My Personal Dilemma.
<div class="IPBDescription">just sharing.. but advice is welcome.</div> i know this isn't really like me, but...
i'm here to present you a dramatically teenangsty thread.
this is very personal.. but then, life is all about persons/people, and i've been here a while. i figure you guys can at least say something nice or perhaps throw your heads back and laugh. either way, here i go.
let's start with this: i'm 17. says so in my profile.
last july/august or so, i met the woman i now love. she was 21, i was 16. we've since kept in contact, informationally and sometimes emotionally intimate but still basically just penpals, until a few months ago. since then, we've grown very close, enough so that our joking (for nearly a year now) of visiting one another simply to see each other (as opposed to a trip with friends or something) is no longer joking. i care about her more than anything. it's not that i care about her more than my own life: she <b>is</b> a part of me, and any love i give to her fulfills me like nothing else. i should probably point out that, yes, she loves me too.
now, about her. she's 22, has a beautiful, adorable son of about 4, is gorgeous in my eyes beyond words, and is the sweetest human being i have ever known. she lives in europe. her name is julia.
enter dilemma. keep in mind i'm 17. in a millenium and an age, i will be 18 (that's february).
last summer, i started getting close to this girl i'd met, who was turning 18 in that october. i was still 16. like an idiot, i told my mother about her, the same way i told her about julia recently. i didn't come up with anything clever. i just told her that there was a girl i was very much interested in and she was 18.
bombs go off.
apparently, i'm not allowed to have any sort of relations with people older than me. funny, because my mother is a little bit older than me. and, apparently, a relationship with your mother is an important thing. or so i'm told.
my parents gave me so much **** about this girl, who i just wanted to spend a little time with, that she just figured, "fsk it," and gave up on me. yeah, boohoo. she wasn't that great.
but i'm not gonna take that again. relationships are relationships: there aren't different kinds, just different degrees, different <b>feelings</b>. i honestly couldn't give less of a sh*t that i'm 5 years younger than the girl of my dreams. i'm going to stop right there and not ramble.. i'm gonna assume that you guys are comprehending exactly how much i love this girl and how important she is to me.
now here's my situation as a son of two parents: i don't drink that much. i'm not addicted to any drugs (nor do i do any besides occasional recreational drinking). i've had a moderately rough academic record, but i'm pulling straight A's in summer school so far. i exercise a lot. i eat very healthy. i'm a very sweet and loving brother. i'm a goddamn nice guy, and an obedient son to boot. i don't give them any sh*t unless they decide to be outright a$$es to me (in one case, i'm in the process of saving an individual's life, on the phone with the police, and they try to force me to hang up with the dispatcher, because they don't like dealing with the police, nor do they think that the police should have any reason to show up at our house.. but i digress). basically, i'm an an all-around <b>decent</b> f*in individual at the least.
my parents are just ridiculous. i don't even decide my f*ing bedtime yet. while that does sound ridiculous, i'm just too nice a motherf*er to give them any sh*t about it. there are MANY more examples of how my parents are bigoted, anal-retentive control freaks, but at the moment i am just too f*ing angry to list anything more. just <b>keep in mind</b> that i am NOT exaggerating any of my descriptions here. everything is fact. my mother is a broken hag of a woman, her personality and any trace of decency drained all away by her living with an addict for the entireity of her life: my father. the man is an obsessive-compulsive who takes out his inadequacies as a parent out on my sisters and i. <b>let me assure you, the day i receive my high school diploma, i am getting the **** out of dodge.</b>
now here's my question: do you guys think it's TOO much to ask for a street-smart, independent, well-mannered, grades-delivering kid who's 8 months away from legal adulthood to love a woman just that much older than he is?
well... thanks.
i'm here to present you a dramatically teenangsty thread.
this is very personal.. but then, life is all about persons/people, and i've been here a while. i figure you guys can at least say something nice or perhaps throw your heads back and laugh. either way, here i go.
