Collaborations

Jerry1Jerry1 Join Date: 2003-06-18 Member: 17453Members
edited June 2003 in Fan-Fiction Forum
<div class="IPBDescription">first fan fiction :-)</div> Hi people, I'll post the first chapter to my first fan fiction.

Collaborations


<u>Chapter 1: drop-off</u>

Carlo set foot softly onto the dusty landing platform of Out-Post P-13. Carlo turned his mini-flashlight on and cautiously scanned his surroundings. His ship comrades slowly departed from their drop-ship, and they too, joined the lookout. Utter darkness engulfed the lonely terrace, and the silent hum of busy machines filled the atmosphere. Besides Carlo’s squad, no other living soul stood at their landing spot. Carlo swished his flashlight about, illuminating the interiors of the bay. Desolate and abandoned machines of all sorts lay cluttered by their feet, and an empty silent hallway invited the squad in.

“This is odd,” Carlo murmured, signaling his comrades to investigate the long hallway. “My authorities informed me that the survivors would rendezvous with us here.”

Carlo’s friend, Samile stood beside him and replied, “Perhaps they ran into trouble. God knows how much of this outpost has been infected by the Kharaa. I suggest, Carlo, that we-”

Carlo interrupted in a cold manner.

“We will not leave this place and bring reinforcements, Samile. Yes, I understand that this is a miniscule squad of six. But I trust that Garrelle and his companions are still alive in this very complex. The mission shall continue. It will not take long.”

Samile stiffened up, and in a formal way, stepped aside. He too, knew that their orders were specific. Rescue the survivors of the Outpost P-13 Kharaa infestation, and then immediately leave the area, with as little enemy contact as possible.

Samile sighed, and then thought to himself.

“Easier said than done.”

Comments

  • That_Annoying_KidThat_Annoying_Kid Sire of Titles Join Date: 2003-03-01 Member: 14175Members, Constellation
    "the survivors were supposed to meet us here"


    ooooooooooh

    scary!


    keep up the sweet work
  • Lumberjack_WannabeLumberjack_Wannabe Join Date: 2003-03-11 Member: 14404Members, Constellation
    It sort of reminds me of Aliens. I like, good work!
  • PFCNublarPFCNublar Join Date: 2003-04-23 Member: 15792Members
    i like that. there is gonna be quite the amount of action in this one <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo--> can't wait
  • Foxtrot_UniformFoxtrot_Uniform Join Date: 2003-06-12 Member: 17328Members
    descriptions, atmoshpere: A+

    DIALOGUE: D-

    people dont talk like that. The writing is terrific however.
  • That_Annoying_KidThat_Annoying_Kid Sire of Titles Join Date: 2003-03-01 Member: 14175Members, Constellation
    =/

    you make a good point


    however I liked it


    when is the next part?!
  • Jerry1Jerry1 Join Date: 2003-06-18 Member: 17453Members
    Preview of Future Chapters:

    <!--emo&::asrifle::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/asrifle.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='asrifle.gif'><!--endemo--> "GAWD HELP ME" <!--emo&::lerk::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/lerk.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='lerk.gif'><!--endemo--> <!--emo&::onos::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tiny.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tiny.gif'><!--endemo--> <!--emo&::skulk::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/skulk.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='skulk.gif'><!--endemo--> <!--emo&::gorge::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/pudgy.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='pudgy.gif'><!--endemo-->
  • Lumberjack_WannabeLumberjack_Wannabe Join Date: 2003-03-11 Member: 14404Members, Constellation
    It looks extremely promising <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo-->
  • That_Annoying_KidThat_Annoying_Kid Sire of Titles Join Date: 2003-03-01 Member: 14175Members, Constellation
    <!--QuoteBegin--Lumberjack Wannabe+Jun 23 2003, 04:05 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Lumberjack Wannabe @ Jun 23 2003, 04:05 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> It looks extremely promising <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo--> <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
    that it does =D

    do the marines get screwed?
  • Jerry1Jerry1 Join Date: 2003-06-18 Member: 17453Members
    <u>Chapter 2: And so It Begins</u>


    Carlo’s squad walked down the lonely corridor that presented itself in front of their drop-ship. The sound of their feet progressing on the rusty grating echoed along the gloomy passage. Old fuel pipes littered the hallway’s ceiling and floor. Some of them were broken, and the stink of gasoline filled the atmosphere.

    “What a smell,” one soldier muttered.

    Finally, the small squad reached a stop. In front of them is a closed metal door. Rust covers the metal on the door, and the signs of aging are apparent. A small information display sits aside the gate.

    Carlo halted his men, and turned around. He bent down to study the information display. Surprisingly, the display was still functional, as bright lights and letters filled the small screen.

