Funny Things Newbs Do

tommy14 · February 2003

<div class="IPBDescription">do you have a newb weirdness story?</div> here is one i ran across. as a human, playing with a newb as wingman, and the call goes out: "FADE FADE, THEY HAVE FADES!"

newb stops, says over voice comm, "i am gonna run and hide!" and does it! we ask why, and he says,"i don't want to die!"

newbs, go figure.

Archzai · February 2003

about the same

i was playing on a newbie server, where they were afraid to rush subspace hive, which was held by 3-4 light marines and 1 or 2 heavies...

we had 4-5 fades and they were sitting outisde fretting

well i went fade and even tho the grenade fire WAS intimidating i blinked right pass and killed the 3-4 light marines ran back out.... healed then went back in, killed the HMG HA guy by blinking around and letting him spam his clip, then i went up and whacked him and the HA GL guy to death <img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'> lolz

meanwhile when i was still a skulks, my team was running away from a few light armor mariens with no ammo and only knifes -.- so stupid.... wut goes thru their heads?

Kitsune · February 2003

I was having a great time chasing a Fade down a hall with nothing but a knife while wearing light armor a couple nights ago. I rushed him while he was lobbing acid rockets, emptied the LMG and pistol at him, and he ran for it. Rather than reload, I just switched to the knife and kept coming, swinging wildly, expecting for him to blink away and finish me off with an acid rocket, but he just kept on running. Couldn't believe it.

TheGlow · February 2003

I dunno, some people panic and first response is escape. I usually fight to the death. Many miracles acheived at <5 health.

Giot · February 2003

uhh, I was commander and my team of 5 rines at the sat comm died to 1 skulk...

Silly n00b mistakes often made:

Building things with your back to the entrances... (silly if you ask me)
takeing the extra time to get full ammo (if you accualy spend all that ammo, your aim either sucks or your takeing down a building which you shouldnt be doing with your gun, unless its an OC, in which case you better not be alone)
Wandering around the map solo (can have good consequenses if you find the gorg, but otherwise youll just get mauled by skulks)

CoolHungDaddy · February 2003

I played on Eclipse and we went for eclipse. I joined about in midgame, both teams were inexperienced. I took over as com , a decision I deeply regret. The aliens built a HUGE wall of lame at horseshoe. As the way to eclipse was clear I got a squad of 4 marines together and ordered them to go to ec. Two of them just kept running out the left door of marine start, yellin "The aliens have built outside" and dashed to horseshoe emptying their LMGS in the WOL. They alywys died after seconds because they did the sidestepping move, workin in CS but noz against OCs. They could not be convinced to cease their fire or at least duck behind a corner and fire from a safe position. Well, 2 Marines at EC repaetedly attacked the RT there before the PG was built, so they had lots of unfriendly aliens there after 30 secs. Suffice to say that they did not sufffer long. We lost after 10 more minutes of stuoidty. I took the whole thing lightly and started doin fun stuff on my own like blocking the 2 Entrances to EC with 3 CCs at each door. It took the fades ages to cut them down...

Did it ever occured to you coms that a brain remover seems to be supplied with every HA / HMG delivered to our noobfriends? Or must be the Sprinter gene takin over getting only one message: RUN RUN RUN
And off they go, never to be seen again (wishful thinking here, they usually reappaer few minutes later requesting quite clearly, that they earned another set of toys..)

Prota

Lucid · February 2003

silly newb comms that go IP>ARMORY>TF in base right off the bat. And whats worse is when they only put the turrets at the entrances thinking it will make the base skulk proof. Haha silly newbs. Keep practicing though, dont listen to me

<img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/turret.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='turret.gif'> <img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/turret.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='turret.gif'> ------------------------------------------------ <img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/skulk.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='skulk.gif'> <img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/asrifle.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='asrifle.gif'>

masterswordman · February 2003

There is no point in this thread.

BedwettingType · February 2003

Yeah, let's all start bashing the newcomers. Never mind that we were all newbies once...

Smithboy · February 2003

This one is actually funny and it wasn't annoying to me at the time. I dropped some mines at the base and some beginner picked them up and he said something like "What the hell is this in my hands?" Then he placed them on the ground and said "Woah, what did I just do?" Hehe

p4Samwise · February 2003

The very best one:

Sam: Any else want gorge, or should I do it?
Bob: Nah.
Fred: me ill be groge
Sam: All right. You know what you're doing, right? You're a good gorge?
Fred: yeah
Sam: Cool.

<five minutes later>

Fred: how do i build def chmaber?
Sam: I KEEL YOU, FAT MAN!!!!!

asdlfkjalkghlkhglaksdhglkasg

<img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/asrifle.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='asrifle.gif'> <img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/pudgy.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='pudgy.gif'>

CanadianWolverine · February 2003

This one I feel is always a classic:

When you have just built an Infantry Portal, then an Armory, and every available marine crowds around the Armory loading up on full clips for their Light Machine Gun and Pistol, only to be munched and crunched at that exact moment by a couple or trio skulks.

