How Should I Respond To This E-mail
Dessidious_Confuzor
Join Date: 2004-11-05 Member: 32637Members
Join Date: 2004-11-05 Member: 32637Members
<div class="IPBDescription">If at all...</div> Two days ago, mysterious girl whom I’ve never met accused me of burping in her room, to which she despises.
<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Olive Chuquimbalqui <*****@msn.com> to me
dont tell me you're **** cuz of last night. cuz if you are then, thats your deal. i know i said ppl burping in front of me. i dont like it when chris does it and i dont like when you do it. and i hate it when alex burps AND farts in my room. its gross. BUT i get on your case cuz i you guys knows better. specially chris. falco doesnt, so its ok. most of the time i dont care when chris burps outside but i hate it around me.
so dont give me that **** << i dont think you understand what im trying to do; we know allan reads my LJ, so all my LJ peeps and i got together and decided to pimp out kigan. why do you think inane is always singing my praises. if you dont like what i say on LJ, dont read it ><
i dont wanna argue with you but im trying to get into allan's pants here dammit.
and for the record, if men can have double standards i can have one or two of my own.
The Festival of Carnal Desire will begin.
The Festival of Sexual Desire will begin.
The Unstoppable Sadistic Festival
Rapid Flesh Psycho Horror
Orange Juice with LIVER!
Sweet Curry with KIDNEY!
Pescatore prepared with PANCREAS!
Beloved Beloved Psycho Horror
<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<b>Sent</b>
As I currently maximum security asylum for my last car insurance by gunpoint scam, I daresay that I am quite affronted that you, someone I have never met, have arbitrarily accused me of this heinous crime of oral flatulence. My last recorded case of doing so was in the summer of 89, as a successful political statement against the Chinese government, and since then, I have vigorously taken medication which condenses any musky fumes in my digestive tract into a liquid form, ensuring that I do not allow gaseous flatulence to escape from the mouth by which I speak (liquefied flatulence is another matter entirely).
Your accusation inflicted great mental distress upon me, and immediately after reading your response, I was depressed enough to attempt self-asphyxiation by liquorice. But then these damn ants came and ate the liquorice before I had a chance to make a strong noose - Seriously, what the hell… the liquorice was black. Black! Black liquorice tastes like string diarrhea. Why the flipping hell would any creature eat black liquorice?! Even I'm not that insane!
After thwarting my suicide plans, these accursed ants attempted to molest me. Oh I slaughtered thousands of them by my hands, but succumbing to the onslaught of stings and rashes, they succeeded in overpowering me. I got the last laugh though…after nibbling through my trousers and briefs to gain access to my cherry, they were confronted with the fact that I was in fact a eunuch. As their antennas froze in shock, I made a quick counterattack by urinating a stream of RAID, diluted with uric acid crystals (an overall pH of 4) at them. It was a wonderful holocaust, and ever since, my name brings absolute fear to the Hymenoptera. In fact, they now offer me daily sacrifices of pants to atone for their sins and acknowledge my undisputed sovereignty over their pathetic lives.
In the euphoric cheer of my victory against the insect kingdom, I was placed in a much more congenial mood to get back to you… First off, your accusations of my oral flatulence are unfounded, and while I have toyed with the idea of using the American method and sue you for defamation of character, I realized that this was probably all a case of mistaken address identity, and for that, I am willing to forgive your error.
Second of all, I've noticed that you have been suffering repeated attacks by members of my former gender (P.S., I'm androgynous) who are polluting your room atmosphere with oral flatulence, and in the case of this "alex", flatulence of the regular kind. I sympathize with your grief, and if you require help of any sort, I would like to offer my services as a professional cannibal to consume the savage males that sin against you by smell.
If you're interested in my services, let me know and maybe we can work out a deal.
Cheerio.
<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Olive Chuquimbalqui <*****@msn.com> to me
dont tell me you're **** cuz of last night. cuz if you are then, thats your deal. i know i said ppl burping in front of me. i dont like it when chris does it and i dont like when you do it. and i hate it when alex burps AND farts in my room. its gross. BUT i get on your case cuz i you guys knows better. specially chris. falco doesnt, so its ok. most of the time i dont care when chris burps outside but i hate it around me.
so dont give me that **** << i dont think you understand what im trying to do; we know allan reads my LJ, so all my LJ peeps and i got together and decided to pimp out kigan. why do you think inane is always singing my praises. if you dont like what i say on LJ, dont read it ><
i dont wanna argue with you but im trying to get into allan's pants here dammit.
and for the record, if men can have double standards i can have one or two of my own.
