Twas The Night Before Doom 3
DOOManiac
Worst. Critic. Ever. Join Date: 2002-04-17 Member: 462Members, NS1 Playtester
Worst. Critic. Ever. Join Date: 2002-04-17 Member: 462Members, NS1 Playtester
in Off-Topic
<div class="IPBDescription">funny little poem</div>Original link is <a href='http://www.forumplanet.com/planetdoom/topic.asp?fid=2308&tid=1435468' target='_blank'>here</a>.
<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> 'Twas the night before Doom, and no where in sight
Was a creature more scary than the drooling Hell Knight.
Posters were hung all over the lair,
In hopes that Doom 3 would soon be there;
Gamers saw shades of blacks and reds,
While nightmares of cherubs danced in their heads;
My eyes were so bloodshot I could barely see,
It seemed no sleep would be coming to me.
Just as my clock struck the hour of twelve,
I drove to Best Buy to see Doom was shelved.
Away to the cashier I flew like a flash,
Only to realize I had forgotten my cash.
The moon lay low in a cloud-covered sky
When a twinkle formed in my dashing eye,
I lowered my head and grit my teeth
As I sprung out the door, a newbie thief.
With a leap and a dive and a well-placed kick
Never in my life have I been so quick.
I darted home and installed the game,
As I called out the monsters all by name;
"Now, TRITE! now, CHERUB! now, ZOMBIE and PINKY!
On, Imp! on Mancubus! on, CACO and BURNIE!
To the base on Mars, to the big red ball!
Now kill them! kill them! kill them all!"
Some demons would crawl, some demons would fly,
While they carry your carcass high into the sky,
Yet every monster, from the old to the new,
Could claw out my heart, or eyes, or intestines too.
And then, in a corner, I heard a terrible howl,
Out came a Hell Knight who had been on the prowl.
As I drew out my shotgun, and was turning around,
Down from the ceiling spiders came with a bound.
Legs grew from their skulls, they crawled on quick feet,
They had a mouth full of teeth that made me stir in my seat.
One of them screamed the most ear-piercing sound,
So right down its throat I shot off a round.
His eyes -- how they grew! his guts were glory!
His face was like pizza, his legs how gory!
His once looming mouth now split open like pie,
He fell to the floor, where he would writher and die.
With no time for relief, I was surrounded,
The Hell Knight's steps resounded and pounded.
He swung at my body, just missing my belly,
His claws had a force that turns innards to jelly.
He was ten feet tall and built like a boulder,
I fired a shot but just grazed his shoulder.
A glint of his teeth and a twist of his head,
Gave me to know that I would soon be dead.
He made not a sound, but went straight to his work,
And grabbed at my face; then turned with a jerk,
And slamming me into the rough jagged wall,
And throwing me down like a bloody rag doll.
It was here that I knew I should have left this base,
As he tore off my head, then growled to my face.
One final thought came as he faded from sight,
"HAPPY DOOM TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD FIGHT!"<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> 'Twas the night before Doom, and no where in sight
Was a creature more scary than the drooling Hell Knight.
Posters were hung all over the lair,
In hopes that Doom 3 would soon be there;
Gamers saw shades of blacks and reds,
While nightmares of cherubs danced in their heads;
My eyes were so bloodshot I could barely see,
It seemed no sleep would be coming to me.
Just as my clock struck the hour of twelve,
I drove to Best Buy to see Doom was shelved.
Away to the cashier I flew like a flash,
Only to realize I had forgotten my cash.
The moon lay low in a cloud-covered sky
When a twinkle formed in my dashing eye,
I lowered my head and grit my teeth
As I sprung out the door, a newbie thief.
With a leap and a dive and a well-placed kick
Never in my life have I been so quick.
I darted home and installed the game,
As I called out the monsters all by name;
"Now, TRITE! now, CHERUB! now, ZOMBIE and PINKY!
On, Imp! on Mancubus! on, CACO and BURNIE!
To the base on Mars, to the big red ball!
Now kill them! kill them! kill them all!"
Some demons would crawl, some demons would fly,
While they carry your carcass high into the sky,
Yet every monster, from the old to the new,
Could claw out my heart, or eyes, or intestines too.
And then, in a corner, I heard a terrible howl,
Out came a Hell Knight who had been on the prowl.
As I drew out my shotgun, and was turning around,
Down from the ceiling spiders came with a bound.
Legs grew from their skulls, they crawled on quick feet,
They had a mouth full of teeth that made me stir in my seat.
One of them screamed the most ear-piercing sound,
So right down its throat I shot off a round.
His eyes -- how they grew! his guts were glory!
His face was like pizza, his legs how gory!
