Why Did I Feel This Way?
Zig
...I am Captain Planet! Join Date: 2002-10-23 Member: 1576Members
...I am Captain Planet! Join Date: 2002-10-23 Member: 1576Members
in Discussions
<div class="IPBDescription">and how would you feel?</div> today, i was waiting for the train at about 630.
a man came up to me, and handed me what looked like a light blue business card.
it read
<!--QuoteBegin-tr+anscribed from the card--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (tr @ anscribed from the card)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--><span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'><u>Hello, I'm Keoni!</u></span>
I am deaf and only asking for help for a living.
$2.00 or Donation if you wish to help!
Smile, Have a Nice Time!
<!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif' /><!--endemo-->
Mahalo, God Bless You<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
i flipped the card over, and on the back isthe "American Manual Alphabet for the Deaf."
i looked him over. he was a short man with glasses and a mustache. if you've seen Leon: The Professional, he looked like the dad who gets killed around the beginning. he was about 5'4" or 5'5", kinda tubby. he was wearing some semi-worn tennis shoes, a yellowish plaid shirt, a backpack, and brown shorts.
i thought for about a split-second, sorta felt like i didn't have a choice, and then gave him my 10, saying absentmindedly, "this is all i got" (to a deaf person).
apparently he knew what was up. he pulled out the contents of one of his pockets: a wad of small bills and about 100 more of those <b><u>Hello</u></b> cards. he gladly changed my ten, giving me back the 8 bucks. he signed "thank you", voicing only a hint of it. i nodded and sorta smiled. he wandered off, and i observed him only long enough to ask one more guy, who declined him and gave back the card.
this simple and yet complicated event caused me to spend the next few hours questioning myself.
where did he get these cards? why does he have so many of them? it says, "I am deaf and only asking for help for a living," does it mean that the only way he gets money is by begging professionally or something? or does it mean "i'm only asking for help", like he's having a tough time getting along and he just needs something to get by? immediately after giving him the money, i thought of an alternate scenario where i give him one of these pamphlets i've seen for the homeless, showing where you can get free food and shelter and financial aid. i immediately after was ashamed of myself for thinking that. why?
and i felt like i didn't have a choice. why did i feel that way, INSTEAD of feeling like "hey, i can help somebody out here," or "it's just two bucks,"?
i kept feeling this crappy sense that he was scamming me.. why am i assuming this? and why would i give the money anyway if i thought he was scamming me?
why don't i feel happy that i gave him two dollars? why do i wonder if he's really deaf? why do i even ask questions like this when i don't care about the two dollars?
i never question myself when i give a homeless person money. i give him money, he uses it for food, drink, drugs, whatever. what does it matter to me? nothing. i give, and that's all that happens.
i never question myself when i give a stranger a quarter or two for bus fare. i give a little, and the person can ride the bus, and that's all that happens.
i'm a generous person. i don't just <i>consider</i> myself generous. i'm not a rich guy. i was only carrying about $10, +2 in quaters for train and bus fare. but i still give when i can. so why this? why did i feel so <i>weird</i> giving this guy two bucks?
i can feel that this is one of the more emotionally notable experiences in my life, and i appreciate any thoughts you guys might have.
a man came up to me, and handed me what looked like a light blue business card.
it read
<!--QuoteBegin-tr+anscribed from the card--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (tr @ anscribed from the card)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--><span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'><u>Hello, I'm Keoni!</u></span>
I am deaf and only asking for help for a living.
$2.00 or Donation if you wish to help!
Smile, Have a Nice Time!
