Foster Care

MoquiaoMoquiao Join Date: 2003-05-09 Member: 16168Members
edited July 2003 in Off-Topic
<div class="IPBDescription">just a thought</div> this is not a discussion so yeh..dont make it one..

i want to know YOUR either experiences or something with this.. cos i am really confused...

when i was a baby.. i was beaten.. my fatehr took heavy drugs and even destroyed my mom. it was not good. i got adopted at the age of 2. which is where i have grown up to be who i am.. now i call my foster parents mom & dad cos thats what they are.

But my mom is a foster carer now and well yeh the placement we have theyre mother comes round with lots of presents etc... and to me it just feels like a pointless effort to try and prove your status as a parent i mean with all due respect cos they are trying but **** the presents why were you there for me?! that is how i would feel...

or am i biased because i was left by my parents and had a bad experience? just want to understand it abit more... cos tbh.. if i ever met my SOB father.. i genuinely would MURDER the man. and to my mom i just sort of want to say 'where the **** were you huh?!'

any input?

sorry for poor spelling.

Comments

  • MoquiaoMoquiao Join Date: 2003-05-09 Member: 16168Members
    i realise this sounds like a discussion and tbh it probarbly is but please dont close this this is for MY personal growth here guys cos i just am confused :S
  • CForresterCForrester P0rk(h0p Join Date: 2002-10-05 Member: 1439Members, Constellation
    I haven't exactly had an experience with foster care, but my father left when I was only 5. He took drugs and almost got me killed. Twice. Once: I was helping my mom put away the laundry, and I found a straw in the back of my father's clothing drawer, and I took it out and started blowing in to it. Cocaine came out the other end. <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo--> My mom caught me before I inhaled. The other time, he dropped me on my head. From 3 feet. He's not my dad. I have no dad. I have a mom, and a pathetic excuse for a father. <!--emo&;)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/wink.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wink.gif'><!--endemo-->
  • MoquiaoMoquiao Join Date: 2003-05-09 Member: 16168Members
    i know what you mean dude... :s

    so what do you think? am i biased for thinking all these people are stupid twats? or are they actually all idiots?
  • BogglesteinskyBogglesteinsky Join Date: 2002-12-24 Member: 11488Members
    I think its terrible when parent dont love thier children. im just sorry that there are people out there who have had to go through that experience
  • InfinitumInfinitum Anime Encyclopedia Join Date: 2002-08-08 Member: 1111Members, Constellation
    Your first post is spelling hell... so I'm assuming it's your biological mother that is coming around with presents(?)


    It was nothing you had control over and has already happened. The past is the past and is best left there.

    Your biological mother made a mistake in marrying a person with a drug problem. Don't feel angry at her, the hardest decision she ever made was to give you up for adoption. She did that to PROTECT you, so don't think that her buying you presents is some cheap sentiment because if you do I will knock you down ^_^

    You grew up without truly knowing her, or her you. She can no longer relate to you, so even though you see her as a complete stranger, she still sees you as her little boy and her bringing presents around is her trying to make up for lost time. The fact that she WANTS to see you should tell you something... so don't hate her. She had your best interests at heart.
  • MoquiaoMoquiao Join Date: 2003-05-09 Member: 16168Members
    <!--QuoteBegin--Infinitum+Jul 17 2003, 05:17 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Infinitum @ Jul 17 2003, 05:17 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> Your first post is spelling hell... so I'm assuming it's your biological mother that is coming around with presents(?)


    It was nothing you had control over and has already happened. The past is the past and is best left there.

    Your biological mother made a mistake in marrying a person with a drug problem. Don't feel angry at her, the hardest decision she ever made was to give you up for adoption. She did that to PROTECT you, so don't think that her buying you presents is some cheap sentiment because if you do I will knock you down ^_^

    You grew up without truly knowing her, or her you. She can no longer relate to you, so even though you see her as a complete stranger, she still sees you as her little boy and her bringing presents around is her trying to make up for lost time. The fact that she WANTS to see you should tell you something... so don't hate her. She had your best interests at heart. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
    no no no no no my bio mother is in the usa im talking about the mother of the foster kids.. i was just watchign her shower them with gifts.. and thinking abotu it...

    i have never met my real mother (that i can recollect) or my father for that matter (the scars dont fade.)

    i have only met 3 biological relatives... 1 is my brother who i hate and he is going down the same road as my father. he is 14. takes cocaine. and hit my mom. now im in UK i cant do anything.. but when he was in the UK he started talking like that to my mom (not biological) so i laid him out. a tad violent but nobody will treat people like that while im around. and the other 2 are my bio grandparents who paid for my brother to come to UK it was theyre 1 thing they wanted to see the brothers united

    but no this doesnt affect me directly it was more of a refelction of having watched this other thing going on...

    but as far as im concered... i dont want to meet my real mom.. i mean she gave me up.. she has tried to make telephone contact but i cant do it..
    i mean think of the mentalities of doing that chatting to your mom you have never really known on the fone.. on the dman PHONE for crying out loud i just cant do it..