His once looming mouth now split open like pie,
He fell to the floor, where he would writher and die.
With no time for relief, I was surrounded,
The Hell Knight's steps resounded and pounded.
He swung at my body, just missing my belly,
His claws had a force that turns innards to jelly.
He was ten feet tall and built like a boulder,
I fired a shot but just grazed his shoulder.
A glint of his teeth and a twist of his head,
Gave me to know that I would soon be dead.
He made not a sound, but went straight to his work,
And grabbed at my face; then turned with a jerk,
And slamming me into the rough jagged wall,
And throwing me down like a bloody rag doll.
It was here that I knew I should have left this base,
As he tore off my head, then growled to my face.
One final thought came as he faded from sight,
"HAPPY DOOM TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD FIGHT!"<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Comments
Oh man, that was great <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo-->
When a twinkle formed in my dashing eye,
I lowered my head and grit my teeth
As I sprung out the door, a newbie thief.
With a leap and a dive and a well-placed kick
Never in my life have I been so quick.
I darted home and installed the game,
As I called out the monsters all by name;
"Now, TRITE! now, CHERUB! now, ZOMBIE and PINKY!
On, Imp! on Mancubus! on, CACO and BURNIE!
To the base on Mars, to the big red ball!
Now kill them! kill them! kill them all!"<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
^ Best part of the whole poem, I haven't laughed that hard in a while...so hows about that Doom 3? <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo-->
actualy it is on mars
And according to the "Official" trailer - the base <b>is</b> on Mars.
WTH You smokin boy?!
It's on Mars.
WTH You smokin boy?!
It's on Mars. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
Actually, its not. Its on one of Mars' moons- Phobos.
WTH You smokin boy?!
It's on Mars. <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Actually, its not. Its on one of Mars' moons- Phobos. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
See that? Me and Quanaut are like a tag team, baby. Don't take us on.
It's sort of weird how they talk about Mars so much though when really everything's on Phobos. It's probably a misinformation campaign.
Nice poem, Doom. <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo-->
Nice poem, Doom. <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo--> <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
WRONG AGAIN.
KICKASS AS A HELL-KNIGHT POEM DOOManiac.!!!
WTH You smokin boy?!
It's on Mars. <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Actually, its not. Its on one of Mars' moons- Phobos. <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
See that? Me and Quanaut are like a tag team, baby. Don't take us on. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
what about me
Wrong. Doom 3 is as if Doom 1 never happened. It's a new imagining, taking place on Mars itself rather than its moons.
Let's say I work at a potato research facility. Does that mean I work in a potato? No! It just means I <i>research</i> potatoes. Similarly, the Mars research facility (ON PHOBOS) probably just researches junk from Mars.
And Pjofsky: You're part of the tag team too.
Let's say I work at a potato research facility. Does that mean I work in a potato? No! It just means I <i>research</i> potatoes. Similarly, the Mars research facility (ON PHOBOS) probably just researches junk from Mars.
And Pjofsky: You're part of the tag team too. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
I've got official sources saying Mars. I'm not trying to be stubborn here, just show me the proof that it's set on Phobos and that'll be the end of it!
Let's say I work at a potato research facility. Does that mean I work in a potato? No! It just means I <i>research</i> potatoes. Similarly, the Mars research facility (ON PHOBOS) probably just researches junk from Mars.
And Pjofsky: You're part of the tag team too. <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
I've got official sources saying Mars. I'm not trying to be stubborn here, just show me the proof that it's set on Phobos and that'll be the end of it! <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
I've got the EFFING PICTURES FROM THE GAME(just go to the hardocp website, its on one of them) OF A MONITOR IN GAME SHOWING WHERE IT IS! ITS ON PHOBOS DAMNIT!
Ever think that Phobos could be monitored <i>from</i> Mars?
EDIT: How about this <a href='http://www2.hardocp.com/image.html?image=MTA5MDc4NzE0M1RPNjJBTU9FV1hfM18xMV9sLmpwZw==' target='_blank'>image</a> from the HardOCP article. Look in the background. Mars Delta Labs: changing the face of Mars. If that isn't a clue, I don't know what is.
Ever think that Phobos could be monitored <i>from</i> Mars? <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
Then why would it be the "Mars" research facility?
Ever think that Phobos could be monitored <i>from</i> Mars? <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Then why would it be the "Mars" research facility? <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
Because it's based on Mars? Everything doesn't have to be so complex, you know.
*Very minor spoiler below*
Judging by the PC Gamer review, the order of events is Mars Base, Hell then ancient Martian ruins beneath the base. Quite how you manage the enormous task of visiting and then subsequently escaping Hell remains to be seen.