What I Wouldn't Give To Be Normal
DarkATi
Revelation 22:17 Join Date: 2003-06-20 Member: 17532Members, Reinforced - Shadow
Revelation 22:17 Join Date: 2003-06-20 Member: 17532Members, Reinforced - Shadow
in Off-Topic
<div class="IPBDescription">For Just One Day</div> This is really eating away at me so I need to tell someone.
I have a rare disease, blah, blah, it affects my heart and other connective tissue so that I can't do anything at all in the world of sports. This is really hard for me, more than hard, it hurts. I use to play soccer and loved it and now over the past 7 or 8 years I haven't been able to. I see my friends, once teammates playing and practicing and they laugh when I can't do a Rainbow kick or even get the ball to them. I've been held back from sports for so long that I've taken refuge indoors with my computer. I use to be an extravert now I'm the world's biggest intravert.
It just kills me that I can't be normal, that I have to watch out for bruises (blood thinner) and make sure that I don't overwork myself. I'm not meaning for this to be a pity party but it just hurts like nothing else. It's something I have no control over and that bothers me, it's all out of my hands.
Add to this the fact that my parents sheltered me so bad I haven't even held hands witha girl before, hell I've only had two girlfriends in my entire life. I was happy doing community theatre for many years and then they shut teh place down. Now I have nowhere to go to meet real people that are interested in things I am. I tried other acting classes but most of them are BS and not at all like the theatre company I was with before.
I just wish I was normal, I wish I could do everything my friends could, I'm completely uncoordinated, can't shoot a basketball (even though I try my hardest) can't hit a baseball or catch one (broke my nose trying one time, all the way my friend laughed and thought it was so funny...) I'm ****, confused and unsure.
So here I am. I've been told I camp the forums and so I do. It's the only place I really have. I guess I'm making this bigger than it is but now I'm at an age (16) where my physical limitations have taken over my mental as well.
This sucks. I just don't feel happy at all.
And what's worse, what started this all was stupid... I was looking down or not paying attention and my friend kicked a soccer balla t me and yelled my name and it hit me square between the eyes, my glasses flew off and I don't know why but I just got upset. It just made me so mad that I couldn't do it, that I wasn't fast enugh or smart enough or clever enough to have caught the ball and returned it. And then he thought it was funny and I couldn't of laughed if I had tried... it's not funny to me... at all and it makes me mad that he doesn't see that. Of course he'd never understand if I told him all this, he'd just think I was crazy, sometimes I think I am.
Why am I telling you all this?
No clue.
Probably because there's no one else to tell all this stuff to.
Sorry if this is a scattered post, I just typed while I thought...
*sigh*
~ DarkATi
I have a rare disease, blah, blah, it affects my heart and other connective tissue so that I can't do anything at all in the world of sports. This is really hard for me, more than hard, it hurts. I use to play soccer and loved it and now over the past 7 or 8 years I haven't been able to. I see my friends, once teammates playing and practicing and they laugh when I can't do a Rainbow kick or even get the ball to them. I've been held back from sports for so long that I've taken refuge indoors with my computer. I use to be an extravert now I'm the world's biggest intravert.
It just kills me that I can't be normal, that I have to watch out for bruises (blood thinner) and make sure that I don't overwork myself. I'm not meaning for this to be a pity party but it just hurts like nothing else. It's something I have no control over and that bothers me, it's all out of my hands.
Add to this the fact that my parents sheltered me so bad I haven't even held hands witha girl before, hell I've only had two girlfriends in my entire life. I was happy doing community theatre for many years and then they shut teh place down. Now I have nowhere to go to meet real people that are interested in things I am. I tried other acting classes but most of them are BS and not at all like the theatre company I was with before.
I just wish I was normal, I wish I could do everything my friends could, I'm completely uncoordinated, can't shoot a basketball (even though I try my hardest) can't hit a baseball or catch one (broke my nose trying one time, all the way my friend laughed and thought it was so funny...) I'm ****, confused and unsure.
So here I am. I've been told I camp the forums and so I do. It's the only place I really have. I guess I'm making this bigger than it is but now I'm at an age (16) where my physical limitations have taken over my mental as well.
This sucks. I just don't feel happy at all.
And what's worse, what started this all was stupid... I was looking down or not paying attention and my friend kicked a soccer balla t me and yelled my name and it hit me square between the eyes, my glasses flew off and I don't know why but I just got upset. It just made me so mad that I couldn't do it, that I wasn't fast enugh or smart enough or clever enough to have caught the ball and returned it. And then he thought it was funny and I couldn't of laughed if I had tried... it's not funny to me... at all and it makes me mad that he doesn't see that. Of course he'd never understand if I told him all this, he'd just think I was crazy, sometimes I think I am.
Why am I telling you all this?
No clue.
Probably because there's no one else to tell all this stuff to.
Sorry if this is a scattered post, I just typed while I thought...
