Disillusioned Man Sets World Record
<div class="IPBDescription">For Most Attempted Suicides</div> <!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->MIAMI BEACH — A man has made history by swallowing twelve Xanax pills he found in his mother's medicine cabinet and making his 47th suicide attempt, shattering the previous record of 46 held by a quadriplegic in Mexico. When he awoke from a seven hour coma, he was informed by his mother's boyfriend of his unmatched achievement.
"I didn't even know about the record," said he said. "I just hate my life."
Osgood Wisenheimer has a well documented history of trying to take his own life, dating back to when he was just six years old. "I jumped off the roof, but it was only 12 feet high. I didn't die, but I did break my pelvis," he told Larry King last night. "Over the years, there were more roofs and pills and stuff that I would drink from under the sink, but it seemed like I was always a day late and a dollar short."
Wisenheimer has actually been the beneficiary of some unbelievably good luck during his world record run, depending on your perspective. He survived a seven story fall by landing on an ambulance and has also had his life spared by a quick thinking subway conductor. The conductor said, "All of a sudden there was this guy on the tracks running towards the train. I slammed on the brakes, and the train was only going about 20 mph when we hit him. What a mess."
If you name it, Wisenheimer has probably tried it. He has tried to slit his wrists, overdose, jump, and drown himself.
"Most of the time, I would end up taking half as many pills as I planned to, or jump from half as high. I guess you could say most of them were half-assed attempts. It got to a point where I was trying to kill myself because I was so upset at my failures," he said. He has never held a decent job. He has never been intimate with a woman. Nevertheless, he and Joe DiMaggio can sleep well at night with the knowledge that they have set records which will probably never be broken, at least not by some quadriplegic in Mexico.
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"I didn't even know about the record," said he said. "I just hate my life."
Osgood Wisenheimer has a well documented history of trying to take his own life, dating back to when he was just six years old. "I jumped off the roof, but it was only 12 feet high. I didn't die, but I did break my pelvis," he told Larry King last night. "Over the years, there were more roofs and pills and stuff that I would drink from under the sink, but it seemed like I was always a day late and a dollar short."
Wisenheimer has actually been the beneficiary of some unbelievably good luck during his world record run, depending on your perspective. He survived a seven story fall by landing on an ambulance and has also had his life spared by a quick thinking subway conductor. The conductor said, "All of a sudden there was this guy on the tracks running towards the train. I slammed on the brakes, and the train was only going about 20 mph when we hit him. What a mess."
If you name it, Wisenheimer has probably tried it. He has tried to slit his wrists, overdose, jump, and drown himself.
"Most of the time, I would end up taking half as many pills as I planned to, or jump from half as high. I guess you could say most of them were half-assed attempts. It got to a point where I was trying to kill myself because I was so upset at my failures," he said. He has never held a decent job. He has never been intimate with a woman. Nevertheless, he and Joe DiMaggio can sleep well at night with the knowledge that they have set records which will probably never be broken, at least not by some quadriplegic in Mexico.
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Comments
<a href='http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=manly_suicide' target='_blank'>http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c....u=manly_suicide</a>
On the honest side, I feel bad for him.
Maybe he has some sort of overactive guardian angel <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->
you slip up, you get scared, mess up the attempt
<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->"On 23 March 1994, the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound of the head. The decedent had jumped from the top of a ten-story building intending to commit suicide (he left a note indicating his despondency). As he fell past the ninth floor, his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast through a window, which killed him instantly. Neither the shooter nor the decedent was aware that a safety net had been erected at the eighth floor level to protect some window washers and that Opus would not have been able to complete his suicide anyway because of this."<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
que eff tee.
<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->"On 23 March 1994, the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound of the head. The decedent had jumped from the top of a ten-story building intending to commit suicide (he left a note indicating his despondency). As he fell past the ninth floor, his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast through a window, which killed him instantly. Neither the shooter nor the decedent was aware that a safety net had been erected at the eighth floor level to protect some window washers and that Opus would not have been able to complete his suicide anyway because of this."<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd--> <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
well he wanted to die and he got what he wanted
Knowing his luck, he'd probably just end up Schiavo'ing his ****.
now thats just mean obst is a cool guy
He'd probably miss <!--emo&:0--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/wow.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wow.gif' /><!--endemo-->
What did he try again? Jumping through a window with a knife as far as I can recall..
he wouldnt, you cant have anyone else ruin his new record, he must have it higher
:EDIT: Oh yeah, and my one stupid sister tried "helping" me by beating me and kicking me down the stairs while the other bit a hole into my flesh close to my left eye.
I suck <!--emo&:(--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/sad-fix.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='sad-fix.gif' /><!--endemo-->
This is related. There is a slight amount of nudity in the begining in the form of porn sites that a guy is looking at in work, so don't click if easily offended. It's not porn though, despite it's name.