Last Redemption

NuubNuub Join Date: 2004-01-05 Member: 25059Members
<div class="IPBDescription">First fan-fic of mine</div> Its my first (sucky) fan-fic, inspired by Fire Eel's Behemoth and many others. Do you think it's worth continuing?


Tim glanced through the cantina’s windows while slowly drinking his coffee. Outside he could see dozens of soldiers running around and loading gear into dropships, he even spotted few tanks, which was rare to see one. Tanks were mostly used in ground stations or to control hot zones. This brought the kharaa’s tank to his mind, the onos. Tim tried to put it out of his mind but it sticked there for the rest of the day, like a nightmare.
He turned around only to see the depressed faces of other men and women sitting in the cantina. He slowly walked towards the table of his “squad”. Tim sat down at the end of the table and looked at the men. Jones, Nick and Thomas, his 3 best friends, sat there silently, looking down at the table while drinking their coffee’s each with their own speed. No-one seemed to listen to anyone, everyone minding their own business, even Nick was silent, which was odd, as he used to have something to say all the time. Soon the speakers on the roof came alive, giving a short message. *ding* “SCAR report to captain’s office immediately” *ding*.
Tim rose up with his squad and they headed down the corridor towards the elevators. They passed many of the training rooms, where they taught the new soldiers how to fight the Kharaa threat. The TSA training wasn’t as complete as it should have been. Training soldiers to shoot at paper targets wasn’t the way how to teach them to face the Kharaa threat.
Tim sighed deep inside him. He stood in the elevator nervously waiting for the elevator doors to open. The numbers on the pad lit up one after another, running lower by each click. When the counter reached 3, the elevator pinged and doors opened. Tim had never been in the third floor with the high-ranked officers. He walked slowly after others towards the captain’s office at the end of the well-lit hallway. At the end of the hallway, was the officer’s quarters and offices. Tim knocked on the door and opened it after hearing the captain’s voice.
“Get in. Ah, I've been waiting for you,” said captain.
“Yes sir, you have something for us?” Tim asked while saluting the captain.
“At ease soldier, and yes I really have something… Could you close the door please” captain said and rose up, and at the same time he lighted his cigar. The light illuminated captain’s face and Tim noticed the scar on his face, which reached from the forehead to the chin.
“Indeed, I've gathered you here for a reason,” the captain started. “I guess some of you must have heard from the new battleship prototype?”
Jones rose his hand “Yes sir, it’s said to be invincible against the Kharaa?”
“Yes, or was supposed to be…” Captain said and sat down, digging some papers from the drawer and looking through of them thoroughly.
“Here’s the blueprint’s, as you see, there are no ‘weak’ spots in there. Somehow the Kharaa got in the ship, probably with some scientist. Scientists are only ones who can come and go as they please, without security check. Here’s also the log’s from last scientific research.” Captain said and shook his head. According to logs, the scientists brought an un-mature hive inside the ship. Here are the last ones before the incident.”

|09.13 PM| 04.05.26
“The sample collected from the near planet, seems to be some sort of organic life form. It seems to grow slowly, in few days it has grown 1, 2 meters, 127 centimeters to be exact. We’ve moved it to the lab B for best condition. We will be waiting for the next test results.

|05.12 AM| 06.05.26
“We have some results about it for now. It has grown some tentacles from which it hangs from the roof, we are lowering the conditions to stop it from growing, and we don’t want any incident here. 2 first types of aliens have hatched from their eggs, some skulks and a gorge. We have no new info for now.

“So, there you have it, next day the skulks somehow breached the container. They even sealed the labs off from rest of the ship but it was useless in the end. So this is where you come in. We have everything set up for you, and the ship is leaving in 3 hours. Go get your weapons from the armory and meet sergeant in the drop ship. Dismissed” Captain said and stood up, saluting the men.
“Yes sir!” Men yelled in unison, saluting and then walked out of the captain’s office. The squad walked now with a faster speed towards the elevator. The armory was almost empty at this time, only 3 men totally, the sergeant and two cleaners. Place was very large and clean for an armory, the floor was shining from the wax.
“Hello boys” Sergeant greeted the men during his chores.
“Hi, we’re here to get equipment for the next mission.” Tim said and saluted the sergeant.
“I’ve been informed about you and the mission, good luck; you’re going to need it.” Sergeant said and started handing out weapons from under the desk.
“Let’s see… 2 heavy machine guns, shotgun and a grenade launcher. Seems a lot of heavy weapons, where you headed to?” Sergeant asked curiously.
“I’m afraid that’s… classified.” Tim said while smiling nervously.
“Ok squad, load up with all ammo you can carry, and then we head to the drop ship, it’s going to be a long ride then.” Tim said and pulled the slide on his pistol back; making sure there was a round chambered and then put the safety on.

