had my parents known, I can't IMAGINE the kind of response I'd have been met with.
Still, with that said; as far as responsibility goes, I as a 21 year old would never consider someone under the age of 18, simply because it could lead to all sorts of issues (for instance, the ones you're having) and because at 18, you still aren't sure of yourself. Believe me, I thought I was; three and a half years later, I was dead wrong on a LOT of things. You'll change a lot as you finish high school and move on to college or whatever you choose, and that factors in.
And as they said; by entering a relationship with an older woman, you're going to become involved with her life (an adult life) as well. This means you'll be a father; you'll be responsible for her kids.
As for being "mentally prepared," I would have to say that at that age, with no certain future as far as financial stability and such goes, that there's other things to worry about on top of that.
How old are your sisters? Perhaps for their sake it may be better if you stay around...
Zig...I am Captain Planet!Join Date: 2002-10-23Member: 1576Members
hm.
i'm taking what you guys are saying to heart...
except for the daddy thing.
i don't know how to take that seriously if she tells me directly that she's been through a good few boyfriends with her son, and he knows exactly what a daddy is and is not. after all, his dad is still around, still sees him, etc.
and even a little boy his age knows that there can't be two daddies <!--emo&:0--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/wow.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wow.gif' /><!--endemo-->
I was 2 years old when my parents divorced and my mother AND father both started seeing different people.
Never once was I confused between who was my daddy or mommy.
The "Your gonna be his new daddy" is bullcrap, at it's finest.
What you want to do, in order to better score with the mother, is to be friendly and have the kid like you; it makes things a lot easier.
How do I know this I ask? Because the man my mother started seeing after her divorce when I was like 2-3 years old was from Qutar, which is a small country located in the middle east. And he was always sure to be on good terms with us, or else suffer bad terms with the mother <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->
Zig...I am Captain Planet!Join Date: 2002-10-23Member: 1576Members
edited June 2004
these forums rule, there's someone for EVERY situation...
gogo forlorn voice of experience
edit: i'll elaborate. all this daddy stuff so far has been speculation and/or crazy negative nancy assumption, even after i tell everyone that she (and her son) really don't have any daddy confusion issues...
Comments
More usefully, I'd offer the qualifier "If you both love each other <i>enough</i>..."
There's nothing wrong with visiting her. My year-long, long-distance, met-on-the-Internet relationship started when she came to visit me for a weekend while she was on my coast visiting another friend. At some point, if you're at all interested in actually getting to *know* this girl, you need to meet.
Don't steal from your parents, even if you pay them back. It's a horrific breach of trust and one they will NOT quickly or easily put past them. As I said before, be honest with them, and prove your maturity to them.
As for the girl, and the kid... I know you have no intention (at least right now) of "being this kid's father," but the fact is that any close male friend of hers *is* going to end up at least partially in that role. Her life pretty much revolves around her child (or at least, it ought to), and anyone she brings into it will be similarly involved. Don't try and fool yourself; you'll only resent it (and her) if things get more serious and you *do* have to deal with it.
Err, she's 22 and has a 4 year old kid, how does that make her responsible in any way?
Edit : random grammar
There is nothing, NOTHING wrong with loving someone older than you, even in that manner. Things may be harsh for various reasons (legal, emotional, societal, whatever), but as far as I'm concerned, if two people feel a certain way for each other, well, that's that.
I was 17 or so when I started having feelings for a 36 year old man I knew, a single father of two (who was on fantastic relations with the mother). Had my parents known, I can't IMAGINE the kind of response I'd have been met with.
Still, with that said; as far as responsibility goes, I as a 21 year old would never consider someone under the age of 18, simply because it could lead to all sorts of issues (for instance, the ones you're having) and because at 18, you still aren't sure of yourself. Believe me, I thought I was; three and a half years later, I was dead wrong on a LOT of things. You'll change a lot as you finish high school and move on to college or whatever you choose, and that factors in.
And as they said; by entering a relationship with an older woman, you're going to become involved with her life (an adult life) as well. This means you'll be a father; you'll be responsible for her kids.
As for being "mentally prepared," I would have to say that at that age, with no certain future as far as financial stability and such goes, that there's other things to worry about on top of that.
How old are your sisters? Perhaps for their sake it may be better if you stay around...
i'm taking what you guys are saying to heart...
except for the daddy thing.
i don't know how to take that seriously if she tells me directly that she's been through a good few boyfriends with her son, and he knows exactly what a daddy is and is not. after all, his dad is still around, still sees him, etc.
and even a little boy his age knows that there can't be two daddies <!--emo&:0--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/wow.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wow.gif' /><!--endemo-->
Never once was I confused between who was my daddy or mommy.
The "Your gonna be his new daddy" is bullcrap, at it's finest.
What you want to do, in order to better score with the mother, is to be friendly and have the kid like you; it makes things a lot easier.
How do I know this I ask? Because the man my mother started seeing after her divorce when I was like 2-3 years old was from Qutar, which is a small country located in the middle east. And he was always sure to be on good terms with us, or else suffer bad terms with the mother <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->
gogo forlorn voice of experience
edit: i'll elaborate. all this daddy stuff so far has been speculation and/or crazy negative nancy assumption, even after i tell everyone that she (and her son) really don't have any daddy confusion issues...
and forlorn knows what he's talking about ftw