The Clarion's First Article

Rapier7Rapier7 Join Date: 2004-02-05 Member: 26108Members
in Off-Topic
<div class="IPBDescription">And I need some help.</div> Me and my friend are co-spearheading a satirical news website that tries to be funny. I did my first article a week ago, but I was busy the entire week after so now I'm publishing it now.

And I need your help. Please be honest, tell me if it's funny and if it is not. I've a scale below for your convenience.

1. Hahahhaha, that was pretty funny. I was actually laughing out loud. (I can hope, can't I?)
2. Haha, that was pretty good. I might forward it to some of my friends.
3. Meh, I smirked once or twice but it wasn't really funny, to be honest.
4. Bleh, stale and boring.
5. Oh god, you think you're funny? You should be shot on site for desecrating that word!

Read the article here: <a href='http://clarion.haxorsoft.net/news.php?input=1' target='_blank'>The Article In Question</a>
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Comments

  • AllUrHiveRblong2usAllUrHiveRblong2us By Your Powers Combined... Join Date: 2002-12-20 Member: 11244Members
    edited April 2005
    Very very very short, quite lacking in what I could tell were jokes, overuse of the word currently, could easily be confused with a "real" conspiracy theory.

    Keep tryin bucko, but this was a big miss.
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  • twoflowtwoflow Singing Drunk Join Date: 2002-11-01 Member: 1950Members, Constellation
    I laughed at the last line, but that's all I'm afraid.

    The important thing is not to get discouraged, and write stuff that you yourself think is amusing. If you thought that your article was great, then sod everyone else. That's my motto!

    Best of luck with the site.
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  • TychoCelchuuuTychoCelchuuu Anememone Join Date: 2002-03-23 Member: 345Members
    On the scale I'd go with 4.5 or 5. Proofread and read The Onion more.
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  • Rapier7Rapier7 Join Date: 2004-02-05 Member: 26108Members
    Thanks for your crits, guys. Oh, and AllUrHive, that was pretty hilarious. I better find a synonym for "currently".
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  • AllUrHiveRblong2usAllUrHiveRblong2us By Your Powers Combined... Join Date: 2002-12-20 Member: 11244Members
    I agree, I am funny. My advice is to be more like me.
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  • BaconTheoryBaconTheory Join Date: 2003-09-06 Member: 20615Members
    I give it a #3.
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  • ShoeboxShoebox Join Date: 2004-11-15 Member: 32817Members
    ya i didnt find it that funny but i would suggest to keep trying.
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  • DOOManiacDOOManiac Worst. Critic. Ever. Join Date: 2002-04-17 Member: 462Members, NS1 Playtester
    I found the page to be visually appaling and so I didn't read past the first sentance. Most of your visiters will have an equally short attention span, so you should address this issue.
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  • twoflowtwoflow Singing Drunk Join Date: 2002-11-01 Member: 1950Members, Constellation
    <!--QuoteBegin-DOOManiac+Apr 24 2005, 07:04 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (DOOManiac @ Apr 24 2005, 07:04 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->I found the page to be visually appaling and so I didn't read past the first sentance. Most of your visiters will have an equally short attention span, so you should address this issue.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
    Only idiots would stop reading with a clean design like that. It's not the most visually appealing but is still more than adequate.

    Of course, if the site used Flash then it'd be a different story.
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  • QuaunautQuaunaut The longest seven days in history... Join Date: 2003-03-21 Member: 14759Members, Constellation, Reinforced - Shadow
    Not bad, but much like TwoFlow, I only laughed at the last line.

    To specifically improve it, try makin' the cardinals act truly gangsta, like so:

    Head Cardinal: ...this must end.

    Cardinal 1: Yo, fo' sho, fo sho. Man, dem **** out there be trippin 'yo, I say we go bust it up dare ayas! Man, n***a, all we get 'nowadays is "Man, you fools f***in' ****, ****, rapin' some kid, man, it wasn't even some kid ****!". Man, dem fools be trippin'

    Cardinal 3: Yeah foo', wuzzup wit dat? We used to be pimpin, yo, but now we straight up 'Good', and dem raghead fools be stealin' our glory!

