The Next Poster Is ________

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Comments

  • BurrBurr Join Date: 2002-11-19 Member: 9358Members
    Flayra: First of all I would like to thank the rest of the dev team, couldn't have done it without you guys! Next I would like to thank the play testers for all there hard work. I would like to thank everybody that has played the game, and even if 1.1 is still not out yet....

    Presenter: 1.1 isn't out yet?

    Flayra: No, is that a problem?

    Presenter: Yes, Ive been waiting for that for years now, give me that oscar back!

    Flayra: You can pry it from my cold dead hands!!

    The next poster is a herd of Onos's stampeding across the Texas Landscape..
  • tbZBeAsttbZBeAst Join Date: 2003-01-26 Member: 12755Members
    Hey paw! Is thet a moose?
    I don' care junior, git me mah buffalo gun.

    *bang*

    *trample* *squish*

    the next poster is your wife/girlfriend trying to get you to come to bed at 2am...
  • BioHazBioHaz Join Date: 2002-02-18 Member: 226Members
    <!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->"Honey, come to bed"
    "One sec, round's almost over...  "
    "You said that 4 hours ago...  I can only wait for so long... looks like someones not gonna be gettin anything tonight after all..."
    <i>The sound of a person moving faster than anyone thought imaginable</i>

    Marine In Game:  Hey comm?  Hello?  NEED MEDPACK!!  Well shiznit... <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->

    Ahh, but I can dream can't I?

    The next poster is the shift key.
  • GwahirGwahir Join Date: 2002-04-24 Member: 513Members, Constellation
    I feel so ignored when he plays, he only wants to run around, never go slow so I can help him out.

    But when he's on the forums, that's my time to shine, bring forth the full strength and wrath of the mighty shift key! All bow and flame my largness.... until he finds the caps lock key...

    The next poster is the secret alien class, the "janitor."
  • The_Holy_GreyThe_Holy_Grey Join Date: 2002-12-17 Member: 10977Members
    edited March 2003
    You bunch of selfish basterds ...
    All YOU care about is to get the damn hives, eh ? go fade and splash around with those damn acid rockets like there's no tomorrow ...
    running around xenosiding on those bloody humans, splashing your disguisting inerds all over the place..
    I *HATE* you all.
    YOU don't have to clean all this bloody mess when the game's over !!! all YOU do is chuckle and press F4 !!!
    Have YOU ever cleaned up a corpse of a recently-dead fade ?!? or spent hours of cleaning a corridor from all those filthy webs you leave all over the place ?!?
    OR GoT YoUR BOOT In a BLOODY PILE of XENOSIDE REMINES ?!?!?

    I HATE YOU ALL !!!

    next poster is a Phase Gate.
  • twilitebluetwiliteblue bug stalker Join Date: 2003-02-04 Member: 13116Members, NS2 Playtester, Squad Five Blue
    edited March 2003
    Phase Gate: "What? You wanna go to SatCom? What? It's getting overrunned by aliens?"

    "Nah. I'll send you to Waste Handling. So when my cousin in SatCom gets put down by those nasty critters, I'll beeee safe.
    Have a nice day!"

    <a skulk suddenly appears out of nowhere>

    Phase Gate: "AHHH! MAYDAY! MAYDAY!"

    ---------------
    The next poster is a Gorge who is told about the existence of KFC for the first time in his/her life.
  • tbZBeAsttbZBeAst Join Date: 2003-01-26 Member: 12755Members
    Whats this? This smells like a res tower, why hasn't it been built?

