Mission Start
ignot
Join Date: 2002-10-30 Member: 1762Members
Join Date: 2002-10-30 Member: 1762Members
Right, just been sitting at meh 'pooter bored shitless, so decided to write a little fan-fiction. It's not very long and it's my first attempt, so I thought i'd see if I can get any opinions/advice on how to, or if to proceed.
Some grammar may well be out, and all character names were pulled out of the air hence they suck, but let me know what you think please.
And remember, be gentle, it's my first time <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' valign='absmiddle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo-->
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'Steam. Bloody steam.' Sergant Jones half muttered and half thought to himself, missing the pun entirely. It's what had gotten Sanchez killed. Mixed with the shadows, and the claustraphobic corridors, it played with your mind, made you see things that weren't there. Suddenly something as trivial as a discarded uniform was a threat, any movement was subject to panic fire, everything was out to kill you. One of the pressurised pipes leading to the engine room marked out for their base of operations had been ruptured, filling the corridor with a haze that obscured any chance of seeing into the main chamber. Motion tracking had been checked, the room should have been clear, damn these aliens were getting smarter, he was sure of it.
Sanchez had been with his unit for two months, nowhere near long enough for his family to be eligible for any form of compensation, just a half-arsed letter describing how valiantly he had fought for the human race. Yeah, right. He had been ripped apart before he could even level his weapon in the right direction.
Jones surveyed the remainder of his squad, seven left, including himself. Four were rookies. Signed up after falling for the 'heroes of mankind' propaganda no doubt. Jones didn't care about their reasons for joining anymore, he'd seen too many friends torn to pieces, had to attend too many funerals and had to break the news to too many families to make any more attachments to people. It hurt too much to let them go. He recognised the faces of the recruits, they had all been standing bright eyed and eager to get on mission in the front row whilst waiting to be assigned to squads at base camp. Ha! they were anything but bright eyed now, he could see the terror in their faces, covering their zones, heads jerking like prairie dogs in all directions, keen not to suffer the same fate as Sanchez, they had been consumed by fear and the instinct to survive. At least they were smart enough not to try and run he thought.
'You four!' he barked, turning his stare to them. 'That sort of carelessness gets you killed.' Pointing his weapon at the remainder of Sanchez. 'Never advance unless you are given the all clear first.' Sanchez had been doing well, Jones even thought that he may last in the unit, but one lapse of concentration, one fateful second, had seen that gone. His voice changed. 'Experience is everything boys, try and live long enough to get some.' There was no humour there, just a cold matter of fact tone. Regardless, the rookies tried to force a smile.
'Yes sir' they ventured together, with no confidence whatsoever.
'Just cover your fire zones boys, we gotta secure this area and that skulk is still around. Keep sharp and we may get to eat another meal tonight. Screw up and we are one.' The recruits made a good attempt at a stifled laugh.
Fisher and Quinn had not needed to be given orders, they had been around for nearly as long as Jones and knew the drill, once firing zones had been established, they automatically started to set up the static defences. The sergant turned his attention to them.
'We need that infantry portal online asap troopers! That skulk will be bringing every biter on this rustbucket here very soon, and I wanna give them all a nice warm reception.' From the corners of his sight he saw the recruits glance at each other with a look of trepidation.
Somewhere in the distance he heard a noise, and it wasn't the creaking of the ships hull. Fisher and Quinn had heard it before, and knew what it meant. They locked gazes for a fraction of a second, then the two troopers set back to working on the Portal with renewed vigour. He dared not tell the recruits exactly what was coming, the shock would keep their fingers on the trigger but letting them suffer the impending dread could only lower their ability.
As the sounds got closer and more distinct, Quinn made the final frequency adjustments to the portal and it sparked online, a low humming noise emitting from it. Jones liked that sound, it meant he had a chance to survive. He straightened up, took a deep breath and spoke. 'Backup is coming boys, lets clean out this scum and take our ship back!'.......
Some grammar may well be out, and all character names were pulled out of the air hence they suck, but let me know what you think please.
And remember, be gentle, it's my first time <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' valign='absmiddle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo-->
**************************************************************************************
'Steam. Bloody steam.' Sergant Jones half muttered and half thought to himself, missing the pun entirely. It's what had gotten Sanchez killed. Mixed with the shadows, and the claustraphobic corridors, it played with your mind, made you see things that weren't there. Suddenly something as trivial as a discarded uniform was a threat, any movement was subject to panic fire, everything was out to kill you. One of the pressurised pipes leading to the engine room marked out for their base of operations had been ruptured, filling the corridor with a haze that obscured any chance of seeing into the main chamber. Motion tracking had been checked, the room should have been clear, damn these aliens were getting smarter, he was sure of it.
Sanchez had been with his unit for two months, nowhere near long enough for his family to be eligible for any form of compensation, just a half-arsed letter describing how valiantly he had fought for the human race. Yeah, right. He had been ripped apart before he could even level his weapon in the right direction.
Jones surveyed the remainder of his squad, seven left, including himself. Four were rookies. Signed up after falling for the 'heroes of mankind' propaganda no doubt. Jones didn't care about their reasons for joining anymore, he'd seen too many friends torn to pieces, had to attend too many funerals and had to break the news to too many families to make any more attachments to people. It hurt too much to let them go. He recognised the faces of the recruits, they had all been standing bright eyed and eager to get on mission in the front row whilst waiting to be assigned to squads at base camp. Ha! they were anything but bright eyed now, he could see the terror in their faces, covering their zones, heads jerking like prairie dogs in all directions, keen not to suffer the same fate as Sanchez, they had been consumed by fear and the instinct to survive. At least they were smart enough not to try and run he thought.
'You four!' he barked, turning his stare to them. 'That sort of carelessness gets you killed.' Pointing his weapon at the remainder of Sanchez. 'Never advance unless you are given the all clear first.' Sanchez had been doing well, Jones even thought that he may last in the unit, but one lapse of concentration, one fateful second, had seen that gone. His voice changed. 'Experience is everything boys, try and live long enough to get some.' There was no humour there, just a cold matter of fact tone. Regardless, the rookies tried to force a smile.
'Yes sir' they ventured together, with no confidence whatsoever.
'Just cover your fire zones boys, we gotta secure this area and that skulk is still around. Keep sharp and we may get to eat another meal tonight. Screw up and we are one.' The recruits made a good attempt at a stifled laugh.
Fisher and Quinn had not needed to be given orders, they had been around for nearly as long as Jones and knew the drill, once firing zones had been established, they automatically started to set up the static defences. The sergant turned his attention to them.
'We need that infantry portal online asap troopers! That skulk will be bringing every biter on this rustbucket here very soon, and I wanna give them all a nice warm reception.' From the corners of his sight he saw the recruits glance at each other with a look of trepidation.
Somewhere in the distance he heard a noise, and it wasn't the creaking of the ships hull. Fisher and Quinn had heard it before, and knew what it meant. They locked gazes for a fraction of a second, then the two troopers set back to working on the Portal with renewed vigour. He dared not tell the recruits exactly what was coming, the shock would keep their fingers on the trigger but letting them suffer the impending dread could only lower their ability.
As the sounds got closer and more distinct, Quinn made the final frequency adjustments to the portal and it sparked online, a low humming noise emitting from it. Jones liked that sound, it meant he had a chance to survive. He straightened up, took a deep breath and spoke. 'Backup is coming boys, lets clean out this scum and take our ship back!'.......
Comments
You need be careful though, a lot of novels start off great, but sort of fade out after the third or fourth chapter. It's pretty good overall. <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' valign='absmiddle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->