Grief
BadKarma
The Advanced Literature monsters burned my house and gave me a 7 Join Date: 2002-11-12 Member: 8260Members
The Advanced Literature monsters burned my house and gave me a 7 Join Date: 2002-11-12 Member: 8260Members
in Off-Topic
It's funny thats the title, becuase its what im not feeling, and im a little worried. My mother died two weeks ago at the age of 40, from a brain tumor. She had been sick for a long time. It had started as breast cancer, then we thought we had killed it. a few months afterward, doctors said there was an inoperable tumor deep in her brain. She lived a few more years after that, active until six months ago. She died on boxing day, she had wanted to make it to Christmas. The thing is, i dont feel sad. I feel the loss of a loved one of course, but not sadness. If anything, i feel happy for her. The six months leading up to her death she was bedridden, and a week before it, she couldnt reconize me. The siezures were bad, it was just me and my father in the house. I dont feel cheated or anything, but i am angry for her. It wasnt fair. If she had to die, then why string it along for 3 years? But my point is, is it normal not to feel any great sadness?
Comments
(What kind of religion do you have? Do you think your mom's in a better place now? If yes, then be even more happy <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo--> )
(What kind of religion do you have? Do you think your mom's in a better place now? If yes, then be even more happy <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo--> ) <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
There's a difference between supressing your feelings and handling them badly. There is a healthy way to feel.
Karma, we all have different ways of handling death, so there isn't really a <i>normal</i> way. Exposure to death, religion, and upbringing all effect how we handle it. I know you've mentioned that you hunt in previous posts, so you see death when you kill another animal. Maybe that has changed how you thought you should've reacted to this situation?
I can't comment on much else, since I don't know your situation. However, just remeber that we all handle things differently, and you'll find (or have found) your way of dealing with your mother's death.
One reason I'm an athiest... "loving god" my ****...
The feeling is normal, just make sure you mourn alittle bit about it. you might have already have. My store above is to prove that i know what i'm talking about. I have a lot of run ins with death i guess.
I've lost a dog and three grandparents and haven't felt all that much...
It's a defence mechanism, and it's normal. Well, it's not <i>good</i> per se, but it's normal. Your body's trying to save it from itself, basically. The same thing happened when my father died (and I was something like 9 at the time). For me, the greif did kick in eventually. It might sound kind of strange, but I hope it does for you too, at some point.
...
/me re-reads the thread.
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->For me not having feelings in certain situations is one of my personal goals. I am happy to be able to suppress my feelings, and I think you should be happy, too, cause think about the people who commit suicide after a loved one /family member dies. They couldn't stand their feelings. So, let's all be happy
(What kind of religion do you have? Do you think your mom's in a better place now? If yes, then be even more happy )<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Whoa. <b>WHOA</b>. Stop. Suppressing your emotions is NOT healthy. Not healthy at all. "think about the people who commit suicide after a loved one /family member dies"... where the hell did <i>that</i> come from? Suicide is caused by depression, not fear of your own emotions.
When a parent dies, the world f***ing sucks, ok? You're not meant to be happy all the time. "Oh, my mum died! Yay! I should forget all about it and pretend I'm fine because crying's bad!". Wth's wrong with you?
Suppressing emotions is nothing to be proud of. It leads to nothing but trouble. Greif especially is normal and healthy. Having a parent die is one of the worst things in the world you can ever go through; damn sure you're meant to be upset about it. You're NOT meant to put on a f***ing happy face and act like nothing's wrong.
Anyway I think this is normal for a small part of the population and its a perfectly fine way to handle grief.
It's normal to not feel anything when you think you should be grieving, because it's your body's way of trying to cope. It's normal for the grief <span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>(yeah, I think I'll stick with this spelling now. Looks more right)</span> to come flooding out later on when something sets it off.
What <i>isn't</i> normal and healthy is to <i>deliberately</i> suppress your emotions. Well, when I say "normal"... it's well-documented, so it's not <i>uncommon</i>, but... it's not the correct operating procedure. You'll break something.
true... so ture
(What kind of religion do you have? Do you think your mom's in a better place now? If yes, then be even more happy )<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Whoa. <b>WHOA</b>. Stop. Suppressing your emotions is NOT healthy. Not healthy at all. "think about the people who commit suicide after a loved one /family member dies"... where the hell did <i>that</i> come from? Suicide is caused by depression, not fear of your own emotions.
