Spousal Abuse
CommunistWithAGun
Local Propaganda Guy Join Date: 2003-04-30 Member: 15953Members
Local Propaganda Guy Join Date: 2003-04-30 Member: 15953Members
in Discussions
<div class="IPBDescription">I think I spelled spousal right</div> This is a new thread for those wanting to discuss it since it seems to be popular in the animal cruelty one...Anyway
I can relate somewhat, I had an ex-girlfriend who ended up in a really bad relationship. He convinced her to do drugs...orgies...etc....eventually ended up beating her etc. Anyway. The whole time I felt badly and tried to help her but she rejected it saying I was jelous, etc. I took it as a cry for help but out of rage I left her be.
Personally I think its wrong but, I also can't help but blame the woman involved too, because she does have some level of control. If he is abusive, why stay, etc. This was written is haste because Im leaving, but this should be good enough to get everyone started <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->
I can relate somewhat, I had an ex-girlfriend who ended up in a really bad relationship. He convinced her to do drugs...orgies...etc....eventually ended up beating her etc. Anyway. The whole time I felt badly and tried to help her but she rejected it saying I was jelous, etc. I took it as a cry for help but out of rage I left her be.
Personally I think its wrong but, I also can't help but blame the woman involved too, because she does have some level of control. If he is abusive, why stay, etc. This was written is haste because Im leaving, but this should be good enough to get everyone started <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->
Comments
Is it her fault she feels that way about herself? I guess that's up to you, but I'd say it's a hard thing to change such a fundamental part of someone's world view.
Is it her fault she feels that way about herself? I guess that's up to you, but I'd say it's a hard thing to change such a fundamental part of someone's world view. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
Well, she should've known she was always good enough for me, which should've been the only thing that mattered. After her I lost faith in humanity and took 2 steps closer to the lunatic fringe. Heh
Many people for various reasons don't think they are worth it. I personally blame it on lack of self confidence whether it is due to not being taught that they are of value or there was an abusive guardian, be it man/woman/grandparent etc.
If kids weren't so impressionable or perhaps adults were more equipped to be parents that could make a world of difference.
Is it her fault she feels that way about herself? I guess that's up to you, but I'd say it's a hard thing to change such a fundamental part of someone's world view. <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Well, she should've known she was always good enough for me, which should've been the only thing that mattered. After her I lost faith in humanity and took 2 steps closer to the lunatic fringe. Heh <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
If you can't love yourself, you can't love anyone else. Sad, but true for the most part.
She has a child now, about three months old, (Wow, it's been that long) and he seems to have calmed down quite a bit. Though this isn't the first girl he made pregnant, but I can gurantee you, it will be the last. Family matters aside, the only reason I can see for her staying with him is quite possibly personal gratification. That's about it, and to her, it's more than enough. Many people speculate on various reasons why girls do this, and many will continue because no one can find an answer. But one of the reasons I beleive is that despite all the abuse this man puts them through, they see him as strong and when you get right down to the instincts that drive us as human beings, women always want a strong man because it basically means strong genes. So if they have children with this person, their kids will be strong and since this guy does sleep around, she know her kids will seek more than one person and produce more offspring, thus, causing her bloodline to "succed" others around her.
I could probably go on for pages and pages of reasons why but it all boils down to they do it, and if you do truely want to stop the vicious cycle, you have to force her out of it and into a safer environment, but then, that isn't to say she won't just go right back. In all truthfullness, it is probably futile to try and change the course she's on since humans are extremely stubborn and will do as they please even if they've been shown they can't.
Yes, it's horrific, but there's little a person can do if they don't see what the rest of us see.
But let's make something clear: abuse can happen to Women and Men, and it's not just physical.
How do I know? I've been on both sides, but I was never physical. But I'm better now, so yeah.
I think it's important to remember that ANYBODY can be the subject of abuse.
Bacisaly the two charecters love each other, but nether wants to beat the other, and over years of having everbody looking out for them, protecting them, abuse them, they find that without abuse they can't be comfortable, and end up breaking up to enter horiffic relationships with abusive people.
Now the why I brought this up is not to say "oh well if she stays in an abusive realtionship, she must like it". Far from, they can be scared to leave, not have anywhere to go, theres child invovled or any of the other reasons mentioned. In fact I would be reluctant to sy that the charecters like it, but over years of abuse (basicaly not ever knowing anything but) they've become somewhat dependent on it. Beyond that there is a more universal point in teh books that I think might explain a lot.
There is this line in the book (just gave it back to a friend so I can't quote it exactly), about putting up with something that somebody else does (in this case a form of abuse that doesn't do anythig for the guy) simply to not have to be alone. This person might beat me, but s/he also protects me to some degree, by being there for me.
I think this conflict in the abused mind might very well account for some of their unwillingness at times to try and escape these circumstances.
EDIT: oh...and while the books sold as fiction its most autobiographical, this guy lives what he is writing about. I tend to listen to people like that.
a) Occasionally hitting someone.
b) Frequently undermining their self-esteem.
Not saying one is better than the other, just curious what people think.
I'd actually say that a lot of abusive relationships are co-dependant, rather than having an "aggressor/victim" dynamic.
a) Occasionally hitting someone.
b) Frequently undermining their self-esteem.
Not saying one is better than the other, just curious what people think. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
I'm not really sure how you could say one is worse than the other for all people. For some, being hit would lower their self esteem. For others, it may be the straw that breaks the camel's back. <i>*Shrug*</i>
a) Occasionally hitting someone.
b) Frequently undermining their self-esteem.
Not saying one is better than the other, just curious what people think. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
I don't condone either but definately B. There is nothing more insidious then actually breaking down someones mental health to the point where they'd be willing to kill themselves. That is the one thing our brains WILL NOT let us do.
I'd actually say that a lot of abusive relationships are co-dependant, rather than having an "aggressor/victim" dynamic. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
I good point that I forgot to mention in my blathering.
Sometimes the abuser is in some ways as pyschologicaly vulenarable as the abused. They need that level of control, level of superiority, over some one else to feel good about themselves. This is probably part of the reason why so often victums of abuse as childern go on to become abusive themselves later in life.
Not that I consider this at all an excuse for their actions. Clearly, however, anyone willing to do such a thing to those that they are supposed to love above all else, needs help. How we give it to them with out excusing henious crimes on the other hand, I'm not really sure, and frankly part of me, deep down doesn't care, as long as their punished...not sure what that says about me, <!--emo&???--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/confused-fix.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='confused-fix.gif' /><!--endemo-->