Ns Biblical Quotations

SkulkBaitSkulkBait Join Date: 2003-02-11 Member: 13423Members
edited February 2003 in Off-Topic
<div class="IPBDescription">Revised, King Flayra edition</div> Posted the below as a joke, someone got a kick out of it, so i'll post any others I come up with here.

<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->
And the poeple did say unto the devs "We, your humble players, do ask that you, in your infinite power and wisdom, deliver us from the n00b scourge that hath spoiled our much sacred gaming." And the Devs did hear the people, and did give unto them the IQ Test Installer, and the people saw this, and said it was good.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->


-- (13:37) Book of MonsieurEvil, Revised NS Bible, King Flayra Edition.


<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->
Our Commander who art in the chair, hallowed be thy res. Thy orders come, they will be done, in Port as they were in
Unnamed. Give us this day our daily health packs. And forgive us our failures, though we don't forgive those who succeed against us. And lead us not into armory humping, but deliver us from skulk rushes: for thine is the map, and the pwnage, and the victory, for ever and ever. Amen.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->


-- The Comm's prayer, Revised NS Bible, King Flayra Edition.


EDIT: If your gonna edit my posts nemesis, try to do it right <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo-->

Comments

  • NarfwakNarfwak Join Date: 2002-11-02 Member: 5258Members, Super Administrators, Forum Admins, NS1 Playtester, Playtest Lead, Forum Moderators, Constellation, NS2 Playtester, Squad Five Blue, Reinforced - Supporter, Reinforced - Silver, Reinforced - Gold, Reinforced - Diamond, Reinforced - Shadow, Subnautica PT Lead, NS2 Community Developer
    edited February 2003
    <!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->'What is the greatest command order?  You will love your commander with your whole heart, your whole mind, and your whole soul.  The second is like it: you shall love your teammates as yourself.'<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->

    --(14:73) Book of Sanjii, Revised NS Bible, King Flayra edition.
  • LegionnairedLegionnaired Join Date: 2002-04-30 Member: 552Members, Constellation
    Clever. Blasphemous, but clever.
  • SkulkBaitSkulkBait Join Date: 2003-02-11 Member: 13423Members
    edited February 2003
    <!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->And then three players did pilgramage to the great Forum Temple, and the first did pray to the devs "Leed us, our devs, through these turbulent times when the Counter-Strike heathens do attempt to ruin our sacred gaming almost daily, and do disobey the holy comms despite your word that they are sacred". The second did ask of the great devs "Oh great devs, why have you forsaken the punishment of those who would seek to ruin your devine communion, our gameplay, and see that they do return to the heathen hords from whence they came?". And the third pilgrim did demand "NS n33d5 4 5ni93r rif13 0r i7 i5 teh suk!!!111!!oneone". And lo, the devs did smite the n00b pilgrim with the sacred Suggestions & Ideas FAQ scripture, which was quite painful, and did expell the n00b from the sacred Forum Temple, never to return, and did place his WON-ID on tablets of the forever-banned. And the first two pilgrims saw this, and stood in awe of the devs' devine justice.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->

    -- (74:11) Book of the Sacred Forums, Revised NS Bible, King Flayra Edition.

    <!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Yea, though I skulk through the alley in the shadows of turrets, I shall fear no bullets:
    For thou art with me; Thy spores and thy spikes, they shalt comfort me. Thou preparest a feast before me that consists of mine enemies; thou annointest my head with umbra; my frags runneth over.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->

    -- (13:49) Book of Kharaa Psalms, Revised NS Bible, King Flayra Edition.
  • TychoCelchuuuTychoCelchuuu Anememone Join Date: 2002-03-23 Member: 345Members
    <!--QuoteBegin--Legionnaired+Feb 20 2003, 12:21 AM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Legionnaired @ Feb 20 2003, 12:21 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> Clever. Blasphemous, but clever. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
    Oh, come on. Giving us an excuse to nail him to a tree is a GOOD thing <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo-->
  • SevendashsevenSevendashseven Join Date: 2002-11-01 Member: 3357Members
    I wish Caligula uttered the words in my sig.
  • Nemesis_ZeroNemesis_Zero Old European Join Date: 2002-01-25 Member: 75Members, Retired Developer, NS1 Playtester, Constellation
    edited February 2003
    All I have to say is:

    <!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Thou shalt not commit double-postery.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->