    “This is an old security post,” he informed. “We need the password. Samile, get over here. You’re the technician, are you not?”

    Samile pushed his way through the crowd of soldiers to the gate.

    He looked closely to the screen. “I’ll need to hack this thing. Give me a moment, sir.”

    But before Samile even touched the machine, letters and numbers filled up the screen and entered it, as if a ghost had reached over and typed the password.

    The sound of creaking contraptions filled their ears, and the old gate opened. What appeared to be a lobby lay before them.

    Carlo smiled. “I was right. The survivors have survived. They opened the gate for us from the control room, and we will now have to locate them.”
  • Jerry1Jerry1 Join Date: 2003-06-18 Member: 17453Members
    P.S. Sorry if that chapter was boring to you, I have not fully formed the story.
  • That_Annoying_KidThat_Annoying_Kid Sire of Titles Join Date: 2003-03-01 Member: 14175Members, Constellation
    did the survivors open the door?

    or was it something more sinister
  • LilBlueDotLilBlueDot Join Date: 2003-06-21 Member: 17587Members
    Hay I played with you once, I was the terrible commander...I smacked you a couple times because you never got the point of what I was trying to say. <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->
  • That_Annoying_KidThat_Annoying_Kid Sire of Titles Join Date: 2003-03-01 Member: 14175Members, Constellation
  • Jerry1Jerry1 Join Date: 2003-06-18 Member: 17453Members
    Wow, time to continue this after a year of absence.

    <u>Chapter 3: A Silent Intact Place</u>

    The group of soldiers stepped into the abandoned lobby and looked around. This was a place where crewmembers of Outpost P-13 chatted and interacted. There were soda vendors, tables with chairs, and a bar where people picked up food from. It was now just a dusty dark room. Dust and lint covered everywhere, on the tables, chairs, and the floor.

    "Carter, Peter, set up a defensive point in this room," Carlo ordered. "Travis, go up that staircase and tell me what you see at the entrence of the next room."

    The soldiers obeyed their orders. Samile looked at the cafeteria tables.
    "There is still food here. It looks pretty fresh," he said. "Spinach and pickles. This guy liked vegetables."

    Juno replied to him, "I would not eat it if I were you, though. You might catch some kind of Khara disease."

    He chuckled nervously. Samile and everyone else were nervous, and they knew why. There was something eerie about this place. There used to be a community of people who lived in these very hallways. Now, there was no one. This cafeteria was still perfectly intact and clean (despite the dust), and this disturbed Samile deeply. It was as if everyone just dissapeared all of a sudden.

    The soldiers waved their flashlights around the room, dreading to see something out of the ordinary. Carlo took a deep breath. "No trouble so far," he thought to himself.
    He then decided to move his troops into the next hallway.

    "Alright boys," he shouted clearly. "Let's move on into-"

    "Sir! I think I saw something move up here," Travis panickedly reported. Everyone quickly looked up in Travis's position and began to make their way to him.

    Carlo replied to the jumpy soldier calmly. "Hold on, Travis. We're coming to you."

    "My god, I see them!" screamed Travis.

    Gunfire from Travis's gun echoed through the hallway and was stopped short by an alien chuckle.
  • CrazySailorCrazySailor Join Date: 2004-05-06 Member: 28510Members
    dont say 'stopped short by an alien chuckle!' --> hints @ an aliens chuckling caused Travis to stop shooting
    say something like 'the gun kept on firing sporadically as a deep chuckle filled the room.' keep the suspense going!

    nitpicking here, but do marines have to shout when they have mikes? seems to give away their position, and no marine wants to do that when in hostile territory. again, wouldn't marines go in pairs?
  • GHANzGHANz Join Date: 2004-02-05 Member: 26118Members
    maybe they are just stupid marines <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo-->
  • Rush_Of_PeonsRush_Of_Peons Join Date: 2003-02-19 Member: 13728Members
    trust me , you panic, you shout.

    Its fine so far, although if the outpost is inhabited then why is there rust everywhere, broken pipes etc.

    Would seem to me that if the vegies are fresh then the place hasnt been abandoned/deserted for long. /nitpick

    Apart from that im likin it so far, keep it coming <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif' /><!--endemo-->
  • CrazySailorCrazySailor Join Date: 2004-05-06 Member: 28510Members
    <!--QuoteBegin-RuSh Of PeONs+Jun 2 2004, 11:58 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (RuSh Of PeONs @ Jun 2 2004, 11:58 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->trust me , you panic, you shout. <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
    i meant the way Carlo told everybody his orders
    <!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->"Alright boys," he shouted clearly. "Let's move on into-"<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
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