Bored?
<div class="IPBDescription">Have u any good...</div> Anyone got any good jokes?
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While I was flying down the road yesterday (only 10mph over), I noticed a cop with a radar gun sitting on top of a bridge.
The cop pulled me over, walked up to the car and asked me, "What's the hurry?"
I replied, "I'm late for work."
"Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"
I responded, "I'm a rectum stretcher."
The cop said "What.....a rectum stretcher, and what does a rectum stretcher do?"
I said, "Well, I start with one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then my whole hand, then I work until I can get both hands in there and then I slowly stretch it until it's about 6 foot wide."
The cop asked me, "What the hell do you do with a 6 foot **obscenity**?"
I simply replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him on top of a bridge..."
The ticket - $95
The look on his face - PRICELESS
___________________________________________________________
An old man goes to a church, and is making a confession:
Man: Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18 year old.
Father: When was the last time you made a confession?
Man: I never have, I am Jewish.
Father: Then why are telling me all this?
Man: I am telling everybody ...
__________________________________________________________
Times in history, when using the "F" word
was appropriate...
"What the @#$% was that?"
- Mayor Of Hiroshima (1945)
"Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?"
- Custer (1877)
"Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that."
- Einstein (1938)
"It does so @#$%ing look like her!"
- Picasso (1926)
"How the @#$% did you work that out?"
- Pythagoras (126 BC)
"You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?"
- Michelangelo (1566)
"Where the @#$% are we?"
- Amelia Earhart (1937)
"Scattered @#$% showers....My **obscenity**!"
- Noah (4314 BC)
"I need this parade like I need a @#$%ing hole
in my head!"
- JFK (1963)
And,...drum roll...
"Aw c'mon. Who the @#$% is going to find out??"
- Bill Clinton (1997)
_____________________________________________________________
While I was flying down the road yesterday (only 10mph over), I noticed a cop with a radar gun sitting on top of a bridge.
The cop pulled me over, walked up to the car and asked me, "What's the hurry?"
I replied, "I'm late for work."
"Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"
I responded, "I'm a rectum stretcher."
The cop said "What.....a rectum stretcher, and what does a rectum stretcher do?"
I said, "Well, I start with one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then my whole hand, then I work until I can get both hands in there and then I slowly stretch it until it's about 6 foot wide."
The cop asked me, "What the hell do you do with a 6 foot **obscenity**?"
I simply replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him on top of a bridge..."
The ticket - $95
The look on his face - PRICELESS
___________________________________________________________
An old man goes to a church, and is making a confession:
Man: Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18 year old.
Father: When was the last time you made a confession?
Man: I never have, I am Jewish.
Father: Then why are telling me all this?
Man: I am telling everybody ...
__________________________________________________________
Times in history, when using the "F" word
was appropriate...
"What the @#$% was that?"
- Mayor Of Hiroshima (1945)
"Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?"
- Custer (1877)
"Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that."
- Einstein (1938)
"It does so @#$%ing look like her!"
- Picasso (1926)
"How the @#$% did you work that out?"
- Pythagoras (126 BC)
"You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?"
- Michelangelo (1566)
"Where the @#$% are we?"
- Amelia Earhart (1937)
"Scattered @#$% showers....My **obscenity**!"
- Noah (4314 BC)
"I need this parade like I need a @#$%ing hole
in my head!"
- JFK (1963)
And,...drum roll...
"Aw c'mon. Who the @#$% is going to find out??"
- Bill Clinton (1997)
This discussion has been closed.
Comments
quality jokes there m8 <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' valign='absmiddle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
"Ok, brains are empty... - now we have t!ts..."
(Ok, it's a bit misogynistic, I know... but for a quick grin?)
Anyway, thats also 'half' a joke. Not funneh <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' valign='absmiddle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->
LOL... you did forget the [sarcasm] [/sarcasm], didn't you? <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' valign='absmiddle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->
"What do we eat today?"
"How about strawberries with crap?"
"Blark! Strawberries..."
has someone toned down the swear filter? It doesnt appear to be picking up a lot of stuff now
A cop stops a truck, telling the driver: "Your left rearlamp doesn't work."
The driver gets out of his truck and both walk to the aft...
"See? No light..." the cop repeats nicely.
"Ya, f#@k that d@#n light" the trucker rages, "- better tell me where the h#!l is that g*&d@#n trailer?!"