The others, Chapter 5

SeaTeller4SeaTeller4 Join Date: 2009-05-04 Member: 67339Members
'Allo. This chapters gonna cover the time between chapters 2 and 3. Enjoy.

==TSA Mission Log files==

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Mission recording: Uilin.

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****Planet Uilin****
Four months ago...

"Lewis shifted in his seat nervously. The shuttle was dropping. His fellow marines were chatting and laughing, but all Lewis could think of was that recording, the recording of that creature they called the Onos.

"Hey man, listen."
"Huh? I don't hear anything.."
"Don't you hear that baby crying? Hahaa!"

Sanchez and Tanner were laughing at him again. Of the twenty-some marines sent into the infested Installation 08, Lewis was the youngest.
"I bet this mission is just a cleaning job! What do they think we are, maids?"
"I don't know about the rest of us, but you sure look like one, Jackson!"
The laughter ensuing brought Sgt.Anderson to their door. "Is something funny, private?"
"Sir, no, sir!"
"Well, here's a good joke: What did the marine who had to clean the mess floor for the next four weeks call himself?"
"Uhh, I don't know sir...what?"
"He called himself Skinner!"
"Ohh ######..."
The rest of the marines subdued their laughter, fearful that they, too, should become a victim of the tyrant officer. A smooth metallic voice rang out through the ship. "ETA to landing, 1 minute."

Lewis felt the blood left in his face drain out. He rested his head against the viewport. He could hear the air rushing past outside, and it helped him calm down. Suddenly, something flashed past the window. It looked black and sleek. Then something-a heavy something-landed on top of the shuttle. Sgt. Anderson whipped out his pistol and shouted for the pilot to take them down right away. The something proceeded to start shoving its very long, very sharp claws into the roof, piercing through.

"Man, I hate knock-knock games.." The Sergent muttered as he shot through the holes, trying to hit whatever it was. Looking down at the installation, he saw infestation covering it. Suddenly, some of it moved. Looking closer, he saw one of the pink egg-like bubbles burst, and a winged creature flew into the air. It circled around the ship. As it drew level with his window, it stared sideways and looked at Lewis with red-yellow, glowing eyes filled with the primal hunger of a wild beast. It gave a chuckle-a gravelly, evil-sounding noise-and dropped behind the ship. Flying behind it, it shot some kind of spikes at the rear. The spikes penetrated the metal, and one must have hit the engine because the ships behind started on fire. The Sergent snapped open the door. "Listen, marines! you know your orders, now do the-" He never got the rest out as two tentacles whipped out of the jungle and wrapped around him. He pulled his knife out and began hacking at them, severing one. The other one pulled him out the door. Then the ship plummeted down towards the jungle, and Lewis knew only blackness.

a couple hours later....

The ship was burning. The emergency light was flickering on and off. Lewis slowly regained consciousness, in the top of a tree somewhere outside. He glanced around, not remembering anything.

Then it all came flooding back.

"Is anyone alive down there!?"

Lewis clapped a hand over his mouth, realized he had just given away his position to every Kharra in the vicinity. Then he realized they would know where he was anyways. He slid down the trunk to the floor. Reaching for his LMG, he grabbed empty air. "Oh ######.."

He pulled out his pistol and checked his grenades. Miraculously they had not gone off. He advanced towards the door to the ship. It slid open. He looked to the door to the troop bay and the door to the pilot room. He decided to check out the troop bay first. Switching on his flashlight, he rushed to his fallen companions bodies. Most of them were dead. He checked Sanchez's body, and felt a pulse. With a stab of hope, he started doing CPR on Sanchez, who gradually regained consciousness. "Uhh... my head.. what the hell happened..?"

"The ship crashed.. looks like we're the only survivors."
"Have you checked the pilot?"
"No, not yet.."

Sanchez searched around and found his shotgun. He also found Lewis' LMG. Sighing with relief, they both advanced towards the pilots room. The door didn't open. "I think I saw a welding torch on Skinner-go get it. He'll never use it again.."

A few minutes later, Lewis finished welding the door. A hefty kick to the door knocked it down. He saw darkness within. Hitting the light switch, he saw something from a nightmare.

