The Arch0n1an Files
IFB-Arch0n1us
Join Date: 2003-02-21 Member: 13798Members
Join Date: 2003-02-21 Member: 13798Members
in Off-Topic
<div class="IPBDescription">Inspired by ATMT... Go Mart!</div> ------------------------------
The Arch0n1an Files
Episode 1 – It Begins
------------------------------
Hello, my hopefully faithful readers. Before I begin my story, I’d like to point out that this article, and those that will follow are not meant to be intelligent or beneficial to anyone in any way at all. If that’s what you were hoping, you were wrong. Dead wrong. Also, if you were looking for something hilarious, once again, you’ve come to the wrong place… unless you share the same poor sense of humor I do. If you want guaranteed amusement, you might want to go do something else, such as play in traffic… or make a pilgrimage to #naturalselection on GamesNet IRC and attempt to live through making fun of the infamous Greedo386. While you are there, you could also try to join Comprox’s IRC Mafia, or perhaps join the Anti-Comprox cult started by our good friend Mart. Anyway, now that I’ve most certainly lost most of the people that had started reading this… I guess I’ll start my story.
It all began a few days ago when I arrived at the bus stop on my way to school. Yes, I said school. You know… that retched place we all know and hate, where the endless onslaught of dribble from random teachers is barraged at you, only to be forgotten later in life, most likely. Most of the information you receive in these…schools you will most likely not need, such as history, and other things of that nature.
Anyway, I left my house after grabbing my backpack and portable CD player. As my sister and I trudged up the road towards the glass store (which functioned as our bus stop), we met up with one of my sister’s friends. This friend was a nice person, who, at times was a bit… odd, but others, a very nice person to be around. The three of us continued on, then stopped off at the local convenience store to buy random items, such as an ice-cold Coca-Cola, a cappuccino, or some other random thing that we’d consume on the bus to school. I went to the back of the store and grabbed a Coke, then walked towards the cash register, passing through the candy aisle as I contemplated purchasing a bag of Peanut-Butter M&Ms as well. I decided against this purchase and walked up to the cash register, then grabbed the $0.95 I’d need to complete the transaction. Luckily for me, there were no evil employees with monkeys to attack me, or any high-school dropouts to overcharge me… but who knows how long that will last.
Unfortunately, the convenience store located near my house isn’t nearly as odd as the one that Mart lives close to (the dreaded 24 Hour Garage), but that’s just one of the things that I’m grateful for, because if it were as weird as some of the other things that happen around where I live, I don’t know what I’d do with myself. I just don’t.
The three of us left the convenience store and walked the rest of the way up the hill towards the bus stop itself. We walked towards the building, making sure not to trip, or we would fall down towards the small parking lot covered in various types of discarded metal and glass shards. This was not a danger before, but it had become so, due to an obvious mishap someone had with the chain-link fence along the edge of the sidewalk. Regardless, we were used to this now, and we walked past the partially destroyed fence and walked to the building itself.
At the bus stop already was another one of my sister’s friends. This friend, who’s name is Selby, was different from the other friend, whose name is Anna. Now, this ‘Selby’ creature was a strange one indeed. We arrived, and she greeted us, as she usually did. We talked for a while until the bus arrived, and we boarded it. As the bus pulled away, we sat down and resumed conversation. This conversation ended up being my day’s real-life “setinfo”, which I continued to laugh at the rest of the day.
At the time of writing this article, I cannot remember the exact words exchanged during this event, but I can vaguely remember some of the things that were said. I’m not entirely sure of the accuracy of this account, but for humor’s sake, I’ll do my best. Most of the argument had a lot do with our political system, and the two parties that exist (Democrats and Republicans). Selby was alone in defending her oh-so-evil Republican beliefs, as my sister, Anna, and myself bombarded her with reasons that she was “just wrong”. Well… the “bombarding” wasn’t really… that… it was more of a… debate.
We were busy arguing with Selby about random things that were pretty important and debatable, when my sister came up with a novel idea… Does she even know what she’s talking about? My sister then delivered the blow verbally, which struck Anna and I as completely unexpected.