    sorry this is a rant lol but i am still curious.. the mian Q is..

    when i look at these other parents showering theyre kids trying to make it up.. i dont think 'aww they are making an effort' i think ' stupid ***** trying to do all thsi now when it is too late you werent there before!' is that a biased opinion cos of what happened to me or is it general consensus

    *** my spelling is very poor im afraid a combination of frustration(Love life sucks :S) and being thick as pig shizzle.
  • BirdyBirdy Join Date: 2003-05-29 Member: 16825Members, Constellation
    /me gives woofie a hug
  • MoquiaoMoquiao Join Date: 2003-05-09 Member: 16168Members
    edited July 2003
    <!--QuoteBegin--Birdy+Jul 17 2003, 06:43 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Birdy @ Jul 17 2003, 06:43 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> /me gives woofie a hug <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
    im sorry but i got to say... birdy you really are the coolest person in this community <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo--> TY for being there for me last few days (personal so nobody else will get it <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo--> )


    erm nothing to see down here <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
  • BirdyBirdy Join Date: 2003-05-29 Member: 16825Members, Constellation
    Just trying to make you happy <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->

    Don't like friends beeing sad.. <!--emo&???--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/confused.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='confused.gif'><!--endemo-->




    <!--emo&::lerk::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/lerk.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='lerk.gif'><!--endemo-->
  • ConfuzorConfuzor Join Date: 2002-11-01 Member: 2412Awaiting Authorization
    I'm sorry, I'm still not exactly clear what it is you're meaning to say.

    Are you trying to say that ANOTHER kids' foster mother is concentrating too much on spoiling her foster kids with the gifts she gives them, but isn't really concentrating on what really makes a parent, and that you think that she should concentrate more on motherly love, and less on toys? Because even though I haven't had this same experience, I think everyone would agree with that statement.

    Sorry, I tend to have poor comprehension skills.
  • Butt_monkey_saladButt_monkey_salad Join Date: 2002-12-17 Member: 11006Banned
    edited July 2003
    well I never went along that road but one of my mom's cousin's daughters (2nd/3rd cousin? not sure the exact relation) is currently in prison under maximum security after a car theft or something, and the husband doesn't really care about their son. So I can understand that her son must feel very confused. Hes currently living with his aunt.

    the 'son' I am referring to, to clear up, is lets see; my mom's cousin's grandson if anybody was confused (again, I don't know what the exact relation to me would be called)
  • MoquiaoMoquiao Join Date: 2003-05-09 Member: 16168Members
    <!--QuoteBegin--Confuzor+Jul 17 2003, 07:05 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Confuzor @ Jul 17 2003, 07:05 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> I'm sorry, I'm still not exactly clear what it is you're meaning to say.

    Are you trying to say that ANOTHER kids' foster mother is concentrating too much on spoiling her foster kids with the gifts she gives them, but isn't really concentrating on what really makes a parent, and that you think that she should concentrate more on motherly love, and less on toys? Because even though I haven't had this same experience, I think everyone would agree with that statement.

    Sorry, I tend to have poor comprehension skills. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
    yup thats it exaclty...


    but my train of thought is.. am i wrong for thinkign that?

    because i have had bad experiences are my opinions valid?
  • CobyCoby Join Date: 2002-11-11 Member: 8210Members
    (long story...)
    Well, since we're on the topic of "and they lived unhappily ever after" I'll share my story:
    When my mom was pregnant, waiting for me, my dad gave the first sight of Manic Depression. He did all kinds of crazy (in not any funny means) things to himself, and his surroundings. When I was 8, I woke up to realize this myself: one day I got woken up by my mom who told me to come with her to take dad to hospital. We got one of dads best friends to drive the car, and we drew into the local facility, and I was totally shocked. Dad wasn't himself at all. After this, I remember crying a lot, seeing him being taken away. I was confused, so my mom told me everything about what has happened.

    A year went by, and we got a call from the local loonie bin: Dad's coming home. I dunno if I should've been happy or sad. He was acting like a different man and tried to act like nothing has happened. Who knows if he knew it or not! Well, anyways we continued living, but it wasn't the same anymore. I became aware of the situation all the time, thanks to my mother, and started having this "sense" if he was normal or not. Then came the day we had one of our female dogs pregnant, and had puppies. Once again, all hell broke loose: we then became aware of the fact that we should not exceed this certain level in "happiness". If something, or someone was glad or happy, we always had to keep an eye on him. It was total hell. Every day I came from school, I had to act cool and like everything was normal, although it wasnt. This mentioned before happened after the second time they release Him from the loonie bin.