A dog-looking creature, without any fur, was attacking the pilot. He had lost his weapon and was kicking at the creature. Lewis raised his LMG and shot the thing in the back. Screeching in pain at being interrupted from its intended prey, the monster turned around and ran at Lewis. A number of holes appeared in its body and its legs collapsed, bringing it to a skidding halt and leaving a trail of yellow blood. Lewis turned about and saw Sanchez blowing smoke off his shotgun. Smiling grimly, he walked towards the pilot and hauled him upright. "Is that Kharra slime, or did you piss yourself, Mackenzie?"

"Oh, ha, ha, very droll."

"Count yourself lucky, or maybe not. We have some Onos hunting to do, although its going to be one hell of a problem with only 3 marines.

"Maybe I can rectify that problem."


"You bet your ass. You think that we're just gonna abandon you? You'll find a PG outside, and its not gonna build itself."

"Sir, yes, sir!"

They found the PG outside. When it finally whirred to life, a party of 9 marines stepped through. "Damn, Sanchez, is that you?"

"Brodie! Damn but you look different."

Greetings were exchanged before the commander brought them back to reality.

"Maybe you don't remember, but we aren't here for a tea party! set up a turret perimeter and an armory, armor up and then you can get your asses into that Installation and take out the Onos."

*Five hours later*

The marines walked along the metal corridor towards the large blast doors at the end that marked the entrance of the installation. The Kharra had been waiting for them back at the first ones, with two OCs and a fade. Fred was down and Pete was back at Command, having reconstructive nanobot surgery done on his entire body. They expected no less from the next door. Suddenly, a loud thumping could be heard on the other side of the blast doors. The marines glanced around nervously. The jet packers with them flew into the vents. The thumping got louder. Screams from the vents could be heard, along with alien chuckles. Some spurts of blood and a few bones flew out of the vents, and that was the last of the jet packers. The marines lobbed their grenades into the vents. The powerful explosions blocked all of them. Then suddenly, the blast doors slammed flat, and through the doors came something straight out of the darkest nightmares. The monster from the video charged straight at them. The marines all screamed and started firing at the monster with their HMGs and shotguns. If it was hurt, the monster didn't show it. The monster charged straight ahead. All the marines fell back, except for AJ. He tripped backwards. Screaming, he tried to scramble backwards. The beast grabbed his legs in its mouth. Then it flipped AJ straight into the air and opened its mouth wide. His screams were abruptly cut off as he was swallowed without even a chew. The beast gave a deafening roar, and charged at the marines on the right side. It began to bleed, but still it came on. Then, Lewis saw his chance. Behind its armored head was a soft neck. Aiming his pistol, he loaded the hide-piercing rounds used specifically for this kind of mission, and fired. The round went straight through to the beasts brain. It staggered in its charge and collapsed. Leaping down, he ran to it while it was still down, drew his knife and plunged it into the monsters unprotected chest. The beast gave a deafening roar, a scream of agony, and died. Lewis gripped his knife and pulled it free, then stuck it into its stomach and ripped it open. He pulled AJ out. AJs armor was beginning to melt, and his fingers were bone, but thanks to his protective facegear, he was still alive. "Ugh... I can't thank you enough.."

"I know a way you can thank me. Don't ever let me see another one of those things that size again."

Of the 10 marines that had gone in, only 6 were left. Frank, Joe, Art and Bob had all been impaled and crushed by the monster.

Discouraged and low in numbers, the marines advanced. Passing by a smelly pile of brown dung, they saw a suit of marine armor. "Poor guy.."

They kept moving forward, towards the gestation chamber. The rooms were oddly deserted. "The last team that came here vanished and nobody could find their remains.."

The marines stepped towards the next door. It had been sealed. Next to it was a huge hole in the wall, where the Onos had apparently come in. The infestation was already growing out of the edges. "If thats where the Onos came from, where does that door lead?" asked Sanchez. The teams cracker, John, stepped up to the door and pulled out a welder. Welding it open, he advanced into the corridor, backed by the rest of the team. There was nothing there. The door at the end was sealed too. One welding later, it was open. The marines advanced into a large room. "This part of the installation was never opened. They figured it was a maintenance chamber until a team that went in vanished. After that, they stopped sending people in and sealed it." Said AJ. "Then why the hell are we going into it..?" Asked lewis. "Good question."