    *tries to assemble KFC into a structure*

    the next poster is the paranoid sentry gun
  • KuronekoKuroneko Join Date: 2002-11-05 Member: 7184Members, Constellation
    <!--emo&::sentry::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/turret.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='turret.gif'><!--endemo--> *beep* c'mon, I know you're out there! *beep* bring it on!! *beep* MUHAHAH DIE!!!!! *beep* oh...sorry about that comm.. <!--emo&::asrifle::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/asrifle.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='asrifle.gif'><!--endemo--> <!--emo&::sentry::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/turret.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='turret.gif'><!--endemo-->

    Next person is a box of donuts in the Mess Hall...during an alien invasion of course <!--emo&;)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/wink.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wink.gif'><!--endemo-->
  • BioHazBioHaz Join Date: 2002-02-18 Member: 226Members
    Donuts: "Comon aliens! Eat me! Im soo sweet and tasty, I am the universe's most popular food, you know you want some, come on... I have jelly filled, i have buttermilk, I have sprinkled!"
    Skulk 1: "Looks like a trap to me..."
    Skulk 2: "I dunno, the humans dont seem devious enough to think up something like this, lets get Mikey to try it, he'll eat anything! And I dont like him much either."
    Skulk 3 - Mikey: "|-|3y guyz, d1d u c4ll m3?"
    Skulk 1: "Try one of these."
    Mikey: "0|<" *Munch Munch* "7h3ze p\/\/Nz0rz! tR`| 1!"
    Skulk 2: "What the hell..." *Munch Munch* "These things ar---"
    Donuts: "All is going according to plan! Muwahahaha!"

    *Marines walk in, shoots all 3 skulks*

    Marines: "Ohh look, Donuts!" *Munch Munch* "Choking Noises"

    <i>Donuts killed marines with asphixiation.
    Donut team wins!</i>


    Got Milk?


    The next poster is in love with me.
  • Mr_HeadcrabMr_Headcrab Squee&#33;~ Join Date: 2002-11-20 Member: 9392Members, Constellation
    hmm....
    /me stares at biohaz

    Cant we just be friends?


    Next poster is: A skulk who discovered how to operate human weapons....
  • p4Samwisep4Samwise Join Date: 2002-12-15 Member: 10831Members
    Woo-hoo! No more chipped teeth for ME!


    The next poster is Captain Kirk, having beamed onto a planet infested by the Kharaa.
  • Mr_HeadcrabMr_Headcrab Squee&#33;~ Join Date: 2002-11-20 Member: 9392Members, Constellation
    /PHWOOOSH/

    I... come-in... peace..

    /sets phaser to "extra crispy"/

    Gah!!! Klingon! -erm, alien!!

    /turns Lerk into KFL (Kirk fired Lerk)/

    alright, time for the landing party chicklist, 1, say "We come in peace", check. 2 Incenerate an alien inhabitant. Check. 3, let at least one red shirted ensign die...

    /onos charges and impales two at once/

    Doublecheck, 4, become romantically involved with a female of the local species

    /kirk looks over at a <!--emo&::gorge::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/pudgy.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='pudgy.gif'><!--endemo-->/

    .....




    Next poster is: Jerry Springer: I'm in love with an alien sex monster! (Kahraa Edition)
  • GwahirGwahir Join Date: 2002-04-24 Member: 513Members, Constellation
    So, when did it start?

    It was just after the my first mission, he was so strong, and tall. He tore all my squadmates apart, then we just sorta... connected.


    (I think I should end it right about there)

    The next poster is the kharaa answer to the siege cannon.
  • BioHazBioHaz Join Date: 2002-02-18 Member: 226Members
    Now my bretheren, I have evolved us a launcher that will shoot a skulk at a siege cannon, disabling it. Test Pilot, ready yourself!
    *A skulk puts on a helmet and climbs into the cannon*
    FIRE!
    *BOOM* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee................ *SPLAT!*

    Hmm... It looks like there are some kinks to work out of that model. Now lets test version 2!

    Ready the Sphincter Blaster! It creates sonic boom generated by this thing that looks like a giant intestine and buttocks. Arm the Sphincter! FIRE!
    *PPPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTT* (Its a Slient But Deadly)
    This seems to have an *GAG* unforceen side *CHOKE* effect. Whew what a stink! And it didnt even generate a boom.

