I wrote an article on DCS: A-10C

Scythe

<div class="IPBDescription">HARDCORE MENS SIMULATOR</div>I wrote this article for RPS, but they turned me down. Enjoy!

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<a href="http://www.digitalcombatsimulator.com/" target="_blank">DCS: A-10C Warthog</a> entered a pre-order beta recently. Here're some words.

Flight simulators! Once upon a time every computer was equipped with a joystick and it was hard to find someone who hadn’t at least dabbled in the Secrets of the Luftwaffe. Nowadays the herd has been refined down to the REAL MEN requiring SERIOUS SIMULATIONS. Tom Clancy’s HAWX? More like Soft Nancy’s BOLLOX. The DCS series sits atop a nigh-inaccessible plateau, shared by Armed Assault, Dwarf Fortress and sadomasochistic bondage. Incredibly intimidating to the newcomer, often to the point of revulsion, but they’re the only things which can satisfy the hardest of the core. Read on for more uncomfortable analogies to leather and stainless steel rings.

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The crafty ruskies working at Eagle Dynamics have released the latest module in their Digital Combat Simulator line. The previous entry in the series was a reproduction of the KA-50 “Black Shark” helicopter. This time they’ve crossed the Pacific and given their love and attention to the venerable A-10 Warthog. The claim to fame of the DCS series is the exact reproduction of the appearance and function of the cockpit and flight dynamics of a single aircraft. Other, lesser developers might use words like “exact reproduction” with a light and enthusiastic air, generally meaning “all the buttons are there, but they’re actually bits of craft paper and sticky tape.” ED’s take on the subject is more akin to that of a Swiss watchmaker. “What’s that button do?” you might ask. “That is OSB-14,” they’ll respond by way of explanation with a gruff, clipped tone and an insinuated suffix of “... you stupid little man.”

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My curse, and that of most of my ilk, is my array of paraphernalia designed to enhance the experience: A joystick and throttle combination with more buttons, triggers, toggles, twisty and slidey bits than a contestant on Pimp My Gimp. I have also constructed myself an incredibly ridiculous wire coat-hanger device which, when wrapped around my head, invariably causes my girlfriend to titter in an effort to overcome her shame-by-association any time she walks by. All of these accessories means that A) It’s no small investment of money to get started in the field of REAL MAN SIMMERY and B) It’s a significant outlay of time every occasion you wish to set up to play. Unfortunately, it’s almost required. That bit of wire on my head isn’t just a highly effective shame antenna; it also measures my head’s position and orientation in 3d space. This allows me, with the slightest of head movements, to look out the windows and about the cockpit. And my, what a cockpit.

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After the obligatory hour-and-a-half of setting up various input devices and bending bits of wire into a more comfortable shape, the first mission in the training section is an introduction to the cockpit. Your eyes hardly have time to widen in horror/delight when the strict but helpful flight instructor intones “Do NOT jump ahead and start mashing buttons and throwing switches.” Depending on your disposition this is either very easy or very hard. There’s many flashy things, enigmatically labelled with enough three-letter-acronyms to remind a Clancy fan of the shameful, furtive bedsheet washing of his youth. Every interaction available to a real A-10 pilot is available to the player. Every switch, button or toggle can be either bound to a joystick input, or clicked on with a mouse cursor. I spent some time writing myself a pre-flight checklist whilst going along with the guidance of the instructor. Each time he gives you a step to follow, a glowing box appears on the relevant control, making the process fairly painless.

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After a few more training missions you’re soon powering up the craft all by yourself, taxiing out onto the runway and thrusting gracefully into the air. Nothing quite matches the thrill of flicking two dozen switches in a precise sequence, pausing at the right times and maybe deciding to add your own unique flair to proceedings. Maybe you’ll save a bit of time by powering up the MFCDs whilst waiting for the APU exhaust to settle at 410 ºC? Do I NEED to program my countermeasures for this mission? It’s this air of REALMANitude that gives DCS: A-10C its genuine charm. The knowledge that if you climbed into the cockpit of an actual aircraft you actually could get it into the air, assuming a crowd of angry airmen didn’t drag you out and pummel you senseless before you could close the canopy. It’s the same feeling elicited by Chromehounds, with its massive dashboard, but without that niggling plastic-clicky-instrument shame stemming from knowing that everything you’re doing is arbitrary and artificial.