Lewis's foot clacked against something. Looking down, he saw a marine helmet. Taking out the chip, he inserted it into his helmet.

*Undefined amount of time ago..*

"Raz, move your ass into the maintenance room. We have to find out what happened to that team."

Four marines walked into the large room. Darkness was all around, and nobody could see. A skittering noise came from somewhere in the back of the room.

"Sarge, I don't like this..."
"You don't like what? Your grannies ass?"

The marines turned on the lights.

There were three bodies around the room. "That's weird, there were five maintenance crew.." Two of them had been scrambled, and tentacles had replaced some of their fingers. One was still untouched, other than a gaping hole in the chest. The marines aimed their pistols around the room. The scuttling could be heard again. Then they saw the Kharra infestation. "We have a code red, Command. Kharra infestation in the unopened chamber! repeat, Kharra infestation in the unopened chamber!"

"Roger that. Take care of it with your cleaners."

The lights went off again. The circle of light that the marines were in was the only light in the room. Suddenly, the bodies on the floor began twitching. One of them got up. The reanimated monster staggered towards the marines. The Sergent emptied his pistol into its chest, and it flopped back to the floor. The second one was up and coming, and before the Sergent could reload, it had grabbed him and pulled him into the darkness. The Sergent screamed once. Then there was just the sound of feeding. The doors slammed shut and the darkness was complete. Then there was only screaming and the tape ended.

*The present..*

"Get the hell out of here!! NOW!!" Lewis yelled.

The marines ran back through the doors. Then the marines from the video, mutated beyond recognition, shambled after them. Firing their guns at the horrible apparitions, they ran back through the first door and sealed them again.

"So that's why they were sealed... ###### hell, that was disturbing.."

The marines walked through the gaping hole, and straight into the gestation chamber. Gorges scuttled around, tending to the eggs. Fades and Lerks flew back and forth, in front of the hive. All activity ceased when the marines were seen. The omega-Fade gave an unearthly screech. The gorges ran into the cracks and holes in the walls and the Lerks started shooting spores at the marines. The marines quickly backed off through the hole. The commander had seen what happened. He dropped a TF. Withing a matter of minutes, the marines had killed the hive and had managed to take down the Lerks and fades. Entering the room, they destroyed the eggs and the structures once and for all. The Commander opened a PG and they boarded the S.S Pioneer again. The ship finally took off, and targeting well, it blew the Installation to hell.

Lewis collapsed onto the bed in the medical bay and was wheeled away. "Good job....Liutenant." Was the last thing Lewis heard before he lost Consciousness.


  • BadMouthBadMouth It ceases to be exclusive when you can have a custom member titl Join Date: 2004-05-21 Member: 28815Members
    Good that there is something to link chapters two and three. The intro, with the logging on and password, is unique in the sense that it is cinematic and wouldn't really work in a book sense. But since this is not a book but a forum, it becomes interesting.

    This is a pretty fast chapter and quite average. i like how it jumps between narratives without breaking the flow of the story. However, the inclusion of too many character names becomes confusing. If some characters don't play a major part and whose role is solely to die, it would be easier to refer to them as generic marines instead of naming them as it gives too many names to keep track of. Because when you name a character, you expect them to play a larger role in the story. so far, still not much character development. They are still all very marine/gruntish. I would also like to see more descriptive words being used and more of the environment being described. your story is very action focused, which isnt a bad thing, but i would like to be able to visualise the surroundings and not just what the characters are doing.

    the action is fast paced, which is good. Your sentences at action are short, which gives the fast paced feeling. But, sometimes the writing comes of as very mechanical. Not much variety in sentence structure and it is very objective based. e.g. "X" does this. "Y" does that". "Z" does this.

    Try and mix up the sentence structure a little. That's all I have to say.
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