Geeky Computer Programming Jokes
Brave_Ulysses
Join Date: 2003-04-28 Member: 15922Members
Join Date: 2003-04-28 Member: 15922Members
in Off-Topic
<div class="IPBDescription">anyone got any?</div> For example (in Perl):
<!--c1--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>CODE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='CODE'><!--ec1-->print "Why do programmers confuse Halloween and Christmas?\n";
printf "Because %d Oct equals %d Dec\n", 31, oct 31;<!--c2--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--ec2-->
Bring on teh geekiness! <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->
<!--c1--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>CODE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='CODE'><!--ec1-->print "Why do programmers confuse Halloween and Christmas?\n";
printf "Because %d Oct equals %d Dec\n", 31, oct 31;<!--c2--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--ec2-->
Bring on teh geekiness! <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->
Comments
the amatuer thinks there are 1000 bytes in a kilobyte while the proffesional thinks there are 1024 meters in a kilometer
Bring it on!
Those who do, and those who dont.
The electrician says "It must be the battery! We'll have to get a jump start from someone."
The engineer says "No no, it must be the engine! We're going to have to get this car towed to a mechanic and have the engine repaired."
So then the programmer says "No no no, all we have to do is roll the windows down, get out of the car, get back in, roll the windows up, and we'll be fine!"
None. That's a hardware issue.
Several professors were asked to solve the following problem: "Prove that all odd integers are prime."
Mathematician: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is not a prime - counter-example - claim is false.
Physicist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is an experimental error, 11 is a prime ...
Engineer: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is a prime, 11 is a prime ...
Computer Scientist: 3's a prime, 5's a prime, 7's a prime ... segmentation fault
Lawyers: one is prime, three is prime, five is prime, seven is prime, although there appears to be prima facie evidence that nine is not prime, there exists substantial precedent to indicate that nine should be considered prime. The following brief presents the case for nine's primeness...
Liberals: The fact that nine is not prime indicates a deprived cultural environment which can only be remedied by a federally funded cultural enrichment program.
Computer programmers: one is prime, three is prime, five is prime, five is prime, five is prime, five is prime five is prime, five is prime, five is prime...
Bush: What's nine got against being prime? I'll bet it won't allow the pledge of allegiance to be said in our schools either.
Richard Nixon: Put nine on the enemies list. I'm gonna get that number.
Rec.humor poster: one is prime, one is prime, one is prime, one is prime
Professor: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, and the rest are left as an exercise for the student.
Computational linguist: 3 is an odd prime, 5 is an odd prime, 7 is an odd prime, 9 is a very odd prime,...
Computer Scientist: 10 prime, 11 prime, 101 prime...
Chemist: 1 prime, 3 prime, 5 prime... hey, let's publish!
Measure nontheorist: there are exactly as many odd numbers as primes (Euclid, Cantor), and exactly one even prime (namely 2), so there must be exactly one odd nonprime (namely 1).
New Yorker: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is... NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS!
Programmer: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 will be fixed in the next release,...
C programmer: 03 is prime, 05 is prime, 07 is prime, 09 is really 011 which everyone knows is prime,...
BASIC programmer: What's a prime?
COBOL programmer: What's an odd number?
You could always write that as:
<!--c1--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>CODE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='CODE'><!--ec1-->print "five is prime, " x 7;<!--c2--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--ec2-->
<!--emo&;)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/wink.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wink.gif'><!--endemo-->
Those who do, and those who dont. <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
that the best one i know...
i tried it on my g.f but instead of getting it i get
'whats binary' so the entire joke was wasted...
<span style='color:white'>---</span>
there is the alternative one of...
' theres no place like 127.0.0.1'
<span style='color:white'>The edit button - for when you don't want to annoy the living hell out of a bitter admin.</span>
'whats binary' so the entire joke was wasted... <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
I hate that - when you tell someone a joke and then have to laboriously explain it to them. Kinda kills the moment.
the amatuer thinks there are 1000 bytes in a kilobyte while the proffesional thinks there are 1024 meters in a kilometer <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
I liked that one.
The project manager wanted everyone to help draw up a plan of how to fix the car and carry on.
The hardware engineer wanted to change the tyre and carry on.
The programmer wanted to go back to the top of the hill, drive down again, and see if the problem happened again.
% rm meese-ethics
rm: meese-ethics nonexistent
% ar m God
ar: God does not exist
% "How would you rate Reagan's incompetence?
Unmatched ".
% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
Missing ].
% ^How did the sex change^ operation go?
Modifier failed.
% If I had a ( for every $ Reagan spent on the military, what would I
have?
Too many ('s.
% make love
Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.
% sleep with me
bad character
% got a light?
No match.
% man: why did you get a divorce?
man:: Too many arguments.
% ^What is saccharine?
Bad substitute.
% %blow
%blow: No such job.
% \(-
(-: Command not found.
% sh
$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
no sense in pretending!
$ drink <bottle; opener
bottle: cannot open
opener: not found
$ mkdir matter; cat >matter
matter: cannot create
% man sex
No manual entry for sex
Unmatched ".
% ^How did the sex change^ operation go?
Modifier failed.
% sleep with me
bad character
<!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
Hee hee hee hee!
No manual entry for sex <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
There is actually a <a href='http://internet.ls-la.net/man-pages/sex.html' target='_blank'>sex man page</a>...
You think there are 256 days in a year.
You rate girls from 0 to 9.
(btw, thats not really a joke. Those both happened to me.)
No manual entry for sex <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
There is actually a <a href='http://internet.ls-la.net/man-pages/sex.html' target='_blank'>sex man page</a>... <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
Dear oh dear - that paedophilia thing: "must specify child process"! <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->
And moultano - hahaha, nice. What languages do you code in? When you write normal english do you find yourself ending lines with semicolons and suchlike???
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->If C lets you shoot yourself in the foot, C++ lets you blow your whole leg off<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
He's right. <i>And</i> you can re-use the bullet!
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->If C lets you shoot yourself in the foot, C++ lets you blow your whole leg off<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
He's right. <i>And</i> you can re-use the bullet! <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
<a href='http://www.steve.gb.com/perl/humour.html' target='_blank'>Speaking of which...</a>