let's start with this: i'm 17. says so in my profile.
last july/august or so, i met the woman i now love. she was 21, i was 16. we've since kept in contact, informationally and sometimes emotionally intimate but still basically just penpals, until a few months ago. since then, we've grown very close, enough so that our joking (for nearly a year now) of visiting one another simply to see each other (as opposed to a trip with friends or something) is no longer joking. i care about her more than anything. it's not that i care about her more than my own life: she <b>is</b> a part of me, and any love i give to her fulfills me like nothing else. i should probably point out that, yes, she loves me too.
now, about her. she's 22, has a beautiful, adorable son of about 4, is gorgeous in my eyes beyond words, and is the sweetest human being i have ever known. she lives in europe. her name is julia.
enter dilemma. keep in mind i'm 17. in a millenium and an age, i will be 18 (that's february).
last summer, i started getting close to this girl i'd met, who was turning 18 in that october. i was still 16. like an idiot, i told my mother about her, the same way i told her about julia recently. i didn't come up with anything clever. i just told her that there was a girl i was very much interested in and she was 18.
bombs go off.
apparently, i'm not allowed to have any sort of relations with people older than me. funny, because my mother is a little bit older than me. and, apparently, a relationship with your mother is an important thing. or so i'm told.
my parents gave me so much **** about this girl, who i just wanted to spend a little time with, that she just figured, "fsk it," and gave up on me. yeah, boohoo. she wasn't that great.
but i'm not gonna take that again. relationships are relationships: there aren't different kinds, just different degrees, different <b>feelings</b>. i honestly couldn't give less of a sh*t that i'm 5 years younger than the girl of my dreams. i'm going to stop right there and not ramble.. i'm gonna assume that you guys are comprehending exactly how much i love this girl and how important she is to me.
now here's my situation as a son of two parents: i don't drink that much. i'm not addicted to any drugs (nor do i do any besides occasional recreational drinking). i've had a moderately rough academic record, but i'm pulling straight A's in summer school so far. i exercise a lot. i eat very healthy. i'm a very sweet and loving brother. i'm a goddamn nice guy, and an obedient son to boot. i don't give them any sh*t unless they decide to be outright a$$es to me (in one case, i'm in the process of saving an individual's life, on the phone with the police, and they try to force me to hang up with the dispatcher, because they don't like dealing with the police, nor do they think that the police should have any reason to show up at our house.. but i digress). basically, i'm an an all-around <b>decent</b> f*in individual at the least.
my parents are just ridiculous. i don't even decide my f*ing bedtime yet. while that does sound ridiculous, i'm just too nice a motherf*er to give them any sh*t about it. there are MANY more examples of how my parents are bigoted, anal-retentive control freaks, but at the moment i am just too f*ing angry to list anything more. just <b>keep in mind</b> that i am NOT exaggerating any of my descriptions here. everything is fact. my mother is a broken hag of a woman, her personality and any trace of decency drained all away by her living with an addict for the entireity of her life: my father. the man is an obsessive-compulsive who takes out his inadequacies as a parent out on my sisters and i. <b>let me assure you, the day i receive my high school diploma, i am getting the **** out of dodge.</b>
now here's my question: do you guys think it's TOO much to ask for a street-smart, independent, well-mannered, grades-delivering kid who's 8 months away from legal adulthood to love a woman just that much older than he is?
well... thanks.
Comments
edit: if you love her and she loves you go for it love has no age boundaries
my suggestion would be this.
hang in there until you get outta high school. if you dont have a job get one now. save as much money as you possibly can, be as cheap as you possibly can. when you get out of high school get out of there. i would NOT suggest trying to move in with the 22 year old woman. the chances of that working would be 1 in a million. perhaps see her, meet her, and if you really decide shes the one, try to get an apartment nearby and a job. go from there.
this would be the idea i would shoot for at this time, but i wouldnt live life by a plan, because anything can change.
good luck, best wishes.
