Make Up A Joke! Post It Here!
LemurZoboomafoo
Join Date: 2002-11-10 Member: 8131Members
Join Date: 2002-11-10 Member: 8131Members
in Off-Topic
<div class="IPBDescription">Not one you've heard before!</div> So here I am, a lonely multimeter. One day I see this really hot oscilloscope, so I walk up and say "Hey baby, what's your sine?"
<!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->
Now somebody else do one.
<!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->
Now somebody else do one.
Comments
And what has 6 legs, ontop it is green and a little furry, and if it fell out of a tree onto you it would probably kill you?
A pool table.
Edit: bridge not bride
That's one poor bride.
At the risk of hijacking the thread horrendously off topic:
How the hell does a 2 legged pool table stand up!???
Whoop-de-freaking-do
This topic was made to MAKE UP jokes, not to post old ones :/
I'd imagine the two legged pool table is attached to a wall.
3.141 degrees walk into a bar, the bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve pie here"
*cringes at own joke*
The skill of Clan [insert name here] piled up <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo-->
... Yeah
Nope; if the white ball (whatever the special name of it is <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo--> (the one you shoot at, I thin)) is really close to the walled side, then: lookee at my amazing picture <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo--> You see, you can hardly shoot it at the opposite side.
[edit]
Oh man, it's hardly understandable <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
The black circles on the border are holes.
(note my proper terminology <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->)
At the risk of hijacking the thread horrendously off topic:
How the hell does a 2 legged pool table stand up!??? <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
Bewm.
[/QUOTE]
Sweet, I inspured someone to make a diagram.
Oh yeah, forgot why I quoted that,t he white ball is called the cue ball.
Purple Spaghetti
A little boy was walking to school one day to hear a couple hobos arguing. One of them utters the phrase, "Purple spaghetti" to the other.
The boy, confounded, continues to walk to school. He sits down in a desk and during class, he raises his hand. The teacher calls on him, and the boy asks, "Excuse me, teacher? I was walking to school today, and I heard a couple hobos uttering a phrase. I don't know what it means."
The teacher asks, "Well what's the phrase?"
"Purple spaghetti," he replies.
"Get your books! Get out of my room immediately!" the teacher responds. "Go to the principal's office!"
The boy, puzzled about what he might have done wrong, walks to the principal's office. The principal is there waiting for him as he comes in. "So, what brings you to my office?"
"Well, I was walking to school today, and I heard a couple hobos uttering a phrase. I asked my teacher, but when she heard, she kicked me out of her classroom," the boy said. The principal opens up his student record. "Well, you seem to have a very good record. You have straight As, and you've never been in trouble before. What possibly could the phrase have been?"
"Purple spaghetti."
"You're expelled! I don't want to ever see you in this school again! Leave this school immediately!" the principal angrily says to the poor little boy.
The little boy with a frown on his face, grabs his books and leaves the principal's office to go home. He finally walks home, when he finds his mother at home. His mother, doing the dishes, looks over at his son. "Hey! Why are you home early? Is something wrong?"
"Well, you see, I was walking to school today, and I heard a couple hobos uttering a phrase. I asked my teacher, but when she heard, she kicked me out of her classroom. Then I had to walk to the principal's office. When I told him, he expelled me from the school!"
"Oh dear!" his mom says. "That's horrible! What phrase could possibly make them act that way?"
"Purple spaghetti."
"I want you out of this house immediately! I don't want you to ever show your face around here again! Do you hear me!?" his mom furiously says.
The little boy, almost in tears, leaves the house with just the clothes on his back. He walks by a police officer, who after seeing the little boy crying, asked, "Why are you crying little boy?" The little boy, looking up to the officer after wiping his tears, says "No, you'll hate me if I tell you."
"Tell me what?" the officer asks.
"Well, I was walking to school today, and I heard a couple hobos uttering a phrase. I asked my teacher, but when she heard, she kicked me out of her classroom. Then I had to walk to the principal's office. When I told him, he expelled me from the school. When I came home and told my mom what had happened, she kicked me out of the house!" the boy explains. The officer is stunned at the story. "That's horrible! I'll see justice is served. I won't let them treat you this way over a silly phrase! Out of curiosity, what was the phrase?"
"Purple spaghetti." the boy says with a frown on his face.
The next thing the boy knows, he's in handcuffs in prison. A few days pass, and he is presented in front of a judge. "Why are you here, little boy? You seem like a decent lad. What did you do wrong?" the judge inquires. "Well, I was walking to school a few days ago, and I heard a couple hobos uttering a phrase. I asked my teacher, but when she heard, she kicked me out of her classroom. When I told the principal what had happened, he expelled me from the school! When I came home and told my mom what had happened, she kicked me out of the house! A police officer saw me on the street, and when I told him, he put me under arrest!"