Later on the ship…

Everyone was sitting in total silence, looking around under from under their visors. The squad’s size was about 10 men, including sergeant. Sergeant rose up and started walking around explaining the situation.
“Listen up men! We are going to land to cargo bay, first securing the surrounding, then moving on to the science labs and kill the hive there. Kharaa have had a lot of time to dig in, so expect heavy defenses.”
“Sir, are we going in all alone?” One of the men asked and dropped his weapon accidentally.
Tim took the weapon from the floor, looking at the marks made on it, 3 figures of skulk laid near the trigger. Then he handed the weapon back to the man saying “Take good care of it, it might save your ****, and all of our ****. What are those marks by the way, your skulk kills?”
“Yeah, I started about a week ago and I’ve been in one conflict now, as a member of this squad.” The man answered.
“How many kills you got as a recruit?” Jones asked interested from the other seats, looking at the man from under his visor.
“I didn’t count it at that time, I only saw some of the men do this and that’s where I got the idea for doing this.” Man said, taking out his pistol and showed the marks on it. Tim counted 7 marks before the man put the weapon back to his holster.
“I’m Tim, and that other guy there is Jones. Nick and Thomas are sitting right of me.” Tim said, and pointed out the men from the others.
“I’m Jack and this fellow here is George.” Jack said and introduced his friend sitting left to him.
“You guys have known each other for a long time?” Tim asked, looking at George and then looked back at Jack.
“I have known him for a long time, from college.” Jack answered and then asked. “And you, how long you’ve known them?”
“Well, I’ve known Jones from 1st grade of school, Nick from 4th grade and Thomas is Jones’ little brother, even he is bit taller than Jones.” Tim said almost laughing.
“I’ve told you not to go there…” Jones said but couldn’t help smiling.
“Ok, ETA to target 3 minutes!” Sergeant yelled and walked towards the pressurized door. Every man fell in silence again, only checking their weapons and mentally preparing them to face the Kharaa.
“We are closing to the ship; you can see it from the windows on the right.” Pilot said through the intercom. Men stood up quickly and looked at the ship looming ahead, standing in middle of nowhere.
“Get up and get ready, we are moving in!” Sergeant yelled and stood up, forming a line behind him. Pressurized doors sizzled, and then slowly started opening up. Men inside the ship could see to the cargo bay, dead bodies everywhere, lying on the cold metal floor, the stench was unimaginably terrible. Sergeant was the first one to jump out of the ship; dropping a meter or two and making the metal under him make a clanging noise, followed by other men jumping out.
Tim was second one to hop out, and rolled down to the floor, looking up to the roof and then back to the cargo bay doors. When everyone had hopped out, sergeant started giving orders. “We split into two squads. Tim you take your squad plus Jack and George. I’m taking the rest of the men. Got it?” Tim nodded as an answer. Sergeant continued his orders “You head out to the armory; search some high explosives and a welder. We will march to the hive and hold there waiting for you. After we get the hive, we head out to the engine room and put this ship on the move and call for reinforcements. Now move out!”
“Yes sir!” All men yelled in unison, and grouped with their squad leaders.
“So what’s the plan now?” Jones asked and crouched down, holding the shotgun on his knee.
“We do as told to do, but does anyone know the armory is?” Tim said and looked around for any guides or maps. Men started looking for a guide or a map which would show the way to the armory.
“Think I found one!” Jones yelled near a door, crouching looking at a small map with different colors and arrows pointing different ways. One of the arrows had armory written on it with bright blue.
“So we head out that way.” Tim said and started to walk to the door leading to armory.


  • ShadowHunterShadowHunter Join Date: 2004-09-12 Member: 31644Members
    pretty sweet so far

    write more, quick , now <!--emo&:)--><img src='' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile-fix.gif' /><!--endemo--> hehe

    needs more, make it huge <!--emo&:D--><img src='' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin-fix.gif' /><!--endemo--> , ill be waiting for next installment <!--emo&:)--><img src='' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile-fix.gif' /><!--endemo-->
  • NuubNuub Join Date: 2004-01-05 Member: 25059Members
    Tell me what you think, will take some time to get another part out. And as a off-topic note, visit Spinviper's fan-fic forum <a href='' target='_blank'>Here</a>.