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One of the most engaging and/or intimidating aspects of the game is the sheer amount to learn. It comes with a six hundred and fifty-three page manual and a nineteen page quick-start guide. The guide is densely packed with images of the cockpit dashboard bristling with labels, screenshots of menus and phrases like “To set the left MFCD as SOI, press and hold H. To set the right MFCD as SOI, press and hold K.” Even having played through a few of the trainer missions and given the quick-start guide a cursory glance, I am almost overwhelmed with what I don’t know. At one point I noticed an alarming “MASTER CAUTION” light on my dashboard. Knowing enough to consult my Caution Light Panel (CLP) I was confronted by a small green blinking light apparently questioning my sexuality. Upon referencing the guide I was relieved but no less confused to discover that the indicator actually read “EAC,” meaning “Enhanced Attitude Control”. The E kinda looked like an F and the C... well... I still don’t know what was wrong with my attitude.

Should you, dear reader, buy this game? Well... if you play enough games, with enough people, eventually it all starts to get a bit stale and samey. You’ll eventually need to take it to the next level. You’ll talk to some people, read some websites, maybe buy one or two expensive little devices in the middle of the night on website dedicated to very particular interests. It all culminates in someone walking in on you doing something you find profoundly rewarding, but soul-searingly shameful the moment your mind clears of the ecstasy. I’ll leave it up to you.

--Scythe--

P.S. My gear: Saitek X52 joystick, wiimote + home-made infra-red LED array + wire coathanger + retro-reflective tape + Freetrack.

locallyunscene

<!--quoteo(post=1801423:date=Oct 13 2010, 08:23 AM:name=Scythe)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Scythe @ Oct 13 2010, 08:23 AM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=1801423"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec--><div align='center'><img src="http://www.tjhowse.com/blatanttheft/Look%20at%20DCS%20A-10C%20_%20Rock,%20Paper,%20Shotgun_files/ridiculous_2.png" border="0" class="linked-image" /></div><!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
This image speaks volumes, also I like the term "shame antenna".

Not my style of game, but this is certainly a good review. I'm not sure why RPS turned it down.

Kouji_San

I just love your writing style, indeed tbe odd twas turned down... Maybe too sarcastic in some points perhaps, heck I dunno. Maybe the reviewer of your review felt offended by the way you describe the masochist, I mean players who play these games <img src="http://members.home.nl/m.borgman/ns-forum/smileys/confused.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />

spellman23

RPS typically only covers mainstream stuff like FPS, Strategy, and RPG things. Recently Mods and Indie stuff due to failure of mainstream developments.

And they are really biased towards shooters.


So, not surprised they rejected your article. Plus I'm guessing some of the sarcasm won't fly until you're a regular writer for them and you can get away with it.

Panigg

I genuinely enjoyed that article. Gief more plx.

juice

Awesome article! And is there a diy out there on the infrared wiimote tinfoil thing? Not that I would actually want to do it, you know, it's just for research porpoises.

Also, I would imagine the low frame-rate of flight sims would sort of detract from the coolness of looking around your cockpit with your head. Does it really work decently?

Scythe

<!--quoteo(post=1801455:date=Oct 14 2010, 05:45 AM:name=spellman23)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (spellman23 @ Oct 14 2010, 05:45 AM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=1801455"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->So, not surprised they rejected your article. Plus I'm guessing some of the sarcasm won't fly until you're a regular writer for them and you can get away with it.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->

Which bits come across as sarcastic? I got a nice email from Alec saying that they weren't really looking for new contributors at the moment. Pretty much my expected response, but it can't hurt to try.

<!--quoteo(post=1801501:date=Oct 14 2010, 03:37 PM:name=juice)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (juice @ Oct 14 2010, 03:37 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=1801501"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->Awesome article! And is there a diy out there on the infrared wiimote tinfoil thing? Not that I would actually want to do it, you know, it's just for research porpoises.

Also, I would imagine the low frame-rate of flight sims would sort of detract from the coolness of looking around your cockpit with your head. Does it really work decently?<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->

<a href="http://forum.free-track.net/index.php?showtopic=413" target="_blank">Here's</a> a link to the freetrack hardware FAQ. It's a handy reference.

The FPS of the game isn't bad, 60 for the most part, dropping to 10 when there's infantry or smoke visible (known bug), but the wiimote runs at 100 FPS. Looking about the cockpit is slick as hell. I use this setup for IL2: Sturmovik too, works well.

--Scythe--

GISP

Is that you?

Monkfish

No it's the milkman.

ANeM

<!--quoteo(post=1801513:date=Oct 14 2010, 05:40 AM:name=Scythe)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Scythe @ Oct 14 2010, 05:40 AM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=1801513"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->I got a nice email from Alec saying that they weren't really looking for new contributors at the moment. Pretty much my expected response, but it can't hurt to try.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->

That is what they say to everyone, because you should already know exactly why you they did not accept it.