    Looks like its back to the R&D lab for me.


    The next poster is a CDR Disk about to be burned
  • Mr_HeadcrabMr_Headcrab Squee&#33;~ Join Date: 2002-11-20 Member: 9392Members, Constellation
    Ah, all the comforts of ones own home,
    /me opens CD jewel case
    Wth!
    /me picks up CDr
    GAH! put me down!!
    /me puts CDr into tray
    get me off this thing!
    /me pushes door close button
    Grr.. Its dark in here
    *Chuckle*
    <!--emo&:0--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/wow.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wow.gif'><!--endemo--> What's that
    /trogdor acends below the cdr, the platter begins to spin
    Im gettin sick!
    /Trogdor burnanates the CDr/
    Ow it hurts! Better get the hemmroid cream...


    Next poster is: a Psycotic fan of NS who stalks a toy company chairperson in order to get "Huggable, Wuggable Gorgies" on the market...
  • Marik_SteeleMarik_Steele To rule in hell... Join Date: 2002-11-20 Member: 9466Members
    Toy company sub-manager: (Sweating a bit, having just run in to the manager's office) Sir, I beleive we could make a lot of profit from this plush Gorge idea.

    Toy company manager: But how do we know it'll be popular? The competition out there is pretty fierce.

    Toy company sub-manager: Just look at the stats. Teddy bears haven't been on the rise in years, the public is speaking against unrealistically skinny dolls or muscular action figures, and these things wouldn't be too hard to produce.

    Toy company manager: But how do we know they want this product to begin with?

    <outside, a troupe of thousands of protestors starts to pass down the street>

    Toy company manager: Besides, in this time with controversy with the war, military-themed toys may be more profitable. It's all that's on everyone's mind these days -- look at those protestors out there. (Opens window to look down on street)

    <a leader of the protest suddenly stops the whole troupe.>

    Troupe leader: (Pointing to toy company's front door, right below the window) There it is! That's where that toy company guy ran to hide!

    Troupe: HUGGABLE WUGGABLE GORGIES! HUGGABLE WUGGABLE GORGIES!

    <hundreds of signs are being waved with slogans such as "We want fatty!" More chanting ensues as they burst into the building>

    Company sub-manager: (Nervously sweating again) Um, sir? Do we happen to have a less-known back exit for this building?




    The next poster is: The director of a "Huggable Wuggable Gorgies!" TV commercial
  • DunsbyDunsby Join Date: 2002-08-01 Member: 1042Awaiting Authorization
    edited March 2003
    Ok action!

    "Buy your huggable wuggable gorgies today or Bob will kill you!"

    CUT!

    Ok, that was good, but more enviousiasm(sp?) on the bob will kill you part!"

    "Buy your huggable, wuggable gorgies today, OR BOB WILL KILL YOU!"

    Perfect, now for the Gorgie, ok gorgie shake yo ****!

    *Gorgie shakes its **** and spits everywhere*

    Good, now make an offence chamber!

    *Gorgie makes Offence chamber*

    "Gorgies also have the ability to make offence chambers that scare away your family, but not your pets!"

    Good Good. Now use babbler attack!

    *Gorgie uses babblers*

    "RUN DADDY RUN, this is what your mother will be screaming when you send this babblers at him, so buy your gorgie today, they may just save your life."

    CUT

    Brilliant.


    Next poster is a person watching the advert.
  • Marik_SteeleMarik_Steele To rule in hell... Join Date: 2002-11-20 Member: 9466Members
    <!--emo&???--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/confused.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='confused.gif'><!--endemo--> Meh. Next time I see the commercial, I'll have to see if there's any fine print that says "offense chamber and other accessories sold separately"


    the next poster is: a TV viewer who wants to watch "Survivor," but finds that the TV network accidentally switched it with the CPL finals of Natural Selection.
  • p4Samwisep4Samwise Join Date: 2002-12-15 Member: 10831Members
    Looks like I tuned in just in time! They're wearing funny metal outfits and they're going to have to eat those big bug things! This'll be a hoot!