    -- (25:22) First Book Modses, Revised NS Bible, King Flayra Edition.
  • NarfwakNarfwak Join Date: 2002-11-02 Member: 5258Members, Super Administrators, Forum Admins, NS1 Playtester, Playtest Lead, Forum Moderators, Constellation, NS2 Playtester, Squad Five Blue, Reinforced - Supporter, Reinforced - Silver, Reinforced - Gold, Reinforced - Diamond, Reinforced - Shadow, Subnautica PT Lead, NS2 Community Developer
    <!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->The Ten Kharmandments:
    1)I am the Lord your Gorge. . . you shall have no other Gorgies before me.
    2)You shalt not defile the name of the Gorge, or pronounce it as George or Gorg.
    3)Remember the release day and keep it holy.
    4)Honor thy hive and thy marine spawn.
    5)You shalt not team kill.
    6)You shalt not not commit exploitery.
    7)You shalt not rob thy divine Gorge of His holy RPs.
    8)You shalt not bear false hivesight against your neihbor.
    9 & 10)You shall not covet thy neihbor's hive; you shall not covet thy neihbor's Onos, nor any Nodes that belong to thy neihbor.
    <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->

    -- (20:1-21) First Book Modses, Revised NS Bible, King Flayra edition.
  • NarfwakNarfwak Join Date: 2002-11-02 Member: 5258Members, Super Administrators, Forum Admins, NS1 Playtester, Playtest Lead, Forum Moderators, Constellation, NS2 Playtester, Squad Five Blue, Reinforced - Supporter, Reinforced - Silver, Reinforced - Gold, Reinforced - Diamond, Reinforced - Shadow, Subnautica PT Lead, NS2 Community Developer
    edited February 2003
    <!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--><b>The Parable of the Good Gorge</b>

    "A marine was going down from Powersilo to scout for hives, and fell into the mouths of skulks, who ate his weapons, chewed him, and left him with one hit-point.  Now by chance the commander did see this, but passed the marine by, thinking "This man has nothing; surely health-packs would be wasted."  So likewise a Heavily Armored n00b, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side, for he knew not the ways of the welder and wanted only 0wnz0r5.  But a Gorge while traveling came near him; and when he saw him he was moved with pity.  He went to him and healing-sprayed his wounds, having poured Bacterium on them.  Then he put him on his Onos, brought him to a hive, and took care of him.  The next day hew took out twenty resource points, gave them to the hive, and said, 'Take care of him; and when I come back, I will regurgitate you whatever more you spend.'"<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->

    --(13:73) Book of Sanjii, Revised NS Bible, King Flayra edition.
  • Smoke_NovaSmoke_Nova Join Date: 2002-11-15 Member: 8697Members
    Very clever. Even Legionnaired isn't insulted enough to flame, so I like it.

    Very clever indeed, I just had a thought of writing the ten Khamandments yesterday when I was vacuuming
  • LegionnairedLegionnaired Join Date: 2002-04-30 Member: 552Members, Constellation
    <!--QuoteBegin--TychoCelchuuu+Feb 20 2003, 12:07 AM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (TychoCelchuuu @ Feb 20 2003, 12:07 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> <!--QuoteBegin--Legionnaired+Feb 20 2003, 12:21 AM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Legionnaired @ Feb 20 2003, 12:21 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> Clever. Blasphemous, but clever. <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
    Oh, come on. Giving us an excuse to nail him to a tree is a GOOD thing <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo--> <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
    Never looked at it that way <!--emo&;)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/wink.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wink.gif'><!--endemo-->.

    The flood parable is pretty good, but you can do better, there's SO many things you could do here:

    The clearing of the hive room, The patching of the 5000 servers, the owning of the 10 n00bs....
  • DOOManiacDOOManiac Worst. Critic. Ever. Join Date: 2002-04-17 Member: 462Members, NS1 Playtester
    Hah. These are funny. I'd make one up but I don't know any passages or stories. :P Somebody to Exodus & Revelations. heh.
  • TychoCelchuuuTychoCelchuuu Anememone Join Date: 2002-03-23 Member: 345Members
    Someday, we shall compile all into one huge book, and then find some sort of publisher, you know, the kind that publishes those Blizzard Game novels, and then they will make these, and we will sell them and they will be shrink wrapped and packaged with NS chewing gum and sold in drug stores.
  • Smoke_NovaSmoke_Nova Join Date: 2002-11-15 Member: 8697Members
    <!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->The Ten Commandments (hehe, get it? Commander = Command ments)