Allow me to break it down for you:
1: You are not British.
Despite your best attempts (the use of the word "BOLLOX") they can see through your ruse like a small pane of glass. They can smell it on you.
At least they would have smelled it on you had you not made it so easy to realize this fact. The included photograph ruins any chance you had. You look like a crazed man. A crazed man who is most certainly not British.

Look at that hair! Look at your eyes! Your terrible, beady eyes. Terrible black pits of madness. Worse yet is the hat! No self respecting British man would wear such a contraption. Clearly this was a mistake. Not that it would have mattered had you simply included a rough diagram rather than the picture, due to the previous fact: they can smell your lies.

2: Your offhand references are not accurate enough.
Which is to say they are not accurate at all. Sure, Chromehounds is an obscur Mech game for the Xbox 360 with a certain focus on simultation where others might scoff. One would assume that a game that requires teams in multiplayer to assign players to giant walking radio towers to be able to engage the rest of the team in voice chat would likely be the same game that would delete your save file should you not be quick enough hit the eject button on your over-sized custom controller. You would be wrong.

The game that you are actually referring to is Steel Battalion, an obscure Mech game for the Xbox with a certain focus on simulation where most people of sound mind would quite simply, scoff. The controller with 40 seperate buttons, two joysticks and three pedals was only the tip of this iceberg of insanity. No, here was a game that, if it had made it past a rather staunch board of directors, would have included a small nuclear device so that, should you fail to eject from an exploding mech the system would be able to accurately recreate the damage caused to you and the surrounding area when its power core critically failed.

Steel Battalion was a game so dedicated to the needs of REAL MEN that it chose to deprive them of their multiplayer mode for two years. When it finally came time to release this mode onto the world it was decreed as such: Multi-player must come in the form of a separate disc, which was on an extremely limited run, only contained the multiplayer itself and cost normal retail price. Additionally it would require, but not include the massive 4 part controller. Only a man truly dedicated to the game would be willing to blindly hand over his money in the hopes that somewhere on the internet there would be another man, equally dedicated, equally manly, who had been willing to do the same. Steel Battalion was a game made to test men.

Any blogger worth his salt would know that Chromehounds never had a custom controller, rather opting to use the standard xbox 360 controller, thus making it the least manly game you could ever mention. Furthermore, no self-respecting blog would ever publish any article with any form of inaccuracy located within. It would simply be unprofessional, or in the case of RPS, un-British of them.

and finally,
3: You did not make me feel as if you are better than me
This is closely linked to my first point, as British people are hands down the pinnacle of human society. More importantly though you wrote your article for consumption on the internet. It is vital for any articles written for the internet, especially those written for blogs, instill a sense in the reader that you are in fact better than them. Any writer worth his weight in Sodium Chloride* should know this

Your total failure to convey this point is actually a good thing for me. You see, now I am writing an article of my own, a deconstruction of your article, with the full knowledge that I am better than you. This allows me the opportunity to properly convey the fact that I am better than you to you, via the article. In fact I am conveying this fact to you right now, this paragraph is dedicated to this fact. It is the only subject in this paragraph.

What this all comes down to is that if you had only been more British, and more aware of obscure xbox mech games, you may have had a chance for them to send you an actual rejection email, rather than the form letter the automatically send to anyone they find to be not British enough.


<!--sizeo:1--><span style="font-size:8pt;line-height:100%"><!--/sizeo-->*Salt<!--sizec--></span><!--/sizec-->

lolfighter

I have no idea what to make of this at all.

Faskalia

<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steel_Battalion" target="_blank">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steel_Battalion</a>

Oh man, I just read a little bit about Steel Battalion and just W o W.
Either Anem created a bunch of fake internet info about this game or it was simply too awsome to be popular.

Step 1: Read the wiki article.
Step 2: Look at the picture showing the controller.
Step 3: Notice the "This article has multiple issues." disclaimer.
Step 4: Laugh ass off.

Edit:
And just the thought of Scythes girlfriend knocking on the door, scythe turning around and the virtual pilot logically snapping his neck, because that is the correctly simulated way to do it, made me giggle.

Also: Steel Battalion deleting your savedata when you fail the eject. Thats hilarious. These things are normally OPTIONS in other games, they are called brutal, or iron-man mode. But screw that, we make it the default way to handle player death.
The only way to be more hardcore would be that if you die your xbox gets banned from online play,cause you suck. BAM!

lolfighter

<!--quoteo--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE </div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->If a corner is turned too fast, the machine will tumble over.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
This is why mechs are cool in fiction, but ###### stupid in reality.

