Unknown enemy: chapter 9

RobRob Unknown Enemy Join Date: 2002-01-24 Member: 25Members, NS1 Playtester
in Fan-Fiction Forum
<div class="IPBDescription">With new location</div>Many thanks to DrunkenBozo and XTS_Highlander for helping me proofread and edit this chapter.  Their service is invaluable!

As you can see, UE is now on the Hive, although I'm breaking my own rules to put it there... Whatcha think?

<a href="http://hive.readyroom.org/writing/ue/ue.html" target="_blank">http://hive.readyroom.org/writing/ue/ue.html</a>
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Comments

  • SlycasterSlycaster Limited Edition Join Date: 2002-01-24 Member: 24Members, NS1 Playtester
    omg rob, why did you have to stop it there, urgh... such a cliffhanger, AHHHH your story is so good its eating my brain!
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  • ComproxComprox *chortle* Canada Join Date: 2002-01-23 Member: 7Members, Super Administrators, Forum Admins, NS1 Playtester, NS2 Developer, Constellation, NS2 Playtester, Reinforced - Shadow, WC 2013 - Silver, Subnautica Developer, Subnautica Playtester, Pistachionauts
    Good ending there, I like
    *SPOILER*

    How your squad us taking a break, and another is doing the attacking, it gives the story a bigger feel, not like it is just your squad that can kill aliens. There was something about the radio part that bugged me though, not too sure. Maybe it was so quick or something.

    Overall, just awesome though!
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  • RobRob Unknown Enemy Join Date: 2002-01-24 Member: 25Members, NS1 Playtester
    Thanks guys!

    ***SPOILER***


    Yeah, thinks rarely turn out as I imagine them.  I wanted that radio scene more drawn out, but it...just didn't work <!--emo&:(--><img src="http://www.natural-selection.org/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/sad.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':('><!--endemo-->
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  • Sgt_XSgt_X Join Date: 2002-03-01 Member: 261Members
    ***Spoiler***



    Those poor TSA, they're not trained for these situations realy. Sad thing that squad got wiped out.
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  • TraneTrane Join Date: 2002-02-01 Member: 148Members
    do i sense a rescue mission coming by the aces???  Good writing, adn I hope to found out more about the new squad commander, cause the old one was the man.  Anyways, more chapters already!!
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  • SonoSono Join Date: 2002-01-26 Member: 105Members
    Don't think of a rescue mission. From story it sounded like there are only a few bones left of the squad. Nothing worth a rescue attemp.
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  • RobRob Unknown Enemy Join Date: 2002-01-24 Member: 25Members, NS1 Playtester
    Thanks guys.

    Great ideas here, but for the first time, I've got a clear picture of where I want to go, and why I want to go there...
    And I tend to agree more with Sono about the rescue mission bit.  But make sure you keep those ideas flowing, and I'll take all the critisism you can dish out.
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  • Nemesis_ZeroNemesis_Zero Old European Join Date: 2002-01-25 Member: 75Members, Retired Developer, NS1 Playtester, Constellation
    Great story, Rob, your writing improves with every chapter.

    It's true that the radio part could have had a more dense atmosphere - I think it's because you gave the reader too much of an overview. It could become even better if they were confused: Don't say that hell breaks loose, describe some tiny details like gunshots or ammo cases hitting the ground and let the readers fill the blanks.

    Other than that, I want chapter 10. Now.
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  • TraneTrane Join Date: 2002-02-01 Member: 148Members
    yeah, but how bout an equipment salvage mission? lol jk
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  • EngarEngar Join Date: 2002-06-11 Member: 754Members
    *Spoiler*

    Well, in previous chapters (all of which I enjoyed <!--emo&:)--><img src="http://www.natural-selection.org/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':)'><!--endemo-->) it was made clear that corpses shouldn't be left behind. It is possible, though maybe not all that likely, that a mission would be made to retrieve the remains of the dead squad.

    Just my two cents.
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  • Nemesis_ZeroNemesis_Zero Old European Join Date: 2002-01-25 Member: 75Members, Retired Developer, NS1 Playtester, Constellation
    That may be true, but - the aliens never leave marine corpses. Never.



    <!--EDIT|Nemesis Zero|June 12 2002,13:30-->
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