<!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif' /><!--endemo-->
Mahalo, God Bless You<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
i flipped the card over, and on the back isthe "American Manual Alphabet for the Deaf."
i looked him over. he was a short man with glasses and a mustache. if you've seen Leon: The Professional, he looked like the dad who gets killed around the beginning. he was about 5'4" or 5'5", kinda tubby. he was wearing some semi-worn tennis shoes, a yellowish plaid shirt, a backpack, and brown shorts.
i thought for about a split-second, sorta felt like i didn't have a choice, and then gave him my 10, saying absentmindedly, "this is all i got" (to a deaf person).
apparently he knew what was up. he pulled out the contents of one of his pockets: a wad of small bills and about 100 more of those <b><u>Hello</u></b> cards. he gladly changed my ten, giving me back the 8 bucks. he signed "thank you", voicing only a hint of it. i nodded and sorta smiled. he wandered off, and i observed him only long enough to ask one more guy, who declined him and gave back the card.
this simple and yet complicated event caused me to spend the next few hours questioning myself.
where did he get these cards? why does he have so many of them? it says, "I am deaf and only asking for help for a living," does it mean that the only way he gets money is by begging professionally or something? or does it mean "i'm only asking for help", like he's having a tough time getting along and he just needs something to get by? immediately after giving him the money, i thought of an alternate scenario where i give him one of these pamphlets i've seen for the homeless, showing where you can get free food and shelter and financial aid. i immediately after was ashamed of myself for thinking that. why?
and i felt like i didn't have a choice. why did i feel that way, INSTEAD of feeling like "hey, i can help somebody out here," or "it's just two bucks,"?
i kept feeling this crappy sense that he was scamming me.. why am i assuming this? and why would i give the money anyway if i thought he was scamming me?
why don't i feel happy that i gave him two dollars? why do i wonder if he's really deaf? why do i even ask questions like this when i don't care about the two dollars?
i never question myself when i give a homeless person money. i give him money, he uses it for food, drink, drugs, whatever. what does it matter to me? nothing. i give, and that's all that happens.
i never question myself when i give a stranger a quarter or two for bus fare. i give a little, and the person can ride the bus, and that's all that happens.
i'm a generous person. i don't just <i>consider</i> myself generous. i'm not a rich guy. i was only carrying about $10, +2 in quaters for train and bus fare. but i still give when i can. so why this? why did i feel so <i>weird</i> giving this guy two bucks?
i can feel that this is one of the more emotionally notable experiences in my life, and i appreciate any thoughts you guys might have.
Comments
You felt 'forced' into an action because you consider yourself generous and because his action brought you in a situation in which you felt this generosity tested.
I wouldn't mind this incident too much - see it like this: Even <i>if</i> he scammed you - and his reaction hints at the contrary, as few frauds would go to such lengths of imitation for two bucks - you only lost a little spare change. No personal data, no big amounts of money, no further obligations. With all this in mind, I'd say that it won't hurt to assume the best and guess that his intentions were genuine. No need to beat yourself up over being a nice guy.
In many places, panhandling will result in a night spent in the can (where many people get treated better than they do at home), but fraud could easily mean years.
What also may have bothered you is the thought, "Why is this kind and at least somewhat capable man not doing something more productive for a living?" It sure would have bothered me, but the truth of it is that panhandling can pay better than a grunt job, enough to not be motivating to go get employed. There are also many psychological reasons that panhandling might be more fulfilling, but I'll pass on the details.
The guy also sounds a bit creepy of his own right, but that's understandable considering the circumstances.
It sounds really dodgy to me even if its genuine. I'd have given the money too for exactly the reason's you've said, I'd have probably given back the card as well cos I don't like 'buying' those things for charity. I do loads of charity events and put most of my change into charity pots (and I'm not exactly rich either) but I don't like the idea of buying something to advertise what I do. I prefer my donations to be altruistic, nameless preferably so I can't receive anything back from it. My Mom used to do loads for charity and when she died of cancer I just... tried to fill her shoes a bit (failing miserably).
Anyway, don't feel guilty for doing nice things.
I dunno. Couldn't it be that he thinks that he should be more generous? That you only give to sate your own conscience rather than for the other person's own good?
I know that every time I donate I feel like I'm trying to atone for something. I doubt that I'm a generous (or good) person.
