Bloodline
<div class="IPBDescription">Just looking for some feedback</div> Bloodline is a new full story I'm working on. I'm a bit unsure of my approach thus far, so what I'm looking for is feedback on how well you understand the plot, and the overall style of it. I'm really trying to figure out if I need to start with the backstory first (right now I've just got a timeline.)
It's fairly short: nine chapters, some only a page long. Let me know what you think if you care to take a look.
<a href='http://wayward.netfirms.com/blood' target='_blank'>http://wayward.netfirms.com/blood</a>
It's fairly short: nine chapters, some only a page long. Let me know what you think if you care to take a look.
<a href='http://wayward.netfirms.com/blood' target='_blank'>http://wayward.netfirms.com/blood</a>
Comments
The plot seems quite interesting and is in my opinion easy to understand and pick up. Basicly at the end of chapter two you know what is going on and who the main characters are.
The question wether to start with the background story depends on the feeling you want to create throughout the overall story. Right now the world of 2600 whatever seems to be "the real thing", the world in which Lancer and his crew are thrown, but fit in quite easily.
If you would start with the backstory, maybe telling a great deal about the days before they started and when they prepared launch to Alpha Centauri, you would make the whole scenario around 2100 much more real.
The reader would identify alot more with Lancer and his men and they would seem displaced and somehow forced into this new environment. You could play alot more with the things that apear strange to Lancer, like the absence of grenades or the new technologies. It really depends on who you want the reader to identify with, though as of right now I'd say, write the backstory and put our main focus on Lancer, as he seems to be the protagonist anyway.
Something else I stumbled upon is the difference in detail used throughout the story. If you were to write a book about this, you could easily stretch the first chapters over a hundred pages without having it become boring. There's a lot of potential character development in these first chapters, yet you made most of the chapters short.
This may be due to the fact that it is only a start or because it is supposed to be only a "shortstory", but somehow it seems as though you did chapter 9 first and then came up with the rest to give some beackground, or you had chapter 9 all planed out, but were trying to get that story told, before writing what you actually were thinking about (happens to me alot).
All in all, I can only say that is quality work as the rest of your stuff, but there is a lot more potential in this. Don't worry about the story being to complicated, it is easily understandable (even some German dude like me could read it in 30 minutes and completely understand it... than again, I read Feintuch in English, wish was a lot longer... <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo--> ), but try to decide what kind of feeling you want to give the overall development.
I think I just go into more detail when I'm writing combat scenes. Looks like I'll have to relook they first few and get some of the more boring stuff in, too. <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
Thanks again for the read! Helps alot in moving ahead.