The Sailor Moon Live Action Thing
Redford
Monorailcatfjord Join Date: 2002-04-28 Member: 528Members, NS1 Playtester
Monorailcatfjord Join Date: 2002-04-28 Member: 528Members, NS1 Playtester
<div class="IPBDescription">A review.</div> For people who have been following this forum from a long time ago, you'll remeber inf tipping us off to a live-action sailor moon <a href='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=47482&hl=sailor+moon+live+action' target='_blank'>here</a>.
Later, someone by the name of our good friend "SoulSkorpion" saw the first episode of this monstrosity. However he neglected to tell us why it was so horrible. Wonder no longer. I have also seen the first episode of the live action sailor moon, the same one soul watched, and I am here to convey in words about how ABSOLUTLY TERRIBLE AND SOUL-SEARINGLY BADNESS IT IS. Yes, it's really that bad and worse.
Jake Basset, alais "Raptor" (I may have dropped his name here before) is my real life buddy, and loves anime almost as much as inf. He managed to procure this first episode of sailor moon live action with a really bad title that I couldn't be bothered to remeber. It was subtitled (thank god) so there were a lot of choice bits of engrish since it appeared to be a fansub. Then again, who the hell would be a fan of this series? But I degress. On with the badness.
At the start, there was what would be considered the opening. There was... um, colors, and lots of moving stuff. I can't really be bothered to remebering it because I was concentrating really hard on my can of PLS and I was slightly sleepy. However, rest assured it was one huge graphical effect. It appeared that a giant multicolored snowman had sneezed all over the opening, if that makes any sense. I assume the stupidity of my preceeding content had to do with remebering this stupid opening. That's how stupid it is. OVERUSE OF STUPID.
SCENE CHANGE. It is dark and on a street in a subdivision somewhere. Sailor moon (I assume by the blonde hair and the circular hair things and the wand) and this fruit in a tuxedo that can only be (SUPRISE) tuxedo mask are staring at each other. Then they run at each other, TM does somthing, and sailor moon blocks... but it ends up in one of those idiotc "jump past each other and hit one time" sequences. They then turn around, stare at each other, and TM runs off. It makes me wonder what the people living in this subdivision are thinking at this point. "Honey, there's some colorblind cheerleader schoolgirl and her boyfriend having a catfight outside!" "DARN KIDS!" The point of this scene? Beats the hell out of me.
We have another very sudden scene transition with some grahic, and there's a japanesee schoolgirl who's name I forget (I'll call her ayumi, because I think it's incredibly steriotypical, roflecopter) sleeping. Or attempting to sleep. She has a boombox blaring or somthing, apparently to wake her up. Her brother then comes in the room tells her to wake up, then throws her clock under her covers, causing her to fly from her bed with the fury of a phoenix or perhaps the CLOCK WAS MADE OF FIRE. We'll never know. She then rushes downstairs, exhanges some lines which are unimportant to the plot with her mother, and rushes out the door. As she is rushing to school (in a schoolgirl uniform, of course) Somthing unexpected happens!
Totally out of the blue, as she is crossing a bridge, a BLACK STUFFED CAT FALLS OUT OF THE SKY AND LANDS ON HER FACE. Now, ayumi is suprised that a black stuffed cat has fallen onto her face, but instead of doing the logical thing (aka, tearing it off her face, throwing it onto the ground, and jumping on it while yelling "return to satan you curr!") she has a sort of wrestling match with it. This involved about two or three minutes of nothing but poor ayumi with the stuffed cat on her face throwing herself around looking like she's trying to pry it off while simultaniously holding it on her face instead. It's not very convincing looking. Eventually, she removes the cat, stares at it like it's somthing from the X-Files, and then puts it on the edge of the bridge, then walks off. Then, somthing unexpected happens! The cat turns into a horrible CG cat which only looks somewhat similar to the stuffed one, and looks at her as she runs away. This cat, for those who don't watch the series, is Luna, who is some sort of crazy magic moon cat that can talk and gives sailor moon stuff and teaches her to be a warrior. However, in the live-action series, Luna the cat alternatly is a stuffed black cat, or a horrible CG special effects cat depending on the director's whim. I hate Luna.
The next five or so minutes of the show is a waste of space, or what we might want to call "plot development" if a thing like that exists in any form in this series. In order to conclude what happens:
1. Sailor moon is late for class, has to wash desks. Her friend comes to help, they are happy.
2. There is some sort of crazy fashon show that involves a lot of valuable jewels and stuff, I think. This involves ayumi's friend's mom or somthing like that. Also, luna stares at a tiara for some unknown reason.