That there is what Uncle Owen might call a damn fool crusade. Taking money without permission from someone you would like to trust you doesn't make any sense. I can understand it might be hard (I'm older than you, but not old enough for my parents to not have had a hard time adjusting to me dating, and now being engaged to, someone ten years older than me), but the best thing to do is talk to your parents about it and let them see that you're a good, responsible soul.
Sure, it sounds like they're being a little overprotective, but you can't really blame them - it's what parents do. Let them trust you, tell them about the girl, let them get to know what she's like and that it's not a bad thing for you to want to be with her. It's maybe not the answer you're looking for, but it's the way to do things. Also, when you hit 18 you can use your age as a tool to show that you should be allowed to make these decisions for yourself.
-Maus
Ziggeh, think some first.
I have nothing against you loving this person (and her loving you).
However, just think fisrt mate.
You live in CA, she lives in Europe...
Your gona be 18 and have a highschool diploma, do you have anything else?
Do you realy think you could move to a foreign country and suport your self?
I am not telling you to not do this, I am just making sure you think this through a few times.
If you think you have a decent plan, run it by some one (if naught else, try us <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->)
to atleast play devil's advocate:
1) is she realy cool with you showing up and living with her for a few months?
2) Do you realy think it is agood idea to steall $$ from your parents? (specialy on the scale to get to europe and set your self up there)
Again, All I will say is think.
I am currently a College drop out, who is moving back to live with his mom.
I didn't think all that much when in college, wish I had.
Though I though alot after leaving and I tihnk I am in a safe situation for now....
all I gota say is good luck and don't for get to think <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif' /><!--endemo-->
Not at all. If you love someone, and I mean truly love someone, then don't let anything get in your way.
<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--><i>Love is like a rhino - if there is no path, it will make a path.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd--></i>
<b>maus:</b>i know it's a bad idea <b>edit:to "steal" from my parents</b>.. but what else can i do to see her this summer? i'm not waiting for my stupid prck parents to "deign" to offer me their "gracious mercies".
<b>thansal and leaderzorz:</b>i'm not running away to marry her or take care of her kid. i'm going to go visit her. lol @ overreaction XD
<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->hang in there until you get outta high school. if you dont have a job get one now. save as much money as you possibly can, be as cheap as you possibly can. when you get out of high school get out of there. i would NOT suggest trying to move in with the 22 year old woman. the chances of that working would be 1 in a million. perhaps see her, meet her, and if you really decide shes the one, try to get an apartment nearby and a job. go from there.
this would be the idea i would shoot for at this time, but i wouldnt live life by a plan, because anything can change.
good luck, best wishes. <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
my long-term plan is a little more secure but somewhat similar. in a little more than a year i'll be one of Uncle Sam's Misguided Children, which is one of the steadiest of jobs at this time if you'll look over to the east.. the middle east. i'll settle in and visit her often if we're still together. don't get me wrong, though, i'm joining the marines for me, not for her.
i'm not a stupid kid. don't even insinuate. if you're like leaderzorz and don't understand interpersonal relations, please refrain from comment.
you obviously are being stupid, stealing money from your parents to goto europe alone to meet someone you have never seen before in your life, who happens to have a kid, and you not even being a legal adult, yet alone don't even have a job.
yea your probably not going to get married, but what if you get so love strucken that you decide to? are you going to live with her? and work some dish washing job just to beable to afford to support your family?
I have no problem with you loving her, or the age difference, but your not prepared enough to have that kind of relationship, (no i don't know you in reallife, but you posted this on a public forum so I am going by what you have provided in your post)
edit: let me spell this out real clear for you, buddy: my idea here is to go on a date with my girlfriend.
going on a date is idiocy?
they say over at the hostile intent forums, "Read.Comprehend.Post" in that order.