I thought about this, as well, but it's actually pretty cheap to get such cards printed (one of our psychotic patients tends to order large amounts of cards that denounce him head of various major financial institutions, Shaolin-monk, Kung-Fu master, or a combination of the three from time to time), and if his speech impairment is severe, it'd only be sensible to 'invest' a little. We should keep in mind that professional beggars are relying on such donations to keep them aloft, so it's not too surprising to see them use economic reasoning for their 'organization'.
My take on the scam factor is this. Regardless if you got scammed or not, it doenst really matter, what matters is that you tried to help someone, that two dollars probally wouldnt have changed your life, and in either situation, your intentions were good, and you should feel good and walk away from the situation feeling as though you have done at least a little for someone possibly in need.
There was something a little surreal with communicating without speaking, relying only on the card he gave me. I remember smiling a lot and being somewhat embarrassed. Embarrassed because I felt sorry for this guy who I thought was giving up his dignity by parading around his disability for money, and embarrassed because I didn't know how to react to that, and was worried I'd offend him, and look like either an insensitive goon or some idiot that gives sympathy and pity that he doesn't need or want. I gave him five dollars, even though I'm in debt several thousand from student loans... I wondered at the time whether it was him or me that needed that money more.
At the end of the day though, I <i>have</i> to believe that humans can be kind to one another, even to strangers, rather than be selfish. It seems that nature usually favours those that look after themselves and their own, rather than risking life and limb, or even some time and resources, helping others. Unless everyone believes in charity, the selfish take advantage of that generosity and use it to gain more power for themselves. But it seems that at some point in our history, namely, <i>this</i> point, it is in our own best interests to take others' interests to heart.
Why did we risk nuclear war when it means an end to all life on earth? Why are we so apathetic to suffering in remote parts of the world when it robs us of potential future Mozart's and Einsteins? Not to mention by allowing poverty and misery to fester, that violence eventually comes back to us? Or how people in power will betray our trust for bribes and special interests, when it undermines the system of government we all have to live under? And those who insist on polluting or buying gas guzzling SUV's, fully aware of the world they're ruining for future generations, just to increase profit margins or flaunt their success and wealth... All examples of how placing personal gain above being responsible citizens and human beings hurts not only all of us, but them as well.
I'm sorry.. That was quite a tangent - but while thinking about the deaf man with his card, these were the thoughts that occured to me. Not believing in a God, government or some hero to save us, I'm forced to conclude that we have to help ourselves and each other.
I have also been approached twice by men with religious business cards, basically just a business card with some verse out of the bible on it, the first time I obliged, gave the guy 5 bucks after he gave me the card but he then took the damn thing back and moved on to the next person. Needless to say, the second guy didn't get any of my cash. <!--emo&:(--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/sad.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='sad.gif' /><!--endemo-->
The beggar-o-meter :
Score between 1-5 :
You've either **** me off or have done a bad job of trying to scam me, get lost. These are usually the in-our-face type.
Score between 6-8 :
Not bad, I feel for you, here's 2 bucks.
Score 9/10 :
Jackpot, you've either entertained me, done a good job of scamming me or it's the day after payday, here's 10 bucks <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo--> .
However, I don't like the idea of professional beggers, I don't mind people collecting for charity but not for themselves. It is better than sitting on a pavement with a bowl and a sign but I'd prefer them to put more effort into finding a job and less into begging money off people. I help someone if I can but I far prefer to put money towards a charity that can help them not need to beg.
I know it's difficult on the street but there is always something you can do to get out of the rut, it just takes a bit of effort thats all. I don't mean to sound cold-hearted but I don't have much sympathy for people who don't try and improve their lives at least slightly.
