Into The Abyss
Eteranal
Join Date: 2005-05-01 Member: 50618Members
Join Date: 2005-05-01 Member: 50618Members
Everything was still. The only noises heard were the soft clanking of cautious marines on metallic ground. I scanned my surroundings carefully, keeping a look out for my men too. We seemed like a bunch of thieves sneaking into a bank, but we weren't looking for money.
"It's a library" said Titus.
"Ok Bakons and Matt take the armoury over there" i whispered softly but loud enough for them to hear.
The silence was then interupted by the loud footsteps of the moving men. Bakons and Matt stood at the sides of the armoury's door while me and Titus continued into a space of shadow.
"Ok Matt, on 3."
Without waiting Bakons spoke a word of '3' and Matt hit the console that opened the nervous-looking door. Bakons charged into the room swiftly, without pausing, and looking around for any sign of movement. He was followed by Matt who let out a cry of excitement.
Me and Titus were still walking in that darkness. Titus reached for an attached flashlight on his helmet and tried to switch it on. I stalled for a second and my left hand went streching out to Titus's chest. Titus felt the tap on his chest and got a shock. He gripped the trigger on his LMG that he was carrying and the darkness was lit up for a few seconds, but i barely caught a glimspe of anything. The bullets that were ejected from the gun ricocheted somewhere further into the path we were taking. We paused for a few seconds, Titus then realised it was me and tried to speak a word of apology but was suddenly brought back into his throat when a loud, low pitched screeching noise that sounded like metal grinding against each other. It was followed by cries of "Captain".
"It's a library" said Titus.
"Ok Bakons and Matt take the armoury over there" i whispered softly but loud enough for them to hear.
The silence was then interupted by the loud footsteps of the moving men. Bakons and Matt stood at the sides of the armoury's door while me and Titus continued into a space of shadow.
"Ok Matt, on 3."
Without waiting Bakons spoke a word of '3' and Matt hit the console that opened the nervous-looking door. Bakons charged into the room swiftly, without pausing, and looking around for any sign of movement. He was followed by Matt who let out a cry of excitement.
Me and Titus were still walking in that darkness. Titus reached for an attached flashlight on his helmet and tried to switch it on. I stalled for a second and my left hand went streching out to Titus's chest. Titus felt the tap on his chest and got a shock. He gripped the trigger on his LMG that he was carrying and the darkness was lit up for a few seconds, but i barely caught a glimspe of anything. The bullets that were ejected from the gun ricocheted somewhere further into the path we were taking. We paused for a few seconds, Titus then realised it was me and tried to speak a word of apology but was suddenly brought back into his throat when a loud, low pitched screeching noise that sounded like metal grinding against each other. It was followed by cries of "Captain".
Comments
and foxtrot os right. there r some grammatical errors here and there.
I turned to see Matt and Bakons running towards me with a gory human arm.
"What the hell," exclaimed Titus.
"Captain, i guess there's something hostile on this ship that TSA wants us to clean up."
I knew from the very moment when TSA sent us a contract transmission, it was a search and destroy. I could not stand the sight of the human arm but i could see trails of blood from the armoury all the way to where Matt was standing.
"Man, how can you actually carry that thing?"
"Cut the chatter men, we have some work to do."
"Yes Sir!" The brave men shouted.
This was going to be one of the most dangerous missions me and my men were going to face. Being a Captain of a mercenary group wasn't easy. I had to handle the bounty collected properly, get the right jobs and take care of my crew and ship. I once had thought of joining the TSA but my freelancer attitude prevented me from achieving it. My trusty, brave and determined crew were not friends, but strangers when i recruited them.
"Sigh, Sir are we going to do paperwork again?"
"No rascal, we're going to contact TSA for more information. I have to know what we're up against."
Apparently TSA sent the contract transmission without effort used to prepare it. It just stated "search for TSA marines on 'The Nox'" and the bounty rewarded. We tried sending queries but no repley was given, but since we were running low on money we had no choice but to take the job.
"Get that TSA channel on the line Bakons."
"I'm trying Sir, but it seems that we're sort of being jammed."
"Hell do i care about jamming, just keep trying."
Our radio that we brought on the ship let out a few squeaks and we were greeted with a voice that sounded like a grumpy man.
"TSA Employment, how may i be of assistance?"
"Bakons! You got me on the wrong channel!"
"Wait a minute, aren't you that Captain Crook?"
"Captain Cook."
"Oh hang on for a moment, i'll hook you up with sergeant Liner."
Just then, we heard heard noises that sounded like water droplets dripping onto the floor but it was much too fast and it sounded like a hundred droplets.
"Captain! We've got company."
Other than the fact that it feels fast paced, its pretty good for a first try. If its not your first try.... well... lets just hope it is <!--emo&;)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/wink-fix.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wink-fix.gif' /><!--endemo-->
when you are doing dialogue, it helps if you state who is saying what. you cannot let the reader figure it out all by themselves. it gets confusing at times.
last point. you can write your story anyway you like it to be. you can twist and manipulate facts, like I did. however, it is advisable not to change too many things if u intend on keeping it a NS fan-fic.
"Just give me 10 seconds," I replied.
"Sir in 10 seconds we're going to be dinner!"
I grabbed my pistol, turned around and gripped the trigger ten times. A dog-like alien lay on the ground injured from ten clips of lead. It's grim red eyes staring at me, it's flesh torn by the deadly cutting impact of the sharp pistol bullets. It stared at me for awhile and the red glow it its eyes faded, it let out a soft cry.
"That buys me ten seconds i suppose?" I said softly.
"Sir..."
"Sir, there's something.." Matt tried to tell me something but i shoved his words away and continued to try to retrieve the communication link with Sergeant Liner.
I heard a sloshing sound near my neck. The noise became increasingly louder every second. My men's faces were all filled with horror and Bakons withdrew his knife from the sheath on his belt.
"What, what are you doing?" I exclaimed in confusion.
"Sir, keep still, this won't hurt abit," said Bakons with caution.
"Bakons i don't know what you are trying to do but i suggest you put that knife away immediately or i will engage you."
By the time i had said finish that setence, it was already too late.
"Oh my goodness!" shouted a terrified Titus.
I felt a cooling sensation in my ear and i knew something was slipping into it. I just tried to lift up my hand into my ear and pull that cool and slushy object, but i couldn't. The sensation was too great, and it seduced me so greatly that i could not control my senses to even resist this threat. Then it ended, it had fully slipped through my ear and gone past my ear drums. With something next to your ear drum and moving, it wasn't good news. The vibrations made by the movements of the slug-like object reached my ear drum in merely a second. I let out a loud scream of agony and lay on the ground twisting and turning helplessly as the vibrations beat drums of a thousand decimals inside my inner ear.
Suddenly, it stopped. The suffering stopped. For a moment there i felt like dieing, like never wanting to experience that pain again. Just then, i started to have a burst of pain inside my head and i felt something implant onto my brain. I let out another wave of screams.
"Titus, what's happening to him?" Matt asked, terrified.
"Oh no." Titus replied.