Christian Above Being A Good Person
Rue
Join Date: 2002-10-21 Member: 1564Members
Join Date: 2002-10-21 Member: 1564Members
in Discussions
<div class="IPBDescription">Need some opinions</div> I really just want to get some views on this subject.
Little bit of background, My girlfriend is a christian and the majority of her friends are too. She goes to church twice on sunday and bible study on tuesdays + some other stuff throughout the week.
I however am an aithiest, had a christian upbrining. Between us we have had no problem in this area I guess I'm lucky <!--emo&;)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/wink-fix.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wink-fix.gif' /><!--endemo-->
Anyway the reason for this thread is because a few of her friends have started giving her into trouble because she is seeing me <!--emo&:(--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/sad-fix.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='sad-fix.gif' /><!--endemo-->
I think that I am a good person, I wil help anyone who I can(mainly in class/computer tech). I don't try to stop her going to church or anything she wants to go to and she does not try to force me to go with her.
Just wondering if any of you guys have had the same problem and what you done about it
Thanks, Rue
Little bit of background, My girlfriend is a christian and the majority of her friends are too. She goes to church twice on sunday and bible study on tuesdays + some other stuff throughout the week.
I however am an aithiest, had a christian upbrining. Between us we have had no problem in this area I guess I'm lucky <!--emo&;)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/wink-fix.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wink-fix.gif' /><!--endemo-->
Anyway the reason for this thread is because a few of her friends have started giving her into trouble because she is seeing me <!--emo&:(--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/sad-fix.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='sad-fix.gif' /><!--endemo-->
I think that I am a good person, I wil help anyone who I can(mainly in class/computer tech). I don't try to stop her going to church or anything she wants to go to and she does not try to force me to go with her.
Just wondering if any of you guys have had the same problem and what you done about it
Thanks, Rue
Comments
Your best bet is most likely to talk to her about it, if you haven't already. Either that, or become a Christian and go to church...is she worth going to church for?
If their friends want to try and persuade you personally to become Christian, then that's alright as long as you agree.
However, if her friends are trying to go around you and force your girlfriend to stop seeing you because you disagree with their beliefs, then i hardly think that's fair.
Try talking to them about it, tell them that it's your girlfriends choice and your not stopping your girlfriend from her "Religious duties".
How serious are the Christians involved? If we're talking real "put God first/bible is pure truth" types, then it might be a bit nasty. Either way, it's best if Rue's girlfriend does the talking to the friends. Not only does she know them better (I'm guessing), but they're more likely to listen to someone of the same faith.
I would also like to point out that my gf would not let me go to church with her because she knows if I went I would only be doing it to stop any critisism of our relationship.
If she's already told you about it, she'll bring it up if it's causing a problem for her. Since there's nothing you can do about the problem, the ball's in her court.
If she's already told you about it, she'll bring it up if it's causing a problem for her. Since there's nothing you can do about the problem, the ball's in her court. <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
That's only half correct. Obviously, you can't be a Christian if you don't believe in Jesus' death and ressurection, because the very definition of a Christian is someone who has accepted the gift of free salvation God provided on the cross.
Yes, God is a just god, and as such, judges people for what they've done wrong. What you lot are forgetting is that Jesus did in fact take that judgement for you. "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.' Christianity isn't about judgement, it's about quite the opposite, salvation.
As an atheist, you're perceptions about what is appropriate and acceptable in that relationship are probably different than what she believes is OK, and her friends don't want her ceasing to follow God because she wants something out of the relationship that God says to wait on.
In 1 Peter 3, Peter actually assumes that many of the women who will be hearing the letter he writes to the church will be married to non-believers already. Peter doesn't tell them to break it off and leave, rather, to win their husbands over to the Lord. Not because it wins them brownie points in heaven, but because "God wants to draw all men to himself, coming to a knowledge of the truth."
I can't give you much advice on the matter except just to talk to her, but hopefully you understand her and her friend's perspective a little bit more.
Now, concerning your particular problem - Christian and non-christian dating.
The problem is that you are "un-equally yolked"... Think of it this way - you don't hook 2 horses of different sizes to the same yolk. The result is that the stronger will always pull the weaker, and you never get anything done.
The same thing will happen in your relationship (and I suspect you are already seeing some of this). She wan't to put Christ first in her life, with you second. Being that you don't share in that passion, that relationship, you are un-equally yolked and will be at strife in your relationship until one of you changes.