Very quick games that way. And no end of laughter from me in the Command Chair as I hop out try to see if I can fend of a bunch of skulks in close range long enough for someone to respawn hopefully, but not likely, a little wiser. The mistake of not setting up human turret first defence seems to be a common mistake, even among experienced marines, because they think their l33t NS aiming skills can get them through the initial rush.

masterswordman · February 2003

Once when I was a noob, long ago. I was approaching the marine start (The map with the building outside bug), and the door oppisite to the airlock, where the vent is. It was closed, I'm approaching the door, and then a rain of bullets, I get turned into BBQ by a heavy with a HMG. I start cursing and stuff, and accusing him of cheating. And he's like "It's called Motion Tracking you newb". Well what could I say, I was stlil a CS **** at the time.

Russian · February 2003

LOL

Driftwood · February 2003

Well. My first matches were on Nothing at 1.01. Aliens were rolling in resources so I went Onos. Then I spent next 15 minutes wandering around the hallways always ending up in Ominous Kismet. Luckily, I wasn't alone since I had 2 other Onos wandering with me. I'm not sure if they followed me thinking that I will lead them out of the wicked maze. Little they knew...

Funniest newbs I've seen were those that have not been able to heal me as a gorge even with me telling them what to do. It has happened to me at least twice.

Me: "[insert name here], heal me please"

*nothing happens*

Me: "[insert name here], heal me please"

*nothing happens*

Me: "[insert name here], could you please heal the player next to you?"

Newb: "Ummm... I'm not sure what I should do"

Me: "Heal me. Use your second weapon"

Newb: "Hmmm"

Me: "Heal me!"

*nothing happens*

Me: "Press number 2 and then press fire"

*nothing happens*

*marine comes and finishes us both off*

Animosity · February 2003

my first match . not realising that FF was on for matches, we skulk rushed (because it was the done thing in those times) and found a nearly empty base, none of us really realised they were moving base, but we decided to clear up their current base anyway. on caged we (me and 2 other skulks that survived) went up to the comm chair and started eating it. about 10 seconds later i hear "Anim wtf you doing ?? OMG STOP IT...." at this point im quite confused and then notice on the side of my screen that i'd just tk'd over half my team :/

wlibaers · February 2003

</span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (tommy14 @ Feb 1 2003, 10:25 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> here is one i ran across. as a human, playing with a newb as wingman, and the call goes out: "FADE FADE, THEY HAVE FADES!"

newb stops, says over voice comm, "i am gonna run and hide!" and does it! we ask why, and he says,"i don't want to die!"

newbs, go figure.  </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> 
Actually, that's pretty sensible. If NS were a realistic game, that would be the normal behaviour, highly trained TSA soldiers aren't supposed to be cannon fodder. (or Fade fodder)

Of course, more experienced players know that "rush to your death, respawn, repeat" is just part of the game for both sides in many situations, especially for skulks and light marines.

For someone coming from CS or another game where you get only one life per round, that's not so obvious.

masterswordman · February 2003

Yeah, they think that they just must live, it dosn't matter unless you have all HA armor, welder, GL, and a stupid comm that refuses to give you Hp, I mean it's 4 Res points, to save 80.

2of12B0RG · February 2003

Newbs are funny when they don't take your waypoints, run off alone to where they want to, and when they get eaten scream why they didn't get a medpack and now that they have respawned want you to give them HA/HMG so they can wander off alone to exact revenge on who killed them.

CanadianWolverine · February 2003

</span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (2of12[B0RG] @ Feb 8 2003, 02:12 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> Newbs are funny when they don't take your waypoints, run off alone to where they want to, and when they get eaten scream why they didn't get a medpack and now that they have respawned want you to give them HA/HMG so they can wander off alone to exact revenge on who killed them.  </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> 
Hehe, its the next best thing to having an AFK player. Either you can ignore them, or swear your head off at them, but either way they are effectively out of the game for lack of taking on important targets with their team.

Sycophant · February 2003

I didn't think this was funny at the time, but still....

This situation occurred during my first game of NS way back when it first went public. I should probably mention that it was also my first multiplayer experience in <b>any</b> HalfLife game or mod. Yes, I bought myself a copy of HalfLife just to play NS.

I started as marine, mainly because that's what the suggestion said. Besides, anyone who's ever played a FPS knows how to point a gun and hold the mouse button.

So anyways, there I am in the marine start. The commander drops a structure in front of me. I walk around it, jump on it, walk into it, and shoot it up a bit. The commander tells me to build it, but alas, I have no idea how. I'm sure that glancing over the key bindings before playing would have made this whole situation much easier. I also didn't know how to say anything, so I couldn't ask "how do I build?".

