Monster Official Thread

DeepShadows · December 2003

<div class="IPBDescription">all updates will be listed here</div> part 22 is posted. read it at

<a href='http://nsmonster.tripod.com/part22.html' target='_blank'>http://nsmonster.tripod.com/part22.html</a>

sorry this took so long. tis nearing christmas and all..... I might tweak this chapter slightly later on, but I'm not sure yet. Please tell me what you think... even the minute likes/dislikes. Always glad to get feedback --

23 will be up hopefully sometime soon. It's half done as it is.

aonomus · December 2003

Nice, development on Geoff (sp?), keep the story going, this should be a novel on NS... doesn't starcraft have that kind of stuff???

Parhelion · December 2003

Hmm....nice work <img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'> A few things that I'd like to point out, though you may not see the need to correct them.

<ul><li>"Each of us now pondered to ourselves the compilation of oddities: The spore-shooting Lerk..." - "The" doesn't need a capitalised T, because it's not really the start of a new sentence. It's also debateable whether "Lerk" also needs a capital L, but that's mainly personal style.
<li>"Perhaps a metaphor for what he was now." - This has a run-on feel - perhaps use a semicolon and attach it to the end of the previous sentence, or insert a comma after "Perhaps".
<li>"I wasn't there, but if two thirds of the team tells me it's sporing, then it must be. You're not two of the team though, Jacket." - he's not two of the team? It doesn't quite make sense here...did you mean two thirds?
<li>"Geoff: "So the Fade: Did you just catch a glance of it?"" - same issue with the capitalisation after the colon.
<li>"I thought he had as shot." - doesn't make sense here, perhaps I'm missing something.
<li>"He walked in and opened up the fridge, and stood there, and then he asked If I was going to kill him." - capitalisation of "If".
<li>"Still in the bussiness, Bishop?" - spelling of "business".
<li>He told me 'no, don't be. I deserve this.' - it should really be: "He told me, "No, don't be. I deserve this.""
<li>"I was a startled to see Tony, feet away, crawling through the networking." - superfluous "a".</ul>

Looking forward to the next chapter <img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'>

PFCNublar · December 2003

Touching stuff through out.

Man, we could probably give each chapter the "Most Disturbing" and "Most Saddening" Chapter Awards or something. The Donald guy reminds me of Resident Evil, somehow.

/me tears <img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'>

DeepShadows · December 2003

Parhelion - Hurrah for constructive critisism. Thanks again. I've tweaked everything you mentioned except for the "'no, don't be. I deserve this.' " - because I seem to remember that you use singular marks when you are quoting within a quote. as in:

He said "He said 'hi.'"

I'm always glad to get this kind of feedback, be it grammer/spelling issues or simply flow and feeling.

Parhelion · December 2003

<table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (DeepShadows @ Dec 24 2003, 03:11 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> Parhelion - Hurrah for constructive critisism. Thanks again. I've tweaked everything you mentioned except for the "'no, don't be. I deserve this.' " - because I seem to remember that you use singular marks when you are quoting within a quote. as in:

He said "He said 'hi.'"

I'm always glad to get this kind of feedback, be it grammer/spelling issues or simply flow and feeling.  </td></tr></table> 
No problems <img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'>

Singular marks are probably to be used (although I'm not really a fan of them, though that's just me) - I think the comma preceding the speech and the capitalised first letter of what he says still needs to be observed, though. If you want singular marks, it would be like this:

"He told me, 'No, don't be. I deserve this.'"

I like the idea of giving awards to special chapters <img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'> I'd have to say, however, that Chapter 17 (in particular, the ending) is by far my favourite part of the story <img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'>

Khaim · December 2003

\o/
The chapter rocked, the only slightly confusing part was the pistols... Did he get issued 1 every mission, or pick them up off the dead guys? heh.

aonomus · December 2003

Issued 1, picked up 5 more TSA pistols, 2 special ff on pistols

DeepShadows · January 2004

part 23 is up. It is something of a half-chapter. I wrote it around christmas, and forgot to put it up. Part 24 is half done, I am writing it as we speak, and for once I can onestly say it SHOULD be done by tonight... though I tend to make false dates.

