Adding to what Dr.D said, two shots will not impair your judgement. I'm assuming she had at least something to eat too, so two shots it's will impair your judgement about the same as drinking a can of Dr.Pepper.
However, if her goal is to get drunk, which is the single biggest mistake, and the reason why so many people have problems with alcohol, then you have a big problem. Alcohol is just fine if your goal is just to sit down, have a drink and just hangout. Honestly, this is the reason why our drinking age is so high than other countries is because many Americans like to get drunk (The supreme act of idiocy), it makes drinking seem like an evil which it isn't.
Alcohol isn't a gateway drug, it's absolutely fine, the reason being is that unlike many other drugs, if used responsibly it has no effect on your conscience at all.
<!--QuoteBegin--@gentOrange+Oct 19 2003, 01:09 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (@gentOrange @ Oct 19 2003, 01:09 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> Btw, Trivial Pursuit was invented by 3 unemployed drunk Canadians. <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd--> I knew that game was evil...
Back to the topic at hand: I'm still finding no fault whatsoever on behalf of the girl here. You say she only drank because her friends were willing to give her the alcohol ("hey, would you like a drink"?). Would you have preferred she took it from them ("Gimmie a drink ****!") instead?
Another big issue you seem to have is severe jealousy (you're jealous that you can't be there with her every single time she's in a situation) and/or overly protective (you feel that if you're not there to save her from a can of Budweiser then you'll never forgive yourself).
I'm not saying she should be oblivious to your demented issues, but people can only take so much b.s. from people they care about before they end up not giving a damn about it anymore...
[edit] p.s. "OMG GATEWAY BEVERAGES! DUDE YOUR GETTING A BUD!" Gimmie a break. ANYTHING is a potential "gateway" to anything else. Better not kiss, its a "gateway" to having sex before you're married, you crazy kids! [/edit]
Uhh...well...uhmm...yeah...kissing...is a great....gateway...uhhh... *wonders if Doomeh saw his post in the Discussions forum about pre-marital sex.*
What's bugging me though is not that she took the alcohol, but rather that she took TWO shots. And I think she might have asked for the drinks but I don't know.
It's just when you've seen your friends go from clean & sober one year and then coming to school wasted, high and selling Xtasy in school, it kind of shakes your faith in people's ability to limit themselves. and this was a friend who promised me he would never end up like he did. She hasn't made any kind of promise she won't do anything stupid. But then again, what good is a promise if you have no reason to keep it?
EpidemicDark Force GorgeJoin Date: 2003-06-29Member: 17781Members
I dont really have anything smart to add. But I do think you need a talk with either your girlfriend or a therapist (sp?) (or preferly both <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo--> )
As I said in the pre-marital sex thread, <!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Love <b>can</b> overcome all obstacles<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd--> <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->
ThansalThe New ScumJoin Date: 2002-08-22Member: 1215Members, Constellation
ok, where the entire 2 shots 'dosn't do anytihng' to you comes form I am not sure.
one shot raises your BAC about .02 (this is an average), so 2 shots with in an hour, thats .04, 1/2 way to the legal limit now you say that she has a low tolerance, and posibly wasn't eating, that raises it even more. And please remember that even one drink will have an effect on you, it might not be that obvious but try doing a reaction test before/after, You will do worse.
Ok, now that my minirant is done I will explain my take.
I personaly HATE being out of controll of my self, I am surprisingly strong and have a bad temper. However I also HATE hurting people so I don't fight (one fight ever and that involved me using armlocks to make him stop attacking). So I refuse to get drunk, I LIKE drinking b/c I like how bear and certain other drinks taste (beer and brats mate, beer and brats), and I tend not to hold it agianst others when they drink, however I don't like being around people who are drinking for the sake of drinking (my GF hangs out with people that do however she drinks like max of 3 and always eats at the same time, she is nearly as paranoid as I am).
Now as for the tripping over her taking 2 shots, I understand EXACTLY where you are coming from (my GF is one year yonger then me and thus we were seperated till she went to college). Not being able to protect the ones you love, and being jelous that they are off doing stuff with out you can make your normal problems that much worse.
So I feel for you, especialy b/c you see that your reaction was not totaly on the level <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
good luck <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
<!--QuoteBegin--Smoke Nova+Oct 19 2003, 04:20 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Smoke Nova @ Oct 19 2003, 04:20 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> What's bugging me though is not that she took the alcohol, but rather that she took TWO shots. And I think she might have asked for the drinks but I don't know.
