Being Ignored.
Forlorn
Join Date: 2002-11-01 Member: 2634Banned
Join Date: 2002-11-01 Member: 2634Banned
in Discussions
<div class="IPBDescription">How does it feel?</div> Please discuss the effects of being ignored, both how it may be physical and mentally.
Are there different types of being ignored? Such as, a girl ignoring your asking her for her phone number, and a company ignoring your great new idea for a product? Will these types of situations produce different reactions in one's mentality?
What is your oppinion?
Are there different types of being ignored? Such as, a girl ignoring your asking her for her phone number, and a company ignoring your great new idea for a product? Will these types of situations produce different reactions in one's mentality?
What is your oppinion?
Comments
I for one get ignored by my father, and it effing sucks.
I will ask him "How did the kings do against the lakers last night" or I will say goodnight to him before I got to bed, and he chooses not to respond. It kills me inside, thats the only way to describe it.
Another case of being ignored is when I PM'ed the ADMINS OF THE FORUMS WITH A TSA SKINNED REPLACEMENT FOR THE INTEGRITY IM PART OF THE SKIN AND THEY DID NOTHING ABOUT IT [in case you can't notice I'm trying to be 'subtle' becuase odds are good that nem will read this] I just shrugged that off and thought, they are busy with greater endevour.
But if a girl ignores me when I ask for a number, I would just laugh it off and be all "batch, you don't know what your missing"
if a company ignored my great idea, I would go entrepreneur [pretty sure I just butchered the spelling] on them, or keep pushing the idea.
Different people react in different ways. Certain things get under my skin, certain things don't.
Out of sheer morbid curiosity, what is the motive for this discussion topic?
I thought it would be a good topic for discussion.
If you ask a stranger where the nearest bathroom is and he doesn't respond, you don't think much of it. If you've been waiting in agony for the right moment to ask a girl out on a date and she ignores you.. worst feeling in the world.
I guess it all depends on the relationship.
<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->You squish your anger into a tight little ball, and then release it all at once, like when daddy threw that beer bottle at the referee. Do you remember that, honey? When daddy threw the beer bottle at the referee?<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo--> (sue me, the quotes off <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->)
I for one, don't really care if people ignore me all that much, usually I keep to myself anyway. On this forum would be an example, sure, I've got opinions, but hey, sometimes I don't even post them, sometimes I post them and no one responds to them, sometimes they get replied to. It's all relatively trivial to me.
Then there's the girl's phone number problem...it's a problem because I've never really done it. I have enough trouble asking people how they're doing, let alone ask them their phone number.
(stupid as it is, I hate to think I'm wasting someone's time by talking to them, and it's just something I can't stop subconsciously thinking...anyone know how to stop that? heh)
Although, one of the happiest times in my life was sitting in a computer lab with a foreign exchange student, talking for the entire period. Now, if I replayed that event, but knew it was supposed to happen and it didn't, then I'd be really mad at being ignored - although that doesn't make much sense.
Another example would be a girl I hit on the head with a pickle-ball in gym class (it was awesomely funny, but sublimely weird at the same time). I apologized the next day, I didn't think she'd respond or make anything out of it, but she said it was alright (hey, it's a response, okay?)
Then the only time I remember being ignored specifically would be in middle school, and I was **** at the time, but looking back it was really retarded. Especially considering I found out she was a...[person who sleeps around a lot] and a [female dog applied in a different form of vernacular].
Then if a company ignored my idea, I'd do it myself if feasible, or abandon it if it wasn't (or store it away in one of my 200 notebooks in my closest, spanning from 6th to 12th grade). Or, if an oppurtunity arose later where it might be useful, I'd pitch it again. I'd probably be a little angry if I think it's a really good idea and it's ignored, but hey, it hasn't happened yet.
Overall being ignored isn't all that bad, I guess it's usually better to not be ignored. Sometimes you just want to be alone though...well, I do anyway. Maybe I need a girlfriend or a pet fish <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo--> .
So IMO i wish people would ignore me more often... you can start right now...
There is an easy solution to this.
Tell yourself that you are important.
