What To Do...
Thaldarin
Alonzi! Join Date: 2003-07-15 Member: 18173Members, Constellation
Alonzi! Join Date: 2003-07-15 Member: 18173Members, Constellation
What to do...? What should I do? I thought this was as good a place as any, what do you do when your girlfriend tells you she was raped last summer by a family member, and you are the only one she has told? No sympathy, only advice please.
EDIT: Family member older than her, he has been accused of doing it to another girl before. My girlfriend has also been a self harmer since and has becoming, best way to describe it would be an 'anorexic'. Some days she eats fine, others not at all.No suggestions saying "rambo in and start hitting him".
EDIT: Family member older than her, he has been accused of doing it to another girl before. My girlfriend has also been a self harmer since and has becoming, best way to describe it would be an 'anorexic'. Some days she eats fine, others not at all.No suggestions saying "rambo in and start hitting him".
Comments
on top of this, if there have been aqusations before, and now she confides that it has happened to her... unfortunately, its most likely to have happened to someone else, and fairly certain, unless this family memeber is stopped, he will do it again. I STRONGLY suggest seeking professional help, for your girlfriends sake. I had a relationship with a wonderful woman who was raped as a teenager, and I promise you, your girlfriend needs help. Also, at some recent point, the authorities need to be notified, dont let him do this to anyone else, your girlfriend now has the power to protect others. She also really needs you now, and she wouldnt have told you if she didnt feel you could be there to support her. Do just that, be there for her, and do what you can. Chances are, you'll never fully understand what she went through, but that doesnt mean you cant hold her when she needs it, or take her to a movie when she needs to forget it. You also might benefit from anonymously calling a professional and asking his opinion of the situation, and the best step to take first from your standpoint.
I think you should talk to her and convince her that her incestuous scum sucking **** relative needs to go to jail. But of course if you involve the police and she refuses to press charges, well... :/
She should definately get some counselling too. And above all else, be understanding if she doesn't want to play hide the sausage with you for some time.
reported <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
"Oh no! Satire! You be da evil of tis' earth, mon."
There is a definate border between irony and offense. Learn it.
the is not A THING funny about this situation, use tact.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
You need to calm yourself.
I don't care how serius you see this matter as. I only used very simple irony. I don't care wether or not you found it humuorous or not. My reply was a conjunction of my opinion and the oppertunity to amuse myself in the process.
I don't know if Thursday got offended by my reply, I don't know him, but I doubt it.
I think you're too up-tight (You're probably gonna report me for saying that).
Damn, do you also call the police if someone crosses the street, for red light, in a deserted town?
I don't know if you feel any more need to incline your domain over ethics, morale and humour, but I'm gonna stop getting more off-topic for now. Carry on with the serius help, for this serius matter.
That sounds more like depression than anorexia. Try and get her to see a doctor.
As for the main issue at hand. Talk to her about it, and try to get her to take action. If she doesn't, push at it, but don't go overboard. Tell her how you feel about the whole situation. Tell her you want to see action taken against him. That letting it go will likely leave the chance open for it to happen to someone else in the future, especially if it's happened before it did to her (as you seem to have said). Be there for her every step of the way. Especially if she does decide she wants to take action.
If she doesn't, then you have a bit of a dilemma. But I'd still recommend you get the authorities involved regardless.
What I mean is...<i>Hire</i> someone to beat the **** out of him.
Then do the whole police/law suit thing.
Also get your girl some help, I'm not a huge fan of shrinks or therapy and the like, but it works for some people.
No offense, but this isn't a matter of something working for you or not. Exacting personal revenge will only add a whole lotta legal and emotional problems to an already abysmally complex situation. Therapists aren't there to strut their egos, they want to help, and they know how to help people. Rape isn't like getting your **** kicked in high school, it's a seriously traumatic event with potential long lasting effects. If what thursday says is true about the anorexia, it means that she's developing an eating disorder to cope with what happened, and if something isn't done, it's going to get a lot worse. Have you ever met any chronically anorexic people? They don't live very pleasant lives, let me tell you that.
What relation is the family member? Brother/Uncle/Cousin, which one? You could consider [after discussing it with your girlfriend] warning everyone in the family of some of his.. tendancies.. without specifically saying that he raped your girlfriend.
Good luck - rape is one of the worst things that can happen anybody, and it happens way too much.
<a href='http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/centredetails.htm' target='_blank'>http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/centredetails.htm</a>
Find a location on that list that is closest to you and either call or email them and tell them the situation. Fortunately (or maybe unfortunately) they've heard many stories exactly like yours and can give you a specific course of action.
Secondly, I'd try to look into her relation with the family member. Any family member that does something like that isn't worth saltwater, but she may still be attached somehow.
I really have no clue on how to appraoch this... I'd 100% get outside help from some sort of hotline.
If you both are still aprehensive about relating these events directly to social services, these people can be a good stepping stone to get yourself there.
This is just another alternative I am making you aware off. And only a small first step but an important first step nontheless.
I dont know how old you guys are but if you are still in school you might also want to try the schools psychologist or a close teacher friend. They will most likely be very hepful to you both in terms of support and in terms of pointing you in the right direction and helping you aquire the right help and such. After all, the well being of their students especially things like this is a part of their job you know.
There are many people who do care about things like this and they want to help. They care so much in fact that they made it their career. Please make use of them. Its what they are there for.
Dont worry about bringing this guy to court right away. True that may become a very realevant aspect in the future but right now the most important thing you need to look after is you and your girlfriends safety and well being, this includes you and your girlfriends emotional state and reactions too.
Im not doctor but if you say she isnt eating right and such she may be be going into depression or at least havinsome ill effects from what happened to her.
I said "your" emotional state as well b/c you being her close boy/friend (obviously you guys are close for her to confide this very personal info with you) are going to be a key supportive player in getting through this with her.
So Please get some professional help. It doesnt have to be the police necisarily but I urge you to contact social services or someone in the related field. Try to be as open as you can with with them and let them help you get through this.
That sounds more like depression than anorexia. Try and get her to see a doctors. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
She got some anti-depressants last week, and is going to see some specialists soon <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile-fix.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile-fix.gif' /><!--endemo--> No doubt it will end up coming out as talking to me she has realised this is the main thing that is making her harm herself above everything else.
I appreciate the comments guys, been quite useful to hear. I will give a couple of ideas to her,in paricular relation the the under 18 testimony & court related idea. The only problem she really has is, the other girl took him to court, and nothing come of it. Whats worse was it happened to her before the other girl. The relation is <i>directly</i> in the family, what scares her most is losing her family. Thanks though, appreciated <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile-fix.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile-fix.gif' /><!--endemo-->
I know I'd prolly get into some serious trouble for it but I can guarantee I couldnt live with myself had I not done it.
Aside from that, sorry cant offer anything constructive that hasn't been mentioned already.
I know I'd prolly get into some serious trouble for it but I can guarantee I couldnt live with myself had I not done it.
Aside from that, sorry cant offer anything constructive that hasn't been mentioned already. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
Thats seriously what I would do. I'd be off the end by now, grats to Thursday for even being able to hold onto sanity. He'd be toast in my book.
Otherwise, listen to Seph.
Get that bastard locked up.
Get her some help, and never EVER abandon her.
Thats just sick. Tell your girl you will always be there for her, and that they should stop him before he striked again.