A Serious Question

DarkATi · March 2004

OK, so I have a rare disease known as "Marfan Syndrome" it affects connective tissue like, knees, heart, etc etc. Anyway if I have a child there is a 50% chance my child will have this disease, perhaps even worse than I do.

I personally don't want to have any kids, I want to adopt but my father seems to think that I should have a kid and let "God decide" if my kid has this disease or not. I told him he was crazy. I hate this disease it has stopped me from doing so much and I would NEVER want to do this to my kid. His whole "God theory" is BS, that's like saying, "I'll jump off this bridge and if God wants me to live or die, it's his decision." That's just plain stupid.

I'm not really looking for advice, so much as just wondering what everyone here thinks about this issue. Am I being stupid and paranoid or what?

~ DarkATi

Transmission · March 2004

You should probably discuss this with your wife/partner, and make a joint decision on the subject.

You have to decide if it is more important that your child does not have this defect, rather than having a child that is your descendant.

AllUrHiveRblong2us · March 2004

I would do the exact same thing if I were you, adopt that is.

SoulSkorpion · March 2004

I can never understand why people ask for serious advice on totally unrelated Internet fora. This is totally and utterly the <i>wrong</i> place to be looking for life-changing advice.

Boy_who_lost_his_wings · March 2004

<img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/pudgy.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='pudgy.gif' />

Gadzuko · March 2004

Well, here's the deal on the "God theory": God wants you to make up your own mind. Truth. God doesn't interfere with free will, he lets us believe what we want even if that means turning away from him. So, you can either adopt or have a natural baby, God doesn't really care either way. If you choose the natural child, it's a toss-up, but remember: everything happens for a reason. It'd be great if the world was all peaches and ice cream, but that's not the way it is. If the child is born with the defect, God isn't arbitrarily punishing him/her or you for something you did; it's just a choice God made, and it's a challenge for you and the child to overcome. What really matters in the end is that you take a child, care for it and raise it as best you can, regardless of whose genetic material it is.

Sorry if that was a bit preachy, but the "Best day ever" thread's got me in that kind of mood, I guess.

DiscoZombie · March 2004

</div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (SoulSkorpion @ Mar 24 2004, 11:20 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> I can never understand why people ask for serious advice on totally unrelated Internet fora. This is totally and utterly the <i>wrong</i> place to be looking for life-changing advice. </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'>
well for the most part, we're intelligent people who come to know each other through these forums, often better than we know some real life friends... I'd like to think we'd give good, sympathetic advice...

Dark, I'd get as many second opinions from physicians as possible? is the probability truly 50%? if so, and I was in your position, I'd probably adopt -- is genetic material REALLY that important? a sperm bank and artificial insemination is another option... also, could the disease be detected early on after insemination? if so, you could consider an abortion if the fetus were affected...

weggy · March 2004

I would seriously discuss this with your spouse/partner.

As far as adoption, I say go for it. There are a lot of kids that need homes.

Liku · March 2004

</div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (weggy @ Mar 24 2004, 10:17 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> There are a lot of kids that need homes.  </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> 
Yeah, adopt. Maybe you could adopt a kid that's a little grown up, save you some trouble.

Mullet · March 2004

Well I don't know much about this disease and what it's like having it, but I'd want to have my own kid. If there's a 50% he will get the disease, then there's a 50% chance he WONT get it.

DarkATi · March 2004

</div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Mullet @ Mar 25 2004, 12:40 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> Well I don't know much about this disease and what it's like having it, but I'd want to have my own kid. If there's a 50% he will get the disease, then there's a 50% chance he WONT get it.  </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> 
That's just too big of a roll of the dice for me. I WANT my own kid but... I couldn't live with myself if this kid turned out with this disease... I would just hate myself...forever. So, I will adopt. I appreciate everyone's replies... I just feel that adoption is the best way. <img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/wink.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wink.gif' />

P.S. I'm not PLANNING on having a kid or adopting a kid any time soon but one of my close friends is having a baby and it got me to thinking about this... perhaps my views will change when I'm ready to actually make the decision.

Thanks,
~ DarkATi

DOOManiac · March 2004

As many others have said, this is something you and your wife should decide.

