Zig...I am Captain Planet!Join Date: 2002-10-23Member: 1576Members
edited July 2004
<!--QuoteBegin-moultano+Jul 26 2004, 06:35 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (moultano @ Jul 26 2004, 06:35 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> Aiit, here's an update on the situation.
Short version: AEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Long version: I talked to Jayant after he got back from chicago (several weeks ago) for quite a while about this. It was not a very comfortable conversation. What ended up coming out about it is that he probably would be bothered, but I should just see what happens. However, his assessment was that she probably wasn't interested. After this I decided to just can the idea and let my feelings peter out over time.
I was pretty successful at this over the weeks. Kathryn and I hung out a few times. The three of us hung out a few times, and while there was a little awkwardness, I had pretty much gotten over her.
Then came last night. I stopped by Kathryn's house pretty late to borrow the second and third Harry Potter books before she goes back to the farm for the week. We sat on her front porch and talked for a while. It was a really nice cool night, raining intermittently and pitter pattering on the awning. In a lull in the conversation, she abruptly said, "Ryan, I've had a crush on you all summer." <cue nervous head rush>
In the subsequent discussion we ended up agreeing that it was probably a bad idea to get involved, but also a damn shame that we couldn't give it a shot. We talked long into the night and all of the awkwardness that had previously stuck out in our conversations dissipated. We sketched eachother, and drew little personally significant symbols on eachother's hands. It started getting cold and we went inside and up to her room.
We lay in her bed talking and holding eachother. We opened up to eachother to an extent that hadn't been possible before. We kissed a few times. If it weren't for our incredible respect and love of Jayant, we would have had sex then and there without any hesitation. I finally left her house at 5:00AM. I got up for work today at 7:00AM.
I completely forgot about the Harry Potter books.
So once again, I'm useless at work. Exhausted, excited, dazed, apprehensive. Everytime I start thinking about anything at all Marvin Gaye's "Lets get it on" cues up in my head and I start grinning.
I've got a difficult conversation ahead of me tonight. <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd--> omg..
so he tells you "go along with it and see what happens"
and you DON'T??
even when the girl comes straight out and tells you that she feels the same??
Zig the problem is a lot of males don't know females have central nervous systems and a sex drive. Guys you forget girls can feel rejected too, probably even more so in some situations.
PS: Mutal Orgasms are a higly underrated alternative to serious conversations.
Zig...I am Captain Planet!Join Date: 2002-10-23Member: 1576Members
edited July 2004
i mean, i'm sorry if i'm coming across as insensitive or something, but you gotta take life by the horns!! you don't get opportunities like this every day! not every night is a night where you'll sit with a girl you've been thinking about and she'll come right out and tell you that it's YOU she wants!
and.. christ... i don't even know what to tell you about the could have, should have, would have...
i really wish you the best of luck with your psyche, moultano, because if it were mine, with my convictions and my love for romance and fullness of life, i don't know how i'd live with myself <!--emo&:(--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/sad.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='sad.gif' /><!--endemo-->
moultanoCreator of ns_shiva.Join Date: 2002-12-14Member: 10806Members, NS1 Playtester, Contributor, Constellation, NS2 Playtester, Squad Five Blue, Reinforced - Shadow, WC 2013 - Gold, NS2 Community Developer, Pistachionauts
<!--QuoteBegin-Zig+Jul 26 2004, 04:23 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Zig @ Jul 26 2004, 04:23 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> i mean, i'm sorry if i'm coming across as insensitive or something, but you gotta take life by the horns!! you don't get opportunities like this every day! not every night is a night where you'll sit with a girl you've been thinking about and she'll come right out and tell you that it's YOU she wants!
and.. christ... i don't even know what to tell you about the could have, should have, would have...
i really wish you the best of luck with your psyche, moultano, because if it were mine, with my convictions and my love for romance and fullness of life, i don't know how i'd live with myself <!--emo&:(--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/sad.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='sad.gif' /><!--endemo--> <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd--> I think we did the right thing at the time. We DO have the rest of the summer to explore this after the issues get resolved <!--emo&;)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/wink.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wink.gif' /><!--endemo-->. It will be a lot more satisfying when we can go ahead with a clear conscience. That said, it wasn't entirely my decision. Kathryn wants to avoid hurting Jayant just as much as I do, and while I definately could have seduced her, I don't think she would have been happy with the situation afterwards.