<!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd--> Oh. She took TWO WHOLE SHOTS? NO! Quick bit of research... that's about 1 unit of alcohol. That's much less than a pint of beer. A single pint. Your arguement is quite incoherent, the things you are worried about keep changing. First it was the fact that she took alcohol, then it's the fact that she took two shots (*Gasp!*). Don't be a control freak: being able to look over her all the time just isn't going to happen. Drinking doesn't making you an alcoholic. It's time you instilled some trust in her, you might be pleasantly suprised when she doesn't end up in the gutter and on the bottle, just like 99% of all the drinkers out there.
Now i'm like you Thansal, if I drink alcohol,it's usually along with food, and usually it's a mix drink or at least good German/Canadian beer.
Tequila, 1 shot 80 proof = 1 glass of wine = 1 bottle of beer. and it might have been 90 proof.
Now...let's see...possibly my reasons might be changing because...*GASP* i've calmed down since it happened? But it's still the principal of the matter that hurts. Especially when we already had relationship issues and discussed the alcohol & drugs thing.
I know, let's do a test for you nay-sayers. Let's get you people girlfriends, let's have you plan on spending the rest of your life with them. Let's have you be in love with them for well over 6 years. Then let's split you, and your girlfriend apart, about 200 miles. Let's change your girlfriends personality just enough so that they engage in a behavior you don't approve of, and you know that they are rather weak-willed when it comes to peer pressure. Then let them engage in that behavior, before they go to a party that's pretty much unsupervised. Let's see how well you act when they come back, 2 hours later then they thought they would, and then telling you that they engaged in the activity/behavior BEFORE going to that party.
TalesinOur own little well of hateJoin Date: 2002-11-08Member: 7710NS1 Playtester, Forum Moderators
I'd say that you need to work out some insecurity issues. There IS basis for concern given the circumstances, but your reaction goes far past 'concern', into 'overly controlling'. Or at least, attempting to be.
I expect her to live her own life, i don't to control it, especially as she felt she had to ask me if it was ok for her to go to the party, to which my response was: It's your life, you do what you want.
But still, I can at least get angry when the girl i love does something i *personally* find to be a rather disgusting thing. and rather dangerous, as the drink could have been laced with GHB or one of the other daterape drugs.
TalesinOur own little well of hateJoin Date: 2002-11-08Member: 7710NS1 Playtester, Forum Moderators
Mmkay, so you think that she's stupid? Or perhaps that she cannot trust her friends. Or you think that one of said friends is so DESPERATE to sleep with her that they would risk (1) Losing her as a friend, (2) Legal action, and (3) Destroying all trust between them.
Um. If she has friends like that, I'd more be looking and asking MYSELF why I was still with her.
And sure, you can get angry. You just have no BASIS for it, without falling into being overly controlling. I'd recommend (again) looking into your OWN problems, rather than getting angry at her for stepping on them. And I would definitely recommend therapy, if having anyone drink while you aren't there to nanny them causes anger of the level you've stated.
If she drinks and drives, yes, there is a basis for concern. If she drinks and parties, no, there is no basis for concern. If she drinks and parties, and gets raving drunk and ends up having sex with everyone in the room, yes, there is cause for concern. BUT SHE HASN'T. And if you cannot trust in that she will be cautious about it, again I would say that there is more in trouble with your relationship than her having a couple of shots. The distrust will carry on down the road and only grow, and will eventually end up breaking you apart. You assume the worst about her, instead of the best.
Don't get paranoid about every drink containing a daterape drug, you won't get far in life if you think everything and everybody is out to harm you. That's not to say your girlfriend shouldn't throw caution to the wind, but I'm sure she's not a total fool: she and her girlfriends will look out for each other.
Maybe when you're girlfriend's not with you, she should sit in her residence with the door locked, not turning on any electrical appliances because maybe, just <i>maybe</i> they could zap her. Think of it like this: you can be idiotic and spontaneous, you may have a great time temporarily but chances are you'll die young or at least suffer some hardship. You can be ridiculously overprotective and cautious, you might be safer but I'd rather get some 'life' out of life instead of merely doing an monotonous 'Eat, Work, Sleep' cycle, <b>or</b> you can get the best of both worlds; be cautious and streetwise but for God's sake enjoy life and explore new things.
Also, calling something like drinking "disgusting" is a bit harsh isn't it? I'd reserve such a vehement adjective for some of the real horrors in life, none of which have anything to do with having 2 shots then staying 2 hours longer at a party.
I'll be blunt here, Nova - if alcohol upsets you this much, to the point of blinding rage and triggering repressed memories and making you want to start waving archaic weapons around, well, I think you need a girlfriend who has zero inclination to drink. Clearly this is not the girlfriend you have. It's unreasonable to expect her to cease drinking because it makes you crazy, and it's unreasonable to expect you to just stop being crazy. The easiest solution is for you to find a girl whose views on alcohol are more similar to yours.