    Then, two years ago dad started going "wild" again, although not on the normal way: he lost sense of his right leg this one day when he was coming from the shop, and me and mom were watching him wobble to the car, like he was totally drunk. Well, he wasnt. After couple of weeks he had to be taken to the hospital, and after like 2 years of going around the byrocracy of hospital systems, he was given a home, and it was destined for him to spend rest of his life in a wheelchair, at the age of 54. Why? Because of the many warnings he had been given and ignored about his bad lifestyle: cholesterole, beer, cigarettes. His whole body from right side went numb, senseless and unmobile. He cannot speak well thanks to the fact that his tongue doesn't work, he can't write thanks to being right handed. He can barely move by pulling himself with his left leg. Mom devorced from him couple months ago because of financial situations, and because of the fact that mom and dad had not had any relationships for the past years. (Financial situations I mean because we're not rich or anything, and the hospital-tours were not cheap and free after the regular, free "check-up.")

    On the other sad stories of mine, is my brother who (when I was about 8) went downhill with drugs. He smoked weed, and eventually moved into harder stuff. I've been practically watched from aside when my brother has been as down as a man can go. Last couple of years he's been trying to help himself with treatment, and has been on the dry-out now. Well, at least he and his girlfriend are sober when they come to visit us, who knows that they may be doing at their home <!--emo&???--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/confused.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='confused.gif'><!--endemo-->

    And while speaking of brother, I guess I should say step-brother, thus we only share mom, but I've never had urge to think that he wasn't the same blood. My brother's biological father was one of those lowly trashpiles on earth who beat their women and drink family's money, I bet all of you know what I mean. My mom and brother had to, literally, escape from their own home when <i>it</i> was there drunk. The mentioned waste of air killed himself with pills year ago.

    So, in the end me and my mom are living happily, and mom found herself a really nice guy to live with. And trust me, me and mom can tell "sane and stable" person from a non-one. Although he may someday become my official dad, I don't think I'll be able to call him one. Blood is thicker than water, as they say. Heh funny that i write "mom and dad" although I never call them "mom and dad" in real life. I've already used names, and my mom said "I never-ever want to be called "grandma."" So I guess I got to teach my kids in future that, too <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->

    A real family portrait, ain't that so.
    P.S I can feel all other who have gone through bad things through their lives. Really, I do.
  • MoquiaoMoquiao Join Date: 2003-05-09 Member: 16168Members
    thats a sad story dude :S

    what is your view on people who cannot take care of theyre children properly?
  • CobyCoby Join Date: 2002-11-11 Member: 8210Members
    edited July 2003
    Well, to be honest, I'd have to give no comment on that because I have no real experience of those cases. But (with no self-experiment), I think it depends <b>a lot</b> of the situation.
    If there's a parent who beats his kids, I say bash him with a bat. (Yes, mainly it's a him. Rarely you see violent mothers. You do, but rarely)
    If there's a parent who can't take good care of her/his kids because of a state mind/finances (aka homeless and so on) i'd be happy to see a child being given a good home and better future. It's never nice to see kids selling themselves on the streets because their family needs food.
    If there's a parent who abandons his child it also is very dependant on the situations mentioned above.

    <i>With all respect to anyone who has gone through this. I can't say because I really haven't.</i>
  • kidakida Join Date: 2003-02-20 Member: 13778Members
    Wow, that is so sad guys, I know what it feels like too, financial problems and family issues, but not to your guys extent. The problems I have are mostly with myself.

    I would suggest you guys read this book called, What's So Amazing About Grace? By Philip Yancey. It is such a great read, changed a guys life I know, and has sold a lot of copies.

    The best thing to do is to forget the past. From my experiences, bringing up the past is one of the worst things you can do. Just forget it and go on to the bright future; pick a good role model like someone you admire, for ex: Martin Luther King Jr, and try to be the best person you can be so that when others see your example, they will say, wow he is so different, I admire that guy.

    Wolf, I think you should talk to your mom and give her another chance, but I understand from what you are saying, how hard it is to connect with someone you haven't connected with in the past. But maybe somethin good can come out of this situation, perhaps you and her can become friends. Its best to try anyway, even if it doesn't go the way you expected or not.

    Are you guys searching for the meaning of life?
    Just wondering..
  • CobyCoby Join Date: 2002-11-11 Member: 8210Members
    Sometimes it makes me wonder if there are anyone who go through these things, and typing everything down is one of the best therapy you can have. Sharing it, and making people know what you've gone through eases your mind the best, and the fact that you know you're not only one who knows too much of the bad in the world in his best years feels reliefing. I'ts easy to say we have learnt too much of the world, but we also learn about them. I can personally say that the case with my brother has made me to avoid cigs and drugs, and I know a lot about them because I've had a personal experience about them (don't misunderstand that <!--emo&;)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/wink.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wink.gif'><!--endemo--> .)

    My brother also hated his biological dad, and wasn't rare that they fought actually. They had a money/cigarette relationship if u know what I mean...
    And also another thing about my brother, funny thing is, even tho he has gone through personal downhill, he has always supported me and been a real good big brother. We've had many serious discussions about drugs and stuff like that.

    I already feel better now ^_^
    go go grouptherapy! <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
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