In the long run, my friendship with Jayant is a lot more important than a relationship with a girl. At this age anything with a girl is temporary by nature. I fully expect Jayant and I to be best friends for the rest of our lives.
But damn, I can't wait til she gets home again this weekend. <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo-->
I'll have a better idea of what I want to do with this when I get more sleep. Right now I don't even trust myself to drive, much less make important life decisions.
In my opinion, you've already gone to far. You should not have kissed. The conversation was a good thing, but the ending isn't good.
Now, what you CAN do is keep it a secret. You could just slow the realation down from now. Be friends like before, because you both understand this can't continue. At the end, you've had a quality time with her as friend and your friend doesn't know about the kissing event. This may sound a bit mean, but that's the way I probably would've done it.
[WHO]ThemYou can call me DaveJoin Date: 2002-12-11Member: 10593Members, Constellation
edited July 2004
<span style='color:white'>Discuss moderation decisions in private, please. Until then, please don't post any further MS paint - pictures in serious threads.</span>
moultanoCreator of ns_shiva.Join Date: 2002-12-14Member: 10806Members, NS1 Playtester, Contributor, Constellation, NS2 Playtester, Squad Five Blue, Reinforced - Shadow, WC 2013 - Gold, NS2 Community Developer, Pistachionauts
edited July 2004
This situation just keeps getting more ***ked up.
So I talked to Jayant last night. That conversation went great. He gave me the go ahead and was actually relieved to have Kathryn off of his hands.
Then I talked to Kathryn. Apparently she still has feelings for Jayant. At this point I concluded that women are crazy. Completely Bat-**it insane. We didn't talk about it much because I was to tired last night to form coherent sentences, but we'll be dealing with this soon I'm sure.
At this point I'm considering just running screaming from the whole gordian mess. <!--emo&::asrifle::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/asrifle.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='asrifle.gif' /><!--endemo--> -----------------------------------------> <!--emo&::skulk::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/skulk.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='skulk.gif' /><!--endemo--> <b>AIEEEE! </b> I think I'm going to ask Kathryn if this feeling of hers towards Jayant is something that she wants to continue. If so (and even if maybe), then I'm going to make my exit. I really don't want to be in a situation in which I'll end up resenting Jayant. If its not something that she wants to continue I think I'm going to ask that she deal with it on her own and (excuse the analogy) provide a transparant interface without reference to the implementation details. <!--emo&::nerdy::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/nerd.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='nerd.gif' /><!--endemo-->
I have to ask you folks, maybe we should make a poll. <b>Is everyone this ***ked up?</b>
One of three possibilites. She either feels that your too hesitant and is trying to make you cross a threshold. She actually still has feelings for him (unlikely considering everything else). Or she's just messing with your head. Women are crazy and I'm recently heartbroken myself so I'd say number 3, you go with number one. May I suggest just either just break it off or just go headlong into a relationship, being fickle about it is just going to make things worse.
Keep in mind its better to regret the things you do than the things you don't <!--emo&;)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/wink.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wink.gif' /><!--endemo-->
PS stop asking her so much, women will tell you when you are crossing bounderies trust me.
moultanoCreator of ns_shiva.Join Date: 2002-12-14Member: 10806Members, NS1 Playtester, Contributor, Constellation, NS2 Playtester, Squad Five Blue, Reinforced - Shadow, WC 2013 - Gold, NS2 Community Developer, Pistachionauts
<!--QuoteBegin-dr.d+Jul 27 2004, 10:54 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (dr.d @ Jul 27 2004, 10:54 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> One of three possibilites. She either feels that your too hesitant and is trying to make you cross a threshold. She actually still has feelings for him (unlikely considering everything else). Or she's just messing with your head. Women are crazy and I'm recently heartbroken myself so I'd say number 3, you go with number one. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd--> Man we should give you an "official tinfoil hat guy" custom title. <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo--> I've got every reason to believe that she's being frank about this without any ulterior motive. I'm also getting the impression that she doesn't want a very serious relationship, but I'll have more information on that after our next conversation.
