Post Your Funnies!

AlkillerAlkiller Join Date: 2004-05-23 Member: 28847Members
in NS General Discussion
<div class="IPBDescription">Interactions with newbs</div> Alright, so we all know about Steam and browse games and such. But I say, look at the bright side! We have a huge influx of newbs who have no idea what the hell they are doing. I have found comedy in this, and so can you! So I say, we all post our funny stories about the newbs to relieve some of the stress!

I'll go first. No words can describe it... well, maybe 1000 <!--emo&;)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/wink.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wink.gif' /><!--endemo-->
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  • BuggyBuggy Join Date: 2003-11-08 Member: 22400Members, Constellation
    I'm glad at least some people can see comedy in new players. Those that I see are usually quite the annoyance.
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  • SkySky Join Date: 2004-04-23 Member: 28131Members
    Hmm....now I need to keep a notepad next to my computer whenever I play on a random server....
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  • CypherCypher Join Date: 2003-03-16 Member: 14579Members
    or an f5 key
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  • SkySky Join Date: 2004-04-23 Member: 28131Members
    heh...yea....what folder do your screenies go to? I can never seem to find mine...
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  • WirheWirhe Join Date: 2003-06-22 Member: 17610Members
    edited August 2004
    This example covers'em'all, conserning the all-time-favorite sg requests, and usually causes uncontrolled giggles when I'm the commander. The delight of rejecting a request...

    "Give me a shirtgun, cummander; I'll kill that big vägina hanging from the roof!!1"
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  • jumpingjodajumpingjoda Join Date: 2003-12-14 Member: 24367Members, Constellation, Reinforced - Shadow
    My funniest newb encounter: "someone tell me where i can place the bomb?"
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  • DreamweaverDreamweaver Join Date: 2004-02-17 Member: 26643Members
    edited August 2004
    Newbs: we either love 'em or hate 'em!

    Best newb encounter i had was when the poor sod asked us what we marines were meant to be doing when we get to the alien hive! <!--emo&::nerdy::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/nerd.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='nerd.gif' /><!--endemo--> <!--emo&???--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/confused.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='confused.gif' /><!--endemo--> <!--emo&::tsa::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tsa.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tsa.gif' /><!--endemo-->

    OOOH yeh! remembered another one!

    'How do I use the scope on my LMG like a sniper rifle?'
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  • esunaesuna Rock Bottom Join Date: 2003-04-03 Member: 15175Members, Constellation
    Thankfully i tend to avoid blatant newbs, but still, it's satisfying to hear them shout "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT" when they meet their first Onos.
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  • SoberanaSoberana Join Date: 2003-06-25 Member: 17695Members
    You are a newbie :[
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  • NGENGE Join Date: 2003-11-10 Member: 22443Members
    Let us flame those who are new to the game



    One time a guy said to me "how many hits does it take for bite to kill a basic unupgraded marine?" and I said "UR MOM"



    FRLOLFORLFOOLFLOL
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  • Omega_DeathOmega_Death Sith apprentice to a box of Cereal Join Date: 2003-08-06 Member: 19042Members
    Esuna how the hell did you get that many <b>NEGATIVE</b> posts?
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  • douchebagatrondouchebagatron Custom member title Join Date: 2003-12-20 Member: 24581Members, Constellation, Reinforced - Shadow
    lol for his 4000th post he said post 4000 times, then they put him at -4000 postcount.
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  • comradecomrade Join Date: 2003-11-30 Member: 23774Members
    I signed up to the ns.org forums
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  • ShootMeShootMe Join Date: 2004-04-19 Member: 28016Members
    I found this funny, happened on a ns map.