Fortunately for you, there are a good number of widespread religions that strictly forbid alcohol. Find a member of one of these (consider converting yourself, at least nominally) to go out with.
That or check yourself into some serious therapy until you can think about your girlfriend having a shot or two without becoming blinded with rage. Or check her into some serious therapy (or brainwashing) that will make the thought of alcohol repugnant to her.
I've always been fascinated and amused with lumping alcohol and illegal drugs together in the same category, and believing alcohol itself to be some kind of terrible social evil. I assumed this was just something ingrained in the American psyche, or something (especially after doing Prohibition in history, and in light of the fact that the legal drinking age in America is 21. It's 18 in Australia, but it seems that a lot of people start drinking before then (and it's not really looked on as such a bad thing)).
Look, alcohol is <i>not</i> a big deal. Having a b33r while you game is nothing. Having two shots of vodka at a party is nothing. Hell, having two beers and four shots of vodka at a party is nothing, compared to how much some people drink. There's a difference between drinking to get a nice buzz, drinking until you're "happy", and drinking until you pass out. I've drunk enough to vomit, but not enough to lose control. My point is: all I did was go and throw up in the bushes. I didn't go into a coma.
Yes, it can do some pretty terrible things to people. You've seen that yourself. That doesn't mean that the thing in itself is bad. If it's used responsibly, it's not a bad thing.
Have you guys ever had yourself into this kind of situation, where someone you care deeply about goes out and does something that you have personally seen rip other friends, friends who are used to alcohol, to shreds? Have you ever sat with your best friend, a seasoned drinker who usually knows his limits, and helped cradle his head and kept him awake so that he doesn't fall asleep and possibly die?
It's her life, she can do what she wants but...I think the poem I wrote once put's my views best: I walk in the dark places of the night Dreaming of you, I chase the illusion Never knowing the dark truth That lies beneath the surface I walk in the dark, dreaming of you
ThansalThe New ScumJoin Date: 2002-08-22Member: 1215Members, Constellation
look, people alot of you are acting like there is nothign wrong with alcohol
well, I got news for you. There is.
Especialy in the US. The number of vehicular manslaughter cases that have to do with some one being drunk are freighteningly high. I know some people who have grown up in alcoholic families my room mate's gf is one, her entire family has a tendancy twords alcoholism and thus she will not drink (save for religious reasons).
You are all coming down on SN allitle TOO hard. He realises that his reaction was wrong, and he knows why (took me a much longer time to realize why I was flipping out so much, let alone accept it).
He is also not putting down the idea of social drinking (drinking a bear at a meal or with friends). What worries him was that she went out anddid the 2 shots simply to losen up (something that bothers me also).
I realy wish people would read through the entire thread (and not selectivly either)
btw, 2 beers, and 4 shots of vodka (assuming 80 proof) ~= .16 BAC double the legal limit in most of the US. Now the number of fn stupid college students (I speak from the fact that I should be a junior in college right now) that drink this much and then get into a rape situation, DRIVE, or even just go and make them selfs a nuciance to the point where they get arested (my very intelegent older brother did this around the time my parents were breaking up)
cus remember, in alot of states, if she is drunk ITS RAPE no matter what <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo--> some states make it so that if one person is obviously drunker then the other then it is rape some states make it that if you are both drunk then its not rape but most states still have it as "if the female is drunk then it is rape" So if your drunk and randy... sleep it off (then go get some:P)
Yes, I have studied law, and psychology. One of my favorite areas of studie is Drugs (and alcohlo is a drug, specificly it is a barbituate aka downers)
Again, Smoke, there's a difference between having a couple of shots and drinking yourself to death. A big difference. The same sort of difference between driving your car to the corner store and driving it off a cliff.
What you've got is a slightly irrational fear of alcohol. This is understandable, given that you've had some very bad experiences. However, you have to understand that it's irrational, and expect that most people will not have the same views you do (and that your views will look nutty to those around you a great deal of the time).
Again, if you're unable to control this phobia, it's probably going to be an obstacle in any relationship you form with someone who's more tolerant of alcohol and imbibes it themselves on occasion. It sounds like you're pretty firmly entrenched in it, so my advice, again, is to seek the company of people who abstain completely from alcohol, thus removing yourself from the problem. You're about as likely to convince people to give up alcohol as you are to convince them to give up meat. (I'd sooner give up meat than alcohol, myself.) And ask any vegetarian - you don't keep your friends by badgering them with your own dietary choices.
