<!--QuoteBegin-Marik_Steele+Apr 22 2004, 11:48 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Marik_Steele @ Apr 22 2004, 11:48 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> Calculus/physics jokes borrowed from a robotics team called the "Thunderchickens" at the recent nationals in Atlanta: <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd--> More physics jokes!
A neutron was walking along when he tripped. Another neutron came along and asked him "Did you lose an electron?"
"Yes" said the first neutron. "I feel positive."
(And the Robotics nationals Marik is talking about is F.I.R.S.T. - For the Inspiration and Recognition of Science and Technology. Basically a competition where teams from all over the world compete to build a very advanced robot to complete a certain task. I was a member for two years. Good times.)
<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Here it goes. Knowledge is Power Time is Money,... and, as every physicist knows: Power is Work over Time. So, substituting algebraic equations for these time worn bits of wisdom, we get: K = P (1) T = M (2) P = W/T (3) Now, do a few simple substitutions: Put W/T in for P in equation (1), which yields: K = W/T (4) Put M in for T into equation (4), which yields: K = W/M (5). Now we've got something. Expanding back into English, we get: Knowledge equals Work over Money. What this MEANS is that: 1. The More You Know, the More Work You Do, and 2. The More You Know, the Less Money You Make. Solving for Money, we get: M = W/K (6) Money equals Work Over Knowledge. From equation (6) we see that Money approaches infinity as Knowledge approaches 0, regardless of the Work done. What THIS MEANS is: The More you Make, the Less you Know. Solving for Work, we get W = M K (7) Work equals Money times Knowledge From equation (7) we see that Work approaches 0 as Knowledge approaches 0. What THIS MEANS is: The rich do little or no work. Working out the socio-economic implications of this breakthrough is left as an exercise for the reader.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
BadKarmaThe Advanced Literature monsters burned my house and gave me a 7Join Date: 2002-11-12Member: 8260Members
Two guys playin golf. One of em hits his ball into a patch of buttercups. He walks over and just smacks it out, rippin up big diviets in the patch. All of a sudden, Mother Nature comes out and she's just livid. "What did you do that for?!" "Im playin golf lady." "Well im Mother Nature and because you hurt these buttercups, you wont have and butter for the rest of your life." "Well, is there anything I can do?" "No, nothing." And she dissapears. The guy is pretty confused now but then his friend calls over. "Hey man, I just hit my ball into the pussywillows!" "FOR GOD'S SAKE, DON'T HIT IT!."
Dumb chem jokes you accumulate when taking it for too long:
What do you do with a corpse?
You Barium!
Who catches criminals?
The Copper!
What's the criminal called if he's funny in prison?
A Silicon!
What's the chemistry teacher's favorite flower?
The Germanium!
I'll get into the positive/negative charge jokes later. <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->
What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic bag? -Other one is white, made of plastic and dangerous to leave near children, and with the other you can carry your purchases home <!--emo&::nerdy::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/nerd.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='nerd.gif' /><!--endemo-->
[EDIT] OH! Another!!!
One day, a rabbit went to a store and asked the shopkeeper: -Do you have carrots? -No, we don't. Next day, the same rabbit went to the same store and asked the shopkeeper: -Do you have carrots? -No, we don't. Then, a day after that the same rabbit went to the same store and asked: -Do you have carrots? -NO WE DON'T!! If you ask that question again, I'll nail your ears to the wall. Next day, same rabbit, same store: -Do you have any nails? -...No -Do you have any carrots?
<!--QuoteBegin-Phoenix Six+Apr 23 2004, 01:35 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Phoenix Six @ Apr 23 2004, 01:35 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> <!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Here it goes. Knowledge is Power Time is Money,... and, as every physicist knows: Power is Work over Time. So, substituting algebraic equations for these time worn bits of wisdom, we get: K = P (1) T = M (2) P = W/T (3) Now, do a few simple substitutions: Put W/T in for P in equation (1), which yields: K = W/T (4) Put M in for T into equation (4), which yields: K = W/M (5). Now we've got something. Expanding back into English, we get: Knowledge equals Work over Money. What this MEANS is that: 1. The More You Know, the More Work You Do, and 2. The More You Know, the Less Money You Make. Solving for Money, we get: M = W/K (6) Money equals Work Over Knowledge. From equation (6) we see that Money approaches infinity as Knowledge approaches 0, regardless of the Work done. What THIS MEANS is: The More you Make, the Less you Know. Solving for Work, we get W = M K (7) Work equals Money times Knowledge From equation (7) we see that Work approaches 0 as Knowledge approaches 0. What THIS MEANS is: The rich do little or no work. Working out the socio-economic implications of this breakthrough is left as an exercise for the reader.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd--> <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd--> That's ace.