The Festival of Carnal Desire will begin.
The Festival of Sexual Desire will begin.
The Unstoppable Sadistic Festival
Rapid Flesh Psycho Horror
Orange Juice with LIVER!
Sweet Curry with KIDNEY!
Pescatore prepared with PANCREAS!
Beloved Beloved Psycho Horror
<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<b>Sent</b>
As I currently maximum security asylum for my last car insurance by gunpoint scam, I daresay that I am quite affronted that you, someone I have never met, have arbitrarily accused me of this heinous crime of oral flatulence. My last recorded case of doing so was in the summer of 89, as a successful political statement against the Chinese government, and since then, I have vigorously taken medication which condenses any musky fumes in my digestive tract into a liquid form, ensuring that I do not allow gaseous flatulence to escape from the mouth by which I speak (liquefied flatulence is another matter entirely).
Your accusation inflicted great mental distress upon me, and immediately after reading your response, I was depressed enough to attempt self-asphyxiation by liquorice. But then these damn ants came and ate the liquorice before I had a chance to make a strong noose - Seriously, what the hell… the liquorice was black. Black! Black liquorice tastes like string diarrhea. Why the flipping hell would any creature eat black liquorice?! Even I'm not that insane!
After thwarting my suicide plans, these accursed ants attempted to molest me. Oh I slaughtered thousands of them by my hands, but succumbing to the onslaught of stings and rashes, they succeeded in overpowering me. I got the last laugh though…after nibbling through my trousers and briefs to gain access to my cherry, they were confronted with the fact that I was in fact a eunuch. As their antennas froze in shock, I made a quick counterattack by urinating a stream of RAID, diluted with uric acid crystals (an overall pH of 4) at them. It was a wonderful holocaust, and ever since, my name brings absolute fear to the Hymenoptera. In fact, they now offer me daily sacrifices of pants to atone for their sins and acknowledge my undisputed sovereignty over their pathetic lives.
In the euphoric cheer of my victory against the insect kingdom, I was placed in a much more congenial mood to get back to you… First off, your accusations of my oral flatulence are unfounded, and while I have toyed with the idea of using the American method and sue you for defamation of character, I realized that this was probably all a case of mistaken address identity, and for that, I am willing to forgive your error.
Second of all, I've noticed that you have been suffering repeated attacks by members of my former gender (P.S., I'm androgynous) who are polluting your room atmosphere with oral flatulence, and in the case of this "alex", flatulence of the regular kind. I sympathize with your grief, and if you require help of any sort, I would like to offer my services as a professional cannibal to consume the savage males that sin against you by smell.
If you're interested in my services, let me know and maybe we can work out a deal.
Cheerio.
Comments
Click your E-Mail clients "reply" button, type in one (or all) of the following:
"dude, wth!?!?" / "what the hells bells?" / "JAM!"
Or you could always try getting her phone number via another simple reply and then call her demanding an explanation.
Why send anything more detailed and complex to someone you don't know and clearly has you mistaken for someone else?
Or finally, you could stop and ask yourself.... do I even want to reply to this weirdo? (Her, not me.)
that is one nice oversize reply <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin-fix.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin-fix.gif' /><!--endemo-->
It deserves a golden marine:<img src='http://img25.echo.cx/img25/7561/marine4nb.gif' border='0' alt='user posted image' />
(O.o I suck at transparancy)
Why send anything more detailed and complex to someone you don't know and clearly has you mistaken for someone else? <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
Because It's fun....
Just IMAGINING the "WTH?!?!oneoneelventytwo" on their face is enough.
She proceeded to continue the conversation despite the fact that I didn't know her and was in no mood to talk with some random person, which I made fairly clear. She hung up randomly after asking me to "describe myself".
The scary part...she said her brothers name was Alex and her ex-boyfriends name was Chris.
What are the odds of that?
Ether way I hope she never calls me again, I don't know what she was up too, kept asking me personal questions and she told me both her feet were broken...very odd.
Why send anything more detailed and complex to someone you don't know and clearly has you mistaken for someone else? <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Because It's fun....
Just IMAGINING the "WTH?!?!oneoneelventytwo" on their face is enough. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
But getting her phone-number will remove the need to imagine anything and allow <b>Dessidious Confuzor</b> to <i>hear</i> and reveal in the confusion caused.
Either way, it's all good.