"Why, they can't do that! That's unconstitutional! What phrase could possibly make someone do all those things?" the judge asks.
"If I tell you, you will only hate me like the others."
"No I won't, sonny. I give you my word as a gentleman and a judge. I just need to have this recorded for the books."
"Okay, the phrase was purple spaghetti."
The boy gets sentenced to 20 years without parole and a "May God have mercy on your soul" by the judge. About 25 years later, the boy is a man, and after leaving jail, he found a wife and has 1 small child. Since the horrible incident which plagued his childhood, he always avoided talking about it with anyone, including his wife. Also, he changed his name so that nobody would recognize him who knew him before.
One day, his wife and him were talking. "Honey, why don't you ever talk about your past with me? You know you can trust me, right? There is nothing you could tell me that would make me leave you! I love you too damn much." The man gives a weak smile, and replies "No, I'd rather not talk about it."
"Not even to your own wife?"
"Well, only if you promise to never bring it up again. I will only say this to you once," the man says.
"I was walking to school one day, and I heard a couple hobos uttering a phrase. I asked my teacher, but when she heard, she kicked me out of her classroom. When I told the principal what had happened, he expelled me from the school. When I came home and told my mom what had happened, she kicked me out of the house! A police officer saw me on the street, and when I told him, he put me under arrest! I told the judge my story, and he sentenced me to 20 years without parole!"
"Oh my god!" his wife says. "I'm so sorry. I can understand how you feel that way, and I'll never mention it to you again. Can I ask you what this phrase was?"
"No, if I tell you, you'll only do what the others did."
"I'm your wife. You can tell me anything. I gave an oath when I married you, remember? Doesn't that mean anything?"
"Okay okay.. I'll tell you. The phrase was purple spaghetti."
The poor guy gets divorced by his wife and loses custody over his child. The judge, after hearing the story, didn't seem to show any mercy or regrets carrying out the sentence. The guy, homeless once again without anyone who loves him, walked outside the court room and started to cross the street when he was hit by a car.
Moral of the story? Look both ways before crossing the street. <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo-->
Smart bombs!!!
3.141 degrees walk into a bar, the bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve pie here"
*cringes at own joke* <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
Wouldn't that be 3.141 radians?
Purple Spaghetti
A little boy was walking to school one day to hear a couple hobos arguing. One of them utters the phrase, "Purple spaghetti" to the other.
The boy, confounded, continues to walk to school. He sits down in a desk and during class, he raises his hand. The teacher calls on him, and the boy asks, "Excuse me, teacher? I was walking to school today, and I heard a couple hobos uttering a phrase. I don't know what it means."
The teacher asks, "Well what's the phrase?"
"Purple spaghetti," he replies.
"Get your books! Get out of my room immediately!" the teacher responds. "Go to the principal's office!"
The boy, puzzled about what he might have done wrong, walks to the principal's office. The principal is there waiting for him as he comes in. "So, what brings you to my office?"
"Well, I was walking to school today, and I heard a couple hobos uttering a phrase. I asked my teacher, but when she heard, she kicked me out of her classroom," the boy said. The principal opens up his student record. "Well, you seem to have a very good record. You have straight As, and you've never been in trouble before. What possibly could the phrase have been?"
"Purple spaghetti."
"You're expelled! I don't want to ever see you in this school again! Leave this school immediately!" the principal angrily says to the poor little boy.
The little boy with a frown on his face, grabs his books and leaves the principal's office to go home. He finally walks home, when he finds his mother at home. His mother, doing the dishes, looks over at his son. "Hey! Why are you home early? Is something wrong?"
"Well, you see, I was walking to school today, and I heard a couple hobos uttering a phrase. I asked my teacher, but when she heard, she kicked me out of her classroom. Then I had to walk to the principal's office. When I told him, he expelled me from the school!"
"Oh dear!" his mom says. "That's horrible! What phrase could possibly make them act that way?"
"Purple spaghetti."
"I want you out of this house immediately! I don't want you to ever show your face around here again! Do you hear me!?" his mom furiously says.
The little boy, almost in tears, leaves the house with just the clothes on his back. He walks by a police officer, who after seeing the little boy crying, asked, "Why are you crying little boy?" The little boy, looking up to the officer after wiping his tears, says "No, you'll hate me if I tell you."
"Tell me what?" the officer asks.
"Well, I was walking to school today, and I heard a couple hobos uttering a phrase. I asked my teacher, but when she heard, she kicked me out of her classroom. Then I had to walk to the principal's office. When I told him, he expelled me from the school. When I came home and told my mom what had happened, she kicked me out of the house!" the boy explains. The officer is stunned at the story. "That's horrible! I'll see justice is served. I won't let them treat you this way over a silly phrase! Out of curiosity, what was the phrase?"