“Selby, The only reason you have those beliefs is because that’s what your parents believe, and you have been around politics and stuff you’re whole life… Why don’t you think for yourself instead of defending other people’s beliefs?”
Now… that quote isn’t entirely accurate, but I did my best to recreate it. Anyway, it was pretty funny, and I chuckled about it all day long.
I hope I haven’t bored you with the events of that morning. If so, feel free to comment to me about it after reading this… Otherwise, continue reading, and I hope the rest of this isn’t as boring. I bet you’re wondering if you should have gone to #naturalselection now aren’t you! Or maybe playing in traffic wouldn’t have been that bad after all! Anyway, here we go again
The rest of that day went pretty much normally, school just as monotonous as always. The only thing that kept me going is the fact that I had Vo-Tech to look forward to in the afternoon. But on that day, fate decided that I needed a little extra something to enlighten my life…or something to that effect.
I walked into AP Calculus and sat down in my normal seat, right next to the table that ends up containing all of the worksheets and such that we’d receive during the day. (Pretty lazy of me, huh?) I looked around and waited for more of my class to arrive, and walked around the room aimlessly. As some of my friends entered the room, I greeted them, and we all sat down, waiting for the last few people to arrive.
Class started, and we opened our books to the correct pages. Today, we were going to learning about a thing called….the derivative! Now… this thing called a derivative ws pretty useful… Not that I want to bore you by elaborating on THAT! Anyway… I couldn’t get over the fact that it could have made the work we had done in Physics the semester before quite a bit easier, if we had learned it then….but no, apparently our school administration wasn’t content unless they could make it as hard as they could for us to get through our time there. Of course, this was the exact same administration which assigned me a 12th grade (senior) History class in my 10th (sophomore) year, without even asking me if I wanted to take it, thus forcing me to complete my sophomore History class later, which finally happened last semester, while I also had such challenging classes as Pre-Calculus, Physics, and Chemistry. Yeah…History 10 fits right in there, doesn’t it?
Anyway, we learned about the wonderful world of derivatives, and probably everyone thought, “I wonder if this is going to have any real application in my job”. I thought the same thing myself, only to end up with the answer that I wasn’t prepared for……Yes.” It was rather amazing to me that I had finally found something that would actually have an application to me in real life, which wasn’t usually the case…unfortunately.
As the bell rang to end class, I walked through the library to my next class. English.
It may sound like another boring class, but I somewhat enjoy it, if not for the stories we read in there, such as Beowulf, Gilgamesh, The Canterbury Tales, and other stories like that, but for the stupidity that lives in that class.
Once again, I walked into the class and sat down. Yay. My friends arrived, and yadda, yadda, yadda, class started. That day, we were reading some stories, and working on our vocabulary words, which, sadly enough, I already knew most of already.
As nothing exciting or amusing happened in this class…at least nothing as exciting as THE DERIVATIVE, I won’t bore you with what went on in English that day. Basically, we did nothing but read stories, and answer questions. The end.
As the afternoon continued, so did my boredom with school, which was eased by my playing Super Metroid on my computer in A+ class, as opposed to getting actual work done, which, in that class, was extremely overrated. It is a pretty fun class, in which we learn about the marvelous inner-workings of a computer, both hardware AND software. It’s exciting. Really. I walked into the class, and sat down at my computer, then booted it up, which takes pretty close to eternity. I haven’t figured out the reason for this extremely long booting, which doesn’t seem reasonable, considering my computer at home is crappier than my school computer, but boots up in half the time the other does. I’ve narrowed the reason for this unreasonably poor computer performance down to a few things. One being that the computer’s hard drives are locked down with a program called Deep Freeze. This program is very…annoying indeed. It manages to prevent any change in the computer’s main hard-drive. Each computer is allotted a certain amount of storage space that isn’t “frozen” which is oh-so-cleverly named “Thawspace”. I wonder how much the person got paid that thought of THAT name. Why not call this area “Space you can change because of teh "elite" h4x!” or “Space that isn’t frozen.” My computer’s “Thawspace” was virtually full of stuff that I could waste my time with, such as a SNES emulator, a few roms, including Contra 3 and Super Metroid (btw. Super Metroid r0xx0rz j00!). Today, my friend was going slowly insane, as he tried to defeat the mighty fortress known as Deep Freeze, do no avail.