3. ayumi's friend's mom gets attacked by somthing that looks like it might molest her.
Eventually, we reach the meat and potatos again. Yes, it's time for "Horrible CG cat tells ayumi she's actually from the moon and has to hit things with MOON LASERS" time. To put things simply, Ayumi is trying to get some sleep. This is understandable because she was late and had to wash thirty desks. Japan teachers are mean. Then, the Horrible CG cat thing comes through the window and starts telling her stuff. Ayumi tries to write off the Horrible CG cat thing as a dream (I wish it was, believe me) and yells for her mom, but Horrible CG cat thing manages to convincer her to tell mom that it was nothing. Then Horrible CG cat thing starts yakking on about how Ayumi is a warrior and sailor moon and about how she has to fight evil and stuff. Ayumi in conviced that this is all just a bad dream and won't have any sass from the cat, and ends up going back to bed with her head under her pillow. In order to convincer her that it's the truth, Horrible CG cat thing leaves her a gaudy cell-phone that looks like somthing a 14-year old girl would carry around and throws herself out a window, saying that Ayumi should say if she changes her mind.
More unimportant stuff happens, one of which involves Ayumi's friend talking to her mom and saying THIS SI NOT YOU WTH??!?!?! and being attacked by tentacles. Regardless, eventually Luna catches up with Ayumi, and convinces her that they need to go to the fashon show thing in order to save the world or somthing. Eventually, they reach the fashon show building place which also has the jewels which also has a monster which is... well. unique. You'll see. Ayumi wants to know how to get inside, so Luna tells her to use her crazy cellphone thing and take a picture of one of the models through the window. Then there was some horrible special effect and suddenly OMG AYUMI HAS A DRESS WTH. Apparently the cellphone's purpose is to copy the appearence of someone. This is undoubably important in the other episodes which I did not ever see. Regardless, Ayumi and Luna go inside. As they are doing this, Ayumi's Friend's Mom (who is now refered to as Evil Lady) walks onto the runway during the fashon show. She then does somthing that involves gas I think and everyone keels over. I mean everyone, the models, the audence (which consisted of less then one quarter of the seats there), and probally all the bacteria and spiders too. Apparently because she is evil.
Regardless, Ayumi and Horrible CG effects cat run in, and confront Evil Lady. They exchange lines, I believe, and suddenly a lot of tenticals erupt from this horrible CG graphical effects thing on her back and they look like they are made of slime or somthing. This elicts the classic "It's a tentical monster, run!" comment from luna. Eventually, they go outside and now it's time for the TRANSFORMATION SEQUENCE. Luna gives her a wand that looks like a shoulder massager and she does her thing. It is very similar to the one in the Sailor Moon Cartoon, excpt ayumi isn't naked, and her hair somehow gets longer and becomes blonde when she changes. This is never throughly explained. Eventually, the tentical thing on the woman's back comes after her. She uses somthing like moon karate on it. Then, just like in every friggin episode of the cartoon, sailor moon uses her sholder massger to shoot a HORRIBLE CG SPECIAL EFFECT moon laser thing at the slime tenticals, destorying it and causing a shify boy with pointy eyebrows who was watching the entire fight to throw a bloody KNIFE at her. Then tuxedo mask appears out of nowhere and does... somthing. I'm unsure if it was the trademark rose throw from the cartoon or not, but the important part is that Sailor Moon isn't dead. Wait. That's a good thing? They exchange lines which may or may not be important, but then we have the one last thing needed for an episode of sailor moon anything: the villan yelling about how she just lost.
And it is so. The evil magic woman from the series is pretty well done, in fact. She talks with amazing pointy eyebrow boy about how there are now sailors and that her next plan will never fail. Surrreeee. And that's all. Thank god.
Final score: I'm so confused by this series that words simply can't do it justice. If you want to see how completly bad this is for yourself, go out and find a torrent to download it from. you'll... DIE. No. But you'll hate yourself for it.
Later, someone by the name of our good friend "SoulSkorpion" saw the first episode of this monstrosity. However he neglected to tell us why it was so horrible. Wonder no longer. I have also seen the first episode of the live action sailor moon, the same one soul watched, and I am here to convey in words about how ABSOLUTLY TERRIBLE AND SOUL-SEARINGLY BADNESS IT IS. Yes, it's really that bad and worse.