*just loves the way some people selectively ignores parts of his posts*
I don't try and enforce my opinion/way of life on her. I've said this 3 or 4 times now. I'm just...mostly sad now.
And we already had relationship issues about it (it was at least part of the problem), we broke up for a little while, I dated a girl who didn't drink, smoke or do drugs, then that girl broke up with me and I got back with Riley because of how happy we were, and I am happy with her but this will just sour how much I want to talk to her for a few days. Give it a week and i'll forget about it. Or at least i'll have relegated it to the back part of my mind.
<!--QuoteBegin--Smoke Nova+Oct 20 2003, 08:54 AM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Smoke Nova @ Oct 20 2003, 08:54 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> Have you ever sat with your best friend, a seasoned drinker who usually knows his limits, and helped cradle his head and kept him awake so that he doesn't fall asleep and possibly die? <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd--> Yes, I have. On leavers. One friend was lying face down in a puddle of his own vomit, sleeping peacefully. The other was sitting on the sofa, head between his knees (vomit everywhere) moaning "call an ambulance, I'm gonna diiiiiiiie", and I was going "look, you're not. have some water and go to sleep."
D00d, you're not going to die from drinking too much alcohol. It's like trying to strangle yourself with your own hands, or holding your breath until you suffocate - you'd just pass out and start breathing (if you even get to that stage).
Yes, I have seen my friends get absolutely plastered. Bouncing off the walls plastered. Yes, it was a bit scary to find my friend lying in a puddle of vomit (believe me, cleaning it up wasn't fun either). But I seriously doubt they would have died from that.
Uhh, Skorpy, you can die from too much alcohol. It's called Alcohol poisoning. My mother is a nurse, my mother's best friend is a Drug & Alcohol (Substance Abuse) counselor. If your BAC is over .25, your on way to NEVER waking up. At that point, don't let them fall asleep and your fine, but if they pass out it's a 60/40 chance they won't wake up. Ever.
Then there is also the chance that the drink might be laced with an unknown drug, which is always a possiblity you aren't storing it and it isn't freshly sealed. People might think it's funny to lace a drink with a blackout drug and the person wakes up the next day, not knowing what happened. At least in America.
<!--QuoteBegin--Smoke Nova+Oct 19 2003, 05:31 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Smoke Nova @ Oct 19 2003, 05:31 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> I don't try and enforce my opinion/way of life on her. I've said this 3 or 4 times now. I'm just...mostly sad now.
...I am happy with her but this will just sour how much I want to talk to her for a few days. Give it a week and i'll forget about it. Or at least i'll have relegated it to the back part of my mind. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd--> This is not healthy, Smoke. It's going to sit there in the back of your mind and fester. And she's probably going to drink again at some point, and that'll bring it back up, worse than before.
By giving her the silent treatment, you ARE enforcing your way of life on her, because you're punishing her for not conforming to it. It doesn't matter whether you're doing this on purpose or not, because that's the effect.
At first...we never talked to each other, except for 10 minute phone calls every other day. Now we talk online a lot, and i'm starting to feel...choked. I haven't given her the silent treatment at all though, i've just maintained a quiet facade of being ok. When in truth i'm not.
<!--QuoteBegin--Smoke Nova+Oct 19 2003, 10:02 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Smoke Nova @ Oct 19 2003, 10:02 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> blah blah blah...Sometimes I wonder if it's my curse to be forever unhappy. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd--> Boing:
The First Noble Truth
Life can suck. There's disease, injury, high rent, final exams, warm beer, natural disasters, and death. There's lots of good stuff about life too, so much time is spent attempting to protect ourselves from the bad, that we completely ignore the good. Even when you're happy, it's difficult to free yourself from the memory and anticipation of stressful things. People end up living always for tomorrow, whether that means the anticipation of a promotion, retirement, a better job, or the Second Coming. Life is characterized by suffering, pain, and dissatisfaction.
The Second Noble Truth
The origin of suffering is the craving for pleasure, existence, and non-existence. You get it in your head that you want things, and your mind then becomes an instrument for chasing those things. The actual objects you desire are irrelevant; wanting things - anything - severely circumscribes a person's capacity to be joyful and serene. The body needs sustenance, but it's the self that craves pleasure, existence and non-existence, and it's the self that must be seen as insubstantial.
I wont post the other 2, just thought you should czech these. <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
<!--QuoteBegin--Smoke Nova+Oct 19 2003, 07:02 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Smoke Nova @ Oct 19 2003, 07:02 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> Sometimes I wonder if it's my curse to be forever unhappy. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd--> Self-pity won't get you anywhere. If your current circumstances make you unhappy, change your circumstances. Or yourself. Or both.