A neutron was walking along when he tripped. Another neutron came along and asked him "Did you lose an electron?"
"Yes" said the first neutron. "I feel positive." <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd--> I hate to correct jokes, but for this one to work, the punchline should have been "Yes, I'm positive."
A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job.
The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What do two plus two equal?" The mathematician replies "Four." The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says "Yes, four, exactly."
Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The accountant says "On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four."
Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says "What do you want it to equal?"
Mwuaahh! Ok, so if you didn't like that you can always gaze at the <a href='http://blog.hessendscher.de/images/roflcopter2.gif' target='_blank'>RoflCopter!!1111eleven.</a>
Some nuns are completely rennovating the chapel. At the time, the nuns were painting the inside of the chapel one day. Well, it was incredibly hot, and nobody could see them, so they strip completely naked.
A man knocks on the door, "Let me in. I'm the blind man."
The ladies, looking at each other thinking he would never know if they were naked, decided to let him in and give him some shelter.
Opening the door, the man says, "Nice ****, sisters. Where do you want me to put the blinds?"
One day, a rabbit went to a store and asked the shopkeeper: -Do you have carrots? -No, we don't. Next day, the same rabbit went to the same store and asked the shopkeeper: -Do you have carrots? -No, we don't. Then, a day after that the same rabbit went to the same store and asked: -Do you have carrots? -NO WE DON'T!! If you ask that question again, I'll nail your ears to the wall. Next day, same rabbit, same store: -Do you have any nails? -...No -Do you have any carrots?
OMG I AER TEH FUNNAY!!!112"1 <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd--> Only one I thought made <i>Perfect</i> Sense <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo-->
Zig...I am Captain Planet!Join Date: 2002-10-23Member: 1576Members
<!--QuoteBegin-DaMu+Apr 23 2004, 07:15 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (DaMu @ Apr 23 2004, 07:15 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> <span style='color:red'><b>Warning! The following joke is crappy and tasteless. Do not read further if you're under the age of 15</b></span>
A westerner is walking in a jungle when suddenly some natives appear and take him to their village.
Village leader: "You have two choises. One, we kill you. Two, we Tshiki Buki you.
The westerner goes, "I dont wanna die. What is tshiki buki?
"Well, we get one of the men from our village and he does you from behind."
"No! just kill me! I dont want to be raped"
The leader shouts something in is own language and all the men from the village line up behind the westerner.
Then the leader goes! "Death by Tshiki Buki!!" <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd--> that's not how it goes..
Zig...I am Captain Planet!Join Date: 2002-10-23Member: 1576Members
two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. he's not breathing and his eyes are glazed over. the other guy takes out his phone and calls 911.
he gasps: "my friend is dead! what can i do?" the operator says: "calm down, i can help. first, let's make sure he's dead." there is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. back on the phone, the guy says: "k, now what?"
Comments
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a turkey?
Chicken*turkey*sin(Θ) (cross-product)
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a mountain climber?
You can't do it, a mountain climber is a scalar (not a vector)
Go forth and impress your math and physics teachers.
One boy said, "I would choose gold. It's worth lots of money and I could buy a Corvette."
Another boy said, "I would want platinum because it's worth more than gold and I could own a Porsche."
The teacher said, "Johnny, what would you want?"
Johnny said, "I would want silicone."
"Why would you want silicone?" the teacher asked.
"Well, my mom got some," he replied. "And there's always a Porsche or Corvette sitting in the driveway."
Chuck Palahniuk was God until Dennis slew him.
More physics jokes!