Speaking of girls, I never really had any communication problems there (in fact, they're easier to talk to than these crazy "alpha male" hicks up where I've moved). My old GF in Brooklyn was pretty nice, she was hispanic - none of that strange weird "dance around the issue" stuff I get from the white girls (no offense white folks; I am white). Now, though, in upstate New York I am having trouble finding a girl with substance (I know, they're not supposed to have it in 10th grade) up here - the only two so far have been a vicious conservative and the other is already the Anime club leader's GF...
Sometimes my dad ignores me, but it's kind of understandable since he has a severe case of ADD (I might have it too). He's more like a 19-year-old than a 50-year-old, and we play co-op Halo sometimes.
Basically, I don't mind being ignored in my current position.
I personally think it's rude to be ignored. I will illicit a response if an entity (person, company, dog) is ignoring me if it bugs me. Usually, I find that it is that they have issues with confrontation and telling me bad news. Or that they can't be bothered. Well, I make them bothered.
In the case of Tha Annoying Kid - your situation with your Dad does suck.
Furthermore it just plain sucks, especially when you have strong emotional feelings about the situation. It can lead to feeling of loneliness, a change in styles of attachment, depression, among other things. On a personal level, my introverted personality usually leads me to feel like I’m being ignored, which in turn encourages me to become more introverted, therefore creating a never ending cycle.
My point:
Feeling ignored can be the difference between feeling happy and accepted, or feeling sad and useless/like an outcast. Overall it's detrimental to a person's personality and mental well being.
It can be somewhat devastating for a person who is usually use to being in the limelight or is a quite sociable. Even then I won't see any occassions for these outvert (spelling?) kind of people to be ignored.
But for an introvert person, i think being ignored is somewhat part of life. You feel as an introvert that you rather watch the wonders of the world. Being ignored in some situations allows you to do that. Yet sometimes being introvert, you feel you want to take part in that world. That after hearing all the news that "being sociable is good", "make an effort to take part", you feel you should do something. But when you do it, you are ignored by the masses/group/peeers etc. Now that is hurtful mentally because you felt you are now making an effort to be a part yet all you get back is just that.
I feel that ignoring someone is just plain bad. You should acknowledge a person's opinion, existense or whateva no matter how stupid/dumb/bad it is. Put your opinion up front. It is just a part of being honest. Easier said than done I suppose. Some people ignore you because they just cant say like "I don;t want to be with you" or "Your idea sux".
To answer in the girl/boy situation. It is just plain dumb to have like the other party ignore when the person confesses etc. But there are of course many reason they do this. They sometimes just plain want to stay away. SOme just want to give some time off to cool. Whatever the case, the person should at least say like "Ok lets keep our distance". Now that is not ignoring. Because that person acknowledges the confessions/wateva and says what the next step he/she plans to take. Ignoring would be like just that. Not say a word.
In a company, it just plain bad teamwork to just ignore an idea. Many management courses will tell you this.
But let us not get this confused with accepting everything. I feel one should accept a person's company for example or an idea with an honest heart. Not because "Oh I dont want to sound rude". That is even worse that ignoring it.
But just my opinion. ;p
I am very introverted to people I don't know. However, I could not be closer to my fiance who knows me in and out. We share everything. She's a lot like me in that way in fact. Perhaps that's why we bonded so well.
Anyway, I think my point is that sometimes "being ignored" could be a self-delusion. Maybe people don't ignore you, but you'd like to assume the worst.
The best way to stop thinking that (cos I was exactly the same) is simply to remember that half the time they won't really be listening to you anyway and when they do it's only so that they can reply and so hear the sound of their own voice again.
You've always seemed like a fairly decent person to me and I've always appreciated the points you put across so I presume it would be the same in RL. In which case you won't be wasting anyones time as you'll be saying things they'll want to hear. You only waste their time if they don't listen as I said above in which case they're idiots and deserve everything they get...
Not that a few paragraphs will actually change the habits of a lifetime but you know what I mean.
Anyway, on to the topic. I hate being ignored, I used to be very introverted... in fact I still am, I don't raise my voice, I don't go out to attact attention and I can't instantly walk up to anyone presuming that they are gonna love me... chances are I'll just be one more face for them to forget tomorrow. In fact the worst thing anyone can do to me is just dismiss me (or more particularly, my opinions) as unimportant, I don't mind people disagreeing, people can dislike me if they want but to not notice me? Horrible.
