Holloween Tips: How To Abduct Children For Satanic
<div class="IPBDescription">=D</div> To all members of the Church of Satan, and all Wiccan covens
It is a well known fact that we, the church of satan, and our allies, the wiccans have grown tremendously, and that are agents have infiltrated every major media outlet and school.
Indeed our numbers continue to surge in America.
Also, our project to create "rock and roll" that we started in the fifties to brainwash americans into joining our church has been wildly succesfull.
4 out of every 10 school children will listen to Iron Maden this year, and 2 out of every 10 will buy a Marylon Manson album, and be irreversibly brainwashed to our cause!
We are now so powerfull that we can operate in the open in many cases, such is the case with our recent victory with the British Royal navy.
However, there are still a few pesky rightious christian soldiers that prevent us from fullfilling our agenda without any resistance.
Because of this, I have compiled a list of best practices for abducting christian children for satanic rituals.
While we have grown quickly, we are not yet big enough to simply harvest christian children, and we do need to exercise some precautions.
While the Church of Satan understands and sympothises with your need to for ripe, innocent christian children, we strongly urge you to follow these basic rules, for your saftey, and for the integrity of our organization.
Note: Most of these rules can also apply to young virgin Christian women, who are also indespensible for our rituals.
Rule 1:
Do not let the local law enforcment to get involved!
While the Church of Satan has completely infiltrated the FBI, we do not yet have a foothold on all branches of local law enforcment.
While we do control the law enforcment of larger cities that have surrendered themselves to satan, such as New York, San Francisco, Berkley, and the entire state of Massachuchusetts, you can not rely on us being able to help you if you are in a more rural community.
Unfortunently, those pesky White-light Christ-worshippers have too much influence in the outer country.
If you are cought, see Rule 5.
Rule 2:
Make sure to incompasitate or otherwise silence children before transport.
The church of satan recomends ether.
You can get this from scientific or chemical supply stores in some states, although a sure-fire bet to get free ether is your local college.
You will find many allies and active members of the church of satan at every college in america.
It is a well known fact that every philosophy, political science, and economics professor is a high priest in the Church of Satan.
Although they may not be able to help you get ether from the science department, most secular science professors are allies of the Church, some may not even know it.
You can tell if a science professor is an ally of the Church of Satan by asking him if he supports the demonic lie we invented about evolution.
Once you have secured a good supply of ether, apply it generously to a rag, and force it over the nose and mouth of your target.
Remember, children require much less ether to incompasitate them.
Do not hold the ether over their mouths too long or you may kill them prematurely.
If you do kill one, either hide the body and find another child, or if you don't think you will be able to, then harvest the blood immediatly, before the soul leaves the body.
Using ether, you will kill a child now and then, as some people are just allergic to ether.
Don't beat yourself up over it, it happens to the best of us.
For the more advanced abducters, you may consider simply using duct-tape, or some other form of gag.
While this requires considerable skill and strength, it is also much more fun and satisfying.
Rule 3:
Stick to the shadows
This one should be obvious, but many people actually miss it!
Since as a member of the Church of Satan, you should be dressed in full gothic attire, especially on this most holy night, you should be able to blend in well with the shadows.
Make sure not to wear too many metal peircings or chains, as they can give you away.
If you do not appear to be too threatening, you may try luring the child over with the offer of candy, however, most of us prefer to simply pounce on the child and incompasitate them.
On this holiest of nights, Satan himself will embue all believes with super strength.
The Church of Satan also recomends that you take full advantage of any fog cover.
A simple incantation may convince our lord Satan to provide you with some fog.
We also recomend going to areas where children may be concentrated.
<img src='http://www.hut.fi/u/iisakkil/tapiola/fog1.jpg' border='0' alt='user posted image' />
his school is an excelent example, prime hunting grounds.
In the early evening, with lots of fog.
One could bag 20 children there.
Rule 4:
Placate any parrents or bystanders
A common tactic is to have one a coven member or blood sibling dress in a non-threatening way, and distract parrents or gaurdians that their children are safe, by claiming that they just saw them, or that they are with friends.
Girls are much more convincing and comforting.
This can buy valuble time to transport your stock to wherever you have your satanic altar to perform your blood ritual.
Often times, time is of the essence as many rituals only work at midnight, so any delays caused by suspicious parrents can derail everything.
Rule 5:
If cought, always involve the media and/or civil-rights groups.
In regards to Rule 1, while the Church of Satan can not gaurantee your saftey if you are aprehended by local law enforcment, a great way to ensure that you are let off the hook is to involve local media and civil rights groups, as the Church of Satan has almost complete control over them.
They can mean the difference between being burnt at the steak and being awarded a settlment by the local community.
With these simple guidlines in mind, the Church of Satan wishes you a happy holloween and good hunting!
It is a well known fact that we, the church of satan, and our allies, the wiccans have grown tremendously, and that are agents have infiltrated every major media outlet and school.
Indeed our numbers continue to surge in America.
Also, our project to create "rock and roll" that we started in the fifties to brainwash americans into joining our church has been wildly succesfull.
4 out of every 10 school children will listen to Iron Maden this year, and 2 out of every 10 will buy a Marylon Manson album, and be irreversibly brainwashed to our cause!
We are now so powerfull that we can operate in the open in many cases, such is the case with our recent victory with the British Royal navy.
