Marine Outpost Zeta: Exile

XiaoXiao Join Date: 2003-03-18 Member: 14664Members
edited May 2003 in Fan-Fiction Forum
<div class="IPBDescription">The nightmare continues...</div> There was a giant rumbe throughout the ship. The weakened hull of the Exodus II could be felt shaking under the pressure from the attack. From the sensors, Sarge could tell that the situation was not looking good.
"What are they doing now?" asked the sarge.
"Looks like they are trying to break through the hull into the Engine Room." replied the corporal.
"darnit! If they get into the engine room, we blow sky high..."
"I know, the worst part is, the engines are almost back online..."
"Really?" The sarge sounded suprised.
"Yeah, we just have to try and start it up..."
"Great, fire 'em up and let's get the hell outta here!"
"Aye Aye sir!"
"Oh and let's leave those Kaharaa a little surprise...heh"
"Wht do you mean sir?"
"Drop a G5 Thermite on them."
"Yes Sir!"
"Alrite let's get outta here!"
At those words, the engines of the Exodus II roared to life and they were off. From the bottom of the ship, the crew could see the bomb hit its target with a large firey explosion.
"Woo-hoo!!!" cried the Sarge.
And they were off...but just then, a large Lerk appeared and started shooting spikes. The ship's left engine exploded. The ship gave a large shudder, almost as if it were going to fall apart.
"Oh no...here we go again..." said the Sarge, but his voice was barely heard over the crack of the ship slamming into the ground.

One more sequel maybe...
To Be Continued...?
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Comments

  • That_Annoying_KidThat_Annoying_Kid Sire of Titles Join Date: 2003-03-01 Member: 14175Members, Constellation
    this was pretty good

    but were they in another ship or what was going on?

    try and make it more clear


    <!--emo&::marine::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/marine.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='marine.gif'><!--endemo--> <!--emo&::lerk::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/lerk.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='lerk.gif'><!--endemo--> <!--emo&::fade::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/fade.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='fade.gif'><!--endemo--> <!--emo&::nerdy::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/nerd.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='nerd.gif'><!--endemo-->

    omg new emotocons <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->
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  • BogglesteinskyBogglesteinsky Join Date: 2002-12-24 Member: 11488Members
    i like it, but you cant leave them on a cliff hanger. need to finish it.

    "the ships blows up, they all die


    END"

    there we go

    anyway, i hope you come up with a better ending than that
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  • Lumberjack_WannabeLumberjack_Wannabe Join Date: 2003-03-11 Member: 14404Members, Constellation
    edited May 2003
    <!--QuoteBegin--z.x. bogglestiensky+May 30 2003, 05:28 AM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (z.x. bogglestiensky @ May 30 2003, 05:28 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> i like it, but you cant leave them on a cliff hanger. need to finish it.

    "the ships blows up, they all die


    END"

    there we go

    anyway, i hope you come up with a better ending than that <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
    It's that way for a sequel... bwahahaha.

    Anywho, nice story xiao, but you could've expanded on it. It gave me no feeling on the situation - no emotion.
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  • That_Annoying_KidThat_Annoying_Kid Sire of Titles Join Date: 2003-03-01 Member: 14175Members, Constellation
    I woudl tend to agree <!--emo&???--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/confused.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='confused.gif'><!--endemo-->


    you need to develop your story more


    make us get to know and empathizes with the characters
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  • NinjaStitchNinjaStitch Join Date: 2003-05-25 Member: 16703Members
    <!--emo&::asrifle::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/asrifle.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='asrifle.gif'><!--endemo-->

    [QUOTE]"here we go again"

    And 'POOF!', that's it?

    I'm sure you can make it sound a little like Halo's "GET THE HELL OUTTA HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE!!!"



    ...'Look what I got for my birthday, dad!'...


    <!--emo&::asrifle::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/asrifle.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='asrifle.gif'><!--endemo--> <!--emo&:0--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/wow.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wow.gif'><!--endemo-->--OH MY GOD!! <!--emo&:(--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/sad.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='sad.gif'><!--endemo--> --HALP!
    Off Topic Disagree Agree Awesome
  • NinjaStitchNinjaStitch Join Date: 2003-05-25 Member: 16703Members
    <!--emo&::asrifle::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/asrifle.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='asrifle.gif'><!--endemo-->

    [QUOTE]"here we go again"

    And 'POOF!', that's it?