As for persuading you to become a Christian - she shouldn't do that. Using the relationship as a lever to menuver you into a possition of belief is not wise. Neither should you try to be a Christian just to appease her.
What I recommend is three fold. First, break up. Second, check out Christianity for yourself. Try to see what she sees. If you don't, thats fine. At least the two of you won't be at odds. If you do (and subsequently become a Christian). Third, then approach her again as a potential girlfriend. At least that way you will both start from the same base beliefs.
I don't usually give advice, but just this once I'm going to: Ignore the quoted section. You shouldn't break up just because her friends are giving her a hard time because of you. For whatever reason she chose to be with you and they should respect that choice. Besides, she may eventually come around to an agnostic, atheist, or otherwise non-christian perspective and the matter will be solved. But even if that doesn't happen it is likely you'll break up over any of a hundred other things that commonly plaugue relationships before you break up over this relatively insignificant difference in opinion.
Oh, and I agree with others when they say that the ball is in her court now (assuming you've already talked to her about it), theres really nothing you can or should do.
Peter assumes that the women entered in a relationship with Christ after they got married, in which case, it's only appropriate to want to share the gospel with loved ones.
However, in other cases, Pepe's post is probably more relevant.
Ouch.
I said that the main problem's with Rue's girlfriend's friends being nosy parkers. I'm going to assume the worst about anyone who pokes their nose where it doesn't belong. I don't think it's unreasonable to assume a difference in faith makes it harder for a stranger (assuming Rue doesn't know them directly) to persuade them to stop. My advice was this: try talking. If that's done, then let her make the next move.
You actually confirm the problem of conflicting beliefs in your post, so I can't have been that wrong.
Finally, I think it's a bad, bad, bad idea breaking up from Rue's side. That'll hurt her for sure.
EDIT: Skulkbait beat me to it.
The problem isn't the "friends" butting in... the problem is that you have two totally different frames of reference on how to live life, what is important, etc. etc.
It is the same thing here on the forums... Christians v. non-christians happens all the time - I'm not condemning either side - it just doesn't look like a "good" thing will come from this.
That is why I suggested the "bigger man" route - yeah, it will hurt, yeah, it will suck - ultimately, it is for both of your good. Don't be distracted trying to "blame the nosey friends" - the problem is deeper and more fundamental than that. Until you realize that, you won't be happy.
<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->I however am an aithiest, had a christian upbrining. Between us we have had no problem in this area I guess I'm lucky wink-fix.gif<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
to mean that they had gotten over the hurdle of different wants stemming from belief. If I've misinterpreted that, however, then I take it back about her friends. Maybe. ;P
<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Between us we have had no problem in this area I guess I'm lucky<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Their "totally different frames of reference on how to live life" doesn't seem to be the problem, the problem is nosy friends with no respect for his gf's decision to date an atheist. If their religious differences aren't so important to them that they cause trouble, then why not just let it be?
EDIT: Snidely beat me to it.
My advice: Forget about the friends and head straight for the parents. If your intentions are pure, and your post leads me to believe this, then the only real problem you will ever have is with her parents. If they accept you openly, whether you speak about your Atheism or not, then life for her will be enormously easier. If they disagree with your relationship, then you're most likely sunk. But remember that it is up to you to make them accept you. They are not required to see passed any of your "quirks" (tattoos, piercings, purple hair, pants around your knees, etc). The weight is squarely on you to prove you are acceptable.
After that, her friends' opinions are meaningless.
Good luck.
Then her friends are not <i>true</i> friends. True friends would do as you have done; overcome and accepted eachother's differances. If they do not butt-out or accept you, then i suggest <i>you</i> or your GF to butt them out... <b>Forcively</b>.
I find it hard to believe that you think people from two different religions (i'll class atheism as a religion) can't have a good relationship together. Surely the biggest part of a relationship is knowing your partner is different from you in many ways, and similar in others. Religion shouldn't get between two people.
Anyhow, on-topic, I think the problem lies with communication. Find out how your girlfriend feels on the matter of her friends getting her into trouble, you might find it annoys her aswell, and let her know that it upset (for want of a better word) you that her friends are trying to get you two apart. Then like others have said the ball is in her court as what to do with her friends.
The reasons for the former is that the biblical concept of love/marriage is very different then most other cultural prospectives of those subjects. Christians ussually adopt the cultural context of the issues, and that is why sometimes inter religional relationships work, but it becomes really difficult, expecially for devout Christians, when all thier pressupositions, and thier structure of belive in the world is not shared by thier partner.