    "How do I upgrade my armor" <!--emo&:0--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/wow.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wow.gif' /><!--endemo-->
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  • AlkillerAlkiller Join Date: 2004-05-23 Member: 28847Members
    Eh... I went into a game and one of the people on the marine team said "no rush 10 minutes"

    Another newb was complaining on ns_hera, "God damnit I'm still level one."
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  • ShazbotShazbot Join Date: 2003-03-05 Member: 14328Members
    He's probably just kidding, If there wasn't a level indicator on the bottom of the screen, how would he know he's lv1...
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  • ultranewbultranewb Pro Bug Hunter Join Date: 2004-07-21 Member: 30026Members
    Here's my favorites from the 1.x days that became instant classics and heavily repeated on one server
    <!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->how do i shot web<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
    <!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->omg! mother got pinged!<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
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  • coriscoris Join Date: 2003-07-08 Member: 18034Members, Constellation
    <!--QuoteBegin-moomin.+Aug 8 2004, 07:20 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (moomin. @ Aug 8 2004, 07:20 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> I signed up to the ns.org forums <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
    Can they be found on the internet?
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  • comradecomrade Join Date: 2003-11-30 Member: 23774Members
    <!--QuoteBegin-ultranewb+Aug 8 2004, 03:37 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (ultranewb @ Aug 8 2004, 03:37 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Here's my favorites from the 1.x days that became instant classics and heavily repeated on one server
    <!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->how do i shot web<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
    <!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->omg! mother got pinged!<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd--><!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
    "how do i shot web" isn't from that server or a newbie saying.

    how do i <past tense verb> <noun>
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  • AlienCowAlienCow Join Date: 2003-09-20 Member: 21040Members
    Most of those aren't amazingly funny tbh...stuff like asking about the scope on the LMG. Its a pretty damn reasonable question considering the LMG has an unusable scope, no? Confusing NS with CO isn't exactly hilarious either.

    Granted, some new players do make an **** of themselves. <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->
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  • KwilKwil Join Date: 2003-07-06 Member: 17963Members
    Best newbstuff I heard through the alien teamchat:

    NSPlayer: "Can marines go invisble?"
    Us: No.
    NSPlayer: "Well I think this guys hacking then cause I just tried to bite him and he vanished."
    Us: Probably logged off.
    NSPlayer: "Nope. There he is again. I'll try again."
    NSPlayer: "Yeah! He disappeared again! He's hacking!"
    Us: Maybe he's just lagging?
    Us: Or maybe you are?
    NSPlayer: "No, it's all smooth. He just vanished when I try to bite him!"

    Took us a while to figure it out.
    NSPlayer had gone onos... and was devouring.
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  • NeoTheHunterNeoTheHunter Join Date: 2004-02-01 Member: 25901Members
    <!--QuoteBegin-Kwil+Aug 8 2004, 06:40 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Kwil @ Aug 8 2004, 06:40 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> Best newbstuff I heard through the alien teamchat:

    NSPlayer: "Can marines go invisble?"
    Us: No.
    NSPlayer: "Well I think this guys hacking then cause I just tried to bite him and he vanished."
    Us: Probably logged off.
    NSPlayer: "Nope. There he is again. I'll try again."
    NSPlayer: "Yeah! He disappeared again! He's hacking!"
    Us: Maybe he's just lagging?
    Us: Or maybe you are?
    NSPlayer: "No, it's all smooth. He just vanished when I try to bite him!"

    Took us a while to figure it out.
    NSPlayer had gone onos... and was devouring. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
    lol that was funny. he disappeared omg omg he hax. lol that just make me laugh.
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  • gazOzzgazOzz Work&#39;s a ... Join Date: 2003-12-25 Member: 24747Members, Retired Developer, NS1 Playtester, Contributor, Constellation
    Rofl at Onos... I was just thinking about distress beacon as I read through... But devour; oh man... <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo-->
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  • QuaunautQuaunaut The longest seven days in history... Join Date: 2003-03-21 Member: 14759Members, Constellation, Reinforced - Shadow
    <!--QuoteBegin-Kwil+Aug 8 2004, 04:40 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Kwil @ Aug 8 2004, 04:40 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> Best newbstuff I heard through the alien teamchat:

    NSPlayer: "Can marines go invisble?"
    Us: No.
    NSPlayer: "Well I think this guys hacking then cause I just tried to bite him and he vanished."
    Us: Probably logged off.
    NSPlayer: "Nope. There he is again. I'll try again."
    NSPlayer: "Yeah! He disappeared again! He's hacking!"
    Us: Maybe he's just lagging?
    Us: Or maybe you are?
    NSPlayer: "No, it's all smooth. He just vanished when I try to bite him!"

