Collaborations
Jerry1
Join Date: 2003-06-18 Member: 17453Members
Join Date: 2003-06-18 Member: 17453Members
<div class="IPBDescription">first fan fiction :-)</div> Hi people, I'll post the first chapter to my first fan fiction.
Collaborations
<u>Chapter 1: drop-off</u>
Carlo set foot softly onto the dusty landing platform of Out-Post P-13. Carlo turned his mini-flashlight on and cautiously scanned his surroundings. His ship comrades slowly departed from their drop-ship, and they too, joined the lookout. Utter darkness engulfed the lonely terrace, and the silent hum of busy machines filled the atmosphere. Besides Carlo’s squad, no other living soul stood at their landing spot. Carlo swished his flashlight about, illuminating the interiors of the bay. Desolate and abandoned machines of all sorts lay cluttered by their feet, and an empty silent hallway invited the squad in.
“This is odd,” Carlo murmured, signaling his comrades to investigate the long hallway. “My authorities informed me that the survivors would rendezvous with us here.”
Carlo’s friend, Samile stood beside him and replied, “Perhaps they ran into trouble. God knows how much of this outpost has been infected by the Kharaa. I suggest, Carlo, that we-”
Carlo interrupted in a cold manner.
“We will not leave this place and bring reinforcements, Samile. Yes, I understand that this is a miniscule squad of six. But I trust that Garrelle and his companions are still alive in this very complex. The mission shall continue. It will not take long.”
Samile stiffened up, and in a formal way, stepped aside. He too, knew that their orders were specific. Rescue the survivors of the Outpost P-13 Kharaa infestation, and then immediately leave the area, with as little enemy contact as possible.
Samile sighed, and then thought to himself.
“Easier said than done.”
Collaborations
<u>Chapter 1: drop-off</u>
Carlo set foot softly onto the dusty landing platform of Out-Post P-13. Carlo turned his mini-flashlight on and cautiously scanned his surroundings. His ship comrades slowly departed from their drop-ship, and they too, joined the lookout. Utter darkness engulfed the lonely terrace, and the silent hum of busy machines filled the atmosphere. Besides Carlo’s squad, no other living soul stood at their landing spot. Carlo swished his flashlight about, illuminating the interiors of the bay. Desolate and abandoned machines of all sorts lay cluttered by their feet, and an empty silent hallway invited the squad in.
“This is odd,” Carlo murmured, signaling his comrades to investigate the long hallway. “My authorities informed me that the survivors would rendezvous with us here.”
Carlo’s friend, Samile stood beside him and replied, “Perhaps they ran into trouble. God knows how much of this outpost has been infected by the Kharaa. I suggest, Carlo, that we-”
Carlo interrupted in a cold manner.
“We will not leave this place and bring reinforcements, Samile. Yes, I understand that this is a miniscule squad of six. But I trust that Garrelle and his companions are still alive in this very complex. The mission shall continue. It will not take long.”
Samile stiffened up, and in a formal way, stepped aside. He too, knew that their orders were specific. Rescue the survivors of the Outpost P-13 Kharaa infestation, and then immediately leave the area, with as little enemy contact as possible.
Samile sighed, and then thought to himself.
“Easier said than done.”
Comments
ooooooooooh
scary!
keep up the sweet work
DIALOGUE: D-
people dont talk like that. The writing is terrific however.
you make a good point
however I liked it
when is the next part?!
<!--emo&::asrifle::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/asrifle.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='asrifle.gif'><!--endemo--> "GAWD HELP ME" <!--emo&::lerk::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/lerk.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='lerk.gif'><!--endemo--> <!--emo&::onos::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tiny.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tiny.gif'><!--endemo--> <!--emo&::skulk::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/skulk.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='skulk.gif'><!--endemo--> <!--emo&::gorge::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/pudgy.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='pudgy.gif'><!--endemo-->
that it does =D
do the marines get screwed?
Carlo’s squad walked down the lonely corridor that presented itself in front of their drop-ship. The sound of their feet progressing on the rusty grating echoed along the gloomy passage. Old fuel pipes littered the hallway’s ceiling and floor. Some of them were broken, and the stink of gasoline filled the atmosphere.
“What a smell,” one soldier muttered.
Finally, the small squad reached a stop. In front of them is a closed metal door. Rust covers the metal on the door, and the signs of aging are apparent. A small information display sits aside the gate.
Carlo halted his men, and turned around. He bent down to study the information display. Surprisingly, the display was still functional, as bright lights and letters filled the small screen.
“This is an old security post,” he informed. “We need the password. Samile, get over here. You’re the technician, are you not?”
Samile pushed his way through the crowd of soldiers to the gate.
He looked closely to the screen. “I’ll need to hack this thing. Give me a moment, sir.”
But before Samile even touched the machine, letters and numbers filled up the screen and entered it, as if a ghost had reached over and typed the password.
The sound of creaking contraptions filled their ears, and the old gate opened. What appeared to be a lobby lay before them.
Carlo smiled. “I was right. The survivors have survived. They opened the gate for us from the control room, and we will now have to locate them.”
or was it something more sinister
<u>Chapter 3: A Silent Intact Place</u>
The group of soldiers stepped into the abandoned lobby and looked around. This was a place where crewmembers of Outpost P-13 chatted and interacted. There were soda vendors, tables with chairs, and a bar where people picked up food from. It was now just a dusty dark room. Dust and lint covered everywhere, on the tables, chairs, and the floor.
"Carter, Peter, set up a defensive point in this room," Carlo ordered. "Travis, go up that staircase and tell me what you see at the entrence of the next room."
The soldiers obeyed their orders. Samile looked at the cafeteria tables.
"There is still food here. It looks pretty fresh," he said. "Spinach and pickles. This guy liked vegetables."
Juno replied to him, "I would not eat it if I were you, though. You might catch some kind of Khara disease."
He chuckled nervously. Samile and everyone else were nervous, and they knew why. There was something eerie about this place. There used to be a community of people who lived in these very hallways. Now, there was no one. This cafeteria was still perfectly intact and clean (despite the dust), and this disturbed Samile deeply. It was as if everyone just dissapeared all of a sudden.
The soldiers waved their flashlights around the room, dreading to see something out of the ordinary. Carlo took a deep breath. "No trouble so far," he thought to himself.
He then decided to move his troops into the next hallway.
"Alright boys," he shouted clearly. "Let's move on into-"
"Sir! I think I saw something move up here," Travis panickedly reported. Everyone quickly looked up in Travis's position and began to make their way to him.
Carlo replied to the jumpy soldier calmly. "Hold on, Travis. We're coming to you."
"My god, I see them!" screamed Travis.
Gunfire from Travis's gun echoed through the hallway and was stopped short by an alien chuckle.
say something like 'the gun kept on firing sporadically as a deep chuckle filled the room.' keep the suspense going!
nitpicking here, but do marines have to shout when they have mikes? seems to give away their position, and no marine wants to do that when in hostile territory. again, wouldn't marines go in pairs?
Its fine so far, although if the outpost is inhabited then why is there rust everywhere, broken pipes etc.
Would seem to me that if the vegies are fresh then the place hasnt been abandoned/deserted for long. /nitpick
Apart from that im likin it so far, keep it coming <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif' /><!--endemo-->
i meant the way Carlo told everybody his orders
<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->"Alright boys," he shouted clearly. "Let's move on into-"<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->