There was probably 5 or 6 people on the marine side during that game. I'd see someone respawn, run to the armory, get ammo, come over and build that structure, then head out again. Meanwhile, I'd be trying to get their attention by jumping, shooting, and whatever other limited actions I could do in my unwilling capacity as a clueless mime.

Eh, maybe it's just one of those "you had to be there" moments.... <img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'>

CanadianWolverine · February 2003

</span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (tommy14 @ Feb 1 2003, 10:25 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> here is one i ran across. as a human, playing with a newb as wingman, and the call goes out: "FADE FADE, THEY HAVE FADES!"

newb stops, says over voice comm, "i am gonna run and hide!" and does it! we ask why, and he says,"i don't want to die!"

newbs, go figure.  </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> 
Hehe, I think this is what really must just tickle the MOD developers. Imagine making a game so wonderfully somber and moody, that you have the new player jumping at his own shadow.

Newbie = Tries to stay alive at all costs
"Give me Heavy Armor and and HMG now!"
Novice = Tries to achieve the objective at all costs
"Why don't we have more Infantry Portals, it takes too long to spawn!"
Veteran = Tries to take ground and hold it
"Well, who's coming with me?"

tseepra · February 2003

I just got back from a game where a newbie skulk bit a weldable panel on hera for 15 min, then xenocided. Then he started biteing a dc and xenocided again. Finally he evolved into a lerk, and I guess didn't know how to fly so he just walked around untill we won...

InfraRed · February 2003

ROFL it makes u wonder what goes through their heads, bit like animals, just watching em doing what they do. What could they be thinking??

hoju2 · February 2003

Haha animals <img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'> But anywaye we have a new Gorge and he built a lot of OC's near the first Hive, and we all tell him to back them up with Def Chambers and he says he is. 5 Seconds later there like 4 Sensory Chambers mixed in with all the OC's.

watch_me_die · February 2003

2nd day after ns was released....

Aliens in viaduct hive on ns_nothing.

Alien1: Lets rush!
Alien2,3,4,5: Okay

**10 Minutes Later***

Alien2: I thought you knew the way?
Alien1: I was following you <img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/confused.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='confused.gif'>

<img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'> <img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'>

wlibaers · February 2003

Hehe, printing the maps certainly helped me with that little problem. They may not be that complex, but they sure seem like a giant maze when you don't have a map.

Dream · February 2003

some good story. Ill talk about mine:

I 1st downloaded the mod but wasnt able to play cuz every server i got on i lagged to hell... so a little time after one of my friend found a serv with good ping so i played on.. both on alien. Was on eclipse and hive was at CC.. So i ran out of the hive, Turn all around the thing then get back in the hive. It like : WTF where am i?! i did this like 10 min b4 my friend hook me up and showed me the way to a marine. When i got in front of him i tried to parasite him to dead ! <img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'> didnt work though. Then i kept asking question : " how in we can build stuff?" " You got to be a gorge!" " How i become a gorge?" "Just press secound button and then select gorge, but wait dont do it No.." ** Morphing into a gorge** " Damn i told you to wait idiot!!! " " Sorry.. how do y get back?" " Aww man your a pain in the **** you know?" ** Morphing into lerk **

I just kept going lerk / gorge for the rest of the game and staying at the hive like an idiot <img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'> Was fun though <img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'>

And for the noobish move ive seen by now it a fully upgraded marine with HA + HMG + MT and he stayed at base keep asking me: " Give me a Jet Pack you noob comm! Im better then you so give me a Jp! And hurry! " pplz should read the guide a little bit more.. <img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'>

Paq · February 2003

I think that common mistakes from newbie gorges is that when they are going to build a new res tower. They always stand on top of that res node, then they build res tower and get stuck inside it. I still see it happen in 1.04 <img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'>

nem0r · February 2003

I used to love it in versions before 1.04 when the people that had just joined want fade/onos straight away. So they evolved to gorge, get the res needed for fade/onos and evolve again.

Used to **** me off, but looking back on it makes me laugh.

Also, last night I went alien, and the marines commander was placing a CC in all of our hives in the hope to move his base to them. I must have bit my way through 4/5 CC's that night.. I said "Why you playing CC's everywhere?" Reply: "Coz I dont want to win and if you do you're a lozer"

I mean wtf? Isn't that the whole point in the game? Anyway I finished up 36-0 coz their commander screwed up. Thanks man, hope your commanding against me in a clanwar sometime <img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'>

relsan · February 2003

I was a gorge building an offensive chamber when I spot a marine with an lmg. He sees me and starts shooting me. I hide behind my OC and keeping building it so the guy charges me! STOOOOOOPID. The rest is pretty obvious. I web him up and web a little of the corridor around him and cap off the OC. He squirms around for a few seconds and the OC kills him. I laugh. He leaves the server. LOL, that made the ownage feel even better!

<span style='font-size:21pt;line-height:100%'> I love making people leave the server in embarassment. HAHAHHAHA!!</span>

Funny Things Newbs Do

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