Story
<div class="IPBDescription">Read it and score it...</div> Im a maniac of writing short stories. I wrote Horrors, Fantasy, sci-fi... I am planning to post one here but you have to deside what type of story you would like to see. Here is an example of one story wrote by myself...
E.T. came back home... (original title but thats all I can think of)
***Introduction***
Fleet Alpha. Borders of our Solar System.
The commander of the starship looked at the large screen. On it he saw the biggest plague in the solar system... Humans. The large fleet was coming to the borders of the solar system. The metal doors opened and the second commander entered. he wears gold, plate like armour. His head looked like a mixture of a humans face, except it looked more solid, and it was all grey.
"Commander we are reaching the borders of our home. Any orders?" He looked at the newcomer and replied: "Tell the men to prepare. Preaty soon we shall start the assult." The officer nodded and went out of the room. The door closed, and the commander looked ones more on the screen. "Soon, we shall get back what we lost..." ...
Space Colony G-857
"Sir! We are detecting something in sector F-1.' said the man. He wore blue clothes, which represented his rank on the colony. he spoke to the second man which wore red close, obviously the Chef.
"Its possibly one more meteroite. Ignore."
"But sir. There a 30 of them."
"What did you say?!" he went to the bridge. he saw already some movement. Everything was consentraited, on that sector. He was happy that his man know what to do. The objects were all coming at the same speed towards their colony. he was just about to give orders when all the computers turned black, and darkness arrived.
"What the f***?" the answer was quicker than he thought. at first it was only a scream. But when shots got fired, and blades cut through his fragile body, he knew at once that all was lost...
***End of Introduction***
(And what do you think?)
E.T. came back home... (original title but thats all I can think of)
***Introduction***
Fleet Alpha. Borders of our Solar System.
The commander of the starship looked at the large screen. On it he saw the biggest plague in the solar system... Humans. The large fleet was coming to the borders of the solar system. The metal doors opened and the second commander entered. he wears gold, plate like armour. His head looked like a mixture of a humans face, except it looked more solid, and it was all grey.
"Commander we are reaching the borders of our home. Any orders?" He looked at the newcomer and replied: "Tell the men to prepare. Preaty soon we shall start the assult." The officer nodded and went out of the room. The door closed, and the commander looked ones more on the screen. "Soon, we shall get back what we lost..." ...
Space Colony G-857
"Sir! We are detecting something in sector F-1.' said the man. He wore blue clothes, which represented his rank on the colony. he spoke to the second man which wore red close, obviously the Chef.
"Its possibly one more meteroite. Ignore."
"But sir. There a 30 of them."
"What did you say?!" he went to the bridge. he saw already some movement. Everything was consentraited, on that sector. He was happy that his man know what to do. The objects were all coming at the same speed towards their colony. he was just about to give orders when all the computers turned black, and darkness arrived.
"What the f***?" the answer was quicker than he thought. at first it was only a scream. But when shots got fired, and blades cut through his fragile body, he knew at once that all was lost...
***End of Introduction***
(And what do you think?)
Comments
I'll be signing up there soon, myself. Maybe participate in Chuck's personal workshops. Just need a little time and to leave these forums.
Learn to describe things in other ways without resorting to "he saw" and the likes, it reads very badly, also it makes the writer sound extremely young. "Today i went to the zoo. I went with my mummy. I went with my daddy. I saw an elephant. I saw a monkey. I saw......"(edit)... Same thing, just in third person not first person.
Also, take a lot more time detailing your characters. It's not uncommon to see a page or two just describing a single characters features and background. Compressing a character's description down to 26 words is, well, entirely undescriptive. You don't want people to know a basic thing about your character, you want people to get to know and identify with a character.
*EDIT: Added that bit in the second paragraph, also... There is a seperate forum for fanfiction, please use it. <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
I can't remember where or who said it but it's better to show than tell; try and avoid "said the man. He wore blue clothes" rather going for "notified the helmsman, his blue uniform standing starkly out against the red screen behind him" or whatever. Not the best example but, put the description in without being directly saying it if you can =3
Another thing is to try and pick out habits your individual chars have to give them more identity... I'm not saying every character should have a nervous twitch but the simple act of brushing down their uniform or crossing their arms or leaning on the console can tell volumes about a person ^^
but it seems more of a play / theater act , than a story <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Hmm are these aliens like Protoss or something? You have an idea of what they look like?<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Yes. I acctually imagined them as Protoss. I tried to think up something by myself, but I always imagined something similar to the Protoss. <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
Note: I can never "upgrade" my description skills. I always end up with the same thing. ( <!--emo&:(--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/sad.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='sad.gif'><!--endemo--> ) Oh and I will visit that site.
Edit: If anyone wants to read the rest of the story go here: <a href='http://aaotracker.4players.de/thread.php?threadid=26560&sid=&hilight=&hilightuser=74738' target='_blank'>http://aaotracker.4players.de/thread.php?t...lightuser=74738</a> Its not finished though...
quite often people's writing styles are influenced by what they read; horror writers are actually quite good because of the demands of their genre... horror often requires a bit of mystery and attention to detail to build the right atmosphere and it pays off boatloads if you use the same techniques when writing sci-fi or fantasy =D
It's good to get a broad base of styles to inspire you though.
I used to read a lot of Stephen King, James Herbert and edgar alan poe along with tolkien, terry prachett, H.G. Wells, Robert Jordon, H.P. Lovecraft, Anne Rice and I've got 2 michael moorecock novels here that need reading XD
Another good resource for improving your writing skills is rather oddly; games!
I mean RP mainly though; Game Masters/mistresses have to be good at creating the world for their players with just their words and acting skills, plus it teaches you a LOT about making good, solid characters. Also Gamesworkshop books are full of great lil stories; well written and fun to read <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->
If you get on with your english teacher ok then you can also ask them to proof read your stuff for suggestions and stuff ^^
<b>edit:</b> actually it's a shame there's not a section to share our non-NS short stories with on the forums... or is there? ~blink~