Combat Penguin Training Centre!

X_StickmanX_Stickman Not good enough for a custom title. Join Date: 2003-04-15 Member: 15533Members, Constellation
in Off-Topic
<div class="IPBDescription">Are YOU good enough to own a squad?</div> The penguin.... ahhh, what a magestic creature. It can walk over land, swim under water and fly (if properly trained) as gracefully as any other animal on the planet. The world just doesn't realise the POTENTIAL.

I first noticed the potential of these fantastic creatures when i was watching a late night (or early morning) TV show about the polar regions. The penguins are mightily adept at catching fish. This, coupled with an episode of Futurama i'd recently seen (you all know the one), set off a chain of thoughts in my head.

What if they could be trained? What if they could become, the most powerful army the world had even known? It had to be attempted. I owed it to Science. And myself.

My first experiments were less than successful. Giving a penguin a rifle and pointing at a target isn't the best way to start training, i've realised that now. No, it needed something else... TRUST.
I began to act like them. I even wore a tuxedo non-stop so i'd look like one of them. I ate with them, slept with them, mated with them. I earned their trust, and their language.

Once i'd got my way to the top of the penguins social order, i began to spread gossip about a new military being formed. Once the gossip had found it's way to all of them, i called a meeting. I remember my speech like it was yesterday...

"My friends. Some of you have heard the rumours, that I, X_Penguin the fourth, have decided to plead to the Queen herself to form a military. This is true. I feel that, as a species, we have been dominated too much. We have been driven into these Icey caverns, forced to live like dogs! Eating fish raw, because we lack the materials to make a fire! We must rise from this land, and CRUSH all opposition! We will be the dominant species on this planet. And then, we shall spread to other planets. Mars! Pluto! Uranus! They'll all know the cold, hard rule of their penguin overlords. Are you all with me?!"

The roar... ahh, the roar of a crowd that truly supports something. I had to act quickly, before the queen stepped in and tore down my link between me and the crowds. I went to the palace itself and asked the queen for her permission to form a military. She, being a pacifist (and a bit senile, poor dear) denied me this right. But i was too far gone into my dream to stop there. I snapped off the nearest icicle and stabbed her, repeatedly. Then i forged a will, saying she left me in power.
Now there was nothing stopping me. I had reached stage 1: I was their undisputed leader, and they wanted to be trained. So far so good.


The initial training was hard. Penguins aren't the most...physically adapted species, especialy for firing a semi-automatic weapon. But we percevered. Now, we have 4 full squads (plus the 20 elite penguins that guard me. They are the best warriers on this planet), that are trained and ready to do battle. With at least 30 more squads in training, the un-suspecting planet does not stand a snowballs chance in hell.

Why am i telling you all this? Well, my friends, power is lonely when there is no one to share it with. I am offering you, the people i have shared a community with for almost a year, the chance to rule beside me. We shall be the rulers of this planet.

You join us. Or die. (the penguins can fly. And have lazer cannons).


- X_Penguin.
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