Jake Basset, alais "Raptor" (I may have dropped his name here before) is my real life buddy, and loves anime almost as much as inf. He managed to procure this first episode of sailor moon live action with a really bad title that I couldn't be bothered to remeber. It was subtitled (thank god) so there were a lot of choice bits of engrish since it appeared to be a fansub. Then again, who the hell would be a fan of this series? But I degress. On with the badness.
At the start, there was what would be considered the opening. There was... um, colors, and lots of moving stuff. I can't really be bothered to remebering it because I was concentrating really hard on my can of PLS and I was slightly sleepy. However, rest assured it was one huge graphical effect. It appeared that a giant multicolored snowman had sneezed all over the opening, if that makes any sense. I assume the stupidity of my preceeding content had to do with remebering this stupid opening. That's how stupid it is. OVERUSE OF STUPID.
SCENE CHANGE. It is dark and on a street in a subdivision somewhere. Sailor moon (I assume by the blonde hair and the circular hair things and the wand) and this fruit in a tuxedo that can only be (SUPRISE) tuxedo mask are staring at each other. Then they run at each other, TM does somthing, and sailor moon blocks... but it ends up in one of those idiotc "jump past each other and hit one time" sequences. They then turn around, stare at each other, and TM runs off. It makes me wonder what the people living in this subdivision are thinking at this point. "Honey, there's some colorblind cheerleader schoolgirl and her boyfriend having a catfight outside!" "DARN KIDS!" The point of this scene? Beats the hell out of me.
We have another very sudden scene transition with some grahic, and there's a japanesee schoolgirl who's name I forget (I'll call her ayumi, because I think it's incredibly steriotypical, roflecopter) sleeping. Or attempting to sleep. She has a boombox blaring or somthing, apparently to wake her up. Her brother then comes in the room tells her to wake up, then throws her clock under her covers, causing her to fly from her bed with the fury of a phoenix or perhaps the CLOCK WAS MADE OF FIRE. We'll never know. She then rushes downstairs, exhanges some lines which are unimportant to the plot with her mother, and rushes out the door. As she is rushing to school (in a schoolgirl uniform, of course) Somthing unexpected happens!
Totally out of the blue, as she is crossing a bridge, a BLACK STUFFED CAT FALLS OUT OF THE SKY AND LANDS ON HER FACE. Now, ayumi is suprised that a black stuffed cat has fallen onto her face, but instead of doing the logical thing (aka, tearing it off her face, throwing it onto the ground, and jumping on it while yelling "return to satan you curr!") she has a sort of wrestling match with it. This involved about two or three minutes of nothing but poor ayumi with the stuffed cat on her face throwing herself around looking like she's trying to pry it off while simultaniously holding it on her face instead. It's not very convincing looking. Eventually, she removes the cat, stares at it like it's somthing from the X-Files, and then puts it on the edge of the bridge, then walks off. Then, somthing unexpected happens! The cat turns into a horrible CG cat which only looks somewhat similar to the stuffed one, and looks at her as she runs away. This cat, for those who don't watch the series, is Luna, who is some sort of crazy magic moon cat that can talk and gives sailor moon stuff and teaches her to be a warrior. However, in the live-action series, Luna the cat alternatly is a stuffed black cat, or a horrible CG special effects cat depending on the director's whim. I hate Luna.
The next five or so minutes of the show is a waste of space, or what we might want to call "plot development" if a thing like that exists in any form in this series. In order to conclude what happens:
1. Sailor moon is late for class, has to wash desks. Her friend comes to help, they are happy.
2. There is some sort of crazy fashon show that involves a lot of valuable jewels and stuff, I think. This involves ayumi's friend's mom or somthing like that. Also, luna stares at a tiara for some unknown reason.
3. ayumi's friend's mom gets attacked by somthing that looks like it might molest her.