Feha

I guess it was turned down for several reasons, altough which ones we can only guess.

Maybe they already had an article on that game they prefered?
Maybe they didnt think they had enoug hspace for it?
Maybe they disliked the vast use of capital letters?
Maybe they think that you were a bit to harsh on casual gaming (saying real men requires serious simulations)?
Maybe they dont want to include so many pictures in the magazine?
Maybe they are racists (only accept articles by black people)?

and so on...

Drfuzzy

<!--quoteo(post=1801423:date=Oct 13 2010, 09:23 AM:name=Scythe)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Scythe @ Oct 13 2010, 09:23 AM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=1801423"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec--><div align='center'><img src="http://www.tjhowse.com/blatanttheft/Look%20at%20DCS%20A-10C%20_%20Rock,%20Paper,%20Shotgun_files/ridiculous_2.png" border="0" class="linked-image" /></div><!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Why is this not your avatar yet?

juice

"Steel Battalion was developed by Capcom Production Studio 4 in collaboration with former Human Entertainment designers that would go on to form <b>Nude Maker</b>."

I want to see the controller for THAT.

Scythe

<img src="http://www.tjhowse.com/misc/ridiculous_2_english.png" border="0" class="linked-image" />

Better?

My bad on the terrible old console game reference, I never played it but I saw it at that game exhibition thing once.

--Scythe--

Talesin

Sadly, I played Steel Battalion until the warmup sequence became second nature. Which isn't long, to be fair... you learn it by heart, or sit in the hangar forever and a day being walked through. After which point 90% of those buttons were never touched again unless you did something Wrong. Like getting shot.

And yes, the savegame auto-delete sucked when your finger was just a few seconds too slow, or thought you could hold it together.

DiscoZombie

If one blog wasn't interested, you should submit this to another one, or the Escapist or something...

Chris0132

Your expression while using the wire contraption makes me wonder if it's supposed to amplify your mind-beams and whether my head is going to explode.

Swiftspear

It's a game I'd never buy nor be interested in, but the article did an awesome job of letting me live in the mind of someone who would be interested in that type of thing, at least for the moment.

Well written for sure, maby try to submit it to someone else instead.

lolfighter

<!--quoteo(post=1802208:date=Oct 21 2010, 11:09 AM:name=Swiftspear)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Swiftspear @ Oct 21 2010, 11:09 AM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=1802208"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->It's a game I'd never buy nor be interested in, but the article did an awesome job of letting me live in the mind of someone who would be interested in that type of thing, at least for the moment.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Cake and grief counseling will be available at the conclusion of the test. Thank you for helping us help you help us all.

<span style='color:#000000;background:#000000'>I will STAB whoever says it. I don't really have a goal in my life, and I am perfectly willing to make this it.</span>

locallyunscene

<!--quoteo(post=1802220:date=Oct 21 2010, 08:29 AM:name=lolfighter)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (lolfighter @ Oct 21 2010, 08:29 AM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=1802220"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->Cake and grief counseling will be available at the conclusion of the test. Thank you for helping us help you help us all.

<span style='color:#000000;background:#000000'>I will STAB whoever says it. I don't really have a goal in my life, and I am perfectly willing to make this it.</span><!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
What!? That's like doing shave and a haircut. I fail to see why this is relevant to the topic at hand anyway.

Feha

The cake is a LIE!

DiscoZombie

aww now you done it. you gwon' get shanked!

lolfighter

Yep. Better start locking your door at night. Not that it's going to save you, but at least you can say you TRIED.

Scythe

The Escapist isn't interested in running it, any other suggestions?

--Scythe--

Comprox

What about the UWE forums? I bet they will respond well to it.

Kouji_San

<!--quoteo(post=1802369:date=Oct 22 2010, 08:51 PM:name=Comprox)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Comprox @ Oct 22 2010, 08:51 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=1802369"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->What about the UWE forums? I bet they will respond well to it.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Yeah, I've hear good things about that community!

TychoCelchuuu

<!--quoteo(post=1802408:date=Oct 22 2010, 07:10 PM:name=Kouji_San)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Kouji_San @ Oct 22 2010, 07:10 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=1802408"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->Yeah, I've hear good things about that community!<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
You heard <i>wrong</i>.

Thaldarin

Try the TF2 community, you'll be teaching kids how to wipe their own arses!