    Took us a while to figure it out.
    NSPlayer had gone onos... and was devouring. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
    MY GOD I MUST DO THAT IN GAME.
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  • ZiGGYZiGGY Join Date: 2003-01-19 Member: 12479Members
    <!--QuoteBegin-Kwil+Aug 9 2004, 12:40 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Kwil @ Aug 9 2004, 12:40 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> Best newbstuff I heard through the alien teamchat:

    NSPlayer: "Can marines go invisble?"
    Us: No.
    NSPlayer: "Well I think this guys hacking then cause I just tried to bite him and he vanished."
    Us: Probably logged off.
    NSPlayer: "Nope. There he is again. I'll try again."
    NSPlayer: "Yeah! He disappeared again! He's hacking!"
    Us: Maybe he's just lagging?
    Us: Or maybe you are?
    NSPlayer: "No, it's all smooth. He just vanished when I try to bite him!"

    Took us a while to figure it out.
    NSPlayer had gone onos... and was devouring. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
    lol
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  • ThansalThansal The New Scum Join Date: 2002-08-22 Member: 1215Members, Constellation
    my guess is NSPlayer was having a *chukle* at your expense <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo--> (remember, devour is not the simplest of attacks)

    now if you want to see truly scary cases of nub activity, look <a href='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/index.php?showforum=18' target='_blank'>here</a>


    nuff said.
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  • LegatLegat Join Date: 2003-07-02 Member: 17868Members
    <!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Let us flame those who are new to the game



    One time a guy said to me "how many hits does it take for bite to kill a basic unupgraded marine?" and I said "UR MOM"



    FRLOLFORLFOOLFLOL <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->

    Great. Give him a cookie. That is a perfectly reasonble question for a new player that actually tries to understand the game mechanic and all you do is making fun of him.

    You are my personal hero.
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  • DelarosaDelarosa Naturally Custom Join Date: 2002-11-29 Member: 10214Members, NS1 Playtester
    not exact quote, but any of you that know anything about IRC, you'll see the humor.


    <!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->
    <Dreamscar> why is my download going so slow?
    <delarosa> IRC is sucking up all your bandwidth
    <Dreamscar> OMG!
    <quits, Dreamscar>
    <Delarosa> newb<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
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  • AlkillerAlkiller Join Date: 2004-05-23 Member: 28847Members
    <!--QuoteBegin-Thansal+Aug 9 2004, 01:29 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Thansal @ Aug 9 2004, 01:29 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> my guess is NSPlayer was having a *chukle* at your expense <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo--> (remember, devour is not the simplest of attacks)

    now if you want to see truly scary cases of nub activity, look <a href='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/index.php?showforum=18' target='_blank'>here</a>


    nuff said. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
    You son of a b-

    <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif' /><!--endemo-->

    I'm just trying to cheer you all up, because alot of people are getting all upset over these newbs. I want to poke fun at them (Without their knowledge of course... <!--emo&:0--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/wow.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wow.gif' /><!--endemo--> )
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  • wallerwaller Join Date: 2004-04-28 Member: 28281Members
    <!--QuoteBegin-Thansal+Aug 9 2004, 01:29 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Thansal @ Aug 9 2004, 01:29 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> my guess is NSPlayer was having a *chukle* at your expense <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo--> (remember, devour is not the simplest of attacks)

    now if you want to see truly scary cases of nub activity, look <a href='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/index.php?showforum=18' target='_blank'>here</a>


    nuff said. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
    Rofl.

    I remember someone posting a pic of

    "Command0r, They've got fades. WE NEED TURRETS!!1!"
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