    Cardinal 2: Sho, sho, but we need some bad **** mutuf***a.

    Cardinal 4: Yeah boi, dem fools think that next fool' be the Chris' Killa. We get some crazy fool in dare, they' know it fo 'sho.

    ...basically like that.

    At least I find it funny XD
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  • DY357LXDY357LX Playing since day 1. Still can&#39;t Comm. England Join Date: 2002-10-27 Member: 1651Members, Constellation
    I give it a #4 also.
    Quaunaut's signature on the other hand.... awesome.
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  • QuaunautQuaunaut The longest seven days in history... Join Date: 2003-03-21 Member: 14759Members, Constellation, Reinforced - Shadow
    <!--QuoteBegin-The Necroscope+Apr 24 2005, 02:14 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (The Necroscope @ Apr 24 2005, 02:14 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> I give it a #4 also.
    Quaunaut's signature on the other hand.... awesome. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
    My sig or what I said?
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  • 0blique0blique Join Date: 2003-05-18 Member: 16477Members
    I give it around a 4. I like the first paragraph and the idea to write it as a news article, but when you start giving each of the guys lines, it stops looking like it could be real, and starts looking like a cheap skit. My suggestion is to use names of actual cardinals and to paraphrase and summarize what you want them to say rather than quoting them out right.
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  • Cold_NiTeCold_NiTe Join Date: 2003-09-15 Member: 20875Members
    <!--QuoteBegin-0blique+Apr 25 2005, 12:16 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (0blique @ Apr 25 2005, 12:16 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> I give it around a 4. I like the first paragraph and the idea to write it as a news article, but when you start giving each of the guys lines, it stops looking like it could be real, and starts looking like a cheap skit. My suggestion is to use names of actual cardinals and to paraphrase and summarize what you want them to say rather than quoting them out right. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
    Exactly. You want a good parody? Look as proffesional and serious as possible and let the humor speak for itself. You aren't entertaining a group of your closest friends, but strangers you don't even know. You have to take the high road on this one.
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  • CplDavisCplDavis I hunt the arctic Snonos Join Date: 2003-01-09 Member: 12097Members
    I give it a 3.5 tbh but thats just me.

    Dont dont be discouraged!
    Keep at it or maybe try writing about something else?

    Keep us informed when u make a new article. <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile-fix.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile-fix.gif' /><!--endemo-->
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  • SwiftspearSwiftspear Custim tital Join Date: 2003-10-29 Member: 22097Members
    Ouch. I find reality funnier then retardedness most of the time. Next time maby recearch good old pope joe nazi before you write the artical maby?
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  • TyrainTyrain Join Date: 2003-01-03 Member: 11746Members
    <!--QuoteBegin-Quaunaut+Apr 24 2005, 08:53 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Quaunaut @ Apr 24 2005, 08:53 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> Not bad, but much like TwoFlow, I only laughed at the last line.

    To specifically improve it, try makin' the cardinals act truly gangsta, like so:

    Head Cardinal: ...this must end.

    Cardinal 1: Yo, fo' sho, fo sho. Man, dem **** out there be trippin 'yo, I say we go bust it up dare ayas! Man, n***a, all we get 'nowadays is "Man, you fools f***in' ****, ****, rapin' some kid, man, it wasn't even some kid ****!". Man, dem fools be trippin'

    Cardinal 3: Yeah foo', wuzzup wit dat? We used to be pimpin, yo, but now we straight up 'Good', and dem raghead fools be stealin' our glory!

    Cardinal 2: Sho, sho, but we need some bad **** mutuf***a.

    Cardinal 4: Yeah boi, dem fools think that next fool' be the Chris' Killa. We get some crazy fool in dare, they' know it fo 'sho.

    ...basically like that.

    At least I find it funny XD <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
    TBH this is pure... gold! <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile-fix.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile-fix.gif' /><!--endemo-->
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