Just had a big arguement with her (copy & pasted from AIM, it's probably about 3 pages right now). I think we got everything settled. for now. I think she understands now that it's not so much the alcohol itself I have an issue with, but rather the fact that she was drinking it before going to a party that would be full of drunk people. And given that she was wearing very...risque clothing I know that some of them might lose control and might have done something stupid and hurt/r4ped her. I think she understands now that if she drinks, I just want her to be in a safe enviroment when she does it.
<!--QuoteBegin--Smoke Nova+Oct 19 2003, 07:54 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Smoke Nova @ Oct 19 2003, 07:54 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> Have you guys ever had yourself into this kind of situation, where someone you care deeply about goes out and does something that you have personally seen rip other friends, friends who are used to alcohol, to shreds? Have you ever sat with your best friend, a seasoned drinker who usually knows his limits, and helped cradle his head and kept him awake so that he doesn't fall asleep and possibly die?
It's her life, she can do what she wants but...I think the poem I wrote once put's my views best: I walk in the dark places of the night Dreaming of you, I chase the illusion Never knowing the dark truth That lies beneath the surface I walk in the dark, dreaming of you <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd--> Yeah I was about to ask this one girl to go out with me, we had been really close and stuff for about a year and a half when she turned into a pot smoking floozy...I told her never to speak to me again and Im beginning to think it was a mistake...
I hate to say this to make you worry, but my ex went to college (I was already in college at the time) and she was like "Oh, I will never leave you" and that crap....
Then she started drinking, and partying and that led to other things, which eventually leads up to why I call her my ex. But she was messed up in the head to begin with, and the alcohol didn't help any.
I never drank when I was with her, I had no reason to. Now I go out to the bars, drink, and have fun. Thats my life for now. If I ever find another one it will probably be the same way.
<!--QuoteBegin--@gentOrange+Oct 19 2003, 10:09 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (@gentOrange @ Oct 19 2003, 10:09 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> The First Noble Truth
... <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd--> woo, a buddhist in the hizzy =P
as for you, Smoke... I know how you feel. I have no fears of alcohol, but I recognize completely your irrational anger. I went irrationally blind with rage over the most ridiculous things with my ex-gf. example: she got her nose pierced... I screamed at her for hours. and without fail, every time, something 'sobering' would happen -- I'd find out something more serious, like that she was hanging out with some other guy, and all of a sudden, the fact that she had a tiny stud in her nose meant nothing in comparison...
yeah, so all I can tell you is that you can get as mad as you want... but when something disturbing in a more real way happens, you'll snap out of it... so you may want to avoid pushing her away if you don't want that to happen... because, I mean, you may HATE drinkers, but this girl probably has tons of qualities that you love, and you have to ask yourself: isn't being with someone pretty, smart, and funny (as I'm assuming she is) worth knowing she likes having maybe 2 shots once in a while?
that said, I also know the difficulty of long distance relationships, and girls engaging in seemingly questionable activities. If she's untrustworthy, I can unabashedly suggest cheating. =P that way, you've always got an ace up your sleeve... yeah, I should feel guilty for saying that, but I don't <!--emo&::marine::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/marine.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='marine.gif'><!--endemo--> gotta look out for number one.
Comments
However, if her goal is to get drunk, which is the single biggest mistake, and the reason why so many people have problems with alcohol, then you have a big problem. Alcohol is just fine if your goal is just to sit down, have a drink and just hangout. Honestly, this is the reason why our drinking age is so high than other countries is because many Americans like to get drunk (The supreme act of idiocy), it makes drinking seem like an evil which it isn't.
Alcohol isn't a gateway drug, it's absolutely fine, the reason being is that unlike many other drugs, if used responsibly it has no effect on your conscience at all.
I knew that game was evil...
Back to the topic at hand: I'm still finding no fault whatsoever on behalf of the girl here. You say she only drank because her friends were willing to give her the alcohol ("hey, would you like a drink"?). Would you have preferred she took it from them ("Gimmie a drink ****!") instead?
Another big issue you seem to have is severe jealousy (you're jealous that you can't be there with her every single time she's in a situation) and/or overly protective (you feel that if you're not there to save her from a can of Budweiser then you'll never forgive yourself).
I'm not saying she should be oblivious to your demented issues, but people can only take so much b.s. from people they care about before they end up not giving a damn about it anymore...
[edit]
p.s. "OMG GATEWAY BEVERAGES! DUDE YOUR GETTING A BUD!" Gimmie a break. ANYTHING is a potential "gateway" to anything else. Better not kiss, its a "gateway" to having sex before you're married, you crazy kids!
