Abandones 3
kyliegirl
Gorge MasterAustralia Join Date: 2002-12-11 Member: 10586Members, Reinforced - Shadow
Gorge MasterAustralia Join Date: 2002-12-11 Member: 10586Members, Reinforced - Shadow
<div class="IPBDescription">part 3</div> <b>first chapter can be found <a href='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=93603' target='_blank'>here</a></b>
<b>second chapter can be found <a href='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=93794' target='_blank'>here</a></b>
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Nadair looked up at the marine, the marine was sleeping restlessly, his hair brown and matted from blood and sweat, the dried blood path from his head ran down his cheek bone. Looking around more carefully Nadair could see that whatever attacked, didnt take very long. Bodies lay around strewn about, chairs flipped, the weapons were mostly still in racks, proving the attack was sudden. Little was wrecked, the lights still worked well in this section.
Nadair looked back at the marine, this marine was familiar. closing his eyes Nadair fell into a light sleep. "hey Jonis" a marine called, Nadair looked up to meet the eyes of the same marine. "Hi Mark!" Jonis called carrying Nadair into the command room, marines at chairs turns from their computers and waved and called as Jonis and Nadair entered. Jonis's father was one of the commanders in this station, which is why Jonis was allowed to enter areas if he behaved. Mark walked towards Jonis and Nadair, gently petting Nadair and giving him a yummy lemon tart. Nadair chomped down on the tart pleasantly and gave a little gargle to say thankyou. Mark smiled and turned his attention to Jonis "I got a treat for you, how bout I show you how to fire a pistol?" Jonis's eyes lit up "OH REALLY!" he yelled, "yes, your father gave me permission, so long as you do everything i say", Jonis jumped up and down, Nadair could feel his stomach roll in circles "YAAAY!!!" Jonis yelled. Mark began to walk to the firing range, Jonis and Nadair followed, pausing at the doors mark smiled "lets get training soldier" he said.
Nadair watched as Mark showed Jonis how to hold the pistol and how to target correctly, even how to reload. "Ok kid, now aim at that target over there and fire" Mark instructed, Jonis raised both his arms, holding the pistol roughly, it wobbled as his arms strained to keep it firm, Jonis focused on the target "BANG".
Nadair jumped out of his sleep looking frantically at the steel doors opposite the command room. "BANG BANG" the doors yelled, refusing to let whatever was on the other side in. Nadair nudged Mark, his hand held Nadair close and tighter "its rite mate" he said calmly, Nadair looked at the door again, his sences only told them there was alot of things behind that door. "BANG" the doors began to groan painfully as they submissed to the pressure of each blow put on them, with a final blow the doors smashed open, a white light shone through, like the light Nadair first seen when he opened his eyes. Sheilding his eyes behind Marks jacket he peeked through from under Marks arm, shadows formed before him in the white light and grew thinner and taller, moving towards them.
In a sence of defence Nadair growled, Mark stroked Nadair gently, calming him "its rite mate" he said again weakly, watching as the shaped moved towards him. The light moved apart and spread into many seperate lights, flowing across the room Nadair and mark lay in, studying each nook and cranny. The shapes now resembled marines, they walked in alert holding lmgs and shotguns, scanning the places carefully, The lieutenant of the group appraoched mark "What hapened here" he said. Mark pushed himself in a more upright position "Science facility got destroyed, the khaara under study escaped and destroyed the whole station" , the lieutenant looked around "impossible, you had the latest technology to keep these creatures contained" he said, "a new type of kharaa evolved from one of the eggs, none wed ever seen" Mark replied. The lieutenant then caught sight of Nadair, hiding behind Marks arm.
He stiffened and swung his lmg towards Nadair, Nadair froze staring at the lmg, its barrel facing fight into his eyes. the lieutenant's finger lay just millimeters from the trigger, his muscles tensed ready for Nadair to make a move for it to engage on him. Nadair sat silently, frozen to the floor he sat upon, staring at the last thing he may ever see.
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part 4 may be alot longer than this...
<b>second chapter can be found <a href='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=93794' target='_blank'>here</a></b>
---------------------------------------------------------
Nadair looked up at the marine, the marine was sleeping restlessly, his hair brown and matted from blood and sweat, the dried blood path from his head ran down his cheek bone. Looking around more carefully Nadair could see that whatever attacked, didnt take very long. Bodies lay around strewn about, chairs flipped, the weapons were mostly still in racks, proving the attack was sudden. Little was wrecked, the lights still worked well in this section.