*sigh*
~ DarkATi
Comments
As stated in that one thread where we introduce ourselves (or something like that), I noted that my vision sucks (including upwards of 10 seperate eye diseases that are mostly non-genetic and not infectious, including nystagmus and an astigmatism (never bothered to remember them all). This doesn't even mean my vision is all that terrible, I just have absolutely no night vision and if I'm staring at a lighted spot in the middle of a large dark spot it shakes involuntarily.
Sure, I can still play most sports (well, it's a pain in the **** to see a baseball, but it's still fun to pitch; and I've got pretty bad depth perception and hand-eye coordination because of it.
The worst effect I've come to find out of all of it is the night blindness. You know, halloween night (or any night) everyone can go out with their friends and terrorize the neighborhood/hang out under the stars/play/anything? Well, I can't. I can't even see cellestial bodies apart from venus, the sun and the moon. In planetariums and observatories I've got to speak up, embrass myself in front of all the people and say "I'm sorry, but I wont be able to see the stars because of my vision."
It's 20/50-20/40 with glasses, in my good eye. It keeps you from doing so much, and it just makes me angry, because there's nothing I can do about it - and probably never will be.
So, despite being a pessimist, I'm forced to look on the better side - having an excuse to stay in at night and not do much (despite how much more fun it would be to run around outside - or do anything at night).
Can't really comment on the friends and theatre based group stuff though, since I'm fairly similar in many respects (can't go out with friends, and stuff that seems fun I'm not able to do/do efficiently).
Debilitations suck, and the world sucks for having them. Hopefully they end up with a corrective surgery and medication for your disease.
[hopefully you don't think it's a hijack, I'm just trying to express that I know how you're feeling, but I suck at talking to other people like that (me = listener, not a very good comforter)]
For whatever it's worth, I'm sure plenty of us random people around the world that you've never met are pulling for you <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif' /><!--endemo-->
I can only imagine what it must be like for you not being able to do athletics. For me the worst part of life is the eventual point when you have to leave something behind and never do it again. For example, my new Raven job has caused me to leave school and move to another state (or will, rather). Now, I know this is no illness, but it's pulling me away from something I have spent the last 11 years of my life doing - drumming. I was in the marching band here at Nebraska for 3 years and it was the most incredible experience of my life thus far, an experience I'll never have (or have anything like) again. This has been eating me up inside as I'm sure being unable to compete in sports and losing your theatre has done and is doing to you.
Everyone hits ruts in some form or another and to some level or another, some more than others. The important thing, though, is not the size or length of the rut, but how you deal with it. I think you being able to talk about it here is a big step in that. You will find ways to be happy again. Don't sell yourself short.
Wow, that was longer than I intended. Eep! Hope that's worth something...
As stated in that one thread where we introduce ourselves (or something like that), I noted that my vision sucks (including upwards of 10 seperate eye diseases that are mostly non-genetic and not infectious, including nystagmus and an astigmatism (never bothered to remember them all). This doesn't even mean my vision is all that terrible, I just have absolutely no night vision and if I'm staring at a lighted spot in the middle of a large dark spot it shakes involuntarily.
Sure, I can still play most sports (well, it's a pain in the **** to see a baseball, but it's still fun to pitch; and I've got pretty bad depth perception and hand-eye coordination because of it.
The worst effect I've come to find out of all of it is the night blindness. You know, halloween night (or any night) everyone can go out with their friends and terrorize the neighborhood/hang out under the stars/play/anything? Well, I can't. I can't even see cellestial bodies apart from venus, the sun and the moon. In planetariums and observatories I've got to speak up, embrass myself in front of all the people and say "I'm sorry, but I wont be able to see the stars because of my vision."
It's 20/50-20/40 with glasses, in my good eye. It keeps you from doing so much, and it just makes me angry, because there's nothing I can do about it - and probably never will be.
So, despite being a pessimist, I'm forced to look on the better side - having an excuse to stay in at night and not do much (despite how much more fun it would be to run around outside - or do anything at night).
Can't really comment on the friends and theatre based group stuff though, since I'm fairly similar in many respects (can't go out with friends, and stuff that seems fun I'm not able to do/do efficiently).
Debilitations suck, and the world sucks for having them. Hopefully they end up with a corrective surgery and medication for your disease.
[hopefully you don't think it's a hijack, I'm just trying to express that I know how you're feeling, but I suck at talking to other people like that (me = listener, not a very good comforter)] <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
I'm legally blind without glasses (a side effect of my connective tissue disease.) and even with them:
A) My glasses make my eyes look huge and ridiculous.
B) I have like, no, periferral(sp?) vision.
I'm sorry to be so blah today, I really am an optomist most of the time...
~ DarkATi
For whatever it's worth, I'm sure plenty of us random people around the world that you've never met are pulling for you <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif' /><!--endemo-->
I can only imagine what it must be like for you not being able to do athletics. For me the worst part of life is the eventual point when you have to leave something behind and never do it again. For example, my new Raven job has caused me to leave school and move to another state (or will, rather). Now, I know this is no illness, but it's pulling me away from something I have spent the last 11 years of my life doing - drumming. I was in the marching band here at Nebraska for 3 years and it was the most incredible experience of my life thus far, an experience I'll never have (or have anything like) again. This has been eating me up inside as I'm sure being unable to compete in sports and losing your theatre has done and is doing to you.