Eventually, we reach the meat and potatos again. Yes, it's time for "Horrible CG cat tells ayumi she's actually from the moon and has to hit things with MOON LASERS" time. To put things simply, Ayumi is trying to get some sleep. This is understandable because she was late and had to wash thirty desks. Japan teachers are mean. Then, the Horrible CG cat thing comes through the window and starts telling her stuff. Ayumi tries to write off the Horrible CG cat thing as a dream (I wish it was, believe me) and yells for her mom, but Horrible CG cat thing manages to convincer her to tell mom that it was nothing. Then Horrible CG cat thing starts yakking on about how Ayumi is a warrior and sailor moon and about how she has to fight evil and stuff. Ayumi in conviced that this is all just a bad dream and won't have any sass from the cat, and ends up going back to bed with her head under her pillow. In order to convincer her that it's the truth, Horrible CG cat thing leaves her a gaudy cell-phone that looks like somthing a 14-year old girl would carry around and throws herself out a window, saying that Ayumi should say if she changes her mind.
More unimportant stuff happens, one of which involves Ayumi's friend talking to her mom and saying THIS SI NOT YOU WTH??!?!?! and being attacked by tentacles. Regardless, eventually Luna catches up with Ayumi, and convinces her that they need to go to the fashon show thing in order to save the world or somthing. Eventually, they reach the fashon show building place which also has the jewels which also has a monster which is... well. unique. You'll see. Ayumi wants to know how to get inside, so Luna tells her to use her crazy cellphone thing and take a picture of one of the models through the window. Then there was some horrible special effect and suddenly OMG AYUMI HAS A DRESS WTH. Apparently the cellphone's purpose is to copy the appearence of someone. This is undoubably important in the other episodes which I did not ever see. Regardless, Ayumi and Luna go inside. As they are doing this, Ayumi's Friend's Mom (who is now refered to as Evil Lady) walks onto the runway during the fashon show. She then does somthing that involves gas I think and everyone keels over. I mean everyone, the models, the audence (which consisted of less then one quarter of the seats there), and probally all the bacteria and spiders too. Apparently because she is evil.
Regardless, Ayumi and Horrible CG effects cat run in, and confront Evil Lady. They exchange lines, I believe, and suddenly a lot of tenticals erupt from this horrible CG graphical effects thing on her back and they look like they are made of slime or somthing. This elicts the classic "It's a tentical monster, run!" comment from luna. Eventually, they go outside and now it's time for the TRANSFORMATION SEQUENCE. Luna gives her a wand that looks like a shoulder massager and she does her thing. It is very similar to the one in the Sailor Moon Cartoon, excpt ayumi isn't naked, and her hair somehow gets longer and becomes blonde when she changes. This is never throughly explained. Eventually, the tentical thing on the woman's back comes after her. She uses somthing like moon karate on it. Then, just like in every friggin episode of the cartoon, sailor moon uses her sholder massger to shoot a HORRIBLE CG SPECIAL EFFECT moon laser thing at the slime tenticals, destorying it and causing a shify boy with pointy eyebrows who was watching the entire fight to throw a bloody KNIFE at her. Then tuxedo mask appears out of nowhere and does... somthing. I'm unsure if it was the trademark rose throw from the cartoon or not, but the important part is that Sailor Moon isn't dead. Wait. That's a good thing? They exchange lines which may or may not be important, but then we have the one last thing needed for an episode of sailor moon anything: the villan yelling about how she just lost.
And it is so. The evil magic woman from the series is pretty well done, in fact. She talks with amazing pointy eyebrow boy about how there are now sailors and that her next plan will never fail. Surrreeee. And that's all. Thank god.
Final score: I'm so confused by this series that words simply can't do it justice. If you want to see how completly bad this is for yourself, go out and find a torrent to download it from. you'll... DIE. No. But you'll hate yourself for it.
Comments
The hard part is imagining this with live actors as I read your story. It screams "Horrible Cartoon!"
on the other hand, i figured it would be pretty crappy from the music video done to weird al's "can't watch this" with footage from this series D:
*heavy breathing and horrendous laughter*
*passes out*
*I seem to remeber her name being "Usagi", which means "bunny". Appropriately nausiating.
*School uniforms actually are standard in Japanese schools. I don't know if real ones look anything like some of the more, uh, interesting ones featured in anime.
Ack! I think the only good thing in it are the anime tranformation scenes <!--emo&:(--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/sad.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='sad.gif' /><!--endemo--> (I'm a pervert! Sukebe!)
And the most horifying thing is that my sister buys them....TEH HORRAR!
Is something wrong here?
They blatently ripped off the Mac Rant.
This is one of the many reasons why.
Duh! Venmoch did! I mean who else could it be.
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Man, Live Action never works with anything it seems. Unless they heavily doctor the footage and use CG. I've always wanted to see live action stuff actually work.