    1) Thy commander is thy one true god.  Thou shalt obey him unto your death.  Then thou shall obey him again.  And again.  And again.
    2) Thou shalt not curse thy command as being n00b
    3) Remember thy release day, and keep it holy.
    4) Honor thy teammates, for they are thine surrogate parents.
    5) Thou shalt not teamkill.
    6) Thou shalt not commit exploitation or cheating.
    7) Thou shalt not kill-steal.
    8) Thou shalt not accuse of cheating when thou art owned.
    9) Thou shalt not covet thy teammates corpse.
    10) Thou shalt not covet thy teammates weapon.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
  • InfinitumInfinitum Anime Encyclopedia Join Date: 2002-08-08 Member: 1111Members, Constellation
    <!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--><b>The Revelation of St.Comm</b>

    Let him have understanding count the number of the kharaa: for it is a number of an Onos; and it's number is 1337.
    <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->

    I wish I could find my bible. (Even though I'm not Christian)
    It's got some good quotes -_-
  • SkulkBaitSkulkBait Join Date: 2003-02-11 Member: 13423Members
    edited February 2003
    <!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->I wish I could find my bible. (Even though I'm not Christian)
    It's got some good quotes -_-<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->

    Try this: <a href='http://www.hti.umich.edu/k/kjv/' target='_blank'>http://www.hti.umich.edu/k/kjv/</a>

    EDIT:
    <!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->*gives skulkbait a cewkie*<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
    *Eats cewkie greedily*
    Mmmmmm... cewkie....
  • InfinitumInfinitum Anime Encyclopedia Join Date: 2002-08-08 Member: 1111Members, Constellation
    <!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Revelations 6

    And when he had opened the fourth airlock, I heard the voice of the fourth Fade say, Come and see.
    And I looked, and behold a pale Onos: and his name that sat on him was Lerk, and Skulk followed with him. And power was given unto them over the fourth part of the facility, to kill with fangs, and to paralyse, and xenocide, and with the Kharaa of the Moon.
    And when he had opened the fifth airlock, I saw under the Protolab the Jetpacks of them that were slain for the word of Comm, and for the 1337ness which they held:
    And they cried with too many voicecomm messages, yelling, How long, O Comm, 1337 and true, dost thou not give and build our base on them that dwell in the hives?<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->

    *gives skulkbait a cewkie*
  • ConfuzorConfuzor Join Date: 2002-11-01 Member: 2412Awaiting Authorization
    <!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->The Parable of the Good Gorge
    "A marine was going down from Powersilo to scout for hives, and fell into the mouths of skulks, who ate his weapons, chewed him, and left him with one hit-point.  Now by chance the commander did see this, but passed the marine by, thinking "This man has nothing; surely health-packs would be wasted."  So likewise a Heavily Armored n00b, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side, for he knew not the ways of the welder and wanted only 0wnz0r5.  But a Gorge while traveling came near him; and when he saw him he was moved with pity.  He went to him and healing-sprayed his wounds, having poured Bacterium on them.  Then he put him on his Onos, brought him to a hive, and took care of him.  The next day hew took out twenty resource points, gave them to the hive, and said, 'Take care of him; and when I come back, I will regurgitate you whatever more you spend.'"<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->

    Arise, Kerrigan!

    Hmm... Thief scriptures could work here too.
  • Ben128Ben128 Join Date: 2002-06-21 Member: 808Members, Constellation
  • DreadDread Join Date: 2002-07-24 Member: 993Members
    Heh, thats great <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo-->