[/edit]
What's bugging me though is not that she took the alcohol, but rather that she took TWO shots. And I think she might have asked for the drinks but I don't know.
It's just when you've seen your friends go from clean & sober one year and then coming to school wasted, high and selling Xtasy in school, it kind of shakes your faith in people's ability to limit themselves. and this was a friend who promised me he would never end up like he did. She hasn't made any kind of promise she won't do anything stupid. But then again, what good is a promise if you have no reason to keep it?
As I said in the pre-marital sex thread, <!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Love <b>can</b> overcome all obstacles<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd--> <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->
one shot raises your BAC about .02 (this is an average), so 2 shots with in an hour, thats .04, 1/2 way to the legal limit
now you say that she has a low tolerance, and posibly wasn't eating, that raises it even more. And please remember that even one drink will have an effect on you, it might not be that obvious but try doing a reaction test before/after, You will do worse.
Ok, now that my minirant is done I will explain my take.
I personaly HATE being out of controll of my self, I am surprisingly strong and have a bad temper. However I also HATE hurting people so I don't fight (one fight ever and that involved me using armlocks to make him stop attacking). So I refuse to get drunk, I LIKE drinking b/c I like how bear and certain other drinks taste (beer and brats mate, beer and brats), and I tend not to hold it agianst others when they drink, however I don't like being around people who are drinking for the sake of drinking (my GF hangs out with people that do however she drinks like max of 3 and always eats at the same time, she is nearly as paranoid as I am).
Now as for the tripping over her taking 2 shots, I understand EXACTLY where you are coming from (my GF is one year yonger then me and thus we were seperated till she went to college). Not being able to protect the ones you love, and being jelous that they are off doing stuff with out you can make your normal problems that much worse.
So I feel for you, especialy b/c you see that your reaction was not totaly on the level <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
good luck <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
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Oh. She took TWO WHOLE SHOTS? NO! Quick bit of research... that's about 1 unit of alcohol. That's much less than a pint of beer. A single pint.
Your arguement is quite incoherent, the things you are worried about keep changing. First it was the fact that she took alcohol, then it's the fact that she took two shots (*Gasp!*). Don't be a control freak: being able to look over her all the time just isn't going to happen. Drinking doesn't making you an alcoholic. It's time you instilled some trust in her, you might be pleasantly suprised when she doesn't end up in the gutter and on the bottle, just like 99% of all the drinkers out there.
now this is all assuming that she was drinking 'normal' 80 proof liquor
Tequila, 1 shot 80 proof = 1 glass of wine = 1 bottle of beer. and it might have been 90 proof.
Now...let's see...possibly my reasons might be changing because...*GASP* i've calmed down since it happened? But it's still the principal of the matter that hurts. Especially when we already had relationship issues and discussed the alcohol & drugs thing.
I know, let's do a test for you nay-sayers. Let's get you people girlfriends, let's have you plan on spending the rest of your life with them. Let's have you be in love with them for well over 6 years. Then let's split you, and your girlfriend apart, about 200 miles. Let's change your girlfriends personality just enough so that they engage in a behavior you don't approve of, and you know that they are rather weak-willed when it comes to peer pressure. Then let them engage in that behavior, before they go to a party that's pretty much unsupervised. Let's see how well you act when they come back, 2 hours later then they thought they would, and then telling you that they engaged in the activity/behavior BEFORE going to that party.
But still, I can at least get angry when the girl i love does something i *personally* find to be a rather disgusting thing. and rather dangerous, as the drink could have been laced with GHB or one of the other daterape drugs.
It honestly does pretty much nothing.
Um. If she has friends like that, I'd more be looking and asking MYSELF why I was still with her.
And sure, you can get angry. You just have no BASIS for it, without falling into being overly controlling. I'd recommend (again) looking into your OWN problems, rather than getting angry at her for stepping on them. And I would definitely recommend therapy, if having anyone drink while you aren't there to nanny them causes anger of the level you've stated.
If she drinks and drives, yes, there is a basis for concern.
If she drinks and parties, no, there is no basis for concern.
If she drinks and parties, and gets raving drunk and ends up having sex with everyone in the room, yes, there is cause for concern.
BUT SHE HASN'T. And if you cannot trust in that she will be cautious about it, again I would say that there is more in trouble with your relationship than her having a couple of shots. The distrust will carry on down the road and only grow, and will eventually end up breaking you apart. You assume the worst about her, instead of the best.
Maybe when you're girlfriend's not with you, she should sit in her residence with the door locked, not turning on any electrical appliances because maybe, just <i>maybe</i> they could zap her.