However, there are still a few pesky rightious christian soldiers that prevent us from fullfilling our agenda without any resistance.
Because of this, I have compiled a list of best practices for abducting christian children for satanic rituals.
While we have grown quickly, we are not yet big enough to simply harvest christian children, and we do need to exercise some precautions.
While the Church of Satan understands and sympothises with your need to for ripe, innocent christian children, we strongly urge you to follow these basic rules, for your saftey, and for the integrity of our organization.
Note: Most of these rules can also apply to young virgin Christian women, who are also indespensible for our rituals.
Rule 1:
Do not let the local law enforcment to get involved!
While the Church of Satan has completely infiltrated the FBI, we do not yet have a foothold on all branches of local law enforcment.
While we do control the law enforcment of larger cities that have surrendered themselves to satan, such as New York, San Francisco, Berkley, and the entire state of Massachuchusetts, you can not rely on us being able to help you if you are in a more rural community.
Unfortunently, those pesky White-light Christ-worshippers have too much influence in the outer country.
If you are cought, see Rule 5.
Rule 2:
Make sure to incompasitate or otherwise silence children before transport.
The church of satan recomends ether.
You can get this from scientific or chemical supply stores in some states, although a sure-fire bet to get free ether is your local college.
You will find many allies and active members of the church of satan at every college in america.
It is a well known fact that every philosophy, political science, and economics professor is a high priest in the Church of Satan.
Although they may not be able to help you get ether from the science department, most secular science professors are allies of the Church, some may not even know it.
You can tell if a science professor is an ally of the Church of Satan by asking him if he supports the demonic lie we invented about evolution.
Once you have secured a good supply of ether, apply it generously to a rag, and force it over the nose and mouth of your target.
Remember, children require much less ether to incompasitate them.
Do not hold the ether over their mouths too long or you may kill them prematurely.
If you do kill one, either hide the body and find another child, or if you don't think you will be able to, then harvest the blood immediatly, before the soul leaves the body.
Using ether, you will kill a child now and then, as some people are just allergic to ether.
Don't beat yourself up over it, it happens to the best of us.
For the more advanced abducters, you may consider simply using duct-tape, or some other form of gag.
While this requires considerable skill and strength, it is also much more fun and satisfying.
Rule 3:
Stick to the shadows
This one should be obvious, but many people actually miss it!
Since as a member of the Church of Satan, you should be dressed in full gothic attire, especially on this most holy night, you should be able to blend in well with the shadows.
Make sure not to wear too many metal peircings or chains, as they can give you away.
If you do not appear to be too threatening, you may try luring the child over with the offer of candy, however, most of us prefer to simply pounce on the child and incompasitate them.
On this holiest of nights, Satan himself will embue all believes with super strength.
The Church of Satan also recomends that you take full advantage of any fog cover.
A simple incantation may convince our lord Satan to provide you with some fog.
We also recomend going to areas where children may be concentrated.
<img src='http://www.hut.fi/u/iisakkil/tapiola/fog1.jpg' border='0' alt='user posted image' />
his school is an excelent example, prime hunting grounds.
In the early evening, with lots of fog.
One could bag 20 children there.
Rule 4:
Placate any parrents or bystanders
A common tactic is to have one a coven member or blood sibling dress in a non-threatening way, and distract parrents or gaurdians that their children are safe, by claiming that they just saw them, or that they are with friends.
Girls are much more convincing and comforting.
This can buy valuble time to transport your stock to wherever you have your satanic altar to perform your blood ritual.
Often times, time is of the essence as many rituals only work at midnight, so any delays caused by suspicious parrents can derail everything.
Rule 5:
If cought, always involve the media and/or civil-rights groups.
In regards to Rule 1, while the Church of Satan can not gaurantee your saftey if you are aprehended by local law enforcment, a great way to ensure that you are let off the hook is to involve local media and civil rights groups, as the Church of Satan has almost complete control over them.
They can mean the difference between being burnt at the steak and being awarded a settlment by the local community.
With these simple guidlines in mind, the Church of Satan wishes you a happy holloween and good hunting!
Comments
Way to mispell Marilyn Manson, goshdarn.
Yes, I own all of his albums.
/me goes off and sings along to Antichrist Superstar...
Carry on then...
+1
BAHAHA!
I've had surgery that was more fun than reading your post.
You've just wasted irreplaceable moments of your life writing about nonsense. GG.
~ DarkATi
<!--QuoteBegin-esuna+Nov 1 2004, 07:10 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (esuna @ Nov 1 2004, 07:10 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->I guess this is what happens when the Incredible Hulk's runtish little brother tries to "make funny."<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Wow. Just wow.
Ok, my peace has been said.
Other then that, it was an interesting read for a few minutes. ;-)
I can't believe I didn't stop reading after the second paragraph. What a waste of time.
P.S. It's spelt "incapacitate".
Are you perchance a wiccan or just educated on the subject. Don't answer if the question is personal to you.
<!--QuoteBegin-Insane+Nov 1 2004, 12:10 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Insane @ Nov 1 2004, 12:10 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->I can't believe I didn't stop reading after the second paragraph. What a waste of time.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Yar I pity you sai.
Damnability, I sensed a good discussion of religious viewpoints and society a-rearin'.
<i>"Thanks for the info!"</i>
All points noted, though I fear Britain isn't so widely controlled by a dark sect of governmental satanists.