    <b>Part 1 – First blood</b>

    “Can any of you get this door open? It seems to be jammed.” Tim asked while trying to open the door with all his strength. Everyone tried to open the door but it didn’t give up. After few minutes of trying, Jones blew a hole on the door with his shotgun, and then kicked it in.
    “After you sir” Jones said laughing and reloaded his shotgun.
    “Thanks a lot mister subtle, I was hoping there would be more silent way to open it but what the hell” Tim said and walked in, followed by his troops.
    “Be careful now and check every vent you see” Tim yelled to his squad while walking in front few meters. They walked towards the armory in a fast pace, making sure every Kharaa body they meat was dead. A small shriek was heard from one of the ventilation shafts near the mess hall. Men started looking around nervously but Tim was calm. Tim knew what was coming.
    “Everyone, don’t panic, it’s only a skulk but I bet it has friends. Take cover in the corner!” Tim yelled and lift up a body for a small shield. Soon a skulks head popped out from the vent. The skulk sniffed the air and then it snarled, saliva hanging from its chin. The skulk looked at Tim and the squad and went back to the vent before anyone got a clear shot. A shriek was heard again, this time much more loudly than last time. Soon, another skulk popped its head from the vent, this time it got blasted before it had a chance to do anything, leaving green blood all over the vent. The skulk’s body hanged there for few seconds and then it fell to the ground. Suddenly many skulks popped out from the vent and started running towards the squad.
    “Open fire!” Tim yelled and started firing at the incoming horde of skulks. More and more skulks appeared, in numbers of 20 or more. First skulks were ripped apart by machine gun fire but the skulks just kept coming and coming. Tim looked at the ammo counter on his machine gun, and then he switched to the pistol and fired few shots at a leaping skulk, shredding its body and the body falling only a few meters away from the squad. Tim took his machine gun again, pressed the magazine release button, followed by a click from the magazine falling to the ground and then he hit a new magazine in. Even more skulks appeared from the vent. Two skulks leapt at Tim with their sharp claws in front, the first skulk got blasted by Jones’ shotgun but the other one survived and sink his claw in Tim’s hand. Tim took his knife from his belt and tried to stab at the skulk but it had already moved elsewhere, and was leaping towards Bill. Tim quickly changed the knifes position in his hand and threw the knife at the skulk, knocking it down to the ground and then Tim reached for his pistol, took a quick aim and emptied half a clip of pistol ammo on it. The skulk blew up in pieces torn apart by the large caliber pistol bullets. After a few seconds, no skulks came out of the vent. Jones, Nick and Thomas reloaded their weapons quickly while others were covering. They waited there for few minutes, until they didn’t see or hear any skulks. The team rose up and checked the area for possible survivors. When they were inspecting the bodies, one of the skulks staggered up barely, trying to get up. Before anyone could react, the skulk bounced at Jack, sinking its claws into Jacks back. Everyone turned around to look Jack when he flew on his stomach, the skulk attached on his back. Jack was yelling in pain when the skulk ripped its claws of and hit them at Jacks back again. Before anyone could take aim at the skulk, it hopped from Jack back to the vent above him and disappeared. Jones went under the vent and blasted few shots in there, making sure it wouldn’t come back right away while Tim checked Jack’s wounds.
    “What does your HUD say?” Tim asked and reached for a med pack.
    “Nothing, I’m just fine.” Jack said and stood up, staggering up to his feet.
    “If everyone is ok, then let’s go, we’ve got work to do!” Tim yelled and started walking towards the armory. Tim took a small lead from the others and checked every corner before going anywhere. They had passed many resource nodes by now but weirdest thing was they didn’t see any Kharaa resources towers placed on them. This meant they would have a slow resource income for now, so they wouldn’t have second hive yet. While they passed the mess hall, small gurgling sounds could be heard coming inside.
    “A gorge, be careful. This could mean they have chambers already.” Tim took a small peak through the large window. Inside he could see one gorge, resource tower and two defense chambers.
    “Ok, everyone focus fire on the gorge. After that we take out the DC’s and the rt. got it?” Tim ordered and they nodded as an answer.
    “Go!” Tim yelled and went in, firing his machine gun at the gorge, followed by others coming after him shooting at the gorge. Before the gorge died, it got few spits out which hit Thomas’ leg.
    “Aargh, it burns! Get it off me!” Thomas screamed and fell to the ground. Jones quickly ripped Thomas’ armor off and examined the wound.
    “Hmm, it’s not that bad, it could be worse. Tim, hand over one of the med packs.” Jones said and Tim tossed the med pack to Thomas. Thomas got up and picked up his grenade launcher from the ground.
    “You ok? Then let’s go.” Tim asked Thomas and started moving ahead. After few minutes of walking, they came to a door which had a sign on it saying “Armory”.