    Hey wait, those things have teeth and they're moving awfully.... AAAAAAHHH DEAR GOD THE HUMANITY!!!!!

    Wonder who gets the prize money if NONE of them survive?



    The next poster is Ninj4.
  • Marik_SteeleMarik_Steele To rule in hell... Join Date: 2002-11-20 Member: 9466Members
    edited March 2003
    As much as I regret to have to post this, I suppose I must for the benefit of my fellow forumgoers.

    For those who do not know me, my name is Winston Jones, more commonly known in the Ideas and Suggestions forum as Ninj4. I am currently a PhD. in theoretical nanophysics from MIT, hold a BA in business from Harvard, and assorted other degrees of various levels of significance in fields such as electrical engineering and anthropology. My activities on these forums have been a part of my process of aquiring my master's degree in psychology.

    These tests are merely a preliminary for an ongoing project to see just how the average pre-pubescent to middle-aged English-speaking citizen of Europe or the Americas will react to controversial "ideas," and subsequent promotion of them on a regular basis whether or not doing so is necessary for discussion of them to begin.

    <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo--> ....


    <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo--> ...
    <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo--> ..


    My confession here is also a message to tell you that :/ one was good k.. a few suggestions.. i think that we should decrease welder dmg to 10.. instead of 14.. + i think we should have a repair kit for the marines to build faster. also add a better turret for aliens.. cost 45 rof 15 shots per second... shot dmg = 2 hp points NOT INCLUDING ARMOR. mainly this should be used in groups... either that...Poop is good for j00... or a web spitter lol... a blob of sticky semi-invisble crap... sorry for gramar... time to play NS! it made me switch from cs gj ns ppl.... ull probably make it with valve.. just like cs... JUST DONT TURN THIS GAME INTO CRAP... (like cs) so only use 1 or 2 or none of my suggestions.. Alright. Im gonna have to spank the dev team and also give them a lollypop
    OK *shoes (not right spelling ... its a homonum ) away nub forumers with a broom*

    *lets in the discussers*

    TELL ME MY IDEA!!!
    go look at my idea!
    ... I'm going to bed... Someone please make a comment...
    And... i went to take a **** and come back to see if anything was there... and i find this BS...





    <<b>DISCLAIMER:</b> I, Marik_Steele have no idea whether or not Ninj4 is an Ivy-league graduate or not. I also have no idea what type of person he's like. [edit]nor do I know what his/her real name is, so that and any other similarities between the above and real life may be entirely coincidental[/edit] Rather than putting an imitation that may leave him directly insulted, I'd rather put this image of an ironically super-genious-renaissance man, followed by a garbled mix of actual quotes from forum threads he has started or participated in, for a humorous contrast.>


    The next poster is: a lead firefighter trying to explain to a 12-year-old AOL-er that "flames in the forum thread I started" is not a valid reason to call 911 and yell obscenities about flaming masses at the top of his lungs.
  • p4Samwisep4Samwise Join Date: 2002-12-15 Member: 10831Members
    <!--QuoteBegin--Marik_Steele+Mar 25 2003, 04:14 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Marik_Steele @ Mar 25 2003, 04:14 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> The next poster is: a lead firefighter trying to explain to a 12-year-old AOL-er that "flames in the forum thread I started" is not a valid reason to call 911 and yell obscenities about flaming masses at the top of his lungs. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
    Shut up, Billy. *click*



    The next poster is a shell-shocked TSA veteran who sees skulks on every ceiling.
  • DunsbyDunsby Join Date: 2002-08-01 Member: 1042Awaiting Authorization
    Skulks, skulks, THERE EVERYWHERE!!!!

    Help Me...

