Bad things that could happen to an Exo

Wake

1) You're the only one Exo among marines crushing a hive full of things with hate, teeth and acid, then you hear bea.... ArrRgGhhHH !!!!!
2) Your integrated WC module is jammed and two onos are closing
3) Your integrated WC module is fine, the onos are down, but how the hell do you wipe yer ass ?
4) Your integrated WC module is fine, you manage to launch the wipe and flush sequence, but a smart gorge clogged your WC outlet subsystem

Things could be worse no ?
Only the 1) case has been programmed in this simulation and digital smell interface are not yet implemented ;-)

Edit : Bad things you contributed (check the thread for the storyboards, I just gave them a tittle)

Kopycat : Eject !!!
Zaggy : Lonelyness belongs in beacon
Cobra Commander : The fly
Amoral : The one ball Exo
[strofix] : Up your snatch !
TheFonz : A useless journey
Spacejew : Dissolved
Wake : You killed my wife ?
11monkeys : Peeled off
Gorgenapper : nyannyannyan
Scardybob : Guns 'n beer
WhiteWeasel : The weak link
TheFonz : Beacon or roast
Whoppaxxl : Smoked

Kouji_San

I hope that thing is indeed an integrated phasegate system /me hides

Kopikat

5) Your mechanic is a ###### and swapped the 'Eject' button with a 'Self-destruct' feature.

Zaggy

A single cute gorge is bilebombing the marine base and Khammander is spamming cysts near the gorge, the Commander looks at the minimap, panics, hits his hotkeys and beacons all marines to the CC.
You're the remaining Exo, alone, you hear the close rumbling of an Onos..

Vitdom

Just now, I was biting an exo as a skulk, and somehow by standing at the exo's legs, he locked me in place and killed me and I was unable to move?

Aww, I think I was just stomped on by an Exoskeleton, breaking my little skulk legs, then firing his super miniguns at me while laughing. :(

Was this some kind of collision bug or is this actually a feature?!

joederp

Dafuq is this thread about?!

Mestaritonttu

<!--quoteo(post=2065202:date=Jan 23 2013, 03:51 AM:name=joederp)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (joederp @ Jan 23 2013, 03:51 AM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=2065202"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->Dafuq is this thread about?!<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
I have no idea but I'm gonna play along.

You phase and a fly phases with you turning you into a mutant mech fly-humanoid with fleshy wings and insect exoskeleton and your miniguns shoot acid instead of bullets, melting aliens into goo which you then scoop up with your tentacles.

amoral

you've saved up a whopping 75 pres and excitedly run up to the proto lab to buy your new exo. In a flash of light you find yourself in the cockpit of your very own metal death machine, it even has that 'new metal death machine' smell everyone keeps going on about.

suddenly, you hear the pitter-patter of angry skulk feet, and the lumbering of their bigger brothers. you laugh to yourself as you engage your jets and fly to stand atop your armory. the only words that can come to your mind are "you shall not pass", you are prepared to defend your home, your brothers, and your power node. suddenly the onoses come into view. you hit your triggers and the lovely whir of spinning death fills your senses, but something is off, something is wrong...

because you just effing punched the air...

AAARRRRGHGHHHHH, misclick.

*editted for grammar*

|strofix|

A babbler just got up your exhaust chute, if you know what I mean.

thefonz

You begin your battle march from Operatiins to Cave.
You arrive to find out that the JP/GL squad annihilated Cave 10 minutes ago.

SpaceJew

You go in to stomp all them purdy egg's all by your unstoppable lonesome self, then notice a few whips that throw not-water-balloons over your shiny new death coffin.

Then you hear the elusive call of the domestic Gorge. Suddenly you wonder if they had one hive, or two...

Wake

Ah ha ha ! Nice situations guys, real nice.

I wish I had some cartoonist talent to bring them into life. Keep them coming !

Brad_R

1) get in one

Wake

This lone dumb onos is rushing along this looong corridor, in joy you hear it's yells of rage and pain as you cut it down to pieces with your two overheating miniguns.
As they cool off in a symphony of steam, something knock on your back.
As you get stuck against a wall and forced to bend over by the onos you didn't see coming, it says "You killed my wife, you take her place !!"