Everyone hits ruts in some form or another and to some level or another, some more than others. The important thing, though, is not the size or length of the rut, but how you deal with it. I think you being able to talk about it here is a big step in that. You will find ways to be happy again. Don't sell yourself short.
Wow, that was longer than I intended. Eep! Hope that's worth something... <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
Thanks Squirrel.
<!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif' /><!--endemo-->
~ DarkATi
Keep your chin up <!--emo&;)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/wink.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wink.gif' /><!--endemo-->
~ DarkATi
Ditto.
For all i know a girl's hand feels like a soup-can.
Now comes some obligitory, life aint that bad stuff:
I have delt with depression before, and I am doing it agian atm.
One of the things that helps me is to think of the things that are good (not even be like, "oh my life is perfectly fine, look at all of this", instead just "hey, here are sometihngs I can look fowards to")
Howmany people do you know that can say they talk to people in (probably) every continent in the world, daily?
You can play a musical instrument (Wish I could <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->)
You can Act.
You aint Fuggly in any way shape or form (pic proves this).
At age 16 that puts you as a second year in HS (probably), 2 more years and you are on to college? If so make sure that what ever one you go to has a good drama department.
I aint gona say anytihng about the GF thing as thats why I am depressed (3 year GF just broke up with me).
Scratch that, I will say something.
Don't sweat it. I never tried to get a GF, yet I have had 4 (by age 21, and one of those was 3years), and you are better looking then me (hunt the post your pic thread if you wana see my fuggly mug)
To Quote Spider Robinson:
Shared Pain Is Lessened, Shared Joy is Increased.
If naught else we are here for you to rant at <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif' /><!--endemo-->
Oh, and one last thing.
If things seem over whelming, and you feel like you need to cry, shout, scream in rage.
Do So.
If your friends don't get it.
come to us, we will try to be there for yah mate.
[edit]
As an EMT in training, I have to ask, would you mind putting up the name of disease?
For all i know a girl's hand feels like a soup-can. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
I know...I Accidentally bruched hands with a girl once, does that count? <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->
Seriously though, I'm Rootin for ya, Dark. I've got the coordination of a dead cat. I can still play sports, but I don't do so very well. It usually ends up being embarassing. Trust me though, normal/cool people are REALLY boring. They never just break out into discussions of Astrophysics or Theology.
Really boring "Sally did what? OMGOMG f4f4f4!"
Do you want your existence to be like that? I'd choose nerdiness any day.
All the same, I don't have any erm...forgive me if this is callous, but "inborn" limitations? so I can't really compare with you. Bu tI do know what it's like to not be mainstream, and I'm proud of it. I'm just lucky I have my friends to confide in.
*sniff*
*sigh* Life ain't so bad. I know. I just need reminding sometimes. <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif' /><!--endemo-->
No onto some Eclipse or perhaps Tanith... ah, NS brings much joy to my life. I have Squirrel and Tommy to thank for that. (Among many others of course.)
~ DarkATi
- How bad is this disease...is it life threatening?
The Lee Foundation for Nutritional research say pasteurization destroys vitamin A, it destroys about 38% of the vitamin B complex, and about 50% of the Vitamin C in milk.
Scientific investigations have shown that an anti cancer protective element is contained in raw milk but destroyed in pasteurization. The enzymes in raw milk are either destroyed or altered in the pasteurization process. Raw milk was sold door to door in Queensland until1989, about eleven years ago. And calves will die if fed pasteurized milk as their normal diet. Pups and kittens grow much healthier if fed organic raw milk.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
From <a href='http://www.newmediaexplorer.org/chris/2003/07/05/raw_milk_how_safe_is_it.htm' target='_blank'>here</a>.
I think if we knew what you could and couldn't do we might find some other outlet for you. As for me, being rather introverted and not particularly good at what we call "competititive" sports, I can distance-jog ( <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo--> ) and play table tennis particularly well. Table tennis, in particular, could work.
I hope you feel better, and that you know that there are actually people that see past simple stuff and see you for who you are, you just have to keep looking.
I think if we knew what you could and couldn't do we might find some other outlet for you. As for me, being rather introverted and not particularly good at what we call "competititive" sports, I can distance-jog ( <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo--> ) and play table tennis particularly well. Table tennis, in particular, could work. <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Marfan Syndrome is correct, ding, ding, ding!
EDIT:
General Discussion
Marfan syndrome is an inherited disorder that affects the connective tissue of the heart and blood vessels (cardiovascular system). The musculoskeletal system (ligaments and muscles) and ocular system (eyes) are also affected. Major symptoms also include unusual height, large hands and feet, and involvement of the lungs. Symptoms vary greatly among affected individuals. Marfan syndrome is inherited as an autosomal dominant trait.
For more on it: <a href='http://my.webmd.com/hw/health_guide_atoz/nord27.asp?lastselectedguid={5FE84E90-BC77-4056-A91C-9531713CA348}' target='_blank'>http://my.webmd.com/hw/health_guide_atoz/n...C-9531713CA348}</a>
~ DarkATi