Not Sure What To Think Anymore...
NumbersNotFound
Join Date: 2002-11-07 Member: 7556Members
Join Date: 2002-11-07 Member: 7556Members
in Off-Topic
<div class="IPBDescription">Learning inevitable mistakes?</div> This has been bugging me for awhile. I figured i'd type it out and see if others feel the same. It's fairly long, so you've been warned.
Did you ever get the feeling that everything you're doing is pre-determined? Not down to the letter, but more on the realm of basic constructs and life patterns. "Boys will be boys," "teenangst," etc. Not just the label itself, but the fact that they are so tightly grounded in reality is what worries me. Well, less of a worry and more of a life-annoyance.
Lately, being in my late teen years, I've been getting odd feeling about youth, current feelings, trying to grasp the concept that my mind will change to a point where I could be a totally different person.
Let me back it up a bit. I was just reading an post on another forum about someone almost getting hurt over a fight about a "toy." This involved several adults having to rationally decide the fate of the child who started the fight. Something just strikes me there. Something makes my stomach go a little but numb. "Toy" + "adult." Not the fact that an adult is playing with a "toy," because such a statement is obviously false, but something about the word itself in a world-view. There are starving people in China, oil is drying up, people are dying left and right. The word seems so out of place now. Something seems trivial.
Is it overcompensation of some previous afixiation I had with material possessions? As a child it was almost a running joke that i'd get weird emotional bonds to meaningless inert objects. I could see a toy and think of the huge branches of possibilities, how much fun could be had, etc. It made me happy. Now I guess I feel guilty to ever having felt happy for such a thing.
But it doesn't really stop there. Everybody knows that teenagers are all-together messed up in the head. So I walk around questioning myself. I can't take any feeling I have for girls or myself or anything at all seriously. I know that the feeling is real, but the basis could just be a misfired chemical in the realm of growing up. I don't really want to take that chance.
All of this leads me to feeling numb and listening to Radiohead till 2AM and sleeping for a few hours before class.
Wait... radiohead. Lots of teens listen to that. Is it for the same reason? Does everybody realize and invalidate their own emotions? Is that wallowing in sad nothingness a normal thing?
I guess what i'm trying to say is that from past experience, siblings, parents, the internet, elders, everything i'm being told on all sides that what I'm doing now, as a teen, is largely inaccurate to my body as a mature entity. It's way too similar to what went on with me as a child where I went with what I felt and had to live with the consequence when I found out that what I thought was right was really wrong. I've learned from my mistake, but made another grave error. Those embarassing mistakes are what help us live and grow, and now there is a little empty spot where that experience should be.
Or is this whole construct that I've made just another dramitization and figment? Most of the time I would have written it off as such and never made this post, but it's become increasingly annoying to not have any emotional footing at all.
So, to conclude this long post, does anybody feel the same? Should I just sit back and let it go?
Did you ever get the feeling that everything you're doing is pre-determined? Not down to the letter, but more on the realm of basic constructs and life patterns. "Boys will be boys," "teenangst," etc. Not just the label itself, but the fact that they are so tightly grounded in reality is what worries me. Well, less of a worry and more of a life-annoyance.
Lately, being in my late teen years, I've been getting odd feeling about youth, current feelings, trying to grasp the concept that my mind will change to a point where I could be a totally different person.
Let me back it up a bit. I was just reading an post on another forum about someone almost getting hurt over a fight about a "toy." This involved several adults having to rationally decide the fate of the child who started the fight. Something just strikes me there. Something makes my stomach go a little but numb. "Toy" + "adult." Not the fact that an adult is playing with a "toy," because such a statement is obviously false, but something about the word itself in a world-view. There are starving people in China, oil is drying up, people are dying left and right. The word seems so out of place now. Something seems trivial.
Is it overcompensation of some previous afixiation I had with material possessions? As a child it was almost a running joke that i'd get weird emotional bonds to meaningless inert objects. I could see a toy and think of the huge branches of possibilities, how much fun could be had, etc. It made me happy. Now I guess I feel guilty to ever having felt happy for such a thing.
But it doesn't really stop there. Everybody knows that teenagers are all-together messed up in the head. So I walk around questioning myself. I can't take any feeling I have for girls or myself or anything at all seriously. I know that the feeling is real, but the basis could just be a misfired chemical in the realm of growing up. I don't really want to take that chance.
All of this leads me to feeling numb and listening to Radiohead till 2AM and sleeping for a few hours before class.