Still, because of the way I am people who ignore me are usually imbeciles who I wouldn't get on with, I may not be one of the uber-mensch but there isn't anything wrong with me, nothing anyone can actively dislike for no reason.
I feel sorry for the pretty people, they're the ones who get everyone treating them nicely but half the people they meet just want to use them, I get to meet the decent people and idiots just avoid me as there is nothing I have they want. It means I won't be betrayed that much... the beautiful people must have serious trust issues!
Excuse the rambling.
Common psychological thinking, people usually come to conclusions about others actions such as "they are ignoring me or talking about me" when in fact they are talking about something else or just didnt hear you. I have on tons of occasioins thought of the same things and was partly correct for maybe 1 out of the bigillion times I thought about it. Its normal to think in such terms about yourself, the best advice is to remind yourself that whatever actions they take are most likely for their own personal reasons and not because of you.
You have to define ignoring for me though guys. For instince, on these forums many s@i posts are given, I look at a good portion of them as my time alots but I dont respond to any. You could consider this "ignoring" them but I would disagree with you as I give each one my attention. Ignoring them would be never even stepping foot into the thread completly.
If we are talking strictly in rl terms in regards to others paying attention to your ideas and you physically I would obviously feel bad if someone ignored me. Humans are naturally social creatures and social acceptence is a common need seen throughout humans which is a motivater for alot of how we act. I also believe its the right for anyone to ignore the person(s) they meet in every day life.
Common psychological thinking, people usually come to conclusions about others actions such as "they are ignoring me or talking about me" when in fact they are talking about something else or just didnt hear you. I have on tons of occasioins thought of the same things and was partly correct for maybe 1 out of the bigillion times I thought about it. Its normal to think in such terms about yourself, the best advice is to remind yourself that whatever actions they take are most likely for their own personal reasons and not because of you.
You have to define ignoring for me though guys. For instince, on these forums many s@i posts are given, I look at a good portion of them as my time alots but I dont respond to any. You could consider this "ignoring" them but I would disagree with you as I give each one my attention. Ignoring them would be never even stepping foot into the thread completly.
If we are talking strictly in rl terms in regards to others paying attention to your ideas and you physically I would obviously feel bad if someone ignored me. Humans are naturally social creatures and social acceptence is a common need seen throughout humans which is a motivater for alot of how we act. I also believe its the right for anyone to ignore the person(s) they meet in every day life. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
By not going to s&i you aren't ignoring anyone. It's a public forum and people are free to discuss it, and no one is directly asking for your attention.
On the other hand, if someone were to PM you, and you don't respond, then that would ignoring them.
Oh so true.
It totally pisses me off every time I talk to someone and that person just walks away in the middle of my sentence, or turns his head to listen to someone else, just to look back at me and go "what?" right after I finished what I wanted to say.
It happens to me all the time and it really pisses me off, maybe a great factor why I don't have anything to do with the people at my school.
If you ask a stranger where the nearest bathroom is and he doesn't respond, you don't think much of it. If you've been waiting in agony for the right moment to ask a girl out on a date and she ignores you.. worst feeling in the world.
I guess it all depends on the relationship. <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
I like this pigeon holing, and may I add:
Perhaps, the closer the relationship the more a response is expected and as such perhaps needed.
My dad ignores me all the time, but thats because hes overworked and partially deaf. So in essence, hes not ignoring me, but its still hurts if he doesnt reply ;p
that is what has got me (partially) in my present situation. see here at uni, I was feeling kinda of ill one weekend with a migraine, and i seemed to think that three of the people I live with where ignoring me. it **** me off to say the least.
so the next day i brought it up to one of them, and it blew up into this huge argument with her. the result? now her and another guy havent spoken a word to me in more than 2 (nearly 3) months, they dont even acknowledge my exsitance.
and it hurt so much at the beginning, especially as im having the worst time of my life here at uni and made it even worse (im quitting in 2 weeks or so, once ive got some things sorted).
so the childish (imo) actions of these 2 people, are part of the cause of me having wasted a year here.
for that, I hate them, and is why im going to try my hardest to never do that to anyone.
just writing this is making me feel bad, as ZIGGY^ (yes the guy up there) is an old friend, we're at the same uni, and I dont see him nearly enough. and when I was really low, he forced me to come out with him so we could just talk, which made me feel better even though he thinks I was just being patronising.