<!--QuoteBegin-moultano+Jul 27 2004, 11:02 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (moultano @ Jul 27 2004, 11:02 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> <!--QuoteBegin-dr.d+Jul 27 2004, 10:54 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (dr.d @ Jul 27 2004, 10:54 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> One of three possibilites. She either feels that your too hesitant and is trying to make you cross a threshold. She actually still has feelings for him (unlikely considering everything else). Or she's just messing with your head. Women are crazy and I'm recently heartbroken myself so I'd say number 3, you go with number one. <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd--> Man we should give you an "official tinfoil hat guy" custom title. <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo--> I've got every reason to believe that she's being frank about this without any ulterior motive. I'm also getting the impression that she doesn't want a very serious relationship, but I'll have more information on that after our next conversation. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd--> Its not a conspiracy theory, I'm speaking from experience here. Maybe this girl is special and not like other girls, but for the most part if she feels rejected she isn't going to come right out and tell you. It is just advice and in the end you'll do what you feel is right, but if you keep flip flopping on the issue you may lose a potential friend as well as a girlfriend. Emotional honesty means more to them than rationality, which is why they come off as "bat**** crazy".
However d reached that conclusion, I agree on his advice - it all progressed too far to stay cautious. Be honest, be open, don't be too passive. By everything you wrote, you <i>do</i> want a relationship with her, and she doesn't exactely scream at the thought of you, so what's there to lose?
Comments
Short version:
AEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Long version:
I talked to Jayant after he got back from chicago (several weeks ago) for quite a while about this. It was not a very comfortable conversation. What ended up coming out about it is that he probably would be bothered, but I should just see what happens. However, his assessment was that she probably wasn't interested. After this I decided to just can the idea and let my feelings peter out over time.
I was pretty successful at this over the weeks. Kathryn and I hung out a few times. The three of us hung out a few times, and while there was a little awkwardness, I had pretty much gotten over her.
Then came last night. I stopped by Kathryn's house pretty late to borrow the second and third Harry Potter books before she goes back to the farm for the week. We sat on her front porch and talked for a while. It was a really nice cool night, raining intermittently and pitter pattering on the awning. In a lull in the conversation, she abruptly said, "Ryan, I've had a crush on you all summer." <cue nervous head rush>
In the subsequent discussion we ended up agreeing that it was probably a bad idea to get involved, but also a damn shame that we couldn't give it a shot. We talked long into the night and all of the awkwardness that had previously stuck out in our conversations dissipated. We sketched eachother, and drew little personally significant symbols on eachother's hands. It started getting cold and we went inside and up to her room.
We lay in her bed talking and holding eachother. We opened up to eachother to an extent that hadn't been possible before. We kissed a few times. If it weren't for our incredible respect and love of Jayant, we would have had sex then and there without any hesitation. I finally left her house at 5:00AM. I got up for work today at 7:00AM.
I completely forgot about the Harry Potter books.
So once again, I'm useless at work. Exhausted, excited, dazed, apprehensive. Everytime I start thinking about anything at all Marvin Gaye's "Lets get it on" cues up in my head and I start grinning.
I've got a difficult conversation ahead of me tonight. <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
omg..
so he tells you "go along with it and see what happens"
and you DON'T??
even when the girl comes straight out and tells you that she feels the same??
<span style='font-size:21pt;line-height:100%'><i><b>LEWZ for romance!!~!!!!!</b></i></span> <!--emo&::asrifle::--><img src='http://www.natural-selection.org/forums/html//emoticons/asrifle.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='asrifle.gif' /><!--endemo--> <!--emo&::asrifle::--><img src='http://www.natural-selection.org/forums/html//emoticons/asrifle.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='asrifle.gif' /><!--endemo-->
even <b>i</b> feel ashamed at that!!! <img src='http://forums.hostileintent.org/html/emoticons/banghead.gif' border='0' alt='user posted image' />
PS: Mutal Orgasms are a higly underrated alternative to serious conversations.