Wait... radiohead. Lots of teens listen to that. Is it for the same reason? Does everybody realize and invalidate their own emotions? Is that wallowing in sad nothingness a normal thing?
I guess what i'm trying to say is that from past experience, siblings, parents, the internet, elders, everything i'm being told on all sides that what I'm doing now, as a teen, is largely inaccurate to my body as a mature entity. It's way too similar to what went on with me as a child where I went with what I felt and had to live with the consequence when I found out that what I thought was right was really wrong. I've learned from my mistake, but made another grave error. Those embarassing mistakes are what help us live and grow, and now there is a little empty spot where that experience should be.
Or is this whole construct that I've made just another dramitization and figment? Most of the time I would have written it off as such and never made this post, but it's become increasingly annoying to not have any emotional footing at all.
So, to conclude this long post, does anybody feel the same? Should I just sit back and let it go?
Comments
similar road for you, not quite the same theme.
Wow. That was incredibly useless.
And so as to not be hypocritical...
Indeed, your mind can and will change to a point where you are a completely different person. But this is the nature of life. To be unchanging is to stagnate. If you have emotions, real or imagined, run with them, always persuing hapiness. Because, now and in the end, hapiness is all that matters. Not money, not possesions, not fame, glory or power, only hapiness.
Non-comedy option: Yeah me too, although I didn't comprehend your post, life is kind of weird for me too.
Wow. That was incredibly useless.
And so as to not be hypocritical...
Indeed, your mind can and will change to a point where you are a completely different person. But this is the nature of life. To be unchanging is to stagnate. If you have emotions, real or imagined, run with them, always persuing hapiness. Because, now and in the end, hapiness is all that matters. Not money, not possesions, not fame, glory or power, only hapiness. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
Why? It will always slide out of your grasp in it's temporariness :/
Wow. That was incredibly useless.
And so as to not be hypocritical...
Indeed, your mind can and will change to a point where you are a completely different person. But this is the nature of life. To be unchanging is to stagnate. If you have emotions, real or imagined, run with them, always persuing hapiness. Because, now and in the end, hapiness is all that matters. Not money, not possesions, not fame, glory or power, only hapiness. <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Why? It will always slide out of your grasp in it's temporariness :/ <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
By that logic, why do anything? I hate to be the one to tell you this, but <i>life</i> is temporary.
You've got eighty-something years to live. Ten are spent in complete dependency. You'll work for forty to fifty. The remaining twenty you will be old, and old people exist only to harvest the organs and fluids of the young.
These are the years when you're allowed to do stupid things, mess up, learn, explore, create, and, most importantly, feel.
Live in the now. A fleeting emotion is better than sitting alone in a dark room surrounded by objects glorifying your own self-pity and letting time pass you by.
P.S Radiohead's video "knives out" freaks me out <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->
With a picture of a dog getting chopped up?
Basically, over-analysing isn't going to help. Just forget about it, relax, and go with the flow.
Perhaps you should change your name to Mr Oblivious.
Anyway, don't deny yourself any feelings because you're a "teenager". Teenagers are still capable of real love and real feelings like everyone else. It depends on how mature your mind is. There are 30-40+ year olds that still can't tell the difference between an infatuation and love.
If you think that you're ready for having such things, then don't deny yourself. (Only you can decide if you're ready, there is no typical teenager.)
Seriously, Descarte is circular in alot of his wordings, but I understand that by his emphasis he means to say we as humans are capable of thinking and thus are also capable of doubting. With doubt comes existence. But for anyone to take on the task of trying to prove God is pride at its greatest. This is one of the teachings of existentialism that guys like Nietzche, Kant, and Pascal were blabbering about. They believed that the world could not be understood on a logical scale proposed by many, or moreover a higher reasoning force known as God. Humans define their existence by the experiences they go through, and to each his own is what matters. Or take the extreme form of it, and one can look at how a corner of a book relates to his life by staring for hours...
My suggestion is to read from the greatest minds in history - to liberally educate yourself- and perhaps you will have a greater understanding from a wider view of perceptions available.
As for your post. I understand what you feel because I am in the same age range as you are. For someone my age I think a bit too much as others say; perhaps my curse it is, but for the better part I am thankful none-the-less, and for escaping the curse of arduous relgious dogma or upbringing. Yet, I believe in the possibily which classsifies me as a "freethinker-" secularist, materialist, naturalist, humanist, agnostic-theist, agnostic-atheist, deist, marxist; whatever you want to call it...