<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->After they thwarted my suicide plans were, these accursed <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> was in fact an eunuch. As the<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
random grammatical errors...
anyway... i think its retarded that she would get mad... you shouldve just punched a fart out of her.... thatd shut her up... either from the punching or the farting... really i can understand getting a little mad about someone farting in your face but acting like youve never farted or burped in your life is just annoying as hell..
her.
Anyway, good work Confuzor.
2nd of all, I did have the wrong email address, my friend's email address used to "confuzor@________" and when he got gmail I thought it was the same except @gmail.com.
having said that, I am willing to apologize for this error if I don’t ever hear from you again. I get enough emails from all over the place and I don’t need this taking space on my account.
If you contact me, I'm gonna have to post this on my LJ and all my friends will have a good laugh at your expense. Of course, this can all avoided by you just leaving this alone. I don’t want to hear from you again, please.
Thanks for the laugh mate
Kigan<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
"Any publicity is good publicity."
I can't quite imagine how anyone can laugh "at my expense". Outside of confines of the capitalistic mindset, the free spirit of altuism allows me to comfortably detail my lack of sexuality and my near sexual assault experience by ants.
2nd of all, I did have the wrong email address, my friend's email address used to "confuzor@________" and when he got gmail I thought it was the same except @gmail.com.
having said that, I am willing to apologize for this error if I don’t ever hear from you again. I get enough emails from all over the place and I don’t need this taking space on my account.
If you contact me, I'm gonna have to post this on my LJ and all my friends will have a good laugh at your expense. Of course, this can all avoided by you just leaving this alone. I don’t want to hear from you again, please.
Thanks for the laugh mate
Kigan<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
"Any publicity is good publicity."
I can't quite imagine how anyone can laugh "at my expense". Outside of confines of the capitalistic mindset, the free spirit of altuism allows me to comfortably detail my lack of sexuality and my near sexual assault experience by ants. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
Since you set yourself up, I think it would be your win if she puts it on her livejournal.
nevermind though since no one will do it...
<b>DO IT.
DO IT.</b>
<b>DO IT.
DO IT.</b> <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
Agreed. We need to keep this up. Get on her damn livejournal. You have to find it though. Is it a myspace or a blog or a xanga or what? Once you find it, <i>that's</i> when **** hits the fan.
<b>DO IT.
DO IT.</b> <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Agreed. We need to keep this up. Get on her damn livejournal. You have to find it though. Is it a myspace or a blog or a xanga or what? Once you find it, <i>that's</i> when **** hits the fan. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
<a href='http://www.livejournal.com/' target='_blank'>Livejournal</a> is its own site.
Fake edit: You are sane.
Just keep it up <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->
2nd of all, I did have the wrong email address, my friend's email address used to "confuzor@________" and when he got gmail I thought it was the same except @gmail.com.
having said that, I am willing to apologize for this error if I don’t ever hear from you again. I get enough emails from all over the place and I don’t need this taking space on my account.
If you contact me, I'm gonna have to post this on my LJ and all my friends will have a good laugh at your expense. Of course, this can all avoided by you just leaving this alone. I don’t want to hear from you again, please.
Thanks for the laugh mate
Kigan<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
"Any publicity is good publicity."
I can't quite imagine how anyone can laugh "at my expense". Outside of confines of the capitalistic mindset, the free spirit of altuism allows me to comfortably detail my lack of sexuality and my near sexual assault experience by ants. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
You *must* retaliate. Once she puts your e-mail up on her LJ it should be a trivial matter to further escalate this on her LJ to turn this whole sordid affair into a Minor Internet Legend or, dare I say it, even an Internet Legend of the genus Majorus.
Oh the laughs we shall have at the expense of TeenAngsters with LiveJournals.
We know two things; she uses Livejournal and her screen name is Kigan.
TO ARMS FELLOW WARRIORS!
We know two things; she uses Livejournal and her screen name is Kigan.
TO ARMS FELLOW WARRIORS! <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
Only one person named kigan on the livejournal, and it's a male that loves Anime :o
Also tried to search on goggle on her name which was posted along with the email, it leads to some miama christian school site :O
<a href='http://alumni.miamichristian.org/search/search.asp?y=1998' target='_blank'>http://alumni.miamichristian.org/search/search.asp?y=1998</a>
dont give up now, after such a masterfully crafted first response, make sure to make it extra long-winded, repeating yourself over and over as necissairy, and if they laugh about it on live journal, we will laugh about it more over here <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->