I'm sorry but you're wrong. People will steal anything that isn't bolted to the floor and even if it is, they will still try.
this is a "you just got scammed" so, if you don't want to read it... don't.
being put in the situation, i would begin chatting...
i've taken 3 years of sign language and can hold a rather decent conversation with a person...
being deaf isn't a "dissabillity" for the most part... there is only one thing a deaf person can not do that you can, and that's hear. Drive cars, go swimming, hold a paying job... all things deaf people can do. and in the united states, equal oppourtunity employment is stacked on the side of the deaf, mute and handicapped.
Data entry for call centers is the #1 employer of the deaf... they don't get distracted by the guy in the next cubicle talking about cracked windshields or whatever it is they want you to buy...
you won't have to worry about them standing in their cubile trying to "whisper" over the walls without attracting attention, and you won't have them driving up in ghetto-cars blasting whatver music offends you and shames the company name.
also, given their form of telephone (the TTY, Tele-TYpe writer) their acuracy and typing speed are far faster than any normal non-geek. (imagine if ALL phone calls you made were via the computer)
I find it hard that a deaf person would be jobless... for long.
i'm very glad nobody commented on the small "voice" you heard... as with most deaf persons, they aren't mute, (AKA - they aren't "deaf and dumb"... and culture lesson, they hate being called that) but can use their vocal chords like any one of us, it's just that they have no idea how it sounds, which is half the battle of speaking.
anyway man, i took a tangent, but yeah, i've had 5 sign language instructors in my 2 years, three of them were deaf... worse comes to worse, you lost $2.00
as you can tell, i don't give money away very often... i keep in the car with me a grocery sack, in the sack is a few basic items, homemade jelly, a little tub of peanut butter, a few packages of saltines/ratz crackers, and a bottle of water...
if you've got a sign "startving family" i'll pass you the bag, heck no i'm not giving you cash, your not going to get enough of it to do anything useful with it... but what i give you will keep you from death for at least 2 more days.
I'm sorry but you're wrong. People will steal anything that isn't bolted to the floor and even if it is, they will still try. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
there in lies the point. If you just in it for the money there is no point in giving change, best to make up some excuse and pocket the ten, that right there would be five tricks (or whatever panhandlers call it).
Delrosa also makes a good point, but it is prosumptous to assume that his only disability was defness, you only saw him for a minute, there is no way you could know the paths his life has been down or the situations he is currently in. Worst case senario, you lost 2 bucks and some druggy got a fraction of a high. Either way, these aren't the actions that define our character, simply events in which we interact with a world set in motion long before we were here.
which is the basis of soo many scams... we are glad to donate our soda cans, our pennies, and our canned food...
it's all cheap, and they are extra's we've got plenty of...
but to other people, who don't have those surplusses... these add up rather fast.
($ 0.25 from each person, times 100 people still = $25 alot more than if you were going around asking for $25 to begin with)
he smiled at me, and i smiled back.
i wanted to like it, but his smile gave me that weird gut feeling again.
i wish all charity was bunny ears and kitten armpits.
he smiled at me, and i smiled back.
i wanted to like it, but his smile gave me that weird gut feeling again.
i wish all charity was bunny ears and kitten armpits. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
just in case you see him again... you could possibly study up on some ASL signs...
<a href='http://commtechlab.msu.edu/sites/aslweb/browser.htm' target='_blank'>This website put together by MSU is awsome</a> (note for those that buy the teal-blue "learn ASL" computer software... this is the stuff you get, but it's on CDrom, and slower than the website)
I have heard beggars "can you spare some change or food?" and if I have any food I allways give them some(I've given beggars candy, dr.pepper, a chili sauce egg and garlic sandwhich, crackers, bread sticks and stuff like that a bunch of times <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo-->, they usually look quite surprised).
Even the police here in Sweden "officially" disslike people giving beggars money.
he smiled at me, and i smiled back.
i wanted to like it, but his smile gave me that weird gut feeling again.
i wish all charity was bunny ears and kitten armpits. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
Hmm, that suprises me, maybe he was on his way to a job interview this time?