He tried all class period to find a way to infiltrate and disable the enemy, using various things he found on the internet connection we managed to acquire, due to another friend’s “"elite" h4x”. Unforunately, he was unable to get through the defenses. He swears he’ll defeat it…. Maybe someday he will. Someday. Yesss.
Seeing that the rest of the day went pretty normally, and I’ve run out the energy to continue writing, I suppose I’ll end this sorry excuse for an article now. Again, if I’ve bored any of you with this dribble, I’m sorry. I truly did try to make this as funny as I could. Really.
If anyone can suggest anything to make my articles more humorous, I’d love to hear your input, just err… contact me or something. So… as far as this article goes… It’s over. Good-bye. And if you didn’t take the hint… get lost.
Special Thanks to:
Mart (for inspiring me to do this with ATMT)
Selby (for being such an odd girl)
Anna (for err…being there?)
My sister (for being funny as well.)
.
The Arch0n1an Files
Episode 1 – It Begins
------------------------------
Hello, my hopefully faithful readers. Before I begin my story, I’d like to point out that this article, and those that will follow are not meant to be intelligent or beneficial to anyone in any way at all. If that’s what you were hoping, you were wrong. Dead wrong. Also, if you were looking for something hilarious, once again, you’ve come to the wrong place… unless you share the same poor sense of humor I do. If you want guaranteed amusement, you might want to go do something else, such as play in traffic… or make a pilgrimage to #naturalselection on GamesNet IRC and attempt to live through making fun of the infamous Greedo386. While you are there, you could also try to join Comprox’s IRC Mafia, or perhaps join the Anti-Comprox cult started by our good friend Mart. Anyway, now that I’ve most certainly lost most of the people that had started reading this… I guess I’ll start my story.
It all began a few days ago when I arrived at the bus stop on my way to school. Yes, I said school. You know… that retched place we all know and hate, where the endless onslaught of dribble from random teachers is barraged at you, only to be forgotten later in life, most likely. Most of the information you receive in these…schools you will most likely not need, such as history, and other things of that nature.
Anyway, I left my house after grabbing my backpack and portable CD player. As my sister and I trudged up the road towards the glass store (which functioned as our bus stop), we met up with one of my sister’s friends. This friend was a nice person, who, at times was a bit… odd, but others, a very nice person to be around. The three of us continued on, then stopped off at the local convenience store to buy random items, such as an ice-cold Coca-Cola, a cappuccino, or some other random thing that we’d consume on the bus to school. I went to the back of the store and grabbed a Coke, then walked towards the cash register, passing through the candy aisle as I contemplated purchasing a bag of Peanut-Butter M&Ms as well. I decided against this purchase and walked up to the cash register, then grabbed the $0.95 I’d need to complete the transaction. Luckily for me, there were no evil employees with monkeys to attack me, or any high-school dropouts to overcharge me… but who knows how long that will last.
Unfortunately, the convenience store located near my house isn’t nearly as odd as the one that Mart lives close to (the dreaded 24 Hour Garage), but that’s just one of the things that I’m grateful for, because if it were as weird as some of the other things that happen around where I live, I don’t know what I’d do with myself. I just don’t.
The three of us left the convenience store and walked the rest of the way up the hill towards the bus stop itself. We walked towards the building, making sure not to trip, or we would fall down towards the small parking lot covered in various types of discarded metal and glass shards. This was not a danger before, but it had become so, due to an obvious mishap someone had with the chain-link fence along the edge of the sidewalk. Regardless, we were used to this now, and we walked past the partially destroyed fence and walked to the building itself.