    I'm sure you can make it sound a little like Halo's "GET THE HELL OUTTA HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE!!!"



    ...'Look what I got for my birthday, dad!'...


    <!--emo&::asrifle::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/asrifle.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='asrifle.gif'><!--endemo--> <!--emo&:0--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/wow.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wow.gif'><!--endemo-->--OH MY GOD!! <!--emo&:(--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/sad.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='sad.gif'><!--endemo--> --HALP!
    Off Topic Disagree Agree Awesome
  • NinjaStitchNinjaStitch Join Date: 2003-05-25 Member: 16703Members
    <!--emo&::asrifle::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/asrifle.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='asrifle.gif'><!--endemo-->

    [QUOTE]"here we go again"

    And 'POOF!', that's it?

    I'm sure you can make it sound a little like Halo's "GET THE HELL OUTTA HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE!!!"



    ...'Look what I got for my birthday, dad!'...


    <!--emo&::asrifle::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/asrifle.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='asrifle.gif'><!--endemo--> <!--emo&:0--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/wow.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wow.gif'><!--endemo-->--OH MY GOD!! <!--emo&:(--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/sad.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='sad.gif'><!--endemo--> --HALP!
    Off Topic Disagree Agree Awesome
  • NinjaStitchNinjaStitch Join Date: 2003-05-25 Member: 16703Members
    <!--emo&::asrifle::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/asrifle.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='asrifle.gif'><!--endemo-->

    [QUOTE]"here we go again"

    And 'POOF!', that's it?

    I'm sure you can make it sound a little like Halo's "GET THE HELL OUTTA HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE!!!"



    ...'Look what I got for my birthday, dad!'...


    <!--emo&::asrifle::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/asrifle.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='asrifle.gif'><!--endemo--> <!--emo&:0--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/wow.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wow.gif'><!--endemo-->--OH MY GOD!! <!--emo&:(--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/sad.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='sad.gif'><!--endemo--> --HALP!
    Off Topic Disagree Agree Awesome
  • Lumberjack_WannabeLumberjack_Wannabe Join Date: 2003-03-11 Member: 14404Members, Constellation
    Wow. Talk about quadruple posting.
    Off Topic Disagree Agree Awesome
  • That_Annoying_KidThat_Annoying_Kid Sire of Titles Join Date: 2003-03-01 Member: 14175Members, Constellation
    <!--QuoteBegin--Lumberjack Wannabe+May 31 2003, 09:32 AM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Lumberjack Wannabe @ May 31 2003, 09:32 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> Wow. Talk about quadruple posting. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
    yeah, what gives, and you didn't even close your tags <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo-->
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  • XiaoXiao Join Date: 2003-03-18 Member: 14664Members
    This is in reply to the recent comments on my story.
    I have not had much time to actually go and put together the story like it should be put together. I had the story all set up in my head, but I did'nt have time to make sure grammar mistakes and stuff like that were corrected. I am going to make another short story, and this time I will think it out and do it right. Thanks for all of your positive comments. See y'all later.
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  • BogglesteinskyBogglesteinsky Join Date: 2002-12-24 Member: 11488Members
    dont worry too much about grammar. so long as we can understand it, everythings fine
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  • That_Annoying_KidThat_Annoying_Kid Sire of Titles Join Date: 2003-03-01 Member: 14175Members, Constellation
    <!--QuoteBegin--z.x. bogglestiensky+May 31 2003, 02:31 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (z.x. bogglestiensky @ May 31 2003, 02:31 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> dont worry too much about grammar. so long as we can understand it, everythings fine <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
    yeah, grammar isn't that much of deal <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo-->

    don't worry about what we think it's your story if you like it, thats all that matters
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  • BogglesteinskyBogglesteinsky Join Date: 2002-12-24 Member: 11488Members
    that mans got a good point.

    dont care what anybody says about it, so long as you are happy...
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  • That_Annoying_KidThat_Annoying_Kid Sire of Titles Join Date: 2003-03-01 Member: 14175Members, Constellation
    yup <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->
    (new emotocons=savage)

    hey Xiao

    any news?
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