A 4 year (or something close to that) age gap really isn't that big in the grand scheme of things. It just seems that way when (in my case at least), it's almost 1/4 of my life. So that doesn't seem wrong, insane or anything like that. I hope things with her work out for you (I know all about parents and their insane dating rules... it's like they think that going on a date with a girl will always lead to the girl getting pregnant or something)
If you do join the marines however... good luck. I'll always be glad I live in Canada, where we couldn't fight a war even if we wanted to <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->
Edit: didn't see the last few posts before I posted. If you leave the money, that should be fine, although it may technically still be illegal. Forging a signature would be dubious at best however.
well, in february, i'm 18. so legal issues can go f* themselves. that's not what we're discussing here. i understand the american judicial system.
is there anything morally wrong with me just LEAVING..? that's the question, guys.
as far as them treating you like ****, i think its more in your mind then in auctaly reality, they don't abuse you, phyically or vocaly. your not locked in your room all day or somthing. becuase they have set rules and don't let you do everything you want doesn't mean they treat you like ****. if they care enough about you to not let you goto europe to meet your pen pal girl friend, I would say they are pretty good people.
though it might not be to swift.
again, think.
do you realy want to burn that bridge?
think about how this will (permenatly) effect your relations with your parents.
The idea of going and seeing her for a month or so seems decent (taking the cash/forging the consent is silly, just wait and think about it first).
And you do have a real plan once you get outa HS (as much as joining the Marines is a good plan <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->).
/me wishes that MonsE would look at this thread <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->
i want to visit my girlfriend for a month or so... that's all o_o
didn't catch that?
<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--><b><span style='font-size:21pt;line-height:100%'>i want to visit my girlfriend for a month or so... that's all o_o</b></span><!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
and, i might not even need a signature or anything... check this out: <a href='http://cms.lufthansa.com/fly/de/de/inf/0,4976,0-0-780451,00.html' target='_blank'>http://cms.lufthansa.com/fly/de/de/inf/0,4...-780451,00.html</a>
i suppose i just need to renew my passport n stuff..
well... tbh.. i've got a damn good plan. i'm gonna enjoy my years in the USMC doin what i like doin, followed by college, and then hopefully a career in the medical field. i've got good grades and i pretty much punished the SATs... i think i'm in decent shape, really.
Use that time to plan.
get your passport renewed when you are 18 (not before)
start getting stuff to gether.
Pick up some extra $$ (you never know, what hapens if yah get sick?)
And talk to Julia about this.
Make sure she knows what you are doing, make sure she is cool with it.
If she is gona put you up, talk to her about paying her rent or equivilent(serious on this one).
Have you talked to a marine recruiter yet?
If not go talk to one, see what you will need done before you sign up.
just make your plans <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif' /><!--endemo-->
-julia, btw, is almost as miserable as i am that i can't go this summer.. i say almost because she says she's sadder than i am, but how can that be possible? <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->
she's in very fine shape over there, and wouldn't have trouble putting me up. of course, i'd force money on her if she didn't want it. <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->
-talked to the recruiter extensively already. i'm not against bein prepared ;]
-> Get a web camm so you can talk to her each day, start making money so you can pay for the trip..
I had so many people tell me that I'd be happier in college. It's so <i>different</i> from high school, you know.
Utter crap.
You will never enjoy life unless you simply ignore the bad parts.
I will tell you right now that you will have to step out on your own and call your own shots the way you are planning too, but I honestly think your timing is wrong. You will probably need your parent's help still for things like collage and what not, maby it would be best to ease them into the reality of your situation.
If it's possible, try to talk to a mutual freind of you and your parents, a neutral outside opinion can't possibly hurt your case.
<b>swift:</b>: i really don't want to subvert them, but the separation is just killing me. it almost hurts to think that we could have the "successful long distance relationship" of legend, if not for my parents x_x
guys, thanks for the advice, btw. no matter how i take it, it helps to hear every implication, standpoint, etc regarding this issue.
I can't promise you that you will always like what you hear, but from my experiance, us teenagers often think we are alot more grown up then we really are. Even if it hurts, try to take it slow...