ZIGGY, thanks man.
so dont ignore people, unless they really deserve it, for something like, eating your dog.
Case in point, there's a guy that started at DigiPen the same year I did. This kid was antisocial (and that's putting it in kind wording). He would put off doing his work so that he could play "Magic: The Gathering" with the other academically suicidal people. He would come around and talk to people with absolutely nothing of interest or value to say (e.g. talking about how he took an online test the other day that says he's the green powerpuff girl or whatever).
Now, it's the large opinion of me and my peers that this kid is at DigiPen because his parents have lots of money, wanted him out of the house, and he liked video games.
It's been 3 years since we started, and he basically failed half of his second year classes and decided to take the 3rd year "off". During the 3rd year while he was off, he would still come to school and play Magic with the same set of people that just weren't making the grade.
Now, to the point of why I'm talking about this guy. He still likes to drop by the apartments of my friends while we're hanging out doing something. And when he drops by, HE ABSOLUTELY KILLS THE MOOD/FUN.
Now, we're all very well adjusted and considerate people, so we can't bring ourselves to tell him to go shave off his nasty looking beard, trim his fingernails because he's never going to get into a fight and be able to cut someone with them, wash his jacket because it's had some kind of stains all over it that we can only assume is sweat for the better part of 2 years, take more showers and stop picking through his hair like it's full of ticks (and it might be for all we know), to stop sniffling (seriously, he's had a case of the sniffles for all 3 years I've known him, a sniffle at least once every 30 seconds).
We think it'd crush him to tell him that he's THAT antisocial. So we end up thinking up creative ways to get him to just go away.
Now, I ask you, which is the better solution ? To ignore him and let him live in his rut, or to absolutely crush him into a fine paste and hope the goo reforms into something better ?
And don't even try to suggest a 3rd option like dropping hints, we already went through that phase for about a year. You'd think that when someone buys you a razor and some shampoo that you'd take a hint and use them.
So, back to a point. Ignoring people is warranted as another part of communication (in a vector space sense of communication).
Im with forlorn 'Personally I think ignoring someone is the cruelest response you can give to someone'
i, for one, have no idea whether the people i hang out with despise me, dont mind me, or (god forbid) actually like me.
my god i never realized my self esteem was so low
<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Personally I think ignoring someone is the cruelest response you can give to someone. <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
I think most people know that so thats why if there is a person who they really do not want to be around they just give this sense of false companionship and try to give hints that they actually do not want the person to be around instead of just blatantly ignoring them.
Sure in there are many reasons why one would not want to say "Just shove off". But I think it always comes down to that the person does not want to create a negative atmosphere. That one still wants to be able to get the person away and still come out of it good.
Now that is never possible. Sure sometimes the other person gets it ands goes off. But then I think most people if they do get those sort of hints would usually be thinking the other way. PLUS giving hints its annoying.
I would rather be rude and tell the person off truthfully. Its MORE evil ignoring the person or giving the person some false sense of companionship. Plus it just prolongs the situation. And in fact by the telling the person straight off you are helping the person correct his/her ways.
People sometimes keep being on this attitude that "Oh I don't want to sound rude so how do I do this as politely as possible" without thinking of the bigger picture.
[Long story]
I feel strongly on this issue mainly because I had this friend in uni. And note I absolutely have no feelings for her more than a friend.
Anyways there is a long story behind it but it essentialy came down to that all of a sudden the next day she started totally ignoring me. I didn't knew wat was going on and tot she was going through some bad time or something. This went on for a while, even when I was with her in the group she'd totally ignore anything I say or just wont acknowledge any comment I'd give.
So I took the initiative and asked her one day wats the matter. She said along the lines "Oh its nothing etc etc".
So I just took her word for it. To cut it short after a few more months and after she totally just messed me up in a group project (another long story <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif' /><!--endemo--> ), I decided I had enough and just ignored her too and didnt want to have anything to do with her. Later I find out she actually hated me to the core bcos she tot I was a **** or something. And she hated me most was when the time I had asked her directly about the situation and she said it was nothing. I got so annoyed then. I just totally lost any good thoughts about her after that. Now I just think she is a total b****.
And believe me, the worst I could think that I did to her was maybe complain too much when I was going through some really bad times and depressed.
[/Long Story]