Title Pending

BadKarmaBadKarma The Advanced Literature monsters burned my house and gave me a 7 Join Date: 2002-11-12 Member: 8260Members
edited March 2005 in Fan-Fiction Forum
**I havn't written anything here for a long time, I reckon only a couple of y'all will remember any of it (nod at ya Annoying Kid). Like the title says, title pending. I'll take suggestions and I welcome and need all of your criticism.**


He was alone, bloody, terrified, out of ammo and most likely surrounded. Other than that, things were going well for the lowly green conscript lying near the burning hull of his APC.
He was part of a convoy, out on a routine patrol in a relativly dead area of the border world, New Sparta. Sparta had been hit by "them" a few months ago and hit pretty hard. Planetary defenses were caught off gaurd and due to the draft and the rebellion on Terra, the only troops planetside were local militias, made up of men and women unfit for official duties. They were swept aside quickly, city centres occupied, resources stripped. Sparta was theirs in a matter of weeks.
When the brass back on Terra, what was left of it, caught wind of what happened, they sent in half of the fleet, all armed with the newest, shiniest "glassers". The fleet got there and attempted diplomacy. Two light cruisers were boarded in the flurry of beauracracy that ensued. Only one of the ships had to be destroyed, but they were close battles.
Assuming, correctly, that the creatures planetside couldnt be reasoned with, the fleet hit all the major population centres with small-yield, high-output nuclear weapons, known as glassers to the boots on board. Having seemingly eliminated all major activity on the surface, the 502nd Expeditionary Infantry was sent in, consisting of over 400,000 fighting men and women, mostly conscripts from Terra and Mars.
What they found on the surface was typical of a large scale bombardment of glassers. All the bustling cities had been reduced to miles and miles of radioactive glass. The 502nd set up bases on the outskirts of this glass, equipment taking power from the rads, and the mop up commenced. They had never encountered the creatures, soon called "dogs" by the boots, Kharra by the brass. They went down easy, casualties were light. They figured all their hard-calibers had been turned into a part of the giant, perfectly circular skating rinks. Turns out, they were wrong.
Uriah's APC had been in the middle of the column, he was on the coaxial .62 calibre machinegun up top. He had splattered a couple of the critters over the desert so far, none got very close. In fact they seemed sluggish, like they were old or sick.
"**** the things," Uriah thought, "let 'em rot out there in the dunes."
The lead vehicle was the firt to be hit. Well, not hit per se, more like sank. One
moment it was cruising along a strech of hardpan, the next there was just a hole where it should have been, the purple twilight deepening it's shadows. The next APC followed it down, and at this point 32 men and women were lost.
What happened next was a confusion of brass, cordite, blood, screams and death. Uriah's APC took a hit from starboard, a huge glob of some sticky corrosive substance launching out of the hardpan and hitting the APC, eating through the Krupp
Brand react-armor in a matter of seconds. Half of the boots inside were killed within 10 seconds of this first hit. 7 soldiers were killed at this point, bringing the body count to 39.
Drawing the straw to man the turret-gun before the mission probably saved Uriah's life, his posistion elevated above the hit. Problem was, there was nothing to shoot at yet. Uriah, being a practical fellow, did not let that stop him, immeidiatley sending .62 caliber, gas-tipped slugs towards the site of the acid. At 1400 RPM, this created quite a light show and it enticed the other remaining APC gunner to join in. Simultaneously, the 28 boots in the vehicles began to dismount.
With both of the turret-gunners firing one way, the actual attack was unseen until the last minute. A swarm of the the small dog-like creatures and a scattering of tall purple monstrosites, as yet unknown to the Terran forces, erupted out of the desert hardpan to the port of the APC's. The soldiers on foot barely had a chance to see what was coming for them, and most likely regretted the experience.
At this point, half the dismounted boots were dead, the rest very nearly there. This leaves the body count at 60, 45 men and 15 women. This left the turret gunner of the other remaining vehicle, a PFC Roger Young, Uriah, and the two drivers. At this point, Uriah's APC blew up. The driver, PFC Vanessa Stark, was killed instantly. Uriah was thrown clear and landed on his head. His armor took most of the fall, but he was knocked out cold.
PFC Young and his driver, Sgt. Sheila "Duffy" Leahey were ripped bodily from their posistions, currently MIA, presumably KIA. This left Uriah, weaponless, surrounded, unconcious, alone but alive. In the space of 58 seconds, 46 male and 17
female conscipt Terran Forces soldiers were killed or captured.











EDIT: More to come I figure. Like I said, critics welcome, mathmaticians too.

Comments

  • BreakthroughBreakthrough Texture Artist (ns_prometheus) Join Date: 2005-03-27 Member: 46620Members, Constellation
    The action in this story is very quick and fast-paced, so far so good. I don't have any name ideas, but I'd like to see how this one turns out.
  • BadMouthBadMouth It ceases to be exclusive when you can have a custom member titl Join Date: 2004-05-21 Member: 28815Members
    an enjoyable read with good action. I like it when you replaced some of the TSA terms with your own and stuff like that. gives your work a personal feel.

    hwoever, i do feel atmosphere is lacking. and you did not capture the feeling of lost when the marines died.

    ither than that, keep up the work.
  • Foxtrot_UniformFoxtrot_Uniform Join Date: 2003-06-12 Member: 17328Members
    edited March 2005
    i liked it. your post was a little garbled, you start new paragraphs without either indenting or moving the next paragraph down a line.

    there were a lot of descriptions i liked:
    "What happened next was a confusion of brass, cordite, blood, screams and death. Uriah's APC took a hit from starboard, a huge glob of some sticky corrosive substance launching out of the hardpan and hitting the APC, eating through the Krupp Brand react-armor in a matter of seconds."

    but there were a few that i didn't feel really got the point across:
    "They went down easy, casualties were light. They figured all their hard-calibers had been turned into a part of the giant, perfectly circular skating rinks. Turns out, they were wrong."

    I understand what you meant, but only after several times rading it over.. Perhaps you should say, "the boots figured that kharaa hard-calibers had suffered the same fate as the dusty surface when the bombs dropped."

    Keep it coming. I would love to read about some inner-city kharaa-killin'.
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