Nadair looked back at the marine, this marine was familiar. closing his eyes Nadair fell into a light sleep. "hey Jonis" a marine called, Nadair looked up to meet the eyes of the same marine. "Hi Mark!" Jonis called carrying Nadair into the command room, marines at chairs turns from their computers and waved and called as Jonis and Nadair entered. Jonis's father was one of the commanders in this station, which is why Jonis was allowed to enter areas if he behaved. Mark walked towards Jonis and Nadair, gently petting Nadair and giving him a yummy lemon tart. Nadair chomped down on the tart pleasantly and gave a little gargle to say thankyou. Mark smiled and turned his attention to Jonis "I got a treat for you, how bout I show you how to fire a pistol?" Jonis's eyes lit up "OH REALLY!" he yelled, "yes, your father gave me permission, so long as you do everything i say", Jonis jumped up and down, Nadair could feel his stomach roll in circles "YAAAY!!!" Jonis yelled. Mark began to walk to the firing range, Jonis and Nadair followed, pausing at the doors mark smiled "lets get training soldier" he said.
Nadair watched as Mark showed Jonis how to hold the pistol and how to target correctly, even how to reload. "Ok kid, now aim at that target over there and fire" Mark instructed, Jonis raised both his arms, holding the pistol roughly, it wobbled as his arms strained to keep it firm, Jonis focused on the target "BANG".
Nadair jumped out of his sleep looking frantically at the steel doors opposite the command room. "BANG BANG" the doors yelled, refusing to let whatever was on the other side in. Nadair nudged Mark, his hand held Nadair close and tighter "its rite mate" he said calmly, Nadair looked at the door again, his sences only told them there was alot of things behind that door. "BANG" the doors began to groan painfully as they submissed to the pressure of each blow put on them, with a final blow the doors smashed open, a white light shone through, like the light Nadair first seen when he opened his eyes. Sheilding his eyes behind Marks jacket he peeked through from under Marks arm, shadows formed before him in the white light and grew thinner and taller, moving towards them.
In a sence of defence Nadair growled, Mark stroked Nadair gently, calming him "its rite mate" he said again weakly, watching as the shaped moved towards him. The light moved apart and spread into many seperate lights, flowing across the room Nadair and mark lay in, studying each nook and cranny. The shapes now resembled marines, they walked in alert holding lmgs and shotguns, scanning the places carefully, The lieutenant of the group appraoched mark "What hapened here" he said. Mark pushed himself in a more upright position "Science facility got destroyed, the khaara under study escaped and destroyed the whole station" , the lieutenant looked around "impossible, you had the latest technology to keep these creatures contained" he said, "a new type of kharaa evolved from one of the eggs, none wed ever seen" Mark replied. The lieutenant then caught sight of Nadair, hiding behind Marks arm.
He stiffened and swung his lmg towards Nadair, Nadair froze staring at the lmg, its barrel facing fight into his eyes. the lieutenant's finger lay just millimeters from the trigger, his muscles tensed ready for Nadair to make a move for it to engage on him. Nadair sat silently, frozen to the floor he sat upon, staring at the last thing he may ever see.
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part 4 may be alot longer than this...
Comments
Btw, besides for the occasional grammer mistake such as Para 2, Sentence 3, "marines at chairs turns".
Oh yes, I really dig your story, please continue on!
You are now the official reason I check the Fan-fic forums everyday Kylie!
If you want, I'll spell check all your stories for you, so they look a little neater, as payback for writing such perfection. <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin-fix.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin-fix.gif' /><!--endemo-->
Oh, and Nadhir must live! <!--emo&::gorge::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/pudgy.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='pudgy.gif' /><!--endemo-->
And you should check out BadMouth's "From The Shadows" sometimes as well, its a superb piece of writing.
Oh yes, part 1 of Behemoth Source has ended, so I am taking a break and going on "Aliens VS Kharaa" for a while. It will be a super short story though.
You are now the official reason I check the Fan-fic forums everyday Kylie!
If you want, I'll spell check all your stories for you, so they look a little neater, as payback for writing such perfection. <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin-fix.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin-fix.gif' /><!--endemo-->
Oh, and Nadhir must live! <!--emo&::gorge::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/pudgy.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='pudgy.gif' /><!--endemo--> <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
you could if you like <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile-fix.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile-fix.gif' /><!--endemo--> pm me ill give ya my msn, you could proof read before release maybe?
anyway, back to the story. the first dream part did not have a lot of description but that was okay since it is only a dream. The second part, after the dream, did have some effort put into the describing te environment. could be better though. however, i felt that the atmosphere was quite good even though it did not have amazing evironmental details to back it up.
I liked the way you integrated the past into the story again. Also liked the way you shifted from the dream to the real world. Great cliffhanger ending.
Keep up the good work <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin-fix.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin-fix.gif' /><!--endemo--> . Hope number 4 is longer.
P.S. kylie, you have only finished your story when you have convinced every1 who goes to the fan-fic forums that they should never kill gorges.
I still love it.
<!--emo&::asrifle::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/asrifle.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='asrifle.gif' /><!--endemo--> <!--emo&::gorge::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/pudgy.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='pudgy.gif' /><!--endemo--> = NOOOOO!!!!