Think of it like this: you can be idiotic and spontaneous, you may have a great time temporarily but chances are you'll die young or at least suffer some hardship. You can be ridiculously overprotective and cautious, you might be safer but I'd rather get some 'life' out of life instead of merely doing an monotonous 'Eat, Work, Sleep' cycle, <b>or</b> you can get the best of both worlds; be cautious and streetwise but for God's sake enjoy life and explore new things.
Also, calling something like drinking "disgusting" is a bit harsh isn't it? I'd reserve such a vehement adjective for some of the real horrors in life, none of which have anything to do with having 2 shots then staying 2 hours longer at a party.
Fortunately for you, there are a good number of widespread religions that strictly forbid alcohol. Find a member of one of these (consider converting yourself, at least nominally) to go out with.
That or check yourself into some serious therapy until you can think about your girlfriend having a shot or two without becoming blinded with rage. Or check her into some serious therapy (or brainwashing) that will make the thought of alcohol repugnant to her.
Look, alcohol is <i>not</i> a big deal. Having a b33r while you game is nothing. Having two shots of vodka at a party is nothing. Hell, having two beers and four shots of vodka at a party is nothing, compared to how much some people drink. There's a difference between drinking to get a nice buzz, drinking until you're "happy", and drinking until you pass out. I've drunk enough to vomit, but not enough to lose control. My point is: all I did was go and throw up in the bushes. I didn't go into a coma.
Yes, it can do some pretty terrible things to people. You've seen that yourself. That doesn't mean that the thing in itself is bad. If it's used responsibly, it's not a bad thing.
It's her life, she can do what she wants but...I think the poem I wrote once put's my views best:
I walk in the dark places of the night
Dreaming of you, I chase the illusion
Never knowing the dark truth
That lies beneath the surface
I walk in the dark, dreaming of you
well, I got news for you. There is.
Especialy in the US.
The number of vehicular manslaughter cases that have to do with some one being drunk are freighteningly high.
I know some people who have grown up in alcoholic families
my room mate's gf is one, her entire family has a tendancy twords alcoholism and thus she will not drink (save for religious reasons).
You are all coming down on SN allitle TOO hard. He realises that his reaction was wrong, and he knows why (took me a much longer time to realize why I was flipping out so much, let alone accept it).
He is also not putting down the idea of social drinking (drinking a bear at a meal or with friends). What worries him was that she went out anddid the 2 shots simply to losen up (something that bothers me also).
I realy wish people would read through the entire thread (and not selectivly either)
btw, 2 beers, and 4 shots of vodka (assuming 80 proof) ~= .16 BAC double the legal limit in most of the US. Now the number of fn stupid college students (I speak from the fact that I should be a junior in college right now) that drink this much and then get into a rape situation, DRIVE, or even just go and make them selfs a nuciance to the point where they get arested (my very intelegent older brother did this around the time my parents were breaking up)
cus remember, in alot of states, if she is drunk ITS RAPE no matter what <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
some states make it so that if one person is obviously drunker then the other then it is rape
some states make it that if you are both drunk then its not rape
but most states still have it as "if the female is drunk then it is rape"
So if your drunk and randy... sleep it off (then go get some:P)
Yes, I have studied law, and psychology. One of my favorite areas of studie is Drugs (and alcohlo is a drug, specificly it is a barbituate aka downers)
What you've got is a slightly irrational fear of alcohol. This is understandable, given that you've had some very bad experiences. However, you have to understand that it's irrational, and expect that most people will not have the same views you do (and that your views will look nutty to those around you a great deal of the time).
Again, if you're unable to control this phobia, it's probably going to be an obstacle in any relationship you form with someone who's more tolerant of alcohol and imbibes it themselves on occasion. It sounds like you're pretty firmly entrenched in it, so my advice, again, is to seek the company of people who abstain completely from alcohol, thus removing yourself from the problem. You're about as likely to convince people to give up alcohol as you are to convince them to give up meat. (I'd sooner give up meat than alcohol, myself.) And ask any vegetarian - you don't keep your friends by badgering them with your own dietary choices.
I don't try and enforce my opinion/way of life on her. I've said this 3 or 4 times now. I'm just...mostly sad now.
And we already had relationship issues about it (it was at least part of the problem), we broke up for a little while, I dated a girl who didn't drink, smoke or do drugs, then that girl broke up with me and I got back with Riley because of how happy we were, and I am happy with her but this will just sour how much I want to talk to her for a few days. Give it a week and i'll forget about it. Or at least i'll have relegated it to the back part of my mind.
