The Kiowa

Rush_Of_PeonsRush_Of_Peons Join Date: 2003-02-19 Member: 13728Members Posts: 304
This is a short story that i wrote just to try and get used to writing in first person perspective. I might extend the story and give it a beginning and some linking chapters if everyone likes what they see. Thanks to Parhelion for proof reading the story and giving some constructive feedback!

Background : This is a short description of a marine’s encounter with an onos on a freighter vessel, the Kiowa. He is lucky to be alive after attempting to buy time for the marine team to get to the final hive that was under an extreme nano-lockout.
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From my position on the catwalk I could see those eyes: cold, staring eyes. I stared back at the skulks in the shadows, hatred and repugnance set on our faces as we tried to wipe each other’s race from the Kiowa Freighter. Quicker than the eye could see, the skulks leapt from their shadowy conclave, splitting up to surround me. Years of fighting the Kharaa had steeled my nerves, though. Composed, I drew a bead on the first skulk and unleashed a hail of hot lead upon its already doomed carcass. Weaving out of range of the flailing claws and gnashing teeth of the second skulk, I flick my gun around and blast the second piece of scum from the air as it leaps at me again. I’m not agile enough to duck its body, however, and it knocks me into a broken rail on the catwalk. Swimming in darkness, I try to gather my wits after an eight metre fall as yet another skulk rushes in to defend its hive.

Thud! We both go down in a thrashing tangle of claws and fists. Clamping an armoured gauntlet over its snout I unsheathe my combat knife and attempt awkwardly to arc the knife into its head but I only hit claw and carapace. All of a sudden the little bugger wriggles loose and clamps down on my forearm, making me drop the knife. Fear dawns upon me and I realise that I am doomed as I hear the snarl of two more skulks joining the panorama when all of a sudden: BLAM BLAM!
“Get the f*** off him, b****!” a familiar female voice yells. The skulks turn tail and flee, but not before more of their numbers are cut down in a swathe of HMG fire. Shell shocked I stare at the husk now lying on my chest, rows of teeth mere inches away from my unprotected neck.

Now that the adrenaline has subsided, I feel a sharp stabbing pain in my leg. Putting two and two together I realise my leg is broken from the fall. Short of breath, I also realise I have broken ribs; three according to my medical HUD. Gasping for air, I hear the plodding of an onos with a retinue of skulks coming down the hallway - there’s no time for delay! Dragging me away from the door, Laura gets me to an array of equipment used for the freighter’s engines, blasting through the Kharaa while calling for a med pack. I try to clumsily fire my LMG at the skulks at the same time, causing the skulks to scatter. Just as the Kharaa are upon us the door closes as if by magic, a voice crackling to life in our helmet.

“Laura, I can’t drop medpacks or ammo near you, the entire nano-system is offline there. You need to get out of there now - that door is only going to hold the onos for so long!” Commander Johnsar’s voice replied. All of a sudden we hear a defiant roar, full of menace and prejudice...the roar of an onos deprived of a free feed. The door is beginning to give way and the only way out is up the ladder. Climbing painfully up with the help of Laura, I begin to make progress but eight metres is too much and I slip. CRASH! The door buckles and the onos charges into the room in a cloud of rage. Laura fires wildly at it but in vain - she is its first target, lower down on the ladder. Attempting to gore her, the onos manages to launch her into the roof and she drops down to the floor, unmoving. Striding purposefully towards me despite being severely damaged by Laura’s HMG fire, it closes in on its hapless victim. The onos opens its gaping maw and I close my eyes, not wanting to know what happens next.

Darkness and fluids envelope me; there’s a sickening feeling of resistance as I am enveloped by the onos. A chuckle of pure evil and sickening delight reaches me in this nauseating prison. I can feel unconsciousness slowly ebbing its way into my reality when all of a sudden the entire onos’ insides spasm and a voice fills my head.
“Don’t worry, Diver, we’ll get you outta there! Just make that Onos hold still, huh? Bite it or something!”
“The onos is going down, guys, c’mon quick! His vitals are fading - chop him out of there fast!” Johnsar, the commander urged.
“Oh, to hell with that! It has evolved carapace - I’m going in the front door! Brian, hold my legs,” Scott called.
“Oh gross, man, that’s just too much. I’m gonna hurl!” Jarred complained.
“F*** man, that’s a new f***ing armour plate, just watch the door. Christ!” Brian exclaimed.

I felt them from far away - something pulling me from my ghastly prison, motion.
“Oh man, he’s pretty f***ed up Johnsar! Spam some meds up top for Gordon and Laura. I’m OK, didn’t take too much damage from the onos’ stomach,” Scott reported. “Fine, we’ll siege the hive from up top. Gordon, congratulations, you’ve got a story to tell your kids! It’s not every day someone survives being eaten by an onos.” Commander Johnsar joked.

I managed a weak reply before I give in to unconsciousness.

- Corporal Gordon ‘Diver’ Leszynski, TSA Scout, 16th Regiment

SAVE the BABBLERS! Yes you can help save the poor endangered XenoBabberlosi. The Babbler is being displaced into extinction as gorges migrate from being a base building support species into base wrecking tanks. iNi | RuSh Of PeONs - #iNitiation - irc.au.gamesurge.net

Comments

  • Commander_JAGCommander_JAG Join Date: 2002-11-05 Member: 6956Members Posts: 173
    Cool. smile-fix.gif
    "Expect the unexpected and you will never be surprised."

    "This game is not based on realism it is based on a fantasy, and in my fantasy I want my jps to go side to side, backwards and forwards, and into my pants!"
    -GoDlol
  • ParhelionParhelion Join Date: 2003-05-29 Member: 16821Members, NS1 Playtester Posts: 452
    Hey, at least it's better than your comming tounge.gif Looks good, glad I could help a bit mate.
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  • Soul_RiderSoul_Rider Mod Bean Join Date: 2004-06-19 Member: 29388Members, Constellation, Squad Five Blue Posts: 4,268 Advanced user
    Very nice story, why is everyone so good at writing stories? Makes me feel inadequate confused-fix.gif
    Games:Subnautica Fan Game Mods: GorgeCraft & CTF & Proving Grounds Website: andysoulrider.uk
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    Capitalisation is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.
    Knowledge is gained through listening, Understanding is gained through discussion.
  • Rush_Of_PeonsRush_Of_Peons Join Date: 2003-02-19 Member: 13728Members Posts: 304
    Nah everyones able to write decent stories, just have to take the time to do it and maybe have some friends to test it out on. Thanks for the praise guys, ill start writing from the start of the mission on the Kiowa soon and start linking them together, see how it goes.
    SAVE the BABBLERS! Yes you can help save the poor endangered XenoBabberlosi. The Babbler is being displaced into extinction as gorges migrate from being a base building support species into base wrecking tanks. iNi | RuSh Of PeONs - #iNitiation - irc.au.gamesurge.net
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