Imagine a person who belives in the 4 element structure of the world mated to a person who belives in a modern scientific structure of the world. It becomes very easy to imagine many many unresolveable arguments simply based on the fact that both sides have a worldview that dissagrees with the other on the whole basis of the structure of the world. I really can't see such a relationship being extreamly effective unless both parties just avoided talking to eachother alot of the time, and that certainly isn't the best way to hold a relationship.
Snidely, you have a drastically oversimplified veiw of Christianity. It isn't about judgement at all, no one can stand up and be judged in comparison to perfection, the whole point of the religion is undermining judgement, by simply accepting a gift that is given with no strings attached.
Anyway, maybe we shouldn't all be speculating like we know what we're talking about. i'd wager that very few of us are or have been married, let alone married to someone with a diametrically opposed belief system.
this is a relationship, not some abstract philosophical problem that we can solve by throwing rhetoric at it. You guys have your opinions on Christianity; that's fine. But what are you suggesting? Make the girl choose between her friends who she's known for a long time and her boyfriend?
I'll admit I don't have an accurate view on Christianity. Truth be told, belief isn't an important part of my life; I don't think about the afterlife or a greater power most of the time, and deep down, I doubt that there's a God. There's no getting around that, so I'm done for if the Christian God turns out to be exist - I can't accept the gift. I'll be found guilty and cast down, IIRC. (It's been a <i>long</i> time since I was a Christian. Feel free to correct me.)
Here's hoping this reply doesn't derail the entire thread...
My parents are atheist/Christian. They've been married for around...40 years?... without any problems in that regard.
Whee: given the (fairly limited) information we have, we're suggesting that it's up to her to decide what to do at this moment. However, her friends are clearly not minding their own business.
That's a case study, I awknolaged the fact that it is possible, but on the other side, I can think of at least 5 non-christian/christian relationships that I have seen break up and I have only ever seen one relationship break up that was between the same religious classes. There was a study around a while ago, the statisics are probably alot more inacureate then they claim to be, but it was pretty clear that unequally yoked relationships were far more at crisis then not, I'm trying to find it...
[edit] screw it, Google has way too much stuff to look through, keep an eye out, but I can't guarentee anything.
EDIT: Looking back, I see I screwed up - I don't mean for opposite belief couples, just moderate/more extreme couples. Whoops.
I know it wouldn't work for me <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->
I expect alot more out of a relationship that sex and companionship, I don't need someone who will agree with me about everything, but I do need someone I can reliably bounce ideas off of and have an open information flow with. I don't know, maby I'm full of it, but I prefer not risking it, because alot of the stuff I was saying above makes alot of sence to me.
I expect alot more out of a relationship that sex and companionship, I don't need someone who will agree with me about everything, but I do need someone I can reliably bounce ideas off of and have an open information flow with. I don't know, maby I'm full of it, but I prefer not risking it, because alot of the stuff I was saying above makes alot of sence to me. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
Heh. ;P
What you describe sounds a lot like companionship to me. (:
Its just that I don't like people hating me because of my belifs and not judging me as a person.
How old are you?
How old is she?
How long have you been dating?
What denomination (read "type") of Church is she from (ie, Baptist, Christian Reformed, Catholic, Pentecostal, Evangelical Free)
And Rue, don't get me wrong - this isn't about "hating" somone for having a different belief system. This is simply an acknowledgment of those differences and trying to take the best course of action to deal with them.
Let me try to put it in a more clear light. Once a person becomes a Christian, they become ascociated to Christ. Christ becomes God in that persons life. Christ is directly involved in any other relationships that the person might have - marriage, parenting, friendships, dating - all become "Christ centered".
Now apply that to your situation. She is attempting (by virtue of being a Christian) to allow Christ to take a central role in your relationship. Hopefully she prays - how much better if she could pray <i>with</i> you. She goes to church - how much better if her partner in life (you in this case) could go and worship the same God she does. How much more easy will she sleep at night knowing that when both have died, you will see each other again in heaven? How much of a burdon will be lifted from her if both parents try to raise children that fear God? It is hard to be "Christ centered" when one party doesn't believe.
Now, I'm not going to judge your atheism in this - you are entitled to believe what you want, and neither I nor she (your gf) or anyone else can change your heart. However, I will empress on you the importance of "love" in all of this. If you truely "love" her, you will take these things into consideration. Once again, her friends are not the problem. If you truely "love" her, you will try to better her relationships with her friends ~ that may not mean doing anything - but driving a wedge between her and them is not an option.