When a parent dies, the world f***ing sucks, ok? You're not meant to be happy all the time. "Oh, my mum died! Yay! I should forget all about it and pretend I'm fine because crying's bad!". Wth's wrong with you?
Suppressing emotions is nothing to be proud of. It leads to nothing but trouble. Greif especially is normal and healthy. Having a parent die is one of the worst things in the world you can ever go through; damn sure you're meant to be upset about it. You're NOT meant to put on a f***ing happy face and act like nothing's wrong. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
What if you supress most emotions unwillingly but don't mind? (I do it in certain situations. I just sort of feel... I dunno. It's like I don't have any feeling at all, but it doesn't bother me. It helps me get through rough times.)
(What kind of religion do you have? Do you think your mom's in a better place now? If yes, then be even more happy )<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Whoa. <b>WHOA</b>. Stop. Suppressing your emotions is NOT healthy. Not healthy at all. "think about the people who commit suicide after a loved one /family member dies"... where the hell did <i>that</i> come from? Suicide is caused by depression, not fear of your own emotions.
When a parent dies, the world f***ing sucks, ok? You're not meant to be happy all the time. "Oh, my mum died! Yay! I should forget all about it and pretend I'm fine because crying's bad!". Wth's wrong with you?
Suppressing emotions is nothing to be proud of. It leads to nothing but trouble. Greif especially is normal and healthy. Having a parent die is one of the worst things in the world you can ever go through; damn sure you're meant to be upset about it. You're NOT meant to put on a f***ing happy face and act like nothing's wrong. <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
What if you supress most emotions unwillingly but don't mind? (I do it in certain situations. I just sort of feel... I dunno. It's like I don't have any feeling at all, but it doesn't bother me. It helps me get through rough times.) <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
I find my self doing that to for reason stated in my other topic "Hallermann-Streiff,"
Meh.. i think we all do that. Like there is time and place we need to release are emotions. For me its art and poetry!
When my grandmother on my mother's side passed away I honestly had trouble feeling anything about it, we'd never been close but for some reason I burst into tears during the ceremony. Go figure =3
When my grandfather passed away on my dad's side all I could do is look guilty and admit "really? ...um ...I thought he'd already died like years ago? ^^; "
Which is a shame because when he'd actually been mentally 'there' he'd done cool stuff like show me how to make a battery tester thingy and other stuff.
Close-wise, the only thing I've ever lost are our pets... to date we've had 2 budgies and 2 cats pass away from old age or cancer. Considering how I felt when those went I'd hate to imagine the passing of my parents or friends -.-
When a relative suffers such a long period before they finally go, then it's understandable not to feel grief right off the bat. Like others mentioned you've already done some of it leading up to this; it's not a surprise, it's not sudden, you knew it was coming. It'll probably catch up with you again at a later date though, so don't be too shocked when you suddenly feel a big bout of upset just well up inside you =/
My father died of a brain tumor 7 years ago. I was 13. When he died it was a relief. He had lived for about a year with it, and the moment after the first operation he had become a different person. He was bedridden and unable to communicate for a month.
I didn't feel any grief at the time, I didn't even feel the need to take off school. I've worried ever since that at some point I'm going to snap out of it and grief is going to hit me like a bus. It hasn't yet though, and I don't think it will. I felt cheated at times out of the experiences I might have had with him, but I've realised that my father's death changed who I grew up to be. I like who I am now, so it doesn't make much sense to be angry about it. Time has helped me to focus on my memories of him before his illness, which have become very valuable to me.
So long as you don't fight your emotions about this when they come, don't worry about it. I felt the same way at the time.
I am a rock
I am an island
And a rock feels no pain
And an island never cries.
Thank god, I haven't lost one of my parents yet - only my grandparents, in whichs cases I was usually reduced to a crying mess for a day.
My personal opionion about grief is this: Don't ask yourself what's normal, don't ask yourself how you <i>should</i> feel. What you are feeling is appropriate, simply <i>because</i> you are feeling it. Just let it happen. Nobody has a right in giving you pointers about how to cope with this.
but NZ said it. he wins.