"Purple spaghetti." the boy says with a frown on his face.
The next thing the boy knows, he's in handcuffs in prison. A few days pass, and he is presented in front of a judge. "Why are you here, little boy? You seem like a decent lad. What did you do wrong?" the judge inquires. "Well, I was walking to school a few days ago, and I heard a couple hobos uttering a phrase. I asked my teacher, but when she heard, she kicked me out of her classroom. When I told the principal what had happened, he expelled me from the school! When I came home and told my mom what had happened, she kicked me out of the house! A police officer saw me on the street, and when I told him, he put me under arrest!"
"Why, they can't do that! That's unconstitutional! What phrase could possibly make someone do all those things?" the judge asks.
"If I tell you, you will only hate me like the others."
"No I won't, sonny. I give you my word as a gentleman and a judge. I just need to have this recorded for the books."
"Okay, the phrase was purple spaghetti."
The boy gets sentenced to 20 years without parole and a "May God have mercy on your soul" by the judge. About 25 years later, the boy is a man, and after leaving jail, he found a wife and has 1 small child. Since the horrible incident which plagued his childhood, he always avoided talking about it with anyone, including his wife. Also, he changed his name so that nobody would recognize him who knew him before.
One day, his wife and him were talking. "Honey, why don't you ever talk about your past with me? You know you can trust me, right? There is nothing you could tell me that would make me leave you! I love you too damn much." The man gives a weak smile, and replies "No, I'd rather not talk about it."
"Not even to your own wife?"
"Well, only if you promise to never bring it up again. I will only say this to you once," the man says.
"I was walking to school one day, and I heard a couple hobos uttering a phrase. I asked my teacher, but when she heard, she kicked me out of her classroom. When I told the principal what had happened, he expelled me from the school. When I came home and told my mom what had happened, she kicked me out of the house! A police officer saw me on the street, and when I told him, he put me under arrest! I told the judge my story, and he sentenced me to 20 years without parole!"
"Oh my god!" his wife says. "I'm so sorry. I can understand how you feel that way, and I'll never mention it to you again. Can I ask you what this phrase was?"
"No, if I tell you, you'll only do what the others did."
"I'm your wife. You can tell me anything. I gave an oath when I married you, remember? Doesn't that mean anything?"
"Okay okay.. I'll tell you. The phrase was purple spaghetti."
The poor guy gets divorced by his wife and loses custody over his child. The judge, after hearing the story, didn't seem to show any mercy or regrets carrying out the sentence. The guy, homeless once again without anyone who loves him, walked outside the court room and started to cross the street when he was hit by a car.
Moral of the story? Look both ways before crossing the street. <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo--> <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
lol that was pretty good.
At the risk of hijacking the thread horrendously off topic:
How the hell does a 2 legged pool table stand up!??? <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Bewm. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
0wn3d. I can't post a joke, due to me being retarded in the degree of "Homestar Runner" humor.
3.141 degrees walk into a bar, the bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve pie here"
*cringes at own joke* <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Wouldn't that be 3.141 radians? <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
owned.
your aliens are so stupid, they had to get remedial hivesight!
(thats from the 1.04 when there was "advanced hive sight," get it...)
"What's that?" he asks the bartender
The bartender replies "Well.... that's a bet we have here. All you need to do to win all that money, is to drink 2 bottles of Vodka. Go up the stairs where you'll see a pitbull. You need to take off all of his teeth. Then, you enter that room where you will find a 150kg, 80 years old woman. You need to **** her. Wanna try?"
"Ahh.... what the hell" says the drunk man.
So he drinks the vodka, and goes upstairs. You can just hear the dog crying. The drunk man come out, almost falling down.
"Now where is the granny, so I can take her teeths out?"
Huehuehue...... me and my friend made this up about 1 month ago. Pretty stupid <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo-->
3.141 degrees walk into a bar, the bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve pie here"
*cringes at own joke* <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Wouldn't that be 3.141 radians? <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
owned. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
Not owned.
It shouldnt be radians either.
it should just be 3.141.
3.141 radians would be 180 degrees (half a circle)
Linoleum Blownaparte!
Theres this couple and they have been married happily for 50 years and nothings wrong with their marrige, except every morning the husband would let out a huge disgusting fart. The wife jokingly told him that he would fart his guts out. That night they had turkey for dinner and the wife got an idea. When her husband was sleeping she put the turky guts in his pants. And that morning his let out his fart and screamed and ran into the bathroom. At breakfast he walked into the kitchen and said "Ya know honey, you were right. I farted my guts out, but its OK, with a little vaseline and a lot of effort I think I got them all back in"
HAHA....its disgusting.