A neutron was walking along when he tripped. Another neutron came along and asked him "Did you lose an electron?"
"Yes" said the first neutron. "I feel positive."
(And the Robotics nationals Marik is talking about is F.I.R.S.T. - For the Inspiration and Recognition of Science and Technology. Basically a competition where teams from all over the world compete to build a very advanced robot to complete a certain task. I was a member for two years. Good times.)
You think one of them would of noticed.
What's the capital of Turkey?
T.
Why couldn't Morpheus eat his yogurt?
Because there is no spoon!
Who's there?
Dishes.
Dishes who?
<i>Dishes the police, open up!</i>
OMG I'M FUNNY, HAHAHHAHSRHASHRALHSLRAJSDL:KAJLFK:jsdfa.
---------------One more------------------------
What kind of nails go in shoes?
TOENAILS
WBABHAahahalhflkashdflakjda, I'M THE FUNNIEST PERSON ALIVE!!11!!11
<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Here it goes.
Knowledge is Power
Time is Money,... and, as every physicist knows:
Power is Work over Time.
So, substituting algebraic equations for these time worn bits of wisdom, we get:
K = P (1) T = M (2) P = W/T (3)
Now, do a few simple substitutions:
Put W/T in for P in equation (1), which yields:
K = W/T (4) Put M in for T into equation (4), which yields:
K = W/M (5).
Now we've got something. Expanding back into English, we get:
Knowledge equals Work over Money.
What this MEANS is that:
1. The More You Know, the More Work You Do, and
2. The More You Know, the Less Money You Make.
Solving for Money, we get:
M = W/K (6)
Money equals Work Over Knowledge.
From equation (6) we see that Money approaches infinity as Knowledge approaches 0, regardless of the Work done.
What THIS MEANS is:
The More you Make, the Less you Know.
Solving for Work, we get
W = M K (7)
Work equals Money times Knowledge From equation (7) we see that Work approaches 0 as Knowledge approaches 0.
What THIS MEANS is:
The rich do little or no work.
Working out the socio-economic implications of this breakthrough is left as an exercise for the reader.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
The bartender says "hey pal, did you know you have a steering wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate says to the bartender "Yarrr, its driving me nuts!"
Answer: They just ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
"What did you do that for?!"
"Im playin golf lady."
"Well im Mother Nature and because you hurt these buttercups, you wont have and butter for the rest of your life."
"Well, is there anything I can do?"
"No, nothing."
And she dissapears.
The guy is pretty confused now but then his friend calls over.
"Hey man, I just hit my ball into the pussywillows!"
"FOR GOD'S SAKE, DON'T HIT IT!."
What do you do with a corpse?
You Barium!
Who catches criminals?
The Copper!
What's the criminal called if he's funny in prison?
A Silicon!
What's the chemistry teacher's favorite flower?
The Germanium!
I'll get into the positive/negative charge jokes later. <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->
-Other one is white, made of plastic and dangerous to leave near children, and with the other you can carry your purchases home <!--emo&::nerdy::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/nerd.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='nerd.gif' /><!--endemo-->
[EDIT] OH! Another!!!
One day, a rabbit went to a store and asked the shopkeeper:
-Do you have carrots?
-No, we don't.
Next day, the same rabbit went to the same store and asked the shopkeeper:
-Do you have carrots?
-No, we don't.
Then, a day after that the same rabbit went to the same store and asked:
-Do you have carrots?
-NO WE DON'T!! If you ask that question again, I'll nail your ears to the wall.
Next day, same rabbit, same store:
-Do you have any nails?
-...No
-Do you have any carrots?
OMG I AER TEH FUNNAY!!!112"1
Knowledge is Power
Time is Money,... and, as every physicist knows:
Power is Work over Time.
So, substituting algebraic equations for these time worn bits of wisdom, we get:
K = P (1) T = M (2) P = W/T (3)
Now, do a few simple substitutions:
Put W/T in for P in equation (1), which yields:
K = W/T (4) Put M in for T into equation (4), which yields:
K = W/M (5).
Now we've got something. Expanding back into English, we get:
Knowledge equals Work over Money.