At the bus stop already was another one of my sister’s friends. This friend, who’s name is Selby, was different from the other friend, whose name is Anna. Now, this ‘Selby’ creature was a strange one indeed. We arrived, and she greeted us, as she usually did. We talked for a while until the bus arrived, and we boarded it. As the bus pulled away, we sat down and resumed conversation. This conversation ended up being my day’s real-life “setinfo”, which I continued to laugh at the rest of the day.
At the time of writing this article, I cannot remember the exact words exchanged during this event, but I can vaguely remember some of the things that were said. I’m not entirely sure of the accuracy of this account, but for humor’s sake, I’ll do my best. Most of the argument had a lot do with our political system, and the two parties that exist (Democrats and Republicans). Selby was alone in defending her oh-so-evil Republican beliefs, as my sister, Anna, and myself bombarded her with reasons that she was “just wrong”. Well… the “bombarding” wasn’t really… that… it was more of a… debate.
We were busy arguing with Selby about random things that were pretty important and debatable, when my sister came up with a novel idea… Does she even know what she’s talking about? My sister then delivered the blow verbally, which struck Anna and I as completely unexpected.
“Selby, The only reason you have those beliefs is because that’s what your parents believe, and you have been around politics and stuff you’re whole life… Why don’t you think for yourself instead of defending other people’s beliefs?”
Now… that quote isn’t entirely accurate, but I did my best to recreate it. Anyway, it was pretty funny, and I chuckled about it all day long.
I hope I haven’t bored you with the events of that morning. If so, feel free to comment to me about it after reading this… Otherwise, continue reading, and I hope the rest of this isn’t as boring. I bet you’re wondering if you should have gone to #naturalselection now aren’t you! Or maybe playing in traffic wouldn’t have been that bad after all! Anyway, here we go again
The rest of that day went pretty much normally, school just as monotonous as always. The only thing that kept me going is the fact that I had Vo-Tech to look forward to in the afternoon. But on that day, fate decided that I needed a little extra something to enlighten my life…or something to that effect.
I walked into AP Calculus and sat down in my normal seat, right next to the table that ends up containing all of the worksheets and such that we’d receive during the day. (Pretty lazy of me, huh?) I looked around and waited for more of my class to arrive, and walked around the room aimlessly. As some of my friends entered the room, I greeted them, and we all sat down, waiting for the last few people to arrive.
Class started, and we opened our books to the correct pages. Today, we were going to learning about a thing called….the derivative! Now… this thing called a derivative ws pretty useful… Not that I want to bore you by elaborating on THAT! Anyway… I couldn’t get over the fact that it could have made the work we had done in Physics the semester before quite a bit easier, if we had learned it then….but no, apparently our school administration wasn’t content unless they could make it as hard as they could for us to get through our time there. Of course, this was the exact same administration which assigned me a 12th grade (senior) History class in my 10th (sophomore) year, without even asking me if I wanted to take it, thus forcing me to complete my sophomore History class later, which finally happened last semester, while I also had such challenging classes as Pre-Calculus, Physics, and Chemistry. Yeah…History 10 fits right in there, doesn’t it?
Anyway, we learned about the wonderful world of derivatives, and probably everyone thought, “I wonder if this is going to have any real application in my job”. I thought the same thing myself, only to end up with the answer that I wasn’t prepared for……Yes.” It was rather amazing to me that I had finally found something that would actually have an application to me in real life, which wasn’t usually the case…unfortunately.
As the bell rang to end class, I walked through the library to my next class. English.
It may sound like another boring class, but I somewhat enjoy it, if not for the stories we read in there, such as Beowulf, Gilgamesh, The Canterbury Tales, and other stories like that, but for the stupidity that lives in that class.
Once again, I walked into the class and sat down. Yay. My friends arrived, and yadda, yadda, yadda, class started. That day, we were reading some stories, and working on our vocabulary words, which, sadly enough, I already knew most of already.
As nothing exciting or amusing happened in this class…at least nothing as exciting as THE DERIVATIVE, I won’t bore you with what went on in English that day. Basically, we did nothing but read stories, and answer questions. The end.