<a href='http://nsmonster.tripod.com/part23.html' target='_blank'>click here to read it</a>

link:

<a href='http://nsmonster.tripod.com/part23.html' target='_blank'>http://nsmonster.tripod.com/part23.html</a>

PFCNublar · January 2004

Twas short, but still a good read. Hurry up with the next chapter. A half chapter doesn't satisfy my hunger for a full chapter!

brute_force · January 2004

Wow. I love this story. It's one of the best NS fanfics I've ever read. Great work, keep it up! <img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'>

DeepShadows · January 2004

part 24 iz up. Working on part 25, which originally I was going to nclude in this chapter... but it got long enough by itself.

<a href='http://nsmonster.tripod.com/part24.html' target='_blank'>click here to read</a>

PFCNublar · January 2004

I love the character development and the humor. It kicks ****. This would rank up as...the best part that shows some sort of comraderie? Dunno, I find it kinda familiar between them when they curse and stuffle.

They also have the worse luck on the planet...err...space station <img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'>.

Khaim · January 2004

Yeah, only one thing to say about that.... Geoff better have a lot of pistol ammo... ^_^ Great chapter man, this fanfic rocks.

Parhelion · January 2004

Aye, excellent work <img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'> Keep it up, nothing to add from me.

DeepShadows · January 2004

part 25 and 26 are up. It is 6 am... I am going to bed.... goodnight...

brute_force · January 2004

Part 25 rocked! Keep up the great story man!

Khaim · January 2004

Nice chapters, keeps getting more and more confusing ; ) can't wait for more man. ^^

Parhelion · January 2004

I hate cliffhangers, except when I'm writing <img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'> Great work, once again.

One thing: "...and who is Donald, and why was he dressed as a frontiersmen..." - it should be a singular "Frontiersman". Apart from that, I couldn't see anything else - will be waiting for the next chapter <img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'>

DeepShadows · January 2004

added three background files, for those who aren't ns literate. this replaced the old "intro." Even if you are informed with stuff, go ahead and read them.

<a href='http://nsmonster.tripod.com/background1.html' target='_blank'>read the first background file here</a>

btw, tis my birthday. if you likin the story, email me and tell me so. c0pywritedgod@hotmail.com - that is all I ask <img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif' />

Parhelion · January 2004

<ul><li>"...the Frontiersmen had a very fined stratagem for combating the aliens..."</li><li>"In the mean while..." - space between "mean" and "while" unnecessary.</li></ul>Nice introduction - I think it would be a good explanation to the non-NS-oriented. Happy birthday too, by the way. Might send off an e-mail later <img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif' />

Edit: fixed something.

Fire_Eel · January 2004

Whoa, ur story is good. Better than mine I must say. Btw, does anyone know which chapter did the Onos appeared at?

MonsieurEvil · February 2004

Artificial de-bumping due to forum time/date problem, please ignore this post

aonomus · February 2004

Wow.... man another good NS Fic... can't wait for the next one... <img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' />

Align · February 2004

#20.

Fire_Eel · February 2004

now that I see it, the difference between Monster and Behemoth is that Monster is more of speech, emotional and psychological stuff while Behemoth is more of action and impossible stuff.

DeepShadows · February 2004

sorry I haven't posted the next chapter yet, been preoccupied with school. Heh, my wedsday teacher is the guy who wrote the screen play for bill and ted's excellent adventure. Anyway, I'll get on that now I suppose ---

woo ha.

DeepShadows · February 2004

part 27 complete and online. Read it <a href='http://nsmonster.tripod.com/part27.html' target='_blank'>here.</a>

brute_force · February 2004

Yay! More! <img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' />

PFCNublar · February 2004

You've forgotten to capitalize Boom Jacket in the last line, but pretty story.

Unique story. I hope the next chapter comes out soon and there will be some hot TSA vs Black-Ops action soon, eh?

Khaim · March 2004

I hope chapter 28 is comming allong well... I'd hate to see such a good fanfic as this die off, it really rocks, and it's just getting to the really good part too! <img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif' />

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