    _____________________________________
    <!--emo&::skulk::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/skulk.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='skulk.gif'><!--endemo-->





    <!--emo&::asrifle::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/asrifle.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='asrifle.gif'><!--endemo-->

    AHHHHHH OMG OMG HIS ON THE ROOF AHHHH.

    The next poster is a TSA veteran getting high.
  • Marik_SteeleMarik_Steele To rule in hell... Join Date: 2002-11-20 Member: 9466Members
    The surgeon general says it's ok to smoke....YOUR OPPOSITION!
    <Proceeds to put a cigar in mouth with one hand while poppin' lerks out of the sky with a single-hand pistolgrip shotty>

    The next poster is: the one person in the modern world who <i>hasn't</i> heard of Half-Life or Counter-Strike (and refuses to beleive they could be better than the grandness of the Zork series)
  • tbZBeAsttbZBeAst Join Date: 2003-01-26 Member: 12755Members
    Wth? Pictures? Wheres all the text? You guys have no imagination...

    the next poster is someone trying to convince themselves that they don't need to revise for a test, and should improve their NS skills instead
  • Mr_HeadcrabMr_Headcrab Squee&#33;~ Join Date: 2002-11-20 Member: 9392Members, Constellation
    Alright, In order to get these angles and trajectoies test prepared for, i need some good examples for myself, the GL and the bilebomb fir perfectly!

    /loads NS/

    /plays round/

    alright, thats enough of trajectories, time for "Military command structure: 1975-present" well, the future is the present of tomorrow, so...

    /begins another round/



    Next poster is: The hivemind on the Dating game
  • BioHazBioHaz Join Date: 2002-02-18 Member: 226Members
    Hive: "Contestant Number one: If you were to take me out on a romantic night on the town, where would you take me?"
    (Contestant 1) Skulk: "Chuckle Chuckle Rawr Chuckle"
    Hive: "Very interesting, number 2, same question"
    (#2) TSA Marine: I would take you to the mess hall, grab some chow and then take you back to my barrack and show you my (stamp collection), Hooah!"
    Hive: "You two sure know how to make a girl feel wanted. And contestant 3, if a woodchuck could chuck wood, how much would yo give me?"
    (#3) Ha><><0r: "Wh4t t3h h311z0rz?"

    Host: We'll be right back with her choice after these commercials from our sponsor!


    The next poster is the sponsor's commercial, starring Yanni and John Tesh!
  • GwahirGwahir Join Date: 2002-04-24 Member: 513Members, Constellation
    Yanni: We'd love to do a small song for you, composed by myself

    Tesh: I thought we were doing my song...

    Yanni: No.... no your song stinks

    Tesh: does not

    Yanni: does to:

    Tesh: does

    Yanni: Doesn't!

    Tesh: Doesn't!!!

    *Several crashes are heard off camera*

    The next poster cotinues as the hivemind on the dating game
  • BadKarmaBadKarma The Advanced Literature monsters burned my house and gave me a 7 Join Date: 2002-11-12 Member: 8260Members
    *Female* Number 3, If you wanted to seduce a woman into bed, what would you do?
    *Hivemind* Foolish Human! You will be cleansed then donced upon!

    The next poster will be the alein from Signs (snicker) going 1 on 1 with a fade.
  • James_H4xwellJames_H4xwell Join Date: 2002-12-25 Member: 11518Members
    edited April 2003
    Ok, steady, he has carapace but i have cloaking..... ok, ive got all the sensory chamber skills but he has defence chambers ATTACK :death:

    The next poster will be a pear trying to go up some stairs.... (gl figuring that one out)
  • ComproxComprox *chortle* Canada Join Date: 2002-01-23 Member: 7Members, Super Administrators, Forum Admins, NS1 Playtester, NS2 Developer, Constellation, NS2 Playtester, Reinforced - Shadow, WC 2013 - Silver, Subnautica Developer, Subnautica Playtester, Pistachionauts
    /me peels up the stairs <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->

    The next posted will be Monse attempting to make a readyroom.org post about NS 2.0 while drunk
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