What this MEANS is that:
1. The More You Know, the More Work You Do, and
2. The More You Know, the Less Money You Make.
Solving for Money, we get:
M = W/K (6)
Money equals Work Over Knowledge.
From equation (6) we see that Money approaches infinity as Knowledge approaches 0, regardless of the Work done.
What THIS MEANS is:
The More you Make, the Less you Know.
Solving for Work, we get
W = M K (7)
Work equals Money times Knowledge From equation (7) we see that Work approaches 0 as Knowledge approaches 0.
What THIS MEANS is:
The rich do little or no work.
Working out the socio-economic implications of this breakthrough is left as an exercise for the reader.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd--> <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
That's ace.
Penthouse.
A neutron was walking along when he tripped. Another neutron came along and asked him "Did you lose an electron?"
"Yes" said the first neutron. "I feel positive." <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
I hate to correct jokes, but for this one to work, the punchline should have been "Yes, I'm positive."
A westerner is walking in a jungle when suddenly some natives appear and take him to their village.
Village leader: "You have two choises. One, we kill you. Two, we Tshiki Buki you.
The westerner goes, "I dont wanna die. What is tshiki buki?
"Well, we get one of the men from our village and he does you from behind."
"No! just kill me! I dont want to be raped"
The leader shouts something in is own language and all the men from the village line up behind the westerner.
Then the leader goes! "Death by Tshiki Buki!!"
No idea!
What do you call a blind deer without any legs?
Still no idea!
<!--emo&::nerdy::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/nerd.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='nerd.gif' /><!--endemo-->
For the first two weeks - nothing.
Then, the sand starts running out.
Anyone can roast beef.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
ROFLMAO TBH
he went out with a poof
<!--emo&???--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/confused.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='confused.gif' /><!--endemo-->
The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What do two plus two equal?" The mathematician replies "Four." The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says "Yes, four, exactly."
Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The accountant says "On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four."
Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says "What do you want it to equal?"
Mwuaahh! Ok, so if you didn't like that you can always gaze at the <a href='http://blog.hessendscher.de/images/roflcopter2.gif' target='_blank'>RoflCopter!!1111eleven.</a>
<!--emo&::nerdy::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/nerd.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='nerd.gif' /><!--endemo-->
They both stick their meat between 12-year-old buns.
A man knocks on the door, "Let me in. I'm the blind man."
The ladies, looking at each other thinking he would never know if they were naked, decided to let him in and give him some shelter.
Opening the door, the man says, "Nice ****, sisters. Where do you want me to put the blinds?"
One day, a rabbit went to a store and asked the shopkeeper:
-Do you have carrots?
-No, we don't.
Next day, the same rabbit went to the same store and asked the shopkeeper:
-Do you have carrots?
-No, we don't.
Then, a day after that the same rabbit went to the same store and asked:
-Do you have carrots?
-NO WE DON'T!! If you ask that question again, I'll nail your ears to the wall.
Next day, same rabbit, same store:
-Do you have any nails?
-...No
-Do you have any carrots?
OMG I AER TEH FUNNAY!!!112"1 <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Only one I thought made <i>Perfect</i> Sense <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo-->
A westerner is walking in a jungle when suddenly some natives appear and take him to their village.
Village leader: "You have two choises. One, we kill you. Two, we Tshiki Buki you.
The westerner goes, "I dont wanna die. What is tshiki buki?
"Well, we get one of the men from our village and he does you from behind."
"No! just kill me! I dont want to be raped"
The leader shouts something in is own language and all the men from the village line up behind the westerner.
Then the leader goes! "Death by Tshiki Buki!!" <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
that's not how it goes..
look up the original joke, "death or bobo"
HE HEARD CHILDRENS PANTS WERE HALF OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<!--emo&:0--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/wow.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wow.gif' /><!--endemo--> <!--emo&::asrifle::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/asrifle.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='asrifle.gif' /><!--endemo--> <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->
Take your foot off his head.
he gasps: "my friend is dead! what can i do?" the operator says: "calm down, i can help. first, let's make sure he's dead." there is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. back on the phone, the guy says: "k, now what?"
<b>a baby seal walked into a club..</b>
GET IT!?!?! OOOL