    Mods should web this thread.
  • The_Holy_GreyThe_Holy_Grey Join Date: 2002-12-17 Member: 10977Members
    * secrifices the nearest lamb for the greatness of this tread *
  • RamsesRamses Join Date: 2002-05-21 Member: 642Members
    <!--QuoteBegin--Confuzor+--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Confuzor)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Hmm... Thief scriptures could work here too.
    <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
    Yes, there will never be better scriptures than the ones of Thief I and II.... Does anyone now where I can get a complete list of all the thief scriptures? I would love to do some.
  • SkulkBaitSkulkBait Join Date: 2003-02-11 Member: 13423Members
    edited February 2003
    <!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->And early in the morning he came again into the forum, and all the players came unto him; and he sat down, and taught them. And the Marines and Aliens brought unto him a n00b who hath known the armory; and when they had set him in the midst. They say unto him, "Great Dev, this n00b hath known the armory, in the very act. Now Bob in the falmes commanded us, that such should be vote-banned: but what sayest thou?". This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Flayra stooped down, and with his lmg wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not. So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them "He who has not been a n00b among you, let him cast the first vote". And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground. And they which heard, being convicted by conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the 1337357, unto the 1457: and Flayra was left alone, and the n00b standing in the midst. When Flayra had lifted up himself, and saw none but the n00b, he said unto him "n00b, where are those thine accusers? hath no player vote-banned thee?." He said "No player, Great Dev." And Flayra said unto him, "Neither do I vote-ban thee: go, and learn the game more."<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->

    -- (10:09) Book of MonsieurEvil, Revised NS Bible, King Flayra Edition.
  • RyoOhkiRyoOhki Join Date: 2003-01-26 Member: 12789Members
    <!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->In the beginning Valve created Half Life and the servers
    And the servers were without players, and void, and darkness was upon the face of every player. And Flayra did move upon the face of the servers.
    And Flayra said, Let there be developers, and there were developers.
    And Flayra saw the developers, and that they were good. And Flayra divided the developers from the players.
    And this was the first day
    And Flayra then said Let there be a firament that will place the developers on high. And Flayra created the first beta of NS.
    And this was the second day
    And Flayra said Let all the bugs be gathered in one place, so that gameplay might begin. And Flayra did thus. And Flayra said Let these bugs be purged, and He created the playtesters. And Flayra saw that they were good.
    And this was the third day
    And Flayra said Let there be lights in the sky to divide the worthy from the unworthy, and the forum moderators were created. And Flayra saw that they were good.
    And Flayra said Let there be light in the skies of night also, that may bring light to those without, and the forums were created. And Flayra saw that it was good
    And this was the fourth day
    And Flayra said Let the hives bring forth abundantly every skulk that hath life, and lerks that may fly above the earth.
    And Flayra created great Onoi, which the hives brought forth abundantly, and gorges to build his lands, and fades to blink upon the servers.
    And Flayra said Go forth and multiply, and fill the servers with all manner of life.
    And this was the fifth day
    And Flayra did then see his creations had none to challange, and Flayra said Let us make the marines in our image, after our likeness, and let them have dominion over the fades of the vents, and over the lerks of the skies, and over the gorges of the resources, and over the onoi of the end game, and dominion over every skulking thing that skulkth upon the servers
    So Flayra created the marines in his own image, commander and soldier created he them.
    And Flayra did say unto them Go forth and multiply, and replenish the servers. I hath given you every ammo bearing armory which is upon the face of the servers, and every gate that will phase, and every skulk; to you it shall be for meat.
    And Flayra saw everything that He had made, and behold, it was very good.
    And this was the sixth day
    Thus Natural Selection and the servers were finished, all the host of them
    And on the seventh day Flayra ended his work and rested, partaking in his creation. And lo, upon the servers he did travel.
    And on the seventh day Flayra did build of a sensory chamber first, and thus did the server turn upon him. And Flayra said "Thus I did buildeth"
    And the server did say "Why oh Lord?"
    And Flayra said "This is my creation"

    And Flayra saw that despite his best efforts, there were still n00bs.
    <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
  • The_Holy_GreyThe_Holy_Grey Join Date: 2002-12-17 Member: 10977Members
  • OlljOllj our themepark-stalking nightmare Fade Join Date: 2002-12-12 Member: 10696Members
    edited April 2003
    redemption:
    <a href='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/index.php?act=ST&f=1&t=26364&st=0' target='_blank'>http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/in...=1&t=26364&st=0</a>

    I am the mod the NS, You shalt not have strange mods before me.
    You shalt not take the ballancing of the mod in vain.
    Remember to keep Holy Flays Birthday.
    Honor the Gorges and the Hives.
    Thou shalt not kill, well at least not yourself.
    Thou shalt not eject your comm.
    Thou shalt not waste resources from the hive
    Thou shalt not call your Teammates n00bs.
    Thou shalt not covet the Teammates Knife skills.
    Thou shalt not covet the Teammates HMG.

    ...
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