I too would recommend the adoption route. You'd be helping a child in need to have a better life with obviously loving parents (otherwise you wouldn't be bothering to adopt). Just because a child isn't genetically yours doesn't mean it won't be YOUR child.

As far as your father goes, well it really isn't his decision. And if religion is his argument, "I'll jump off this bridge and if God wants me to live or die, it's his decision." is a pretty stupid one because that goes against one of the core aspects of the religion (not testing God). Its your life, not his, so do whatever will make you and your wife happy. Chances are he won't stay mad at you, and if he does well then at least he'll be too busy building pipebombs for all those abortion clinics to bother you.

Swiftspear · March 2004

As a christian I would never to anyone recomend testing God in the way your father is proposing. Not to say that you should not under any circumstances have your genetically own child, just that God doesn't neccicarily fix the problems you made due to your own poor choices for you. Clearly you need to discuss the issue with people who know what they are talking about and the people you respect and care about before you decide weather or not to comit to something as stressful as facing the 50 percent chance of raising a child with a disability. A disabilty isn't nececarily always a bad thing, but it definately does make everything harder. Whatever you choose to do, make sure your prepared to make it the right choice, raising children isn't easy with or without a disability, make sure your reasonably prepared to follow up the paths of the decisions you make.

coil · March 2004

There are genetic tests to make sure your child doesn't have the disease, though they aren't palatable to everyone. But if you're not opposed to it, there are ways to have your own child and be sure that he/she won't have to deal with the problems you did.

Swiftspear · March 2004

Tthere are also inate risks involved with any artificial inpregnation, but in your case I would guess that the initial risks far outweigh the latter risks.

Necrosis · March 2004

Talk it through with the wife and make a team decision.

I've got a similar sort of thing, mostly focusing on hypermobility, increased pain tolerance, increased drug resistance, ventricular hypertrophy, ambidextrousity, and a host of other little quirks.

Much as I dislike the joint laxity, I've learned to live with it and I'm happy to let any possible sprogs grow up with it because I can get them on a regime EARLY which'll counter most of the negatives.

Thats of course knowing that another mutation in the same gene will cause a much more devastating, and usually fatal, disorder.

All I can tell you as a geneticist is that your syndrome still isn't fully understood, and has been known to skip generations. Truth is, you'll likely not know until the child is conceived, although you could probably DNA test your significant other in case she's got a similar faulty gene. But if only one of you is a carrier, then your chances are better.

Read up on everything, research papers in inheritance, etc, and make an educated decision from there.

Phoenix_Six · March 2004

</div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Necrosis @ Mar 25 2004, 02:51 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> I've got a similar sort of thing, mostly focusing on hypermobility, increased pain tolerance, increased drug resistance, ventricular hypertrophy, ambidextrousity, and a host of other little quirks.  </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> 
Don't take it the wrong way - but you kinda almost sound like a superhero <img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' />

Meet better-than-average man! He won't cry like a baby if he stubs his finger while using a hammer! He can down 10 pills in a single bound! With ambidextrous action!!

dr_d · March 2004

Marriage and impregnating your spouse are no longer necessaties in our society, there are people who never marry or have kids and are prefectly happy. There is a driving relegious ideal that children our some way special and God's creatures but adopting an infant is no different than having your wife or girlfriend bear a child.

Not only will you be avoiding the risk of passing on a genetic disorder but you will save your significant other a lot of health risks and life altering physical changes. Passing on your legacy is a little archaic if you ask me, so don't feel pressured to avoid adoption you can have a perfectly happily family with an adopted child, or without a child period.

Onepiece · March 2004

Dark heres the part u have to think about. is ur desease deadly. will it effect ur children's life Majorly. if not i dont see why not giving it a shot. i personaly have hemogemoth bla i dono how to spell. but i cant run and can easly bleed on my left foot. it did effect me on sports since it will be too dangerouse for me to play basketball and such. but i still live well. i can go swiming instead. it does caost me problems but not that big deal once i get over it. =)

CommunistWithAGun · March 2004

</div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (DarkATi @ Mar 24 2004, 10:59 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> OK, so I have a rare disease known as "Marfan Syndrome" it affects connective tissue like, knees, heart, etc etc. Anyway if I have a child there is a 50% chance my child will have this disease, perhaps even worse than I do.

