213 Things You Can't Do

Zig

<div class="IPBDescription">in the US army.</div> posted this at the HI forums while these were down.. (that place doesn't even COMPARE as a replacement to these forums D:)

<a href='http://www.avalanchetankers.us/archives/000058.html' target='_blank'>http://www.avalanchetankers.us/archives/000058.html</a>

"52. Not allowed to yell 'Take that Cobra' at the rifle range. "

rofl XD

esuna

These are too bloody funny. <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo-->

"151. The proper way to report to my Commander is 'Specialist Schwarz, reporting as ordered, Sir' not 'You can't prove a thing!' "

Zig

they are rofflage, yuss

Nil_IQ

Aaaaaah I nearly forgot to breathe <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo-->

In accordance with all post made about humourous lists, I will now quote a few of my favorites:

79. I am neither the king nor queen of cheese.

87. If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.

91. I am not authorized to initiate Jihad.

100. Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell new soldiers that they are.

O.k I have to stop now because i'm in danger of losing conciousness...

TheWizard

Not allowed to add 'In accordance with the prophesy' to the end of answers I give to a question an officer asks me


Oh yeah I am using that one ^^

edit:
OMG Look at number 18.
"May no longer perform my now (in)famous 'Barbie Girl Dance' while on duty."

I KNOW THIS GUY. He was in my flight a few years back. He did the Barbie girl dance as an alternative to drinking the grog at a formal mess.

I have it on video somewhere... as soon as I find the video ill encode it and post a link to it here.

Zig

<!--QuoteBegin-wizard@psu+Jan 29 2004, 03:33 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (wizard@psu @ Jan 29 2004, 03:33 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> Not allowed to add 'In accordance with the prophesy' to the end of answers I give to a question an officer asks me


Oh yeah I am using that one ^^ <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
rofl that one nearly killed me

UltimaGecko

Anyone reading the list should realize that there are a few swears on there. Besides that, the whole list is pretty funny, but my favorites:


54. 'Napalm sticks to kids' is *not* a motivational phrase.
77. The MP checkpoint is not an Imperial Stormtrooper roadblock, so I should not tell them "You don't need to see my identification, these are not the droids you are looking for."
114. I cannot trade my CO to the Russians.
205. Don't write up false gigs on a HMMWV PMCS. ("Broken clutch pedal", "Number three turbine has frequent flame-outs", "flux capacitor emits loud whine when engaged")


Movie references are always awesome. I don't know how someone wouldn't get kicked out of the army or punished for doing or implicating doing many of these things.

These are awesome...and I have no idea if they're safe or not, but they sound like they'd be really funny:
145. I should not drink three quarts of blue food coloring before a urine test.
146. Nor should I drink three quarts of red food coloring, and scream during the same.

Thansal

thank you thank you thank you <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif' /><!--endemo-->

this was GOLDEN:

'Calvin-Ball' is not authorized PT.

Nor should I drink three quarts of red food coloring, and scream during the same.

Putting red 'Mike and Ike's' ? into a prescription medicine bottle, and then eating them all in a formation is not funny. (YES IT IS!!)

There is no such thing as a were-virgin.

I do not get 'that time of month'.

My chain of command is not interested in why I 'just happen' to have a kilt, an inflatable sheep, and a box of rubber bands in the back of my car.

ok, screw it, I could post down the not so funny ones faster <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->

As for the food colouring:
Just do it slowely, don't try to down 3 quarts at once

Nemesis_Zero

<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.

(Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Give the guy a medal!

Beast

ROFLMTO XD
Very good find XD

TheWizard

OK, I got in contact with him. Some of these are jokes (standard military urban legends) Like telling a recruit to go get me 100 yards of flight line.

I'm going to contact the Chief at my old unit and see if he still has the videos of the Barbie Girl skit. Its safe for work but there are just some things that should not be done with a dinner roll.

TychoCelchuuu

44. I am not the atheist chaplain.

Hehe.

Nuketheplace

166. No, the pants are not optional.

Thats gold, gold I tell you.

NumbersNotFound

Heh. skippy's list shows up once again.. now where was the original site..

SoulSkorpion

Hoo boy. Funny stuff. How the hell did he get away with half of these? <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif' /><!--endemo-->

Zig

<!--QuoteBegin-404NotFound+Jan 29 2004, 05:49 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (404NotFound @ Jan 29 2004, 05:49 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> Heh. skippy's list shows up once again.. now where was the original site.. <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
supposedly went down long ago.


the legend lives on =D

edit: good luck wizard, i wanna see that video!!

Burr

56. An order to 'Make my Boots black and shiny' does not involve electrical tape.

74. Woad is not camouflage makeup.

OMG!! These are gold!

Comprox

Im gonna need a new set of eye glands after reading that, was crying while laughing so hard.

Javert

ROFFLES! That's the best I've read this month! I'm laughing so hard, my sides are aching.

Moquiao

Nerve gas is not funny.

Crucifying mice - bad idea.

No part of the military uniform is edible.

Dubers

<!--QuoteBegin-wizard@psu+Jan 30 2004, 12:04 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (wizard@psu @ Jan 30 2004, 12:04 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> OK, I got in contact with him. Some of these are jokes (standard military urban legends) Like telling a recruit to go get me 100 yards of flight line.

I'm going to contact the Chief at my old unit and see if he still has the videos of the Barbie Girl skit. Its safe for work but there are just some things that should not be done with a dinner roll. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
You actually know the guy that wrote this? What's he like in person?

taboofires

Mounting a bayonet on a crew served weapon is easily my favorite. Mostly because it's something that I would actually do for fun...

Dubers

The Irish MPs are not after 'Me frosted lucky charms'.

Not allowed to wake an Non-Commissioned Officer by repeatedly banging on the head with a bag of trash.

ahahaha