11monkeys

Imagine you just killed a Skulk. But this Skulk damaged your tracking system, lowering it's range.
You are in the middle of a long corridor. You are being hit my small, sharp pices of a bone-like substance, wich is slowly scratching away the protective shield infront of the cockpit.
Your sytems tell you that your mecanical spine is also being hit by thes, you can't turn around anymore.
Your shield becoems thinner and thinner...

Gorgenapper

The soothing, unintelligible robotic voice of the exosuit's AI is suddenly replaced by un-muteable infinite nyancat.

Edit: Also, the auto-tracking system actually starts working, but every alien is replaced by a nyancat model, and every sound they make is a variation on ~nyan~

ScardyBob

The built-in beer dispenser runs out of beer.

Frothybeverage

You didn't opt for the built in beer dispenser.

WhiteWeasel

Your AC breaks on refinery, and your sweat seeps into the control panel; shorting your weapons systems. You are now a walking armored, but defenseless oven.

CrushaK

<!--quoteo(post=2065576:date=Jan 23 2013, 09:31 PM:name=Gorgenapper)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Gorgenapper @ Jan 23 2013, 09:31 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=2065576"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->The soothing, unintelligible robotic voice of the exosuit's AI is suddenly replaced by un-muteable infinite nyancat.

Edit: Also, the auto-tracking system actually starts working, but every alien is replaced by a nyancat model, and every sound they make is a variation on ~nyan~<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->

Silly you; marines wouldn't waste their <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fs-qfcfnsBw" target="_blank">ultimate nuclear missile</a> as computer voice for an Exo!

thefonz

After a long battle, the station is clean. Your minigun still glows, the barrels warped from firing. Half a skulk's head remains crushed between the suit's fingers. Bile has short circuted your comm system. A TSF Frigate emerges from hyper drive.

"All marines, this is the Coral Sea This station has been condemed to prevent the spread of the Kharaa. Use of tac nukes authorized. Delay set for 30 seconds. Prepare to be beaconed aboard."

Fuuuuuuuu

whoppaXXL

You remember that smelly, fat scotty? Always smoking those cheap space cigars indoors, puffing his musty smoke all over your face while you're left wondering if it's actually his breath? That guy never gave a ######, even with tons of inflammatory gasses and stuff around.

Well I tell ya, we played that nasty fella damn good. One day, typical routine, check the outer extractors left on the landing platform, he thinks: "Man, it takes ######ing ages to go there.." and like that guy isn't already the laziest ass that kids around on this bloody station, he goes all like "..my legs hurt, im gon' take the exo, still has lotta fuel, commander won't even notice." and crawls into the opening of that machine what looked like an fat onos cow trying to get into a tiny little vent full of alien-candy.

*marines around start laughing*

So, that already rustled the jimmies of our gang well enough, so when we were finally outta there, while listening to his steady moaning about this cable hanging in his visor, and that little toolbox in his way, my other marine bro Hank bumbs me and whispers "watch this":

He had installed some sound-app in his visor UI which he could play on interior speakers when he found the right frequency, so what does he ######ing do, he plays some recorded alien screams from the sides with us watching eyes wide open from a hiding spot. Suddenly all his moaning went silent for a sec, with him standing still, and with another scream it ######ing grilled his nerves when he looked around and we were gone: "GUYS!" - "ALIUMS" - "GUYS, WTF" - "WHERE ARE YOU" - "C-COMMANDER" spinning and screaming around like a bouncy ball on steroids - but when we really lost our ######s was when he dropped his cigar inside his exo and the embers made his machine a smoking hot box, flaming up his damn fat ass! We laughed our asses of so hard right around the corner watching this dancing ton of fat, sweat and smoke yelling around for his mummy like a baby.

*wipes tear from his eye
*whole marine locker room laughs

Ye.. that old fella Scotty. And guess what, after that day.. he stopped smoking completely. And he also never ever entered an exo suit again... bwahaha!