I personally don't want to have any kids, I want to adopt but my father seems to think that I should have a kid and let "God decide" if my kid has this disease or not. I told him he was crazy. I hate this disease it has stopped me from doing so much and I would NEVER want to do this to my kid. His whole "God theory" is BS, that's like saying, "I'll jump off this bridge and if God wants me to live or die, it's his decision." That's just plain stupid.

I'm not really looking for advice, so much as just wondering what everyone here thinks about this issue. Am I being stupid and paranoid or what?

~ DarkATi  </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> 
Good ol' merciful god. Thanks for the cancer, GOD.

pardzh · March 2004

If the condition is as serious as you describe it, I think adoption is a good idea.

Regardless of whether or not you're the biological parent, you're still going to be the kid's dad.

TommyVercetti · March 2004

That does it! I have now confirmed that people come to the NS forums for EVERYTHING!

If only genetic engineering was farther along... Damn religions slowing down humanity's progress. If you want a faith because it helps your life, fine, but don't interfere with the <i>real</i> important stuff based on your unfounded beliefs, m'kay?

Anyways, I can't really make a decent recommendation on this unless I know more about the disability, how bad it is. It seems pretty bad right now, though, I'd definitely adopt if I were in your position. Oh yea, and in case you can't tell, I'm an atheist (well, actually I have some alien theories) so if you've set some restrictions for yourself based on your faith, better tell us.

Swiftspear · March 2004

I have absolutly no ethical issues with genetic engineering. If God decided to make us smart enough to genetically alter our offspring why should we belive that that the use of our intellegence is somehow stepping on God's toes? We learned how to do alot of things that only god knew how to do before in the last several hundred years, what makes genetic engineering any different?

PsychoticClown · March 2004

Well dark first im sorry to here this 2nd thats something you and yourloved one to decide. My g/f has lots of probs in her family. She is ok but her brother and 3 of her sisters have something "like that" 2 of her sisters already died from it "cant remember what it was exact" and they didnt even make it to their teens. So as you can tell shes very worried we cant have kids or something will go w rong. But we both want our OWN kids . So we decided to give it a shot and what happens happens. If we cant have kids than we will move on and later adopt or something. If something goes wrong we will love the child the same and do everything in our powers to make their life as good as can be. Something you 2 gotta talk about but always b there for each other no matter what

btw the ip changed we got a new server dark <img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/wink.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wink.gif' /> 69.56.191.149:27015

JacKnife · March 2004

eh talk about it with the partner your gonna do it with when the time comes.
Probably the best thing you can do

Necrosis · March 2004

Genetic engineering is outlawed mostly due to an innate fear that a... shall we say "rogue" government might take advantage of eugenics in order to breed little super soldiers. Obedient little psychopaths they can hide in any society until needed.

Anyhow, enough OT.

I still say talk it out with the spouse/whatever. Besides if you're not planning on kids for a few years, treatment might have improved. I wouldn't rule spawning your own biological child out.

Fro5ty · March 2004

</div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Necrosis @ Mar 26 2004, 07:59 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> Genetic engineering is outlawed mostly due to an innate fear that a... shall we say "rogue" government might take advantage of eugenics in order to breed little super soldiers. Obedient little psychopaths they can hide in any society until needed.

Anyhow, enough OT.

I still say talk it out with the spouse/whatever. Besides if you're not planning on kids for a few years, treatment might have improved. I wouldn't rule spawning your own biological child out. </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'>
Heaven forbid we try to make life better for all. We could get rid of mental retardation, alztimers, parkisons disease not to mention thousands others but people are afraid of another Hitler or something... I mean, we don't have little psychopaths hiding in our society, waiting for a chance to blow up a train or fly a plane into a building. It's not like nationalism or religion can cause these types of people too. But I guess the entire idea of taking an embryo, spending years looking through it's genes and then deciding to let it grow and take 18 years or so to reach the level of maturity needed for someone's plans is a lot more feasible than taking an already existing person and convincing them to do such things. I mean, it isn't like a madman can convince an entire country to follow his every whims...

On Topic:

What exactly does your disease cause? Do you have problems with walking/breathing/eating? If it would severly inhibit a child from climbing a ladder up a slide, sliding down it, landing on their feet and doing it again, then I would say adopt. Not like there isn't an influx of kids who's parents can't care for them or aren't mature enough to do so...

A Serious Question

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