    “Finally we’re here” Jones mumbled and kicked the door, but the door didn’t even budge. Jones picked the shotgun and blaster it twice but only made small dents on the surface of the door.
    “God damn piece of…” Jones cursed and reloaded his shotgun while kicking the door. Half of the squad had a hard time keeping their poker faces.
    “Hey come on, let me handle this. Everyone back up a little” Thomas said and shot a grenade towards the door, making other half of the door fly back from the explosion. Tim went closer and kicked the rest of the door down. Inside Tim switched the light on from a switch and the lights flickered until coming back to life, illuminating the room totally. Most of the weapons were gone but some light machine guns laid on the gun rack among some pistols and many magazines. The place was a total mess and the floor was covered in bodies, both Kharaa and human. Tim looked around for vents and sighed in relief for not spotting one at all. The place was totally silent except for the computers beeping constantly and the moaning of the air ventilation. The silence was nerve breaking.
    “Ok, find some explosives here fast; I don’t think we have too much time.” Tim said and stood at the door, guarding for enemies. Jones thought he heard something from a corner, pointed his shotgun at it and went closer. This time he heard it even louder, like a small moaning. Jones lifted up a body and saw a wounded TSA marine lying there. The man was holding a empty light machine gun on his chest.
    “Hey, we got a survivor here!” Jones shouted trying to get everyone’s attention.
    “Jack, guard the door for a while.” Tim said and ran to the wounded man.
    “Are you all right soldier?” Tim asked kneeling over the man.
    The man looked up and asked “Do I look all right?” While he pushed a body away from him revealing he was missing his lower legs, right down from knees.
    “Ouch, that is way beyond the healing powers of nanite’s, even they can heal really well, they can regenerate that much lost tissues.” Jones said sounding disgusted by the thought of loosing his legs.
    “At least we can make the last hours a bit more comfortable” Tim said and handed over a med pack.
    “Who are you guys anyway?” The man asked and coughed up a bit blood.
    “We’re the S.C.A.R. Special Command and Response” Jones said and looked at the man “And you probably are one of the TSA marines sent with the ship?”
    “That’s correct, I was with the security staff making sure the Kharaa wouldn’t break out but we were overrun. I mean, what the hell the 6 of us could have done against a swarm of 60 skulks without heavy weaponry?” Man said and looked at all the bodies on the floor “That’s my team and some of the skulk’s, quite many of them got away from us but we weren’t prepared for the next threat what was waiting for us, the fade.”
    “We slaughtered a lot skulks in the corridor but could you repeat that fade part, you got a fade on the loose here?” Tim asked and made sure Jack was doing his job well.
    “That’s right, we almost managed to take one of the hives out but the fade stopped us, we lost 2 men in there for the fade and made it back here and stood up against the rest of the Kharaa’s life form’s with the rest of the crew.”
    “So there’s even another hive? Our mission just got much harder.” Tim said and rose up.
    “Just make sure you blow up both hives.” The man said.
    “Don’t worry, we will. Where you have the explosives here?” Tim asked.
    “They’re in the cabinet above me.” The man said, took a magazine from the ground and reloaded his light machine gun. “The first hive is at science lab 2 and the second is at engine room.”
    “We should better be going now; we don’t have too much time in our hands.” Tim said and pointed his men to move towards the door.
    “God speed” The man shouted after Tim and his squad. Tim and his squad marched over the skulk bodies they killed later, towards the landing hall and said. “The first blood is spilt, its time for some more.”
  • SloppyKissesSloppyKisses omgawd a furreh&#33; Virginia Join Date: 2003-07-05 Member: 17942Members, Constellation
    All I can say is wow! Tottaly awesome, you have wonderful talent.
  • spinviperspinviper Join Date: 2003-05-08 Member: 16151Members
    Yeah. Awesome. Can't wait till chapter 3.
  • DrfuzzyDrfuzzy FEW... MORE.... INCHES... Join Date: 2003-09-21 Member: 21094Members
    Good read. Keep it up <!--emo&:)--><img src='' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile-fix.gif' /><!--endemo-->
  • BlueNovemberBlueNovember hax Join Date: 2003-02-28 Member: 14137Members, Constellation
    Aww nuub. You could have taken my advice, or at least some of it. <!--emo&:(--><img src='' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='sad-fix.gif' /><!--endemo-->
    <a href='' target='_blank'></a>

    Still, as I said, some nice work. <!--emo&:D--><img src='' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin-fix.gif' /><!--endemo-->

    (How many places have you posted this on!?)
  • NuubNuub Join Date: 2004-01-05 Member: 25059Members
    edited October 2004
    Ermm, like I said on the forum, those "additions" will be on chapter 2. Yes, chapter 2. I have prologue and chapter 1 now. But when I get writing to it, I do not know.

    Edit: This story is on 3 places, THV, and Spinvipers.
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