As the afternoon continued, so did my boredom with school, which was eased by my playing Super Metroid on my computer in A+ class, as opposed to getting actual work done, which, in that class, was extremely overrated. It is a pretty fun class, in which we learn about the marvelous inner-workings of a computer, both hardware AND software. It’s exciting. Really. I walked into the class, and sat down at my computer, then booted it up, which takes pretty close to eternity. I haven’t figured out the reason for this extremely long booting, which doesn’t seem reasonable, considering my computer at home is crappier than my school computer, but boots up in half the time the other does. I’ve narrowed the reason for this unreasonably poor computer performance down to a few things. One being that the computer’s hard drives are locked down with a program called Deep Freeze. This program is very…annoying indeed. It manages to prevent any change in the computer’s main hard-drive. Each computer is allotted a certain amount of storage space that isn’t “frozen” which is oh-so-cleverly named “Thawspace”. I wonder how much the person got paid that thought of THAT name. Why not call this area “Space you can change because of teh "elite" h4x!” or “Space that isn’t frozen.” My computer’s “Thawspace” was virtually full of stuff that I could waste my time with, such as a SNES emulator, a few roms, including Contra 3 and Super Metroid (btw. Super Metroid r0xx0rz j00!). Today, my friend was going slowly insane, as he tried to defeat the mighty fortress known as Deep Freeze, do no avail.
He tried all class period to find a way to infiltrate and disable the enemy, using various things he found on the internet connection we managed to acquire, due to another friend’s “"elite" h4x”. Unforunately, he was unable to get through the defenses. He swears he’ll defeat it…. Maybe someday he will. Someday. Yesss.
Seeing that the rest of the day went pretty normally, and I’ve run out the energy to continue writing, I suppose I’ll end this sorry excuse for an article now. Again, if I’ve bored any of you with this dribble, I’m sorry. I truly did try to make this as funny as I could. Really.
If anyone can suggest anything to make my articles more humorous, I’d love to hear your input, just err… contact me or something. So… as far as this article goes… It’s over. Good-bye. And if you didn’t take the hint… get lost.
Special Thanks to:
Mart (for inspiring me to do this with ATMT)
Selby (for being such an odd girl)
Anna (for err…being there?)
My sister (for being funny as well.)
.
Comments
But yeah, it's readable, but nothing to write home about. Good luck next time. <!--emo&;)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/wink.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wink.gif'><!--endemo-->
And also.. I guess I did try a little too hard, so it's not as funny as it could be...
Anyway... To get parts of it, you'd hafta read ATMT...at least the first episode.
<a href='http://www.evolutionarily.org/forum/index.php?board=5;action=display;threadid=485' target='_blank'>As The Mart Turns - Episodes 1 and 2</a>
I found your story strangely engrossing... i'm sitting here at 11:44am reading it
and now commenting on it. However I was also reading it at 11:28, it was then that
I realised my bus was due any minute. So I quickly switch off my pc, grab my jacket, keys
and money and make for the door. 2 Roads down I see the bus at the end of the road trundle
past. I swear quietly to myself (getting a few odd looks from passers-by) and make my way
back home. Luckily my house is only 2 minutes from the Bus-Stop and I remembered my keys (YAY).
I get back in, boot pc and go back to the forums to read the rest of your "adventure".
5 mins til next bus BTW.
I find it funny that you seem to keep saying:
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->I won’t bore you with what went on <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
or lines to that effect... when that moment has cleared passed... TWICE <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.natural-selection.org/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo-->
As for people expressing their views on bus-trips... if their view clashes with
your's then you MUST raise the back of your hand and beat them til they:
a; stop talking
b; cry
c; stop breathing
Try for all 3 for maximum effect.
Anywaaaaaaay, i'm done waffling mindless crap. Don't take any of this seriously
as I'm just trying to pass the time until the Bus arrives,
Bus + town = Max Payne. Max Payne + Kung Fu Mod = OWNZ
you *can* go back and edit your posts to reflect later realizations about a post. You don't always have to start a new one adding one sentence to a debate, y'know.
I liked reading it, and I wish you luck in AP Calc. I got a C in the course, a 5 on the exam (I'm the world's <b>best</b> crammer.. ever).