Yes, I have. On leavers. One friend was lying face down in a puddle of his own vomit, sleeping peacefully. The other was sitting on the sofa, head between his knees (vomit everywhere) moaning "call an ambulance, I'm gonna diiiiiiiie", and I was going "look, you're not. have some water and go to sleep."
D00d, you're not going to die from drinking too much alcohol. It's like trying to strangle yourself with your own hands, or holding your breath until you suffocate - you'd just pass out and start breathing (if you even get to that stage).
Yes, I have seen my friends get absolutely plastered. Bouncing off the walls plastered. Yes, it was a bit scary to find my friend lying in a puddle of vomit (believe me, cleaning it up wasn't fun either). But I seriously doubt they would have died from that.
Then there is also the chance that the drink might be laced with an unknown drug, which is always a possiblity you aren't storing it and it isn't freshly sealed. People might think it's funny to lace a drink with a blackout drug and the person wakes up the next day, not knowing what happened. At least in America.
...I am happy with her but this will just sour how much I want to talk to her for a few days. Give it a week and i'll forget about it. Or at least i'll have relegated it to the back part of my mind. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
This is not healthy, Smoke. It's going to sit there in the back of your mind and fester. And she's probably going to drink again at some point, and that'll bring it back up, worse than before.
By giving her the silent treatment, you ARE enforcing your way of life on her, because you're punishing her for not conforming to it. It doesn't matter whether you're doing this on purpose or not, because that's the effect.
Boing:
The First Noble Truth
Life can suck. There's disease, injury, high rent, final exams, warm beer, natural disasters, and death. There's lots of good stuff about life too, so much time is spent attempting to protect ourselves from the bad, that we completely ignore the good. Even when you're happy, it's difficult to free yourself from the memory and anticipation of stressful things. People end up living always for tomorrow, whether that means the anticipation of a promotion, retirement, a better job, or the Second Coming. Life is characterized by suffering, pain, and dissatisfaction.
The Second Noble Truth
The origin of suffering is the craving for pleasure, existence, and non-existence. You get it in your head that you want things, and your mind then becomes an instrument for chasing those things. The actual objects you desire are irrelevant; wanting things - anything - severely circumscribes a person's capacity to be joyful and serene. The body needs sustenance, but it's the self that craves pleasure, existence and non-existence, and it's the self that must be seen as insubstantial.
I wont post the other 2, just thought you should czech these. <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
Self-pity won't get you anywhere. If your current circumstances make you unhappy, change your circumstances. Or yourself. Or both.
It's her life, she can do what she wants but...I think the poem I wrote once put's my views best:
I walk in the dark places of the night
Dreaming of you, I chase the illusion
Never knowing the dark truth
That lies beneath the surface
I walk in the dark, dreaming of you <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
Yeah I was about to ask this one girl to go out with me, we had been really close and stuff for about a year and a half when she turned into a pot smoking floozy...I told her never to speak to me again and Im beginning to think it was a mistake...
I hate to say this to make you worry, but my ex went to college (I was already in college at the time) and she was like "Oh, I will never leave you" and that crap....
Then she started drinking, and partying and that led to other things, which eventually leads up to why I call her my ex. But she was messed up in the head to begin with, and the alcohol didn't help any.
I never drank when I was with her, I had no reason to. Now I go out to the bars, drink, and have fun. Thats my life for now. If I ever find another one it will probably be the same way.
thats my story
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woo, a buddhist in the hizzy =P
as for you, Smoke... I know how you feel. I have no fears of alcohol, but I recognize completely your irrational anger. I went irrationally blind with rage over the most ridiculous things with my ex-gf. example: she got her nose pierced... I screamed at her for hours. and without fail, every time, something 'sobering' would happen -- I'd find out something more serious, like that she was hanging out with some other guy, and all of a sudden, the fact that she had a tiny stud in her nose meant nothing in comparison...
yeah, so all I can tell you is that you can get as mad as you want... but when something disturbing in a more real way happens, you'll snap out of it... so you may want to avoid pushing her away if you don't want that to happen... because, I mean, you may HATE drinkers, but this girl probably has tons of qualities that you love, and you have to ask yourself: isn't being with someone pretty, smart, and funny (as I'm assuming she is) worth knowing she likes having maybe 2 shots once in a while?
that said, I also know the difficulty of long distance relationships, and girls engaging in seemingly questionable activities. If she's untrustworthy, I can unabashedly suggest cheating. =P that way, you've always got an ace up your sleeve... yeah, I should feel guilty for saying that, but I don't <!--emo&::marine::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/marine.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='marine.gif'><!--endemo--> gotta look out for number one.