and.. christ... i don't even know what to tell you about the could have, should have, would have...
i really wish you the best of luck with your psyche, moultano, because if it were mine, with my convictions and my love for romance and fullness of life, i don't know how i'd live with myself <!--emo&:(--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/sad.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='sad.gif' /><!--endemo-->
and.. christ... i don't even know what to tell you about the could have, should have, would have...
i really wish you the best of luck with your psyche, moultano, because if it were mine, with my convictions and my love for romance and fullness of life, i don't know how i'd live with myself <!--emo&:(--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/sad.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='sad.gif' /><!--endemo--> <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
I think we did the right thing at the time. We DO have the rest of the summer to explore this after the issues get resolved <!--emo&;)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/wink.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wink.gif' /><!--endemo-->. It will be a lot more satisfying when we can go ahead with a clear conscience. That said, it wasn't entirely my decision. Kathryn wants to avoid hurting Jayant just as much as I do, and while I definately could have seduced her, I don't think she would have been happy with the situation afterwards.
In the long run, my friendship with Jayant is a lot more important than a relationship with a girl. At this age anything with a girl is temporary by nature. I fully expect Jayant and I to be best friends for the rest of our lives.
But damn, I can't wait til she gets home again this weekend. <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo-->
I'll have a better idea of what I want to do with this when I get more sleep. Right now I don't even trust myself to drive, much less make important life decisions.
Now, what you CAN do is keep it a secret. You could just slow the realation down from now. Be friends like before, because you both understand this can't continue. At the end, you've had a quality time with her as friend and your friend doesn't know about the kissing event. This may sound a bit mean, but that's the way I probably would've done it.
So I talked to Jayant last night. That conversation went great. He gave me the go ahead and was actually relieved to have Kathryn off of his hands.
Then I talked to Kathryn. Apparently she still has feelings for Jayant.
At this point I concluded that women are crazy. Completely Bat-**it insane.
We didn't talk about it much because I was to tired last night to form coherent sentences, but we'll be dealing with this soon I'm sure.
At this point I'm considering just running screaming from the whole gordian mess.
<!--emo&::asrifle::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/asrifle.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='asrifle.gif' /><!--endemo--> -----------------------------------------> <!--emo&::skulk::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/skulk.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='skulk.gif' /><!--endemo--> <b>AIEEEE! </b>
I think I'm going to ask Kathryn if this feeling of hers towards Jayant is something that she wants to continue. If so (and even if maybe), then I'm going to make my exit. I really don't want to be in a situation in which I'll end up resenting Jayant. If its not something that she wants to continue I think I'm going to ask that she deal with it on her own and (excuse the analogy) provide a transparant interface without reference to the implementation details. <!--emo&::nerdy::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/nerd.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='nerd.gif' /><!--endemo-->
I have to ask you folks, maybe we should make a poll. <b>Is everyone this ***ked up?</b>
Keep in mind its better to regret the things you do than the things you don't <!--emo&;)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/wink.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wink.gif' /><!--endemo-->
PS stop asking her so much, women will tell you when you are crossing bounderies trust me.
Man we should give you an "official tinfoil hat guy" custom title. <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo--> I've got every reason to believe that she's being frank about this without any ulterior motive. I'm also getting the impression that she doesn't want a very serious relationship, but I'll have more information on that after our next conversation.
Recently I've had 2 or 3 really promising situations fall flat... doesn't feel good.
I'm taking some time out, get my head screwed back on.
Man we should give you an "official tinfoil hat guy" custom title. <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo--> I've got every reason to believe that she's being frank about this without any ulterior motive. I'm also getting the impression that she doesn't want a very serious relationship, but I'll have more information on that after our next conversation. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
Its not a conspiracy theory, I'm speaking from experience here. Maybe this girl is special and not like other girls, but for the most part if she feels rejected she isn't going to come right out and tell you. It is just advice and in the end you'll do what you feel is right, but if you keep flip flopping on the issue you may lose a potential friend as well as a girlfriend. Emotional honesty means more to them than rationality, which is why they come off as "bat**** crazy".