AllUrHiveRblong2usBy Your Powers Combined...Join Date: 2002-12-20Member: 11244Members
Steven Wright is teh winnar.
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->The other night I was walking my dog around the building. On the ledge. Some people are scared of heights I'm scared of widths.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Really good stuff <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->OK, so what's the speed of dark?<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
faster than the speed of light, becasue when turn on a light in a dark room, all the dark must escape so the light can take over, thereby saying that dark is faster than light.
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd--> <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->
Steven Wright is hillarious! He's so monotone and has really clever anecdotes. If you like him you'll wanna hear some <a href='http://www.mitchhedberg.net/' target='_blank'> Mitch Hedberg</a>. There are some audio files on the left hand side of the page, or you could go hear his cd on some p2p network which shall remain nameless, you COULD do that, I wouldn't reccomend it.
<!--QuoteBegin--Mitch Hedberg+--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Mitch Hedberg)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long
I type a 101 words a minute. But it's in my own language.
One time a guy handed me a picture of himself, and he said, "Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture of you is of when you were younger. Here's a picture of me when I am older. You ****, how'd you pull that off? Let me see that camera...
On a traffic light green means go and yellow means yield, but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means hold on, yellow means go ahead, and red means where the f*ck did you get that banana at...
I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
I played golf...I did not get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. That's way more satisfying...You're supposed to yell 'fore' but I kept thinking there ain't no way that's gonna hit him.
At my hotel room, my friend came over and asked to use the phone. I said "Certainly." He said "Do I need to dial 9?" I say "Yeah. Especially if it's in the number. You can try four and five back to back real quick."
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
When you go to a restaurant on the weekends and it's busy they start a waiting list. They start calling out names, they say "Dufrane, party of two. Dufrane, party of two." And if no one answers they'll say their name again. "Dufrane, party of two, Dufrane, party of two." But then if no one answers they'll just go right on to the next name. "Bush, party of three." Yeah, what happened to the Dufranes. No one seems to give a ****. Who can eat at a time like this - people are missing. You **** are selfish....the Dufranes are in someone's trunk right now, with duct take over their mouths, and they're hungry. Bush, search party of three, you can eat when you find the Dufranes. <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<a href='http://www.students.bucknell.edu/jbfisher/mitch.htm' target='_blank'>Here</a> is a link with a bunch of quotes, but like Steven Wright he's way better to hear, and even BETTER to see!
<!--QuoteBegin--Burr+Jun 1 2003, 03:25 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Burr @ Jun 1 2003, 03:25 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> <!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->OK, so what's the speed of dark?<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
faster than the speed of light, becasue when turn on a light in a dark room, all the dark must escape so the light can take over, thereby saying that dark is faster than light. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd--> no
all it says is that it doesnt travel slower, not it travels faster
Comments
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->The other night I was walking my dog around the building. On the ledge. Some people are scared of heights I'm scared of widths.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Been there, done that.
To think how badly they have been scamming us all these years...
faster than the speed of light, becasue when turn on a light in a dark room, all the dark must escape so the light can take over, thereby saying that dark is faster than light.
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->
(:
This guy is pretty funny.
<!--QuoteBegin--Mitch Hedberg+--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Mitch Hedberg)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->
I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long
I type a 101 words a minute. But it's in my own language.
One time a guy handed me a picture of himself, and he said, "Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture of you is of when you were younger. Here's a picture of me when I am older. You ****, how'd you pull that off? Let me see that camera...
On a traffic light green means go and yellow means yield, but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means hold on, yellow means go ahead, and red means where the f*ck did you get that banana at...
I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
I played golf...I did not get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. That's way more satisfying...You're supposed to yell 'fore' but I kept thinking there ain't no way that's gonna hit him.
At my hotel room, my friend came over and asked to use the phone. I said "Certainly." He said "Do I need to dial 9?" I say "Yeah. Especially if it's in the number. You can try four and five back to back real quick."
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
When you go to a restaurant on the weekends and it's busy they start a waiting list. They start calling out names, they say "Dufrane, party of two. Dufrane, party of two." And if no one answers they'll say their name again. "Dufrane, party of two, Dufrane, party of two." But then if no one answers they'll just go right on to the next name. "Bush, party of three." Yeah, what happened to the Dufranes. No one seems to give a ****. Who can eat at a time like this - people are missing. You **** are selfish....the Dufranes are in someone's trunk right now, with duct take over their mouths, and they're hungry. Bush, search party of three, you can eat when you find the Dufranes.
<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<a href='http://www.students.bucknell.edu/jbfisher/mitch.htm' target='_blank'>Here</a> is a link with a bunch of quotes, but like Steven Wright he's way better to hear, and even BETTER to see!
faster than the speed of light, becasue when turn on a light in a dark room, all the dark must escape so the light can take over, thereby saying that dark is faster